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I still don't understand relationship

Guy69JackBlue

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Lately whenever I see couples, I think and wonder what is the glue that holds them together? I don't understand. Cause often times, they seem distant yet always come back to each other even after arguing. Maybe I actually do understand, but I'm just too independent for it to work for me. Maybe a female has nothing to offer to my life (other than sex), and that's why I feel like I'm not missing anything?

I don't think I'll ever figure this out.
 

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derby1

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I think and wonder what is the glue that holds them together?
1)resources/lifestyle

2)beta provider with good wage, that she dumps temporarily every 3 months to take the alpha seed in her pom pom.

3) genuinely sees the guy as an Alpha male and submits to him

"be the guy she wants to cheat with"
 

Romanemp22

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Lately whenever I see couples, I think and wonder what is the glue that holds them together? I don't understand. Cause often times, they seem distant yet always come back to each other even after arguing. Maybe I actually do understand, but I'm just too independent for it to work for me. Maybe a female has nothing to offer to my life (other than sex), and that's why I feel like I'm not missing anything?

I don't think I'll ever figure this out.
Depends on you're age. If you're younger guy, like myself, you don't want attachment, you just want to bust your nuts and that's about it. However as people get older they seek companionship and someone to share life with.
 

lost_blackbird

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I can only imagine that a life without kids is pretty d@mn sad and lonely
Yup. At 48 I'll never have them now.... The prospect of parenthood is over for me.
 

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RangerMIke

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For older couples... it's habit... pure and simple. They are just on auto-pilot, half the couples you see really are not happy. In many cases with people my age that have been married for 20 plus years, the woman is just a nagging b1tch, and the man has been beaten into submission with passive aggressive BS, he goes to work, comes home where he gets to slave away on stupid projects his wife has lined up for him. He doesn't have any friends that are not first her friends, and on the rare occasions that he actually has time away from her, he doesn't know how to behave. The woman, well.... she is miserable as well, but the reason she is miserable is because now that she has beaten her 'man' into submission... he is no longer an attractive male. So they hobble though life, un-happy because that is just the way things are.

For younger couples: The chick is genetically encoded to be in a 'relationship' because through evolution, a woman's survival depended on having a male to protect her, even though now-a-days being paired up isn't needed for survival... but you can not turn biology on its head after a million years of evolution. Younger dudes get in relationship for regular sex, and/or because of societal expectations.
 

Grinderman

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All I can say is you will be one lonely person as you get older.
To be lonely while you are in a relationship or to be lonely in a crowd surrounded by people. That is hell.

To turn "loneliness" into blissful solitude is Beethoven's ninth. Elevation.

When one experiences blissful solitude one can be choosey with whom one let's into one's life (into one's inner tranquility).
 

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wifehunter

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It's a miracle.
 

Grinderman

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Lately whenever I see couples, I think and wonder what is the glue that holds them together? I don't understand. Cause often times, they seem distant yet always come back to each other even after arguing. Maybe I actually do understand, but I'm just too independent for it to work for me. Maybe a female has nothing to offer to my life (other than sex), and that's why I feel like I'm not missing anything?

I don't think I'll ever figure this out.
If a compatible female did cross your path, you're probably in a better position than you realize......

You have to remember that a relationship will take on its own dynamic. But where does that dynamic come from?

Let's look at the unhealthy one:

The codependent relationship with two codependents: This couple will look very very united and very close together. Very loving. Unfortunately it's not love that is brewing underneath the surface. It's a toxic, unholy thirsty need that's flowing like a dirty, sewage filled river, bubbling, waiting to smash the unsuspecting dam clean off its hinges. the glue that holds this couple together is a dependence of the other, unfortunately the other is also an emotional child. Two emotional children sucking the life slowly out of each other. When the dam bursts, it will not be pretty. Suicides happen here, overdoses, domestic abuse, drunken car crashes, prison, divorce, self harm. When the dust is cleared and the codependent is alone (the history of codependence is one will always flee if they are not killed or incarcerated) the pain will be unbearable. My "soul mate" has gone. Devastation. The codependent who survives will probably go back online to look for the next victim..em I mean host....em I mean partner. That's it. ALL MEN WHO USE ONLINE DATING APPLICATIONS HAVE CODEPENDENT AND ABANDONMENT ISSUES TO SOME DEGREE.

The codependent relationship with one codependent and one independent: This could work for a long time. Unfortunately if the codependent becomes too dependent on the independent, this can be a drag for them both. The codependent will feel a sense of condescension and the independent may start to feel resentment. This elements will drive the undercurrent of the relationship and will manifest in slights and passive aggressive behavior from both parties. The independent may start to feel burdened by the codependent. The history of any codependence is that one always walks. Both of them will curse the opposite sexes and the codependent will go and look for another host...eh victim..eh partner.

The healthy one
The interdependent relationship with two independents. The only relationship that has a chance to carry a healthy dynamic that may bear the fruits of actual love (love is a verb by the way, the feelings are only the fruits of the actions). Two people who have strong mature boundaries, have their life together (careers, finances, social life) and ARE HAPPY BEING SINGLE. In other words, they don't need a relationship but are open to a coming together of two strong entities (a business must have itself in proper working order in order to interdependently come together with other businesses). In order to be interdependent, the two independents must also have their values aligned. The must agree on religion, money/finance, kids etc


Remember that you must behave in life as at a dinner party. Is anything brought around to you? Put out your hand and take your share with moderation. Does it pass by you? Don't stop it. Is it not yet come? Don't stretch your desire towards it, but wait till it reaches you. Do this with regard to children, to a wife, to public posts, to riches, and you will eventually be a worthy partner of the feasts of the gods. And if you don't even take the things which are set before you, but are able even to reject them, then you will not only be a partner at the feasts of the gods, but also of their empire. For, by doing this, Diogenes, Heraclitus and others like them, deservedly became, and were called, divine. Epictetus, The Enchiridion.
 
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Kotaix

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This is actually true. Sex is required in a couple as a means to ease tensions. Pounding a woman is, in a way, a substitute for fighting.

My parents have been married for over 40 years and I know that they have had sex regularly
 

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Guy69JackBlue

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1)resources/lifestyle

2)beta provider with good wage, that she dumps temporarily every 3 months to take the alpha seed in her pom pom.

3) genuinely sees the guy as an Alpha male and submits to him

"be the guy she wants to cheat with"
I have a pretty good amount of money and income. But I don't desire to finance some girl. Even if she's the hottest girl in the world, she doesn't have enough to give back to make it worth it.
 

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manfrombelow

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For older couples... it's habit... pure and simple. They are just on auto-pilot, half the couples you see really are not happy.
"Half" is an understatement.

I'd say 80% of them are not happy.

But still they're glued to each other, and pretend they are being happy. Why? Because they are on auto-pilot, like you said, because they're simply too coward to even admit that they are not as happy as they think they are. And they are cowards because even the slightest idea of being alone scares them sh!tless. That's why.
 
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SW15

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This is actually true. Sex is required in a couple as a means to ease tensions. Pounding a woman is, in a way, a substitute for fighting.

My parents have been married for over 40 years and I know that they have had sex regularly
Yes, you're correct. Good quality, regular sex will keep people together.

When I said sex, I meant it in a different way. A lot of men stay in long term relationships for the 2-3 times of sex per month as compared to the 6-12 month dry spells in between relationships that are common.

"Half" is an understatement.

I'd say 80% of them are not happy.

But still they're glued to each other, and pretend they are being happy. Why? Because they are on auto-pilot, like you said, because they're simply too coward to even admit that they are not as happy as they think they are. And they are cowards because the slighest idea of being alone scares them sh!tless. That's why.
A lot of men are scared sh!tless about being alone because of sexual dry spells. A mediocre to subpar sex life is better than no sex. This is why most men don't file for divorce. The woman usually initates the divorce because the man is willing to keep having sex 2-3 times per month compared to an extended dry spell.
 

DonJuanjr

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That's one of the only good things about long term voluntary celibacy. You realize you can live life by yourself, and become incapable of being codependent. I would suggest men try it, but after they've gained the necessary social/seductive skills and experience needed for pulling women. Far too many people are incapable of living life by themselves.
 
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