Hello Friend,

If this is your first visit to SoSuave, I would advise you to START HERE.

It will be the most efficient use of your time.

And you will learn everything you need to know to become a huge success with women.

Thank you for visiting and have a great day!

If "out of sight" is "out of mind" for a BPD

happygilmore

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Then why do I keep reading stories about BPD ex-girlfriends coming back after a few months from their new replacement guy? Is it that they didn't hurt the ex enough to kill her abandonment issues?
 

Knight's Cross

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My Ex BPD would every 6-12 months send a text, or random e-mail. I'll tell you what it means,"someone new in her life got tired of her crap and tossed her to the curb" Realize you just happen to be one of the guys in her old rolodex that she's tossing the hook back in water to see if you'll bite. She's doing that to more than you. You aren't a special snowflake. She needs validation, and she'll go to wherever she can to get it.
Do yourself a favor, write down all the crap that she did in the relationship. Keep it somewhere like a word document. When she comes around again, pull it out and read to yourself. You'll be amazed what things time will make you forget. Having the list is good insurance.
KC
 

Poonani Maker

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Don't respond. I have the same issue. She texts me and says to text back to see if we can get together later. This is after 3 months of ICE. She follows up with that she has no more minutes on her phone, to just please text her (she's lonely during the holidays). I'm like, "woah, she's really fallen far down, down, down into the gutter to not be able to afford a better phone plan now." No guy wants her anymore obviously. She'd played her "boy friend" off of me so I dropped her. This was AFTER I'd told her the #1 thing that I liked about her, that she "doesn't give me no bullsh!t." The minute I said that, she started (for the first time since I'd met her) giving me bullsh!t. She did not realize that I'd drop her like a 1000 oz bar of gold at the first sniffling of disrespect. I'm sure she's still shocked to this day that I'd just end months of fvcking so abruptly, so quickly, and so finally. This isn't punishment (for future proceeds of getting back together and fvcking her), it's a realization that she was dumber than I'd thought. She never Fully learned how to be a woman while she was with me, still stuck in her old ways of teenage childishness (even at 25 now, was 24 earlier this Summer - wanted me to buy her more fireworks on the 4th - I told her to grow up and that fireworks equated to blowing up money).

I cannot help her now. She's going to have to find her way to adulthood on her own now. I gave her a leg up to enable her to see the sun setting in the mountains whereas before she was stuck in the thickets of the jungle. She must be reeling a loss now, but I'm sorry, she's just gonna have to find her own way. It's best for her And me.
 

happygilmore

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yeah i don't plan on ever being with her again, knowing about her mental illness. They just continue their cycles of destruction, and live in a different reality. It's pointless. I will say the sex was good though. I did read a post on the merged bpd thread posted by Blue Phoenix about how to handle them a certain way (page 8 i believe). He is spot on with his information. If I ever did consider throwing her on the back burner just for sex, obviously have 2 or 3 (nons) others in the pipeline as well. It's easy for me to be cold and unaffected with her, all I do is remind myself all the bad things and the mental illness. Plus she's only really a 7 or 7.5. She has medical school to keep her plenty busy otherwise (as well as some new guy I'm sure)....and if she does try to start something up it's complete NC again. She'll be on to something else once her short emotion span passes. I know a great deal about Cluster B disorders and am very accurate at reading her.
 

oildigger79

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thank you all for the advice my eX is torturing me every 3-4 months but writing down all the crap she did to me was a great idea. she left me, divorced me and came back crying to taker her back, I did and she left again. it takes about 3-5 months for her to find an excuse to contact me. i feel so stupid because i believe she is changed every time,,, but was i wrong!!! it;s been about 3 weeks since she left this last time and i'm finally getting myself back together. everything that is posted in this forum about BPDs is So true. I think i'm doing better this time after reading and learning from all other post about BPD's.. Thanks to you all DJ's i can see that lil light at the end of the tunnel,.. very far but I can see it now.
 

AlexDP

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Borderlines have a mental list of people they've been involved with in the past. If their current lover rejects them (or they perceive that they are rejected and start making up crazy stories and dump the guy themselves), they'll scroll through the list, usually contacting pretty much everyone on it.

My girlfriend was involved with what can only be called a classic, albeit male, version of a borderline. The guy is truly beyond help, but it's quite informative, as he repeats this pattern every so often.
 

happygilmore

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Thought this was pretty funny. So after 2 months, her new live-in AFC writes on her facebook... "I find myself falling more and more in love with you as each moment passe.s"


I'm sorry that just tops it right there. I thought I had seen all that is AFC.

Poor schmuck...has no idea what he's in for. It's like fishing with dynamite for her now...it isn't even fair
 

happygilmore

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It's like a case study to me now....the mirroring begins....and he's being sucked in. Little does he know....the mindfvck is only beginning....and the crazy part is....she's also unaware of what is taking place. 4 weeks ago she was asking me to hang out for christ's sake. Thank god I ignored that.

It's like two porcupines in the snow, they get closer and closer until, boom the needles pop out. It truly is a sad mental illness. You almost feel bad.

Experiencing one of these cluster Bs wasn't easy, but there is a positive side. If this never happened, I would've never known these types of girls existed. It's almost a blessing in disguise. Better to happen now and not when further invested into one of these relationships.
 

zorg198

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Dude,

read this- http://www.sharischreiber.com/anycost.html

after you read all of it you will get the idea. i had a BPD ex , although its not the same story as yours but i can relate. BPD will prepare their next guy in process when they are with you. they are evil! thank god you are out. i am :)
 

expos

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Then why do I keep reading stories about BPD ex-girlfriends coming back after a few months from their new replacement guy? Is it that they didn't hurt the ex enough to kill her abandonment issues?

BPD is thrown around way too often on this board. We really should start calling these women Cluster B's. They all fit under of the spectrum of "b!tch".

That said, these women are very very good at getting what they want. They can charm the pants off even the smartest of men. Most men don't know what this mental illness is so they are very confused and hurt by their behaviors, but always go back because a woman with cluster B traits can train you to love them. What you speak of is called recycling. They are so good when they are good that they are almost like a drug to be around - this is why they can pull exes back so easily.

My ex BPD wife still visits my website, and she got married like a month ago. She said the most hurtful things to me, cut off sex, selfish, etc.

So why does she keep tabs on me?

Because she's crazy.

Here's some truth...none of their relationships work. They may work for awhile, but eventually they do fail and end. If they don't end, the guy on the receiving end is most likely in misery. Read some stories about guys who stayed by these Cluster B women for 20-30 years, had kids, etc. They want to leave, but they don't know how and they are in hell.
 

zorg198

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I can relate,

I dont know if she's BPD but , she always got things free , she was selfish, she was manipulate things so it will suite her . she dind't say she loves me , was emotionally unavailable , always saying bad things happen to her , she dosent have a lot of female friends , talk to other guys to get attention and validation .
Liar , thinks she can fool people . talked to another dude from another country , told him she loves him , wants him to bang her... horny for him. and its only 2 weeks since they talked. she only saw his face on facebook and talked to him on viber.

on the same process she cut her attachment to me and started attach to him... started with the excuses , i don't know , i need space and keep the lies.

contacted me just because i could fix her computer , she was nice but after that came back to the cold shoulder- i was stupid.


Would i think if she will come back? i hope no , i don't thinks so. she has her poor schmuk from holland to fill her attention .


Any ideas?


Joe.
 

GS750

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My BPD ex...ugh what a nightmare. The crazy stuff this girl came up with...it would be funny if it wasn't so pathetic. It's easy to see all the manipulation when it's been a few months and you've had some time to reflect. But after it ended, she wouldn't let me go. Even though she had a new BF she continued to text me all the time. As I've said in other posts, these chicks actually fear being alone. They need a relationship, good or bad, to feel like they even exist. They need constant attention and validation. It's sad really. I finally got fed up and walked for good.
 
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zorg198

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But its weird, i mean if she choose to leave you for another dude why on earth she will try to keep talking to you? i dont see the sense of this...

I am well aware my ex won't contact me , she's happy with this poor idiot from another country.


Joe.
 

GS750

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She'll keep talking to you for a few reasons. Non BPD or Cluster B girls do this too. But she'll keep in touch for when she's bored or lonely and needs some validation, if she needs a favor, or in case she finds herself single. Basically she'll try to keep an ex in her orbit for selfish reasons.
 

zorg198

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So you saying although she finds another man which she thinks she's in love with and happy she will continue to talk with her ex just to make sure he's there for keeps sake? hmmm i don't know. i don't think she will do that. i doubt it.

Joe.
 

Between_The_Lines

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zorg198 said:
So you saying although she finds another man which she thinks she's in love with and happy she will continue to talk with her ex just to make sure he's there for keeps sake? hmmm i don't know. i don't think she will do that. i doubt it.

Joe.
Because you're looking at it logically, much how it is commonly assumed that two people enter into a relationship because they're attracted to one another, when often times, to take one counter example, one person will persist and cut through all the glaring signs of low interest until the other relents - happens a lot. Girls keeping fall back options happens a lot too. The Cluster B worldview is a jungle of thorny, gruesome surprises for the lot of us who subscribe to two plus two equaling four.
 

zorg198

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Ok... its weird for me because from the looks of it and the way she talked she didn't want anything to do with me. woman are weird lol and sneaky.
 

GS750

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Between_The_Lines said:
Because you're looking at it logically, much how it is commonly assumed that two people enter into a relationship because they're attracted to one another, when often times, to take one counter example, one person will persist and cut through all the glaring signs of low interest until the other relents - happens a lot. Girls keeping fall back options happens a lot too. The Cluster B worldview is a jungle of thorny, gruesome surprises for the lot of us who subscribe to two plus two equaling four.
Yep. Lots of girls keep a Plan B waiting in the wings. BPD/Cluster B chicks are no different. Which is why when they rebound, they rebound in about a week.
 

zorg198

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The most funny thing here , she rebound with a guy who lives in another country:eek:
 
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