Tonight I was hanging out with someone and it dawned on me that I didn't wanna keep living my life like this. I am going to end up like this if I keep going. I just need to find someone I can connect with. I moved away and went to college. On my 1.5 year trek, so far I have been with one girl(Sue). For some reason I only hung out with her and did not make my own friends. I did this for the full 1.5 years and I am now lost. Sues parents are going crazy. Sue is not like she use to be. I feel like we don't connect anymore and we always fight. The last few times we've been together something happens and we end up fighting in tears. I don't want to live like that. We're on a break right now, she says she needs her space. To find her own group of friends. I feel like she is kicking me to the side. I have no one else to hang out with now that I don't have her. I feel lost. I know, I know. Search and read the bible. Any help from one person, not a whole archive?
"The Coffee Shop Girl You Never Spoke To"
You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.
For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.
Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.
The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.
If you like long posts and giving advice look no further.
- Thread starter xenten
- Start date
"She Made Her Decision Before You Finished Your Sentence"
Three seconds. That's how long it took. Your shoes. Your posture. The way you held your drink. Whether you looked at the floor or looked at her.
She already filed you away. Interesting. Boring. Safe. Bold. Before you even opened your mouth.
Everything you say after that is just her confirming what she already decided.
So stop rehearsing lines. Fix the first three seconds. Stand tall. Look up. Smile like you mean it. Walk like you belong wherever you're standing.
The words come later. The impression comes first.
Woah buddy. Relax, take a deep breath and explain coheretnly what you dont like and what you want to change about yourslef.
And stop talking about Sue, cuz when you get ur $hit together, there will be 10 sue's that you'll have your pick from.
And stop talking about Sue, cuz when you get ur $hit together, there will be 10 sue's that you'll have your pick from.
I've been reading for well over two weeks. I feel I don't have anyone I can go talk to any time and share about anything with each other. I guess I need a friend. My social status has gone down and I can't connect with people. Tonight I felt that I was Daisy Downer (off SNL), It seems that what I say brings everyone down because I don't think before hand. I can't conversation, with anyone.
Edit: I don't know why I feel like this tonight and not in the past few days. I felt I made a friend in a few of my classes. I just need to hang out with them. I don't know what friends do together. It's been a long time since I've done that. That's what scares me with hangout with someone, that I won't know what to do. Or have no reason to hang out. I think I have anxiety around others.
Edit: I don't know why I feel like this tonight and not in the past few days. I felt I made a friend in a few of my classes. I just need to hang out with them. I don't know what friends do together. It's been a long time since I've done that. That's what scares me with hangout with someone, that I won't know what to do. Or have no reason to hang out. I think I have anxiety around others.
"Why Women Dump the Guys Who Try the Hardest"
You paid for dinner. You drove. You said "whatever you want is fine" every single time. All the effort, no expectations.
And she left anyway — probably for a guy who makes her pick up the pizza.
Painful. Also predictable. Her mind quietly concludes that anything requiring zero effort from her is worth exactly zero. You became a free sample, and free samples get taken for granted.
The 22 Rules flip the dynamic. Small shifts that get her investing effort, money, and time in you — until SHE'S the one afraid of losing YOU.
KontrollerX
Master Don Juan
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Sorry brother but your relationship with Sue is effectively over.
Read joekerr's great thread on breaks to find out why...
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=126471&highlight=breaks
In anycase this happens to just about every guy who makes a woman his sole focus and doesn't make a life for himself outside of her company.
Women are to be a nice addition to your life but never its passion or driving focus.
The driving focus and passion you need to base your life and identity around is something that is 100% unchanging like living a healthy life by being an exercise nut or striving to be good at music you know something unchanging like those things meaning something that is always going to be around and there for you to persue something that can never be taken from you so you never lose your identity and sense of self when a relationship ends because you no longer base your entire self identity around a chick who can leave you or die at any time.
Even though I'm not a Christian a better way of looking at it may be to use a teaching from Christianity.
Ok there is a saying by Christians that Jesus's house ie the church was built on the rock so that when the waves came and washed over it, it remains standing.
While foolish people live in houses made of sand so that when the waves come crashing down the house is washed away with them.
Basically this teaching is saying whatever you trust in should have a solid unshakeable foundation.
So to sum up all I've been trying to say is you need to make your focus and identity based on a solid unchanging foundation and then you'll never have to deal with the feeling of being lost in life ever again when some woman leaves you because you never again made your life based on the unstable uncertain surface that she is but rather something that is unchanging.
Anyway though man for recovery other than telling you this all you can really do is try and get yourself out more and build up small conversations with people to get yourself back in the swing of being social.
You don't have to get too discouraged about early failures as remember you are trying to unwire your brain from being used to talking to one person and that personality for so long as well as repairing deteriorated social skills so it may take some time but as the old saying goes: "Rome wasn't built in a day".
Read joekerr's great thread on breaks to find out why...
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=126471&highlight=breaks
In anycase this happens to just about every guy who makes a woman his sole focus and doesn't make a life for himself outside of her company.
Women are to be a nice addition to your life but never its passion or driving focus.
The driving focus and passion you need to base your life and identity around is something that is 100% unchanging like living a healthy life by being an exercise nut or striving to be good at music you know something unchanging like those things meaning something that is always going to be around and there for you to persue something that can never be taken from you so you never lose your identity and sense of self when a relationship ends because you no longer base your entire self identity around a chick who can leave you or die at any time.
Even though I'm not a Christian a better way of looking at it may be to use a teaching from Christianity.
Ok there is a saying by Christians that Jesus's house ie the church was built on the rock so that when the waves came and washed over it, it remains standing.
While foolish people live in houses made of sand so that when the waves come crashing down the house is washed away with them.
Basically this teaching is saying whatever you trust in should have a solid unshakeable foundation.
So to sum up all I've been trying to say is you need to make your focus and identity based on a solid unchanging foundation and then you'll never have to deal with the feeling of being lost in life ever again when some woman leaves you because you never again made your life based on the unstable uncertain surface that she is but rather something that is unchanging.
Anyway though man for recovery other than telling you this all you can really do is try and get yourself out more and build up small conversations with people to get yourself back in the swing of being social.
You don't have to get too discouraged about early failures as remember you are trying to unwire your brain from being used to talking to one person and that personality for so long as well as repairing deteriorated social skills so it may take some time but as the old saying goes: "Rome wasn't built in a day".