I tried to break my one-itis last night and failed

[ersit]

I broke up with this girl a little while ago, and I'm still really hung up on her. I broke up with her because I didn't want a long distance relationship at this point in my life, which was where our relationship was headed. I'm a 21 year old college student, why should I be with someone that I can only see once every other month or so?

I've been kind of depressed about it, confidence took a huge hit, didn't think I'd find another girl that good looking, that sweet, anything like that. Frankly, I'm sick of feeling like this.

So last night, I go out drinking with a group of people. Only know a couple of people in the group. One the ones I don't know is a girl, not bad looking, but certainly nothing to brag about. I work best in situations like this, so I just said, fu-k it, I'm going to go all out on this girl.

Everything I say works. Everything I do works. I'm playing the group, teasing everyone, mostly her, and throw some kino in now and then, even non-targets (a little competition goes a long way). Everyone loves me, she's attracted to me. I think I had 4 drinks bought for me. By the end of the night, we're sitting at a table, she's rubbing my legs from underneath and winking at me. I get the group back to my place. I go into my room for a minute, checking my e-mail. She follows me into my room, goes onto my bed, and pretends to be interested in something I have near my bed.

All the sudden, I completely lose interest. I can't pull the trigger. Or rather, I don't want to pull the trigger.

For all intents and purposes, I got the girl. My confidence was boosted. But, at the same time, I still have hangups with my ex. I was able to get to the very top of the hump, where all I needed to do was go in for the kill, and I let it all slip away.

 

[ersit]

I've still been thinking on this. The best idea I can come up with for why it's happening is that I fear success - it means that I have to accept that my one-itis girl is no longer mine. I see that what I'm doing is working, get nervous, and stop. How do I get over this?

 

[sav]

i know exactly what you are talking about....

deep down you want ur old girlfriend back and it prevents you from pulling the trigger...

when i was hung up over my EX i had that i dont care attitude.. and it brought me TONS of girls... BEGGING for some lovin from me... they were hot and all.. i can even post pics for proof if anybody desires.. but i was hung up on my ex.. and just played them for confidence..

****ing some random girls is the best way to get over somebody else..

do it once

do it twice..

do it three times...

on he fourth, pulling the trigger will be auto..

 

[ersit]

I get so close to pulling the trigger sometimes though, and then I just never do it. Turns out the girl I described in the first post went out and called my friend instantly after I turned her down and went and had sex with him instead.

Right now I'm working on expanding my social circle and opening up new possibilities for me. I'm not good at cold approaching at all, but I'm great if I get introduced to someone and hang out with them in a group for a while. At this point, I'm feeling almost manipulative by keeping as many options open as possible.

If I get into the same situation again, I think it'll just take more attraction for me to pull the trigger. The girl wasn't very good looking, but it certainly would've broken a drought.

 

[shredhead7]

I've been there too. I went through the same thing my last year of college. I dated the same girl from Fresh-Senior year 1. My last year we broke up, she left, which sucked. I realized that I had very few friends at school, because I was always with her. My advice, keep doing what you're doing, make friends with everyone that comes along and try to expand your circle.


The old saying, the thrill is in the hunt, applies here. Don't sell yourself out per say and pull the trigger if you're not ready. You know you could've and that is the same ego boost.

 

[ersit]

That's true. If I just keep mingling and planting seeds in various places, eventually something will come of it that I don't want to turn down.

 

[WesCottII]

Some guy'll be banging your ex somewhere. Stop being a girl and do it.

 

[ersit]

Some guy'll be banging your ex somewhere. Stop being a girl and do it.

I've been avoiding this state of mind because it'll only make me jealous and suspicious.

 

[Bvbidd]

I've been avoiding this state of mind because it'll only make me jealous and suspicious.

What the fvck? You just avoid states of mind? That's called living in denial.

If it's happening it's happening, don't pretend it isn't.

 

[ersit]

What the fvck? You just avoid states of mind? That's called living in denial.

If it's happening it's happening, don't pretend it isn't.

It's not something worth thinking about, dwelling on, or something that should influence my decisions. Suddenly believing that she's out sleeping around now, just because the possibility is there, won't effect my life in a good way. So I just don't think about it at all.

 

[MrGold]

I'm in EXACTLY the same position.

 

[Bvbidd]

So you clearly think about her but leave out the negative things because you just can't handle it. That's called denial.

Why don't you just try to get her back?

 

[movistar]

You were not over your last girl, thats all there is to it.
You shouldn't have broke it off with her. If your still talking to her, call her up and see if she still is into you, but be warned if she is no longer into you it will hurt and might even be tougher to move on. I think the idea of getting over oneitis is to have someone already before you dump one. Its harder to find someone new when you don't have any othe options.

 

[ersit]

I've thought about it, but it's a bad idea. That's why we broke up in the first place. Neither of us want a long distance relationship. I don't have the time and the money to drive and see her more than once a month, she doesn't have a car. With the costs of other forms of transportation (bus, train) it'd be more economical for her to just give me the money every once in a while for me to drive and see her.

I'm kind of surprised that people here are suggesting I go back with her. We don't live near each other. She's going to graduate after this year and move further away to find work, while I'm going to need at least a little more school. We may not end up in the same city even after graduation. She was uncomfortable with our distance right before the break up (seeing each other once-twice a week), I was fine with that. However, I'm NOT fine with only seeing her once every other month. Once of us would have to transfer, and that would end up being me. I'm not particularly fond of the school I'm at, but I couldn't get into the school she goes to.

 

[ersit]

On top of that, I was never that satisfied with the physical aspect of our relationship. She's a virgin and I was really slow with her, but we still never made it to sex.