I think I have met the ONE or have oneitis, please help, advice needed dearly

[Jake_Gyllenhaal69]

So I meet this girl on Bumble and we end up planning a split paid weekend vacation to a mountain cabin. I didn't know the girl, but it was a why the hell not moment. Plus, I've been on plenty of terrible vacations with people I've known my whole life and we did some vouching(we were texting and calling for weeks and I was out of town at the time and she was writing some paper for her PHD course so both were pretty busy and wanted a vacation). I honestly went not expecting much and to focus on just relaxing and we actually end up connecting well, sex, and etc. By the end of the trip we were basically kissing and holding hands like a couple.

I get back and I realize I have caught oneitis for this girl (anxiety about texting her, constantly checking my phone, and etc). I'm scared to pursue this girl because she talked about how hard it was getting her PHD, so I don't want to be that guy that appears needy. In addition, it's a dating app and I know how conniving women can be on there. My previous flings ghosted me because they decided to go for women instead of men, but I didn't really care because there wasn't an emotional connection with any of them. I really like this girl and I've went on dates with other women since and blew them because I just wasn't in to them.

I have zero clue what to do from here because I've never been in this situation before. I know not to over pursue, mirror half of what she does, and definitely not be the guy to push for a relationship. I just hate the unknown because even if she is playing me, I would be able to move on faster lol.

 

[Georgepithyou]

So I meet this girl on Bumble

Oh boy....

end up planning a split paid weekend vacation to a mountain cabin. I didn't know the girl, but it was a why the hell not moment.

Yeah sure, what could possibly go wrong? Why not plan a vacaction with a woman you don't even know.

we were texting and calling for weeks

You're too into her too soon.

I really like this girl

You barely know her, you can't just like her because you spent one weekend together.

I have zero clue what to do from here because I've never been in this situation before. I know not to over pursue, mirror half of what she does, and definitely not be the guy to push for a relationship. I just hate the unknown because even if she is playing me, I would be able to move on faster lol.

Stop putting her on a pedestal, there is nothing special about her. She has not earned her place yet. Start dating other women, don't overthink it with her and don't get oneitis and things will work out very well in the end.

 

[Jake_Gyllenhaal69]

Oh boy....



Yeah sure, what could possibly go wrong? Why not plan a vacaction with a woman you don't even know.



You're too into her too soon.


You barely know her, you can't just like her because you spent one weekend together.




Stop putting her on a pedestal, there is nothing special about her. She has not earned her place yet. Start dating other women, don't overthink it with her and don't get oneitis and things will work out very well in the end.

Yes she could be putting up a front and if she is then at least I saw the uggo side and I will next her behind. I've had many relationships and I knew we weren't compatible from the start but kept that optimistic attitude anyway. This girl just felt like a puzzle piece that fit lol.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

You already ARE needy, forget about not wanting to become needy...your job is to let her chase you. She CANNOT know that you want her more than she wants you right now...that will be the death knell. She needs to still have seeds of doubt in her mind.

 

[Jake_Gyllenhaal69]

You already ARE needy, forget about not wanting to become needy...your job is to let her chase you. She CANNOT know that you want her more than she wants you right now...that will be the death knell. She needs to still have seeds of doubt in her mind.

so ghost her?

 

[BackInTheGame78]

so ghost her?

Dude seriously? Now that's going to the other extreme.

No, just keep things light, fun and sexual and create opportunities for you and her to get together. Just don't try and see her 3 times a week and change your schedule around to make things work, etc...
Never double text.

 

[Jake_Gyllenhaal69]

Dude seriously? Now that's going to the other extreme.

No, just keep things light, fun and sexual and create opportunities for you and her to get together. Just don't try and see her 3 times a week and change your schedule around to make things work, etc...
Never double text.

Yeah I'm too busy to meet a girl 3 times a week and I'll just ask her to hangout and avoid over texting to temperature gouge

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Yeah I'm too busy to meet a girl 3 times a week and I'll just ask her to hangout and avoid over texting to temperature gouge

There ya go

 

[BackInTheGame78]

This is something I'm curious about. At what point is it okay to commit to her?

You know, she asks for exclusivity. She clearly wants to be your girlfriend. At what point is it okay to let your guard down and commit to her?

Whenever you want in terms of exclusivity but she needs to feel like she has earned it. Otherwise it doesn't have much value.

The worst thing a man can ever do is let his guard down and act complacent...it is the root of the majority of dumpings.

 

[Jake_Gyllenhaal69]

I set up a date and actually meeting another chick the following day.

 

[Georgepithyou]

At what point is it okay to let your guard down and commit to her?

From what i read, it's never okay to let your guard down. Always be on your feet and never get complacent. A lot of relationships fail since men get too comfortable

 

[MoMoses]

So I meet this girl on Bumble and we end up planning a split paid weekend vacation to a mountain cabin. I didn't know the girl,

Alright. Not going to comment on this one. I'm stronger than that. I'll resist the urge

My previous flings ghosted me because they decided to go for women instead of men,

Plural? This happened more than once? Ok ok.. not gonna comment on this one either. It has nothing to do with your question anyway.

By the end of the trip we were basically kissing and holding hands like a couple.

As long as you let her do the chasing from this point on I'll even say: congrats, well done. Seems like you got her hooked. If you want this girl it is absolutely crucial that she comes to realise she wants you and not the other way around. You seem to know this. That's great.

I get back and I realize I have caught oneitis for this girl (anxiety about texting her, constantly checking my phone, and etc). I'm scared to pursue this girl because she talked about how hard it was getting her PHD, so I don't want to be that guy that appears needy

Nothing wrong with realising this. We've all been there. Well, maybe some users here won't admit to it, but they have. Else they would not be here and wouldn't have improved themselves. I'd even go as far as to say that realising this and knowing what not to do at this point is what's seperating you from other guys who may be dating her at this point. Think of it this way.

I have zero clue what to do from here because I've never been in this situation before. I know not to over pursue, mirror half of what she does, and definitely not be the guy to push for a relationship. I just hate the unknown because even if she is playing me, I would be able to move on faster lol.

Yes you do. You do have a clue! You made some very good suggestions yourself. It's good that you express your concerns here rather than with her.

Tell me, when you got back from your weekend? Did you contact her? Or did she? If so.. how was that contact? This is important information man. You kinda left that out.

Here's what I hope happened. You did not contact her and she send you a sweet text, or - and this isn't that bad either -.. you texted her thanking her for the weekend and telling her you had fun, but leave her wondering if you wanna see her again. Just a text she can think about, you know what I'm saying?

The game is played in her head, not in yours. Although it seems you've already lost the game in your head ;-) Now you need her to start thinking about you aswell. Mystery is a powerful tool man. Remember that.

So, to return to your weekend. Here's what I would do. I would let her contact me and if the weekend was any good and you didn't scare her off with giving off to many relationship vibes (trust me, even if you think you were cool, women pick up on it like a shark detects blood in the water), chances are she will contact you. It may take a few days. Again, ain't nothing wrong with having send her one message yourself. This isn't chasing. That's planting a seed and letting her mind take over from that point on.

You seem to know what you are doing though, atleast in theory, so please tell us.. how were those first few days after the weekend? This will give us more info

 

[MoMoses]

You know, she asks for exclusivity. She clearly wants to be your girlfriend. At what point is it okay to let your guard down and commit to her?

Never.

I mean it. Never

It's ok to commit to her when she asks for exclusivity but she must always have doubts you can walk and you want your freedom. Give her security by rewarding good behavior and she can feel you really like her, but she must always have some doubt. This is when they keep their good girl switch on. A women who knows she got you, like 100%, will lose attraction. There's no fun and excitement in it anymore and she will lose respect and attraction for you and won't even know why.

 

[manfrombelow]

The very 1st thing you need to constantly remind yourself is there is NO SUCH THING AS "THE ONE".

Only from then, you can proceed.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

I set up a date and actually meeting another chick the following day.

That's how you do it. Always keep other women in the pipeline.

 

[deadmasterx]

You should always keep in mind that focusing and investing too much in a single woman causes you to start EXPECTING things from her, and that's the worst thing you can do. Why? Because it will lead you to: a) invest way more in her, which is gonna make her take you as needy and insecure, eventually running away; b) make you disappointed, heartbroken, filling yourself with bad feelings because you're gonna feel rejected as she doesn't reciprocate the way you expect her to.

If you're in the dating game, there's no how or magic formula that will save you from getting more interested in one woman in special. The only thing you can do is focus more on yourself, your work, and give the "leftovers" of your time to people that are excited to be with you (mark these words down, if the person isn't excited to be with you, this person isn't worth your time, even if it means by that moment).

This rule is important because, if you're naturally needy and want to get rid of that, you won't be disappointed (because the person you choose to date is as excited or more than you to get together), and as time goes by you'll notice that there are people worth spending your time with, other that are not only worth your time but a bit more investment, while others simply aren't worth any of these.

So if I could summarize that into some rules, I'd tell you:
1) Never stop focusing on your goals, your direction leads you to your success, women liking you is the consequence of your success
2) Do not chase and do not give yourself too much (save your 100% attention for when you really can)
3) Only hang out with people who are excited to be with you (so don't be afraid to leave as soon as the texting gets boring, or she doesn't sound so interesting to you in a date).

The bonus rule is:
When going to a date, you're not gonna be thinking if she likes you. You'll wonder about HER, not about you. "I wonder if I'm gonna like her", "Is she gonna be someone that I'll enjoy dating?", these are the questions you'll be asking yourself. Why? Because it puts HER in the position of conquering you, not the other way around. Remember what the guys always say here, you are the prize. These questions will relief a little bit of the anxiety (the bad one) and neediness out of yourself. Be yourself, open your heart and show her how you truly are, if she doesn't like it, cool, there's another bus every 15 minutes. You don't want to spend your time with people who aren't in love with your personality, humour, tastes anyways. Rejection is selection.

 

[manfrombelow]

The bonus rule is:
When going to a date, you're not gonna be thinking if she likes you. You'll wonder about HER, not about you. "I wonder if I'm gonna like her", "Is she gonna be someone that I'll enjoy dating?", these are the questions you'll be asking yourself. Why? Because it puts HER in the position of conquering you, not the other way around. Remember what the guys always say here, you are the prize. These questions will relief a little bit of the anxiety (the bad one) and neediness out of yourself. Be yourself, open your heart and show her how you truly are, if she doesn't like it, cool, there's another bus every 15 minutes. You don't want to spend your time with people who aren't in love with your personality, humour, tastes anyways. Rejection is selection.
[/QUOTE]

Actually, when women are going to a date, this is exactly what they think. They'll wonder if you're gonna give us a chance, if they're gonna let us fvck them. I mean, the default setting of women is that they are the Prize, not us. So yeah, time to use their own strategy for our own advantage.

 

[Jake_Gyllenhaal69]

I appreciate all of the insight and helpful advice, I think it was just more of a shock blow to me, but I'm starting to feel better and regain my frame

 

[bat soup]

So I meet this girl on Bumble and we end up planning a split paid weekend vacation to a mountain cabin. I didn't know the girl, but it was a why the hell not moment. Plus, I've been on plenty of terrible vacations with people I've known my whole life and we did some vouching(we were texting and calling for weeks and I was out of town at the time and she was writing some paper for her PHD course so both were pretty busy and wanted a vacation). I honestly went not expecting much and to focus on just relaxing and we actually end up connecting well, sex, and etc. By the end of the trip we were basically kissing and holding hands like a couple.

I get back and I realize I have caught oneitis for this girl (anxiety about texting her, constantly checking my phone, and etc). I'm scared to pursue this girl because she talked about how hard it was getting her PHD, so I don't want to be that guy that appears needy. In addition, it's a dating app and I know how conniving women can be on there. My previous flings ghosted me because they decided to go for women instead of men, but I didn't really care because there wasn't an emotional connection with any of them. I really like this girl and I've went on dates with other women since and blew them because I just wasn't in to them.

I have zero clue what to do from here because I've never been in this situation before. I know not to over pursue, mirror half of what she does, and definitely not be the guy to push for a relationship. I just hate the unknown because even if she is playing me, I would be able to move on faster lol.

Continue to meet and pursue other women until she makes it clear that she wants to be exclusive.

 

[Jake_Gyllenhaal69]

Okay, I went over there Thursday, ya da ya da, and she's leaving town next week and she brought up wanting to see me before she leaves. I said Sunday works and she said yes, but she was going to try and get her work done so she could hangout sunday. Should I worry about this and not bring it up or just ask her if we are still cool?