I turn 26 this year and time is running out!

[Plinco]

@ the "master don Juans," you mean to tell me that you have to have a social circle? Man, I have always done the lone wolf apporoach lol.

 

[Alle_Gory]

you mean to tell me that you have to have a social circle?

Yes. Not always, but in general yes. Some kind of social circle keeps the socializing skill tuned.

 

[Plinco]

lol, the problem is, I like to be 100% honest and simple, which means that I have few friends (the ones I do have are good though) and I do not like wasting time with other people. But what you posted makes sense.

 

[AlmostThere!]

I'm going to start living my life like the chraracter in "Yes, Man'. I'm gonna make an effort to do something everyday outside of work. Whether it be going to a museum, local bar, dance class, bowling league, etc. I'm gonna fill my life with interesting activities. My mindset is not going to be getting a girlfriend, but just doing stuff so I can have stories to tell and memories to remember. Most people find it easy to be my friend. I'm hoping if I keep active and away from the computer, it's almost guaranteed I make friends and meet girls.

What do you guys think?

Also, I'm not a bad looking guy. Girls have said that I'm attractive but nothing more than that. My weight is on the slim side (think Brad Pitt in Fight Club). And I'm about 5'10''. So...I'm not really short or really skinny. I'm pretty funny and when I'm in the zone, I can be VERY witty and quick thinking. I have a good job and my own place. So....I think that my lack of a LIFE is why I'm girlfriend-less and *****-less.

Hopefully you guys will be interested when I post back in a few months or so when my situation has improved.

 

[Plinco]

I'm going to start living my life like the chraracter in "Yes, Man'. I'm gonna make an effort to do something everyday outside of work. Whether it be going to a museum, local bar, dance class, bowling league, etc. I'm gonna fill my life with interesting activities. My mindset is not going to be getting a girlfriend, but just doing stuff so I can have stories to tell and memories to remember. Most people find it easy to be my friend. I'm hoping if I keep active and away from the computer, it's almost guaranteed I make friends and meet girls.

What do you guys think?

Also, I'm not a bad looking guy. Girls have said that I'm attractive but nothing more than that. My weight is on the slim side (think Brad Pitt in Fight Club). And I'm about 5'10''. So...I'm not really short or really skinny. I'm pretty funny and when I'm in the zone, I can be VERY witty and quick thinking. I have a good job and my own place. So....I think that my lack of a LIFE is why I'm girlfriend-less and *****-less.

Hopefully you guys will be interested when I post back in a few months or so when my situation has improved.

Nothing is guaranteed, unless you truly believe in yourself and live long enough. I am almost in the same boat you are. I too will be turning 26 in less than two months, and I am not where I want to be. Fortunately, I (and you) have the power within to control destiny.

 

[Johnny_Kage]

I see what you're saying about social circles. They are the easiest places to get laid. But there's one thing that you're not understanding (and this comes with experience): any situation can be made into a social circle situation. Every single time I go out and meet a girl, I make friends with her friends. I get her number AND her friends' numbers. I hook her female friends up with my male friends. Why? Because it's good all-around. Everybody wins....especially you.

If you frequent a bar, you develop a social circle with the regulars. If you join a club or a class, you develop a social circle with the members. Social circles are amazing, once you understand what they are and how they are created (by people with common interests getting together). Did you try meetup.com? There's tons of these groups on there.

But, ultimately, you won't get laid if you don't approach. It's that simple. You need to start approaching, my man, and there's no way around that.

 

[Alle_Gory]

I'm going to start living my life like the chraracter in "Yes, Man'. I'm gonna make an effort to do something everyday outside of work. Whether it be going to a museum, local bar, dance class, bowling league, etc. I'm gonna fill my life with interesting activities. My mindset is not going to be getting a girlfriend, but just doing stuff so I can have stories to tell and memories to remember. Most people find it easy to be my friend. I'm hoping if I keep active and away from the computer, it's almost guaranteed I make friends and meet girls.

What do you guys think?

Yes. It's a good idea. It might take you a while to get the ball rolling so have patience.

 

[AlmostThere!]

Yes. It's a good idea. It might take you a while to get the ball rolling so have patience.

What's "a while"?

I don't mean to sound impatient but I am impatient.

EDIT:

Will it take two years before I can have a girl in my life as a girlfriend or a girl I get regular sex from? I'm not a total social nitwit. All I need is to get out the house. I'm hoping by May, I can have one or two girls in my life.

 

[Iceberg]

What's "a while"?

I don't mean to sound impatient but I am impatient.

EDIT:

Will it take two years before I can have a girl in my life as a girlfriend or a girl I get regular sex from? I'm not a total social nitwit. All I need is to get out the house. I'm hoping by May, I can have one or two girls in my life.

It'll take you approximately 1 year and 8 months.

Come on, man. It'll take you however long it takes you. If you don't have a girl by May, what are you gonna do? Switch to men?

It'll take however long it takes. Live with it. Stop obsessing over every detail, you Obsessive Compulsive freak. Good luck, man. You scare the crap out of me.

 

[Bobby Rio]

Get a part time job waiting tables in a trendy restruant where a lot of young people work...

you'll have friends and will be getting laid in no time...

 

[AlmostThere!]

You scare the crap out of me.

I do?

 

[Isko]

Yeah, we can all tell you are the kind of guy who kills and rapes. Just kidding, quit worrying. I promise you you are a chill guy and you will quickly build a social circle. It might look hard from where you are but you'll do it.

I do suggest you go to therapy because you will want to have someone to talk with about your fears, worries, etc. It's good to have someone to listen, someone with whom you can air out your thoughts. They've heard it all before and you can tell them anything without worrying what they think of you.

You don't scare the crap out of me. Ever see the 40 year old virgin? Judging from your posts and from this one guy I know who's a 27 year old virgin, I bet you come off a little like him. That movie is very realistic. He creeps some people out but that's just because he is hiding his secret, and people can tell he's keeping a secret, but not what it is... He doesn't talk, he pretends everything is normal, when really his virginity is eating him up inside. (I'm talking about the 40 year old virgin, but the 27 year old virgin also comes off a little creepy for the exact same reason. He's not comfortable around girls and he puts them on a pedestal. Chicks love sex as much as guys if not more. I just made a cartoon comic with my art class where we each drew one panel, and the girls' panels were nastier than anything the guys could imagine. Actually that was only the hot girls. The fatties drew anti-sex things =P)

I actually promise you that it will be totally awesome if you tell people that you're a virgin, that you're shy, and that you're looking to build a social circle and to get better at socializing. People only fear what they don't understand, so if you are worried about creeping people out then you should tell them those things. You have nothing to hide. Don't worry about being embarrassed, it doesn't matter.

 

[Isko]

BTW I have a 30 year old friend who has visited plenty of hookers, he still gets laid. I've heard him tell a girl about it and she still slept with him (to be fair she used to be a prostitute =P) I forgot you aren't a virgin you've had free sex a couple times right? Whatever. You don't have to tell people that you visited hookers though, it's not their business.

 

[AlmostThere!]

Well, I couldn't really do anything this week because of overtime and I was ass tired. But I'll spend this weekend looking for stuff to get involved in...wish me luck!

 

[Alle_Gory]

What's "a while"?

I don't mean to sound impatient but I am impatient.

Until you're comfortable with all of this. It will be a significant change being more social. If you get used to it quick, great, if you don't be patient and stick with it. You will be comfortable on some level with being around people since it is part of you.

Will it take two years before I can have a girl in my life as a girlfriend or a girl I get regular sex from? I'm not a total social nitwit. All I need is to get out the house. I'm hoping by May, I can have one or two girls in my life.

Maybe. Maybe less, maybe more. It's your call. Just remember, chill out if things don't go the way you want them to. There's always more opportunities. Be prepared to make mistakes and live with them. It's part of the learning process. If you haven't made a mistake, you haven't really tried.

 

[Kailex]

When Iceberg says that you "scare him", I think I can identify with what he is trying to convey. You just seem like you either DON'T want to get it, or that you just want everything to happen NOW.

First of all, you're 26, WHOOPEY DOO.
Did you think you were gonna be married, with a career, and two children by 24? Guess what, me too? I'm 29, single and just starting over. And you know what, I LOVE IT.

Stop setting TIMETABLES for yourself.

You said you saw "Yes, Man". Did you see Carrey's character setting time tables for himself? NO (no pun intended). He just went with the flow.

And second, stop worrying about having everything happen overnight. It doesn't happen like that. This takes time. It's like planting a sequoia seed and wanting it to be a damn tree the next day.

Why are you so impatient for a woman? This reeks of desperation. I still have 3 years over you and I'm just chill about it. You have SOOOOOOO much time on your hands. Hell, I wish I would have restarted at 26.

Third, don't use overtime as an excuse. I've been known to pull 60 hours in a 40 hour week and I STILL find time to DO things and be out there. You MAKE time, you're not a slave of it.

Enjoy this weekend, find stuff to do.

And btw, why are you so worried about stuff being expensive? You ARE working overtime, single, have no kids, right?

 

[AlmostThere!]

I'm so worried about girls because I'm IN MY MID-TWENTIES AND HAVE NEVER HAD ANY TYPE OF RELATIONSHIP. I look like I'm still in college now, but will I still look that same when I'm thirty? I have a fear of only being able to attract women who did all kinds of ****ing when they were younger and then want to settle with me.

You know how Michael Jackson never had a childhood so he lived his adult life as a child? Well, I never got the confidence and experience being with girls in my teens and I want to make up for for lost time and what I missed.

Also I'm in a rush because of society and what I see everyday. Girls with guys. It's hard not to be reminded of my *****y life and my cold lonely bed.

Will you tell a man that's thirsty to stop whining and be patient. He will have a false sense of patience but he's still going to show signs of his thirstiness. Guess what, no female with me tonight, tomorrow night, or Sunday night. Probably all of next week too. Hmmm, and it's said not to masturbate so here I am lonely and have no means of sexual release. Paying for sex makes me feel like sh*t. Energy has to go somewhere.

So that's why I'm in a rush.

And I hate wasting money, to answer your question.

 

[Kailex]

Now, imagine you are a woman looking for a man to go out with and re-read everything you said in your last reply. Would you, as a woman, want to date THAT guy?

The OMG-I'm-so-desperate that I want everything NOW guy?

And how is spending money on yourself a "waste"?
How is spending money on hobbies you like and possibly finding someone through your hobbies a "waste"?

I honestly don't even know why I come back into this thread. You don't get it and I'm not sure you ever will. You want everything NOW NOW NOW without taking the time to develop the skills and practice that it takes to get to a certain "DJ" level.

What are you going to do when you finally go out on a first date and she decides she wants to LBJF you? I'm even afraid to ask.

Because guess what, after reading this thread, I'm sure that'll happen, if you can even get FAR enough as a number-close in the first place. And please, don't compare "thirst" to "relationship desperation". A man that is thirsty is worried about his survival, and as thus, will naturally be impatient. But a man who is "relationship desperate" well, is OBVIOUS in his approach, if you even DO approach at all.

It just seems like anything ANYONE says here, you rebuttal with SOME excuse as to why you can't, why you won't, and why it's not going to change.

So you do that, you stay home all weekend, save up the money you don't want to "waste" and see where that lands you in about, oh, 15 years. We can't hold your hand for you and make you change, YOU have to do that and you have to understand that that requires a certain investment, not only economically, but also emotionally.

 

[Schwank]

I'm so worried about girls because I'm IN MY MID-TWENTIES AND HAVE NEVER HAD ANY TYPE OF RELATIONSHIP. I look like I'm still in college now, but will I still look that same when I'm thirty? I have a fear of only being able to attract women who did all kinds of ****ing when they were younger and then want to settle with me.

You know how Michael Jackson never had a childhood so he lived his adult life as a child? Well, I never got the confidence and experience being with girls in my teens and I want to make up for for lost time and what I missed.

Also I'm in a rush because of society and what I see everyday. Girls with guys. It's hard not to be reminded of my *****y life and my cold lonely bed.

Will you tell a man that's thirsty to stop whining and be patient. He will have a false sense of patience but he's still going to show signs of his thirstiness. Guess what, no female with me tonight, tomorrow night, or Sunday night. Probably all of next week too. Hmmm, and it's said not to masturbate so here I am lonely and have no means of sexual release. Paying for sex makes me feel like sh*t. Energy has to go somewhere.

So that's why I'm in a rush.

And I hate wasting money, to answer your question.

I see you're still focussed on women, despite most telling you to work on expanding your social network first. Think about every guy who has had or is in a healthy, successful relationship. I bet the vast majority of them have good social skills and solid friendships. That's how it works. And that's how you should start out.

There's no magic bullet to your so-called "****ty" situation. These things take time. You won't be ending up in a relationship (at least a healthy, meaningful one) without investing in the present -- and that's done by becoming SOCIAL.

Your analogy of the thirsty man is understood, but the analogy is flawed; food and water are ESSENTIAL to life, relationships and sex are only DESIREABLE to it. Besides, who cares about all these other "couples"? You're not competing with anyone and the the past cannot be undone; therefore just focus on your future. However, if you just constantly gripe on about how you've been swindled out of early romantic pursuits and how everyone else your age has had all this experience, all this sex, all this fun... Well come 2 years time, you'll still be in the same situation you are in today. So take what you read on board, and APPLY IT, if you truly wish to change.

 

[Isko]

How come you never had a relationship with a girl? Did you have female friends either? How come you never had male friends? What did you do instead?