"I wanna take this slow...."

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#1
How do you play this game/fight the **** test? I recently met a girl who was very into me. She was a coworker for 10 days during a festival, and so I got to know her pretty well. We flirted etc etc she kept saying how she felt she had known me forever, and we hooked up one day at her house.
The festival thing finished and so we didn't see eachother anymore. I had suggested we hang out, but on that day she said she was too tired. So I just left it at that and did not contact her again. Three or four days later she texts me wondering if I'm mad or something because I haven't contacted her (clearly she expected me to be all over her), to which I reply casually Of course i'm not mad blah blah. I asked her if she wanted to hang the next night.
Now she replys saying "maybe i'm free" and "i dunno maybe we can". I bust on her for probably being "too tired" and she says she wants to "take things slow" with "us".
Here's a girl that was very hot on me, but is now being very lukewarm at best. What's the best way to deal with this type of girl?
 

jophil28

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#2
SOP requires you to pull back from a woman who is maninuplating you with "take it slow" talk.

THis is a power grab by her in which she is trying to set up control of the velocity and direction.
The fact that she is already trying to take charge is not a good sign. She is declaring her own favorite tactic- power and control.
A less aware man would just go along with this and conclude that she is just a little gunshy . Don't fall into that thinking - she is trying to set the frame.

I had a girl once who pulled this stunt..

She," We are going too fast."
Jophil," How fast is that ?"
She, "200 miles and hour."
Jophil," Oh, how fast do you want to go?"
She," Ummm, about 50 mph"
Jophil," I have a better idea."
She, " Huh, what ?"
Jophil, " How about we slow this down to a dead stop so I can get off."
She then fumbles stumbles over words or backtracks when she realises that you just took charge and are not willing to play her head games..
 

eaglez1177

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#4
Just wondering, but when women use the "I dont want to rush into things" or "I wanna take this slow", is this ALWAYS a power grab attempt by her?

Like what if im hooking up with a chick and then I try to finger her or something and she pulls my hand away and just says one of these power grabs?
 

jophil28

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#5
eaglez1177 said:
Just wondering, but when women use the "I dont want to rush into things" or "I wanna take this slow", is this ALWAYS a power grab attempt by her?

Like what if im hooking up with a chick and then I try to finger her or something and she pulls my hand away and just says one of these power grabs?
IT always has an element of control in it. Perhaps not malevolent control, but control nonetheless. She is slamming on the brake. Women do this because they believe that they control relationships with men and are somehow entitled to be "in charge". :nono:
The way to weaken, or dismantle this tactic is to just shrug and ignore her resistance or walk away. IF her IL is high enough she will pursue you . NEVER try to "talk about it ".. THat sends her the message that she has you wriggling on her hook and that you are willing to negotiate.
 

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eaglez1177

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#6
Okay I understand...the sound of having that attitude such as "im the one in charge b*tch, NOT YOU" seems pretty sweet
 

DJDamage

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#7
never mind (had to change my post), didnt see the part where you hooked up with her.

In these situations its best not to dwell on things like that, if this girl is playing hard to get then find another chick who won't.

Spin plates.
 
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#8
:up: DJDamage.

When she leans back, shut the door and let her stick her foot in or come back knocking.
 

TheSplat

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#9
Jophil, great advice man. OP, you need to listen to this guy.

eaglez, you need to build more comfort if she's pulling your hand away from your "advances."
 

Accension

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#10
Reply "Ok." then continue escalating as normal.

Why do you even need to react to this.
Emotionally take her to what ever speed you want her to be in, what she says is irrelevant.

Make her feel not think.
People surely like to over complicate.
 
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MisterMcGee

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#11
A big mistake yo ucan make is place too much weight on the crap people say sometimes. People say dumb things for dumb reasons. No need to rethink your actions because what others say or comment.
 
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#12
**** test.
Robert Greene's "The Art of Seduction" said:
Often people's resistance is a way of testing you, and if you show any awkwardness or hesitation, you not only will fail the test, but you will risk infecting them with your doubts.
 
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#13
Thank you for the advice.
I have a related question. When you suggest to a girl that you guys should hang out sometime, and she responds with answers such as "We'll see" and "I dunno if I'm free, maybe", how far do you push it? If this was a girl who hadn't shown interest in me before, I'd just take that as rejection. But this is a girl who's been sweating me for 10 days straight, who once admitted "I have no idea why I'm so attracted to you", and who I've hooked up with.
I don't want to come off as begging for her attention by pushing her for a time to hang out, but I can't help but feel this is just a powerplay that needs to be dealt with. Suggestions?
My original idea was to just call her out and say "Okay I see. Well if you're ever interested, drop me a line and maybe we can hang out. Otherwise, it was a fun 10 days cya round" and then not contact her. Good idea, bad idea?
 

Gangster Of Love

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#15
Hotshotman said:
How do you play this game/fight the **** test? I recently met a girl who was very into me. She was a coworker for 10 days during a festival, and so I got to know her pretty well. We flirted etc etc she kept saying how she felt she had known me forever, and we hooked up one day at her house.
The festival thing finished and so we didn't see eachother anymore. I had suggested we hang out, but on that day she said she was too tired. So I just left it at that and did not contact her again. Three or four days later she texts me wondering if I'm mad or something because I haven't contacted her (clearly she expected me to be all over her), to which I reply casually Of course i'm not mad blah blah. I asked her if she wanted to hang the next night.
Now she replys saying "maybe i'm free" and "i dunno maybe we can". I bust on her for probably being "too tired" and she says she wants to "take things slow" with "us".
Here's a girl that was very hot on me, but is now being very lukewarm at best. What's the best way to deal with this type of girl?
She doesn't want to see you anymore. That is what they do when they hook up very quickly with you and just want you to treat it for what it was, a one night stand.

This happens with a lot of ONS, Las Vegas, vacation hookups, or out of town/visiting hook ups. The girls gives it up fast, and the guy things he's got a new FB, yet she just wants to pretend it didn't even happen (yes, these are the type of lays women forget to count in their total number of partners they've been with).

She's not contacting you NOT because she wants you all over her, she most likely doesn't even want to hang out with you again, much less have sex with you. Low interest level, confirmed by not being available. Don't take it personal, it is just something they do. She was just contacting you because after you chasing a little, she probably realized she was coming across as a bitsh.

Solution, just cut your loses. I know, when that happens to us, we want to have the talk or express exactly how we feel. She pretty much wants to cut you off and leave you with dignity in tact. No need to call her on it. Move on. There is an unlimited supply of women out there.
 
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#18
Hotshotman said:
How do you play this game/fight the **** test? I recently met a girl who was very into me. She was a coworker for 10 days during a festival, and so I got to know her pretty well. We flirted etc etc she kept saying how she felt she had known me forever, and we hooked up one day at her house.
The festival thing finished and so we didn't see eachother anymore. I had suggested we hang out, but on that day she said she was too tired. So I just left it at that and did not contact her again. Three or four days later she texts me wondering if I'm mad or something because I haven't contacted her (clearly she expected me to be all over her), to which I reply casually Of course i'm not mad blah blah. I asked her if she wanted to hang the next night.
Now she replys saying "maybe i'm free" and "i dunno maybe we can". I bust on her for probably being "too tired" and she says she wants to "take things slow" with "us".
Here's a girl that was very hot on me, but is now being very lukewarm at best. What's the best way to deal with this type of girl?

Tell her you want to "take it slow" as well. To like walking away speed. She'll come running. Then tell her to "take it slow".
 

jophil28

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#19
Hotshotman said:
When you suggest to a girl that you guys should hang out sometime, and she responds with answers such as "We'll see" and "I dunno if I'm free, maybe", how far do you push it? If this was a girl who hadn't shown interest in me before, I'd just take that as rejection. But this is a girl who's been sweating me for 10 days straight, who once admitted "I have no idea why I'm so attracted to you", and who I've hooked up with.
If she was really "sweating you", do you think that she would be so wishy washy in her replies when you asked her to hang out? IN addition, she senses your HIGH IL in her. She actually has LOWER IL in you than you believe.

Assume this - that a woman who is really into you will make it EASY for you to get with her. Occasionally you will run into a woman who is a headgamer and plays those annoying "im busy , call me friday" games. This is what you do ...
1) Strap on your brass balls .
2) Slap yourself sharply and remind yourself silently that YOU are doing HER a favor by asking her to spend time in your magnificent company.
3) Say this -

You, " Hey, Im planning on having some fun Thursday night. You should come along and well do it together."

She says," I dunno, I'm really busy all week." ( NO counter offer by her .)

You," Busy ? Me too.. But I had a spare night Thursday... maybe some other time. See you later."

And you hang up.

She will call you back within a few days with a plan IF she is interested.
 
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