I really like yoy but don't know what to do...

[yogy]

Hy,
here goes my first post
I am dating this girl, if I can say so (we see each other one-2 times a week and mostly talk on the phone).And I am starting to really like this girl ,but there is a problem: She says that SHE REALLY LIKES ME BUT DOESN'T KNOW WHAT TO DO (i mean to be in a relationship with me or not ).When we go out it's all good,but when we are talking on the phone/YM I can tell that it's not the same.And I know for sure that she does like me,but what's with this indecision/hesitation ?
Something about her: Before me she was in a relationship for about 4 years and loved a lot her boyfriend (but she broke up with him after the relationship became boring ).

So what should I do ?
Do I ignore her for a while ?And if I do will this help or it will estrange her even more ?
Or should I just ask her "what do you want from me???" ?

PS: my big mistake ( I think) was that I told her that I want a relationship with her and I still do

Thanks and sorry for my bad english

 

[Grand Wizzard Alamar]

SHE REALLY LIKES ME BUT DOESN'T KNOW WHAT TO DO

OK basically, women hate making decisions and usually just can't make them.
This is where you make her decisions for her.
If you want a relationship, tell her she should have a relationship with you. Problem solved.

Part of being the man is being in control, so practice your authority over her. Be sensible about it and reward her once in a while if she's REALLY good to you.

Also make your relationship more interesting if you think it may be getting boring. Stop talking to her on the phone as much and make her see you in person if she wants to have contact with you.

Try it out man, you seem pretty happy, you just gotta be that man that she needs (cause women are too needy).

 

[yogy]

If you want a relationship, tell her she should have a relationship with you. Problem solved.

Done that as I said before

Do I ignore her for a while ?And if I do will this help or it will estrange her even more ?

What about this question?I saw many posts where people say to ignore her for 3-4 days and she WILL call you.But is it so ?,especially if she is not sure about our "relationship", this can be seen from her part that I am not interested in her...

 

[Rata Blanca]

Do not ask her for a relationship.

 

[Interceptor]

DO NOT ASK FOR A RELATIONSHIP. Period.

You are still naive and inexpereinced. That's ok.
But you're despairing. You sound desperate.
You act as if you stop calling you will "lose her'.
Instead of focusing on what you want, and the priorities in YOUR LIFE,you're worrying about this chick who is "confused".
Next time you're out together start more touching and contact, get more physical.
Shorten the messages, and ask her to go out with you more often.
Let her observe you how you are in person and how you are in different circumstances. take the lead.

 

[yogy]

my big mistake was that I told her that I want a relationship with her and I still do

I know that

Next time you're out together start more touching and contact, get more physical.

It's not a problem.At least at this stuff I don't have a problem with her.I had sex with her on every "date".
So I see that in my situation to ignore her is the best solution.

 

[Interceptor]

She says that SHE REALLY LIKES ME BUT DOESN'T KNOW WHAT TO DO (i mean to be in a relationship with me or not

OK, you didn;t mention you werehaving sex before.
My guess is you';re not rocking her world.
If she is confused, maybe you 're not doing it for her in bed. But I am just guessing here...

So anyway, elaborate on what she "says" to you about a relationship.

And what are your ages?

Do you have any emotional intimacy at all? Are you two just FBs?
Are you sure you're coming across as "The Man"?

 

[yogy]

If she is confused, maybe you 're not doing it for her in bed. But I am just guessing here...

Not the case here

So anyway, elaborate on what she "says" to you about a relationship.

As I said I was her "first" after a 4 year relationship.What she "says" about a relationship:that she kind of likes to be single now,but can't stand to be alone (without a boyfriend) :crazy:

And what are your ages?

Me 25.She is 23.her birthday is in a week, another test for me

Do you have any emotional intimacy at all? Are you two just FBs?

No, we are not just FB.


Does all this changes anything in my next strategy towards her ?

 

[Interceptor]

Sounds like she's feeling remorseful that she's a FB.
She want s to be a free spirit, but wants the security of having a guy around and easy sex.

This chick does not seem to be good LTR material.

What is it about her that you see so valueable?


SHe wants to party and have sex with different guys maybe?
but she doesnt want to see herself as a slvt?
She want security, but wants to be free.

Hmmm..
tough one.

I think in this case, you may have to pull back a little.
If she misses you, you may want to be able to impose a few conditions.
But you cannot come acoross as needy or needing constant reassurance. EVER>
Don't ask for the relationship.

Just keep being valueable to her.
Butyou want her companionship and emotional intimacy now.

And it seem slike she doesn't.

Keep gaming her, but pull back a little more often.

 

[yogy]

SHe wants to party and have sex with different guys maybe?

Not a very party girl.And about the "sex with different guys" I am 99% sure ( but never say never) that she is not.

If she misses you, you may want to be able to impose a few conditions.

Like ?

 

[Interceptor]

Invite her to do things with you where she has to make an emotional investment in you.

Make her start to do some things for you once in a while.

Nonchalantly bring up things thast you need to do and imply that you want her company and help, assictance whatever...the point is have her start to make an emotional investment in you.
You may even want ot consider backing off the sex too. think about it.

 

[yogy]

Ok,i'll try that.
But for now (4-5 days) i'll stop calling/YM here and see what is her reaction (hope there will be a reaction,stupid me ).
Thanks for replyes and i'll come back with the results, if any.

 

[Interceptor]

yogy, one more thing, dude..

Are you sure you're really interested in this girl? Or just her sex or 'cuz she's HAWT?

have you tried ot go deeper into her character? And perslaity?
Is she really that special?

When you connect, do you connect ojn a deep initmate level?

A womna deep down wants to be with a Man who understands her..if you want a relationship, you may have to want to connect to her on a deeper level.
Have you expressed your Interest in HER, not just that you think she's HAWT?
Attraction is NOT the same as INterest.

Showing a woman you're attratecd is not bad, showing Interest BEFORE it is DESERVED is to be avouided at ALL COSTS. It's a stupid, sttupid move.

Never show interest BEFORE a woman has deserved it.

 

[yogy]

Are you sure you're really interested in this girl?

Yes I am.When we are together we can talk for 5-6 hours without boring each other and we have lots of things in common...

have you tried ot go deeper into her character? And perslaity?

I am trying,but as I said we meet kind of rare (1-2 times a week)

When you connect, do you connect ojn a deep initmate level?

Not really sure what do you mean

 

[Grand Wizzard Alamar]

Um sorry by tell her she should have a relationship with you I mean give her the choice of:
A.You
B.Nothing

Lmao I should read the thread first. Yeah if you're having sex weekly you'll eventually get into a relationship anyway, or just split up at some point. You should do her so good that she'll want one though. But make her give you more in return for one

 

[MacAvoy]

The most important problem that I see in your first post is

(we see each other one-2 times a week and mostly talk on the phone)...............................


When we go out it's all good,but when we are talking on the phone/YM I can tell that it's not the same.

You should never become a phone bug with a chick, it puts you in AFC'ville and sets you up as an emotional tampon. Do all your talking in person, when you are not seeing her, you shouldn't spend your evenings talking on the phone to her, you should be making her think your busy and that you are the prize and that she has to maximize her in person time with you.

I can't stress how important this is. You need to create value for yourself in her eyes, you need to make yourself the prize, like your busy, so that way, she sees what a great catch you are and will want to tie you up for herself in a relationship.

Secondly you should never ask a girl to be your g/f or to enter a relationship, it puts you in a position of weakness. Make her ask you.

Finally and most importantly, don't worry if this one gets away, she isn't the BESTEST GIRL IN THE WHOLE WORLD, but learn from your experience with her and have fun with it, enjoy life.

We are here to help support you in your endeavours, point you in the right direction and kick you in the nuts when you are going in the wrong direction.

 

[yogy]

One more thing.
If I don't call/YM her (ignore her ) for a week-2 and she doesn't call me in this time it means that she is really not interested in me or she is just testing me ?
And if this happens what should I do? Call her or just let her go ?

 

[MacAvoy]

Let her go, but you'll know that by the end of day 3, if she doesn't call by then, its pretty much over and if your smart you'll let it die the death it deserves because if you call after the 3rd day, you give her all the power.

 

[yogy]

Let her go, but you'll know that by the end of day 3, if she doesn't call by then, its pretty much over and if your smart you'll let it die the death it deserves because if you call after the 3rd day, you give her all the power.

I've decided to break up with her.After 3-4 days ignoring her she didn't call/message so it's clear what is the situation (especially that it's weekend and I know that she has free time to go out with me).I am a little sad about this because I still like her but all this indecision/hesitation form her are starting to stress me up too much.

So I have 2 questions about this.
1.How should I do this?Just call her and say "it's was fun but we need to end this because it's just not working..."?Or just don't say anything and she will understand the message?

2.Her birthday is next friday and I mentioned her a about 2 weeks ago that I have a cool idea for her gift (meaning that i'll give her one).So do I break up with her and on her birthday meet with her and just give the gift or to wait and break up with here after the birthday thing ?

PS: I am exaggerating with "after 3-4 days ignoring her she didn't call/message so it's clear what is the situation" and wait a little more with the break up or it is a good decision (the break up) ?

 

[regular_guy]

Showing a woman you're attratecd is not bad, showing Interest BEFORE it is DESERVED is to be avouided at ALL COSTS. It's a stupid, sttupid move.

Never show interest BEFORE a woman has deserved it.

Hey Interceptor, What do you mean by interest. I understand attraction, where you want her physically. Would interest mean you want her mentally, intimacy?
Please PM me.

Cheers,