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Sex question for the ladies...
Sex question for the ladies... here.NoEscape: My saga continues.
Heres the deal---wife and I are trying to work things out...key word is trying. We get along well and are trying not to discuss whats "wrong" with our relationship every night. Although sometimes we do anyway(usually prompted by me and my trust issues--I am not accusatory--just want to make sure this is what she wants) So on monday we had some pretty passionate love making. With I love yous exchanged during(her to me first). It was really great, hot, warm and loving.
So this weekend we planned on spending the whole weekend together with the baby. We had some flirting thru email thruout the day(mostly me) I came home last night--I bought dinner-put baby to sleep. We then sat in dining room...she proceeded to tell me how tired she was--no biggie I guess. A friend dropped by...they procedded to chat(me as well) for about 90 minutes. She left---I then decided to come on to her. She said she was too tired--we went back and forth a bit and ultimately went to sleep. She felt guilty about not giving me sex and I felt rejected. Of course thoughts wander thru my head...maybe shes havign sex with someone else, maybe she doesnt want sex from me because theres no emotional connect...I dont know.
Next morning she is still feeling guilty I guess about turning me down. So when our kids went to nap she showered and said lets go. I showered....was psyched.
This time was sooo different from monday...no passsion from her. We did it but it was cold. She had an orgasm but it was clear to me she wasnt into it...what does this mean? We have NEVER had sex like this before. She was always wayyyy into it. Even a few days ago. Im confused.
Re:Sex question for the ladies... Shanna: Sometimes I JUST don't want it. It isn't anything personal for the guy I am with....I just cannot get into it sometimes. I think it is a hormonal thing or something....who knows....Just don't over think yourself into jealousy and hurt feelings.
Re:Sex question for the ladies... ChristyM: NE-
Try not to read too much into this. Women put a lot of thought and feelings into sex and most likely she did feel guilty about not giving you some the previous night. I myself have a hard time faking it so I probably would have come across like she did. I would honestly want to do it to make sure you understood I was still wanting to keep working on the relationship but it would have been hard for me to be all passionate in that circumstance. Did that just make sense?
Believe me, if she didn't want to have sex, you all wouldn't have had sex.
ChristyRe:Sex question for the ladies... sheydp: A few days ago there was anticipation, excitement, the waiting built to a great time... This time it was obligatory sex. The sex you have because you feel you have to. Guys, if you want to keep girls happy, NEVER, NEVER let them give you obligatory sex. It may stimulate their bodies and appease their guilt, but it won't get them in the head or heart, and that is where truly great sensuosness and sexuality come from. I had lots of obligatory sex because he wouldn't take the time and effort necessary to stimulate my mind/heart first (not that I am saying this is like you, NoEscape - you know better than that, I KNOW you do

). But I'll tell you, have enough sex because you feel like you owe someone, eventually you feel like a blow-up doll! Heres my body, have fun, I'll come back when its over! If you aren't 100% sure she wants it with all her body/mind, don't let her - the sex next time will be so worth the wait! (Besides, in private, your hand needs a workout too!.

Did I say that?

) Sorry to be so crude, but you asked!Re:Sex question for the ladies... ChristyM: I completely agree with Sheydp ...
She did it because she thought it was what
you wanted. When it becomes about what
YOU want and she's not doing it for
HER, then it's all downhill from there.
Guys, when you sense your lady isn't into it (for whatever reason), then try really hard to shut off those hormones and tell her you'd rather just lay together. It might be hard in the short run but it will definitely benefit you in the long run.
ChristyRe:Sex question for the ladies... Crushed: No Escape ~
I generally avoid these threads because I know (feel anyway based on my close discussions with my many friends) that I'm not necessarily the 'norm' in this type of situation)...that being said, this is what I would be inclined to think...again...this is just me).
I love to connect with my partner in an emotional, physical and spiritual way (which can only intensify the act of making love/having sex). However, I also believe that the occasional surprise of getting into the shower with him while he thinks I'm still asleep in bed, soaping up both of us without saying anthing, looking into his eyes so he knows what is coming for his pleasure, it hotter than some other things that we could share.
I realize (especially women~and I'm one of 'em too), that women tend to make love with their minds and bodies (how we've been getting along) with our partners, while men seem to generally make love at that given moment (things were good when we woke up this morning)...it can make a difference. What is wrong witht he occasional raunchy roll (feelings or conflict too) sometimes making it that much more exciting? Neither one of you is admitting the other is right, but you're maintaining that physical (adding to the emotional) feelings that seem to be suffering at that moment? If you're getting along, great! But if you aren't, it will make those differences seem so much smaller and open you up to discuss them, especially afer being satisfied by the one you love. Right? Am I comletely up in the night? If so, I will tell you this is not something I've dreamed about, this worked for 15 years and was fabulous!! Just a thought...
Crushed

Re:Sex question for the ladies... sheydp: I agree, those surprise boffs can be fantastic! I really like the shower thing - or a massage can jump start it, too - lots of oil! (That can even be followed by a shower... hmmm...) That said, though, both parties have to be willing to buy in... If you start it and you see reluctance, you have to be willing to shut it down. Usually guys are more willing to buy in, but even they have times when exhaustion, stress, or emotional baggage make it hard to jump into that... Women may be willing, too, but trying to jump right in when she doesn't want it can be a disaster, too!
Re:Sex question for the ladies... Shanna: Sometimes if the guy takes his time the woman can change from Cold to HOT and actually want it. I need some preptime....my stbxh never gave me that so sex was a um....chore. My new guy takes the time to make me feel wanted and special and all that

and I get into it. STILL though there are times when I still don't really have the "need", but if he takes the time to prime me....I can enjoy the mental/emtional connection and just enjoy the physical....with no umm....goal.
Am I making sense?
Re:Sex question for the ladies... sheydp: TOTALLY!!! That is true... If you feel like they are only pleasing you to get to sex, it is hard to get into it. If they are just "screwing around" because you are hot to them, that can turn on the coldest and tiredest me, at least!
Re:Sex question for the ladies... NoEscape: [quote author=sheydp link=board=1;threadid=7595;start=0#msg60797 date=1107619671]
TOTALLY!!! That is true... If you feel like they are only pleasing you to get to sex, it is hard to get into it. If they are just "screwing around" because you are hot to them, that can turn on the coldest and tiredest me, at least!
[/quote]
Well--my wife has told me that everytime I give her a massage or kiss her neck it ALWAYS leads to sex.or at least me wanting it...I am trying to get away from that..believe me. But its hard to reverse years of that...
Sometimes with the baby its so hard to find any TIME to do it, whenever theres an opportunity I just want it ! When nighttime rolls around my wife is very tired, sometimes I just take it as a lack of interest even though she tells me she thinks of me during the day and has big plans for sex but by the time the day is over she is exhausted. I tried to take care of dinner and baby and I feel we are getting along pretty well so I thought the stage was set. I didnt account for the whole tired thing...plus she seemed really lively talking to her friend. I guess sometimes I want my wife just to look at my muscles and be like.."DO ME NOW !" --Thats the way I feel when I see her in tight pants..

.
-I guess I am just being a guy but I am open to changing so any suggestions..let em fly. I am trying to rule out she has hots for anyone else....which I dont *think* is the case. So lets keep that out of the picture.