been dating a chick for almost 3 yrs and noticed things changing. the catch is, it seems like it came out of nowhere. things were fine on sat when she left a friend of a friends wedding, and on sunday she asked if i wanted to meet with her and old friends from college whom i know. i declined because i had to work and take care of the house. we would always keep in contact, usually on a daily basis to chat here and there. since sunday she gave no text or call, so i gave a text on tue. in short, i gave her a call and said whats up...and she said things like she had stuff "brewing in her mind" about our differences, like church, kids being discplined, marriage, the whole nine yards. basically telling me that we were so different, but what relationship doesn't have all of those differences? i'm having the feeling that the "spark" may be gone. the question is, is it temporary and what do you guys think i can do?
"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"
You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.
Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.
Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.
Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.
if the "spark" goes
- Thread starter FinalWay
- Start date
"She's Out of Your League"
You've said it a hundred times. Maybe a thousand. And every time you say it, you train your brain to freeze the next time she walks into the room.
Leagues are a myth invented by guys who are scared of women.
She's a person. She has bad breath in the morning. She picks songs she can't sing in the shower. She overthinks her own texts.
Walk over. Say something. The league dissolves the second you open your mouth.
Ace of Flames
Master Don Juan
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She was just at a wedding, and then met up with old friends that have probably changed a lot since you used to hang out with them. I'm sure they had lots of success stories about their lives, and this caused her to reflect on herself.
She just gained a lot of perspective, and most likely, she doesn't like where she is. Friends are getting married, leading exciting lives... and she's still with you. After 3 years. Nothing has really changed. Its her biological clock dude. She's ready for a big change, and she's just using these little issues that you have differences on as excuses.
So what should you do? Well, its pretty much your decision. You need to shake things up a little. Let her know that life with you is still exciting, still promising. She saw all these other people making big strides in their lives and then came back to the two of you and thought, "What are we doing?". You gotta remind her what a fun, awesome guy you are and why she's lucky to be with you.
She just gained a lot of perspective, and most likely, she doesn't like where she is. Friends are getting married, leading exciting lives... and she's still with you. After 3 years. Nothing has really changed. Its her biological clock dude. She's ready for a big change, and she's just using these little issues that you have differences on as excuses.
So what should you do? Well, its pretty much your decision. You need to shake things up a little. Let her know that life with you is still exciting, still promising. She saw all these other people making big strides in their lives and then came back to the two of you and thought, "What are we doing?". You gotta remind her what a fun, awesome guy you are and why she's lucky to be with you.
after that convo i originally posted on, she ended up going to the "space" card. i had to pick up my ps3 at her parents place, so its the only reason i went, otherwise i would of gave her the "space." i didn't get mad or anything and we ended up just talking shortly about things in the past and in reality i think it went ok. no contact since then... any tips to make this work?
"She Liked You in March. It's October Now."
Attraction runs on a clock.
She flirted for weeks. Touched your arm. Found reasons to be alone with you. And you were careful. Respectful. Waiting for the right moment.
The moment had a shelf life. It expired around month two, and by the time you asked her out, she'd quietly filed you under "little brother."
One of the hardest lessons inside the 22 Rules: women rarely wait. Interest either grows or it decays, and nothing decays it faster than a man who never moves.
Make the move while she's still inventing reasons to be near you.
Romjuan
Don Juan
you need to withdrawl your presence from her. so you are doing no contact since then thats a start. here is a good thread that had good advice for a similar situation.
www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=158925
www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=158925
Just went through the same thing as you. It goes from bad to worse.
I first clued in about a month ago. Very similiar problems as the thread in the link. I lost my edge, she lost her respect for me, always testing the boundaries, acting disrespectful. Decline in interest level, less affection, attention etc. More proactive jealousy and fake exagerated emotion, she complains i dont spend enough time with her, while i can see deep in her eyes that she's talking nonsense.
I had a breakup talk with her within the first week. Said we should breakup if she isnt happy, she said she was. Increase of interest for 2 days, then back to ****.
Just gets worst and worst from there for the next 3 weeks. I tried to make it work too, but nothing works effectively for the long term. Once it goes bad, its gone forever.
I broke up with her a few days ago.
This thread is an exact blueprint of what happens in a situation like this. Good posts in it.Romjuan said:
I first clued in about a month ago. Very similiar problems as the thread in the link. I lost my edge, she lost her respect for me, always testing the boundaries, acting disrespectful. Decline in interest level, less affection, attention etc. More proactive jealousy and fake exagerated emotion, she complains i dont spend enough time with her, while i can see deep in her eyes that she's talking nonsense.
I had a breakup talk with her within the first week. Said we should breakup if she isnt happy, she said she was. Increase of interest for 2 days, then back to ****.
Just gets worst and worst from there for the next 3 weeks. I tried to make it work too, but nothing works effectively for the long term. Once it goes bad, its gone forever.
I broke up with her a few days ago.