I need help saying the right things. Usually i say something really dumb in a conversation with just anyone and their like uhhh ok. The only people that stick around me are the tolerant ones. I need help learning how to say the right things
"I just moved here from Florida."
That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?
She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."
She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.
I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.
Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.
I wish i knew what the right thing to say is.
- Thread starter Rint
- Start date
"Why Women Dump the Guys Who Try the Hardest"
You paid for dinner. You drove. You said "whatever you want is fine" every single time. All the effort, no expectations.
And she left anyway — probably for a guy who makes her pick up the pizza.
Painful. Also predictable. Her mind quietly concludes that anything requiring zero effort from her is worth exactly zero. You became a free sample, and free samples get taken for granted.
The 22 Rules flip the dynamic. Small shifts that get her investing effort, money, and time in you — until SHE'S the one afraid of losing YOU.
Bible_Belt
Master Don Juan
Practice predicting how people will react to something before you say it. Then remember what works and what does not. It's ok to make mistakes - just don't repeat them.
Snow Plowman
Master Don Juan
Don't do that! This is reaction seeking.Bible_Belt said:
Why do you think you are saying dumb things? Live in your reality and just convey your personality. Before I used to be like you thinking certain things were dumb and predicting how people would react, but that just makes you reactive.
Now I just offer value and bring the party with me. I say what I want, randomly, and unpredictable. If I'm sitting there you have no clue what I'm going to do, and I don't care how you react. I randomly start dancing to the music in department stores and tell a girl to dance with me. (Some have) I've sung some of the most retarded songs. (Jingles, tv theme songs, etc)
Don't be so serious in a conversation. (This is why people don't really attract much women) Have fun and play around with her. Don't care what anyone thinks whether its good or bad.
I'm so angry with my life. Back when i was a freshmen i was a DJ. All the beautiful girls wanted to be with me. Then i lost the balls to ask this one girl to a dance. Everyone lost faith in me. Months later i broke a girls heart, because i made her choose between me or this guy she's liked all her life. Rumors spread. My confidence and asteam dropped so hard. Now i'm like this. I dont want to do or say stupid things anymore. I really need help.
Look bro you have some serious confidence issues so you need to work on you inner game and build on that. Understand that life's allot about persuading others that your ideas are cool, W hos to say what I say is better than what you say. When it comes down to it, its how you present what you say through voice tone, body language, and if your willing to say something and stick with that belief and not let outside forces or a fear of being criticized make you feel otherwise. You really need to break you mindset, I assume your saying things and don't have a whole lot to back it. You need to go out and get over this fear go to the mall and purposely say stupid **** to people but try to convince them with how you say things to be interested, you know its dumb but after a while you'll realize that its possible to make any dumb idea socially acceptable.
"You'll Never Feel READY to Walk Over"
Next Monday you'll feel more confident. After the gym you'll feel more confident. After one more drink you'll feel more confident. After you get a better haircut, a better jacket, a better job.
You've been "getting ready" for two years.
She's standing ten feet away right now. She'll be gone in four minutes. No amount of preparation will manufacture the courage that only comes from moving your feet.
Walk over. Stumble through the first sentence. Let it be clumsy. Let it be imperfect. You will feel more alive in those ten seconds than you have all month.
kdnash82
Master Don Juan
Enough said... go with it. Good luck!frisco said:
jack knife
Don Juan
- Joined
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brevity is the soul of wit. --Shakespeare
You seem to be internally-directed. You are concerning with how you may have presented yourself when you said something. You are judging yourself on everything you say and that is not good when in actual conversation.
An externally-directed person isn't concerned with how they have presented themselves as much. An externally-directed person is more concerned with how the actual conversation is going.
Internal-"So where do you work" and the internal-directed person may think "I hope I didn't sound to forward asking her a personal question like that".
External-"So where do you work" and the external-directed person may think " I wonder if she enjoys her work?". Little thought is given to how his statement made him feel but rather to keeping the flow of the conversation going.
You might try to have a list of current topics you know about to talk about before you even go out.
Do not go into your comedy routine that your male friends think is hilarious.
Frisco is dead on. It in the presentation not necessarily what you say.
If you feel that what you said is stupid then it will be and your body language will show it. The lady will pick up on your body language even if it's a subconscious level and begin to feel nervous.
Act confident and you will guide other's around you that you are confident.
Did you know that if we know nothing about a person, how they think and what's important to them, that we will assume the other person has the same morals and values as we do? Remember that a person may not think like you, what is funny to you may not be funny to them.
And how do we know what is important to other people? We ask them.
"What does that mean to you?"
"Why is that so important?"
"What is it about such-and-such that you like?"
Having a decent idea of a person's like or dislikes can give us an idea of what we can say to them to increase rapport.
An externally-directed person isn't concerned with how they have presented themselves as much. An externally-directed person is more concerned with how the actual conversation is going.
Internal-"So where do you work" and the internal-directed person may think "I hope I didn't sound to forward asking her a personal question like that".
External-"So where do you work" and the external-directed person may think " I wonder if she enjoys her work?". Little thought is given to how his statement made him feel but rather to keeping the flow of the conversation going.
You might try to have a list of current topics you know about to talk about before you even go out.
Do not go into your comedy routine that your male friends think is hilarious.
Frisco is dead on. It in the presentation not necessarily what you say.
If you feel that what you said is stupid then it will be and your body language will show it. The lady will pick up on your body language even if it's a subconscious level and begin to feel nervous.
Act confident and you will guide other's around you that you are confident.
Did you know that if we know nothing about a person, how they think and what's important to them, that we will assume the other person has the same morals and values as we do? Remember that a person may not think like you, what is funny to you may not be funny to them.
And how do we know what is important to other people? We ask them.
"What does that mean to you?"
"Why is that so important?"
"What is it about such-and-such that you like?"
Having a decent idea of a person's like or dislikes can give us an idea of what we can say to them to increase rapport.
Francisco d'Anconia
Master Don Juan
Nah, people would copy it verbatim and it may not fit your personality or character; you'd end up sounding programmed. Do you rush what you say trying to to be included in the conversation or do you have a problem getting on the same wavelength as everyone else?Rint said:
"You Can't Argue a Woman Into Liking You"
You made your case like a lawyer. Stable job. Good guy. Ready for something real. All true. All irrelevant.
She weighed your points, nodded along, felt nothing — then fell hard for some tattooed bartender with a motorcycle and a gambling problem.
Logic is where attraction goes to die. The "22 Rules" work a level deeper, on the subconscious switches that decide within minutes whether you register as a MAN or as part of the furniture.
Stop presenting evidence. Start flipping switches.
libre
Don Juan
Young man
You lack self confidence. As a rule of thumb to guide you in what you say and how to conduct your life correctly, start with acting respectfully towards others and assuring yourself that you are treated respectfully.
Before speaking, have the reflex to ask yourself, is what I'm about to say respectfull? How would I accept this statement that I am about to make?
If you follow this suggestion, you should be alright and you will learn along the way.
We all live and learn, don't fret about whatever mistakes that you have made. You will surely learn about them and adjust your future behavior. Don't forget, you will also like all of us humans, still be making mistakes till the last day of your life. It doesn't matter; if you make your decisions in good faith however misguided that they may be, you will sleep soundly and in peace.
To have a positive impact on your self confidence, I suggest that you strive to accomplish various activities sucessfully. This succession of sucess' will greatly help build your self confidence. These activites might be in any field : in your studies, in a hobby, in playing music, sports, in wood building, ... The specific activity is mostly important to you only. The thing to know is that you must strive to complete it with success.
Have a good life young man.
You lack self confidence. As a rule of thumb to guide you in what you say and how to conduct your life correctly, start with acting respectfully towards others and assuring yourself that you are treated respectfully.
Before speaking, have the reflex to ask yourself, is what I'm about to say respectfull? How would I accept this statement that I am about to make?
If you follow this suggestion, you should be alright and you will learn along the way.
We all live and learn, don't fret about whatever mistakes that you have made. You will surely learn about them and adjust your future behavior. Don't forget, you will also like all of us humans, still be making mistakes till the last day of your life. It doesn't matter; if you make your decisions in good faith however misguided that they may be, you will sleep soundly and in peace.
To have a positive impact on your self confidence, I suggest that you strive to accomplish various activities sucessfully. This succession of sucess' will greatly help build your self confidence. These activites might be in any field : in your studies, in a hobby, in playing music, sports, in wood building, ... The specific activity is mostly important to you only. The thing to know is that you must strive to complete it with success.
Have a good life young man.