I want to make an advance at this work chic...

[DonWon]

My job required me to email this one chic at the job a few times within the last week. I ended up having to call her today because I needed her assistance with getting some information. It ended up being best for me to go over and meet her to get what I needed. When I saw her, I was immediately diggin her. Very attractive woman and very professional too. I ended up leaving after researching some info as I had to get back to mgmt.

I was thinking about letting her know that I was diggin her, and I was thinking that sending her an email might not be a bad idea. If I called her, that might put her on the defensive...or rather it could back up in my face. An email might come off as less threatening.

What do you think? Should I send her a line and let her know that I was digging her? If so, what's a good way to make sure I don't overstep myself and f#ck up right off the bat? I want to be real cool so she feels comfortable with my advance.

 

[PRMoon]

I always call first
Email may seem nice and subtle but lets not kid ourselves, it's not. If you email a girl and state your intentions she'll be just as defensive as if you called her.

The benifit of calling is you can control the perception of a phone conversation. First off how did you get her number? If she gave it to you then she wants you to call her. If you found it posted some where then you're a stalker.

If you got her number the right way then you can call her just to say what's up. Nothing too intrusive about that. Just a nice guy having a friendly convo over the phone. You'll be able to get an accurate read of how she's feeling through voice and connotation and take it from there.

If you got her number the wrong way then you should not call and instead talk to her face to face, work your way in that way, then get her number.

You could by all accounts email her but I mean it's kinda cowardous to email a girl to tell her you're into her, especially if she's in your work place. It makes you seem spineless because you didn't have the guts to talk to her directly about it.

Just my two cents.

 

[DonWon]

Originally posted by PRMoon
I always call first
Email may seem nice and subtle but lets not kid ourselves, it's not. If you email a girl and state your intentions she'll be just as defensive as if you called her.

The benifit of calling is you can control the perception of a phone conversation. First off how did you get her number? If she gave it to you then she wants you to call her. If you found it posted some where then you're a stalker.

If you got her number the right way then you can call her just to say what's up. Nothing too intrusive about that. Just a nice guy having a friendly convo over the phone. You'll be able to get an accurate read of how she's feeling through voice and connotation and take it from there.

If you got her number the wrong way then you should not call and instead talk to her face to face, work your way in that way, then get her number.

You could by all accounts email her but I mean it's kinda cowardous to email a girl to tell her you're into her, especially if she's in your work place. It makes you seem spineless because you didn't have the guts to talk to her directly about it.

Just my two cents.

Thanks for the perception. I guess I had some things wrong. Glad I waited. I got her number off our intranet. I had to call her once last week for a work related issue and I had to call her once on yesterday to leave a message and again to arrange for me to come over there, so she didn't give it to me, but my having it wouldn't appear like a stalker either.

Now that we've concluded that I should go the phone call route, what would be the best way to talk to her over the phone about it? Remember, she works in a different building so I don't see her everyday. Prior to recently I didn't know she exists, but my having had a reason to meet her opens the door for me to do this. Thanks.

 

[cave dweller]

no..........

Hey,

Rule #34............

'Don't put your meat where you get your bread'.

cave dweller

 

[BLUEox117]

Re: no..........

Originally posted by cave dweller
Hey,

Rule #34............

'Don't put your meat where you get your bread'.

cave dweller

no joke.

 

[DonWon]

Re: no..........

Originally posted by cave dweller
Hey,

Rule #34............

'Don't put your meat where you get your bread'.

cave dweller

Damn fellas. So getting at women at your job is a no? There's two other chics in the building that I work at that expressed interest in me....not to me directly, but I found out through the grapevine.

May I ask why?

 

[TillTheEndOfTime]

Re: Re: no..........

Originally posted by DonWon
Damn fellas. So getting at women at your job is a no? There's two other chics in the building that I work at that expressed interest in me....not to me directly, but I found out through the grapevine.

May I ask why?

Because women can be very manipulative and deceitful. If anything goes wrong, it will most likely blow up in your face. You'll probably get in trouble legally, and/or lose your job. It's unfair the way things work, but in a sexual relationship the man is guilty until proven innocent. Even then he is not considered innocent, just not liable. The woman is innocent regardless of whether or not she's proven otherwise.

 

[PRMoon]

Re: Re: Re: no..........

Originally posted by TillTheEndOfTime
Because women can be very manipulative and deceitful. If anything goes wrong, it will most likely blow up in your face. You'll probably get in trouble legally, and/or lose your job. It's unfair the way things work, but in a sexual relationship the man is guilty until proven innocent. Even then he is not considered innocent, just not liable. The woman is innocent regardless of whether or not she's proven otherwise.

I hit in the waitresses in my bar all of the time with few conciquencs. I've had very very minor backlash from dating the few ones that I have seen after hours.

When I get my new job at Green Valley Ranch Station Casino I'll probably hit on a ton of the girls workin there. It's the best hotel casino in the Stations chain (Until Red Rock Station is completed) and the girls working there are fantastic. I'd be doing myself a great diservice if I was strictly hands off with the girls from my working enviroment. There's never been a chance of me getting fired because I've dated women in my work and there never will be. I've always been a spectacular empolyee. I present myself well all the time. I socilize well with my co workers. I've NEVER no called no showed to any job, hell I've only been late a few times in my working life and even then I'm usually such a good employee that my bosses over look it entirely.

 

[TillTheEndOfTime]

Re: Re: Re: Re: no..........

Originally posted by PRMoon
I hit in the waitresses in my bar all of the time with few conciquencs. I've had very very minor backlash from dating the few ones that I have seen after hours.

When I get my new job at Green Valley Ranch Station Casino I'll probably hit on a ton of the girls workin there. It's the best hotel casino in the Stations chain (Until Red Rock Station is completed) and the girls working there are fantastic. I'd be doing myself a great diservice if I was strictly hands off with the girls from my working enviroment. There's never been a chance of me getting fired because I've dated women in my work and there never will be. I've always been a spectacular empolyee. I present myself well all the time. I socilize well with my co workers. I've NEVER no called no showed to any job, hell I've only been late a few times in my working life and even then I'm usually such a good employee that my bosses over look it entirely.

Well good for you. You have not dated a girl who turned out to be a b1tch at work. This doesn't mean they don't exist. Many, many men have been burned/fired at work because of dating a co-worker. From the lowly frontline worker to the CEO. Many men have also been burned by false rape claims. I've read about at least 3 on this forum alone. The "rule" exists simply as a safe guard against being burned like so many men before you.

The logic is the following. If you date a girl at work, there IS a chance it can have severe negative consequences in your working life. This is a risk. The plain and simple fact is that there are billions of OTHER women out there.

So why the hell even take a risk no matter how small or big if you don't have to?

 

[DJDamage]

I hit in the waitresses in my bar all of the time with few conciquencs. I've had very very minor backlash from dating the few ones that I have seen after hours.

When I get my new job at Green Valley Ranch Station Casino I'll probably hit on a ton of the girls workin there.

Bars and Casinos are places where the atmosphere is much more relaxed. Beside if things go wrong and you quit or get fired, its not a real problem to find another job at that field.

Jobs that are part of your long term career aspiration that you really care about and are hard to replace, you should not even think about acting in any matter that is not seem "work proffesional". Your reputation will always get a hit if things go wrong and usually in relationships they do!

A woman in work I was in love with dump me for another guy that works there too!!! Not only did I have to endure the pain, I also had to relive it everytime I went to work and see her flirting with other guys and thinking is he the one?! You don't need sh1t like this trust me.

More often that not, if you say goodbye to the relationship, you also will be saying goodbye to your job. Don't let the little head make decisions for the big head.

 

[Mr. Mystery II]

I regret not going after a girl that I worked with a year or two ago. This is not oneitis guys, when you've dated enough women you realise that there are some that stick out that you want to keep around, and that they are rare.

I work in an office environment, so I can relate. I haven't gone out socially with any girls I've met through work, but I wouldn't be opposed to doing it, but I wouldn't date someone I worked directly with.

You say she works in another division of the company, in another building even? I say go for it.

If you have time one day, swing by her desk and ask her what shes doing for lunch that day or whenever. Thats where I would start.

I wouldn't just call her extension and say, "remember me, I brought over the ___ file 3 days ago, wanna do lunch?". I would wanna do it face to face so I avoid her not knowing who I am, since its possible she doesn't remember you.

Mr. Mystery

 

[PRMoon]

Some simple facts

Originally posted by TillTheEndOfTime
Well good for you. You have not dated a girl who turned out to be a b1tch at work. This doesn't mean they don't exist. Many, many men have been burned/fired at work because of dating a co-worker. From the lowly frontline worker to the CEO. Many men have also been burned by false rape claims. I've read about at least 3 on this forum alone. The "rule" exists simply as a safe guard against being burned like so many men before you.

The logic is the following. If you date a girl at work, there IS a chance it can have severe negative consequences in your working life. This is a risk. The plain and simple fact is that there are billions of OTHER women out there.

So why the hell even take a risk no matter how small or big if you don't have to?

First off I know all about sexual harassment in the work place. I've read article upon article and have gone to numberous seminars concerning sexual harassment and the litigation surrounding it. Frankly I've never felt threatend in anyway concerning this matter, nor do any of the other guys I've worked with around my work places. The key to minimizing the risk of being suied concerning sexual harassment is to understand your companies policies concerning the matter and work inside those guidelines. Sexual harassment should never be something you should be afraid of if you are very knowledgeable about the subjects and have decent enough foresite to know how do deal with a potentially bad situaiton.

I've had long conversations with men (and women) who have been accused of sexual harassment and it has turned their lives upside down. I also have spoken to men/women who were accused of sexual harassment and have beaten the charges hands down with out even batting an eyel lash. The difference between these two types of people was knowledge and decisive action on the part of the latter. Whether or not the illeged sexual harassment actually happened or not will never be known to me because I wasn't there but the outcomes were clear in each case.

Also life in itself is one big risk my friend. If you're going to be afraid of being suied by some one while at work then you might as well not even get in your car to go to work at all. You take a much bigger risk of getting into a deadly car accident everytime you start you vehicle then you do having charges against you in the work place.

If you don't want to date around the work place that's fine but I'm telling you from first hand experience that it takes a great deal in order to be sucessfully convicted of sexual harrassment in the work place. Often times in a he said she said battle with no substatial evidence to support a claim the charges have to be dropped. The bulk of cases that are the most grey in terms of sexual harassment come from the suing party insisting on discretion and therefore there are no witnesses to the nature of the relationship. These kinds of situations are the worst because even though the claim can not be substatiated, the defendant's good name has already been destroied. So you should insist on your relationship being a public one or not at all.

Did I mention that I not only studied under not one but two human resouces lawyers for the MGM Mirage corperation and The Mandaly group, but also became fast friends with both of these lawyers and spent a great deal of time outside of class having dicussions just like this one? Guess not...Oh well, fortune favors the prepared mind, and prepared minds don't sweat the small stuff.

 

[PRMoon]

Ummm

Originally posted by DJDamage
Bars and Casinos are places where the atmosphere is much more relaxed. Beside if things go wrong and you quit or get fired, its not a real problem to find another job at that field.

Jobs that are part of your long term career aspiration that you really care about and are hard to replace, you should not even think about acting in any matter that is not seem "work proffesional". Your reputation will always get a hit if things go wrong and usually in relationships they do!

Okay I'll have you know that I graduated from UNLV with a degree in Hotel Administration: Heavy concentration on Gaming, and I plan to make casino work my, "Long Term Career" as you so put it for the next 40 years of my life. I resent the fact that you would demean my chosen profession by thinking it to be nothing more then a play pen. Hotel/casinos are legitimate buisnesses like any other. Infact legalized gambling brings in more money then any and all other forms of entertainment COMBINED. So thinking its just a place where you can be a transient worker waiting for a real job is a serious misconception that I'm clearing up right now.

And you can also be work proessional and still have a relationship at your work place. People get married after meeting at work (My mother and father met while at work and the've been married for over 30 years now) so to say that people will look at you with disrespect for dating some one at your job depends completely on how you conduct your relationship. If you do inapproprate things in the work place then yes you are compromising your professional demenor. But if you're mature enough (which I'll admit most people aren't) you can handle a relationship while at work while maintaining your professionalisim at the same time.

 

[DJDamage]

Okay I'll have you know that I graduated from UNLV with a degree in Hotel Administration: Heavy concentration on Gaming, and I plan to make casino work my, "Long Term Career" as you so put it for the next 40 years of my life. I resent the fact that you would demean my chosen profession by thinking it to be nothing more then a play pen. Hotel/casinos are legitimate buisnesses like any other. Infact legalized gambling brings in more money then any and all other forms of entertainment COMBINED. So thinking its just a place where you can be a transient worker waiting for a real job is a serious misconception that I'm clearing up right now.

And you can also be work proessional and still have a relationship at your work place. People get married after meeting at work (My mother and father met while at work and the've been married for over 30 years now) so to say that people will look at you with disrespect for dating some one at your job depends completely on how you conduct your relationship. If you do inapproprate things in the work place then yes you are compromising your professional demenor. But if you're mature enough (which I'll admit most people aren't) you can handle a relationship while at work while maintaining your professionalisim at the same time.

Hey man no need to get all bend out of shape. You did not clarify which position you are going for. I assumed that since you were working in a bar then you are job hopping until you finish your studies and you are looking for some "fun" until then. Most people who are not into your field are looking for a quick, fun kind of job in the meantime and working in a casino is part of the lure. If you have earlier in your post mentioned you studied Hotel Admin as oppose as casually mentioning you want to work in a casino, I wouldn't have wrote what I wrote.

As for your parents getting married through work that was 30 years ago. 30 years ago you could have gotten away with so much more because sexual harasment was a common daily event, heck it probably wasn't even refered to it as sexual harasment because it didn't even have a name!. Today every little thing that can be used against you by a female scare the sh1t of some companies because they don't want to be associated with bad publicity so they rather terminate someone as quickly as quietly as possible. They can say stuff like "Sorry PRMoon but due to downsizing we will have to let you go" and you would never know it was as a result of sexual harasment or not.

People would not look at you in disreaspect for dating in the office unless you are dating a subordinate which is often forbidden by companies. The disrespect I am talking about is her gossiping your dirty laundry all through the office when things go bad. Her claiming victimhood because she can't work with you due to your "past relationship". If you get fired because of it, in your choosen field you will be lucky for someone to give you a good reference because they do not want to be associate with someone who "inappropriatly got involved with a coworker that filled a complained for assualt" - That is why its never wise to mix business with pleasure, if you have a good game, you do not need to try to dip your pen in the company ink but instead try to pick up single women outside in your free time away from work.

 

[tmpgstx]

The sexual harrasment only occurs if said girl doesn't like you, and already let you know in most instance.

If you both like each other then go for it! I couldn't give a rat's ass about work if i like a girl and she likes me. It is still a primary means for meeting a significant other.

 

[PRMoon]

my thoughts

Originally posted by DJDamage
Hey man no need to get all bend out of shape. You did not clarify which position you are going for...

Sorry PRMoon but due to downsizing we will have to let you go" and you would never know it was as a result of sexual harasment or not.

People would not look at you in disreaspect for dating in the office unless you are dating a subordinate which is often forbidden by companies. The disrespect I am talking about is her gossiping your dirty laundry all through the office when things go bad. Her claiming victimhood because she can't work with you due to your "past relationship". If you get fired because of it, in your choosen field you will be lucky for someone to give you a good reference because they do not want to be associate with someone who "inappropriatly got involved with a coworker that filled a complained for assualt" - That is why its never wise to mix business with pleasure, if you have a good game, you do not need to try to dip your pen in the company ink but instead try to pick up single women outside in your free time away from work.

No worries about my whole feild of study, but even still alot of people don't know what kind of big buisness casinos are. Even an entry level job can add up to 50k Plus a year (tips wage) and you still get benifits and what not.

If you get fired and they cite downsizing as the reason then you can file for unemployment and if you're in a good job you'd probably be able to find a recuiter who could place you inside of two months. Again I know this because these are people I associate with.

As for getting fired due to any sexual harassment charges that may have happened, there is a law that state when the place you apply for calls your former place of work, they are under no circumstances to note anything other then how you handled your job for it's work quality. If they flag you as a sexual harasser (especially if the allegations are inconclusive) then they are bound by law not to say anything.

Two case studies that come to mind are
A. A local Casino manager was fired from his job and the human resources manager from his next job contacted his old one. All they said was "There was some messy paper work." Well his new job checked his personell files (big no no) and found some charges had been brought against him so he didn't get the job. What he did do is bring a lawsuit against his former employer resulting in a 500K settlement on his behalf.

B. The other instance was the case on "The Real World" for the Palms casino. The Casino worker (I don't remember his title but he was some kind of events manager) harassed two of the cast members with the cameras ROLLING! Some of you might of seen it (The Real world Las Vegas episodes). MTV aired it and the man was shortly fired thereafter to avoid future lawsuits brought about by the Labor Board (yes they can file against a firm even if there's no one making a claim.) Even though the entire world saw what happened, he interviewed at two major casinos and was employeed within two months of being fired.

Both true examples of actual situations and both time two actual sexual harassers made out like bandits. Not saying it's right but getting sued for sexual harassment is only as bad as you make it. If you are a sexual harasser, first off you need help, but even still it's not the end of the world. Alot of people think they have the plaugue after it happens to them but it's only because they sit and cry like little babies instead of concidering their options for the future.

It's probably better to avoid all this hassle and not date someone in your work place, but I've met some really quality girls at my former jobs and I'm sure I'll meet more when I go to my new one. But I also know my rights and am very prepared to be sued at any time (Christina Hinds Attorney at Law is # 1 on my speed dial). Some people may not be as prepared or know as much about how to handle themselves in the work place and totally ignore their companies policies. Those are the people who are most likely to be victims.

Also if you decide to date inside the workplace, you should be sure about who you're dating. I would definately recommend being friends with the girl in this case first and I highly recommend that you (decretely) ask around the office about said girl first. Often times girls don't just go crazy, they were crazy before hand and different people will give you the run down if you ask them the right way. Just my opinion but I tend to think over just about everything I do when it comes to women, that way I screen out as many whack jobs as I can before hand.

 

[PRMoon]

Originally posted by tmpgstx
The sexual harrasment only occurs if said girl doesn't like you, and already let you know in most instance.

If you both like each other then go for it! I couldn't give a rat's ass about work if i like a girl and she likes me. It is still a primary means for meeting a significant other.

you need to read up on sexual harassment. It happens to men as well as women. Infact most men don't know what to do when they're sexually harassed by a woman in the work place or are too embarasssed to talk about it to anyone.

Also just liking each other isn't enough. It may start out friendly but things can happen in a relationship and all of a sudden she barely even knows you and is suing the company because of the things you thought you were doing with/to your "girlfriend". Sometimes girls are hard up for cash or don't really like their job so they'll gladly sacrifice the boyfriend for a few thousand dollars from the company settled out of court. I know it sound fanatical but it's a sad truth.

Dating in the work place is a very touchy subject and like Damage said a lot of companies have policies against people dating up and down the corporate ladder because they're tired of having their CEO's always in court. That always makes the company look bad and it cost them a ton of dough so they'd rather avoid the situation all together.

 

[DonWon]

Okay, against some of you guys advocated against it - some said go for it.

Well I did it last week Friday. I had a girl take it over to her. I sent her a card and flower. It was pretty cool, I think. I thanked her for helping me, and I wanted to let her know that I found her very attractive and that I looked forward to seeing her again...it was last week, so the precise words fail me now. The flower was wrapped into the card and was in a Fedex envelope, which I left my name on it. While I didn't expect her to jump through hoops over it, she did send me an email today that seemed kinda lame.

She said,

"Thanks for the flower & card the other day. That was very thoughtful!!!"

How do I follow up? I can't just leave that out there a things are now. She's got to know I'm interested, but her response isn't very telling. What do you guys think? What would be the best way to find out if she has a man, or if she's open to lunch or something? Basically I want to express my interest without appearing either corny or loser-ish.

 

[DonWon]

No comments? Come on guys...

 

[DonWon]

Come on guys

I guess this will be my last request for assistance. Otherwise this thread will have to see its untimely death. I would like to respond, and I was hoping to get some feedback.