Okay, here is my story. Please don't mind the Astral references, I only made them because I was reading about Astral projection and time traveling.
Greetings, everyone. How is everybody? Good, I hope. I,myself, am miserable. I must lay out a great amount of details in order to receive proper feedback; so, please bare with me.
I wish to use Astral Projection in order to travel time, to the past. I need to travel back to about 3-4 months ago. I must fix something 3 months ago in order to fix the present.
Growing up with a pretty bad childhood, no father around to discipline and punish me when I got out of hand. Through my adolescent years, I would steal a lot. I would feel remorse, but could not help myself. I have little self control. I am now 19. I was never one to do homework, I was always all play and no work. Then, came intermediate school (grades 6-8). Growing up, an awkward teenager, desperate to be with the crowd. I had low self-esteem, nervousness, anxiety, rather passive. In elementary school, I was okay, being able to talk to girls and what not.
Also, I am mentally ill. I am a paranoid schizophrenic with mutli-personalities disorder. I, myself think that I might be bi-polar, have ADHD and ADD. But, the schizophrenia is most likely for sure.
So, growing up viewing myself the way I did, in a negative manner. I seemed to be obsess with girls, cuz I couldn't get any. I think at age 11, I had my first wet dream ( I was excited,lol) after watching the 'crypt keepers'. I forget what the show was actually about, I think it was a concept of 'Goosebumps'. By the age of 13, I was already having lucid dreams. Being obsessed with the girlies, what did I do in my lucid dreams? You guessed it. If my dream was about school, I would simply yank a girl out and have sex with them. If, I was at home, I would ring my neighbor's doorbell, to have sex with her. I feel so terrible of myself, I know ya'll probably think that I'm a loser. I read something about negative entities sucking your energy in dreams, from these very events, such as lust. Knowing me, in the dreams I could not resist, no self-control. So, now that I look back on the lucid wet dreams, I think the entities were tricking me and feeding off of my sexual energy. I didn't know any better. By the age of 15-16, my lucid dreaming had come to a hault, with very little lucidity from ages 16-18. I started smoking ganja at 15-16, and I am still at it.
What was the reason for me typing all of this? So, ya'll wouldn't think that I'm a COMPLETE loser, lol. To, kind of soften the blow so to speak. Okay, now to the point.
About 3-4 months ago, I bought instructions online on how to induce self-hypnosis. What the website/instructions failed to mention was that the mentally ill should not use the process without a psychiatric referral. I was not even aware at the time that I was mentally ill (schizophrenia). I did not know about hypnosis as a whole, I only knew one aspect of it. That if I induced confidence upon myself, the girls would come to me. Since confidence is the number one women getting element, I induced confidence and calmness on myself for about 2-3 nights in a row. The change was rather drastic and rapid. Soonly, 99.9% of the women could not stop looking at me. And, now 99.9% of the men could not look at me, they directly avoid me totally. Because, men crave confidence, and they subconciously see that I have it and they don't, which makes them intimidated by me. Before the hypnosis, I was attracting about 60% of females, not a bad number right? Yeah, but I still lacked the courage to go up and talk to them. Also, before the hypnosis I thought 99.9% of men looked better than I did. It was just negativity all around.
If you have a fragile personality (me), and you induce the confidence. The confidence will seem unnatural and fake, artificial. This is exactly how I feel. I was once a person all about peace and no violence. Ever since the hypnosis, It's like I've been out on a power trip to subconciously assasinate everyone, and I do mean EVERYONE (my family and loved ones). This hurts me dearly. Because I traded my life in for the girlies. It's like I sold my soul to the devil just to obtain girls, ****! I was gearing all of my energy to getting girls, I was merely chasing my ****. And now that I have 99.9% of the girls, I don't even want them. I just want my life back to normal, to the way it was before I even touched hypnosis. Sure, this is my concious talking, but I think my subconcious doesn't even want to let go of it because it is so happy with it. I hate it, this fake confidence has made me super arrogant. I know have new thought patterns, all confident and arrogant. It hurts me because I have these thoughts towards my family and that sucks. I even compare myself to others now, and how they don't amount up to me. It's really repulsive. I look down on everyone now. I do not wish to disrespect anyone, even if it is on the subconcious level, I don't want it. Now that I am confident, I do not even enjoy anything anymore; as if everything bores me. I mean, I use to find comfort in exercise, tv-movies, music,cigarettes. And now, it's is as if I don't even need them anymore. Like nothing matters, I am unsatisfied. I want to go back to where everything matters, I want to go back to when I would do activities to make myself feel better,I want to go back to being a regular nobody. I don't want to be this disgusting,arrogant,fake confidence having, sadistic *******. I want to be my normal passive, nervous, anxiety ridden self. The person who use to admire and look up to things.
I have posted this same help message topic on various hypnosis forums, all told me that it cannot be undone. I wish to be de-hypnotised. I believe it can be done. Someone to put me into deep trance, with post hypnotic amnesia, to override the self-hypnosis I induced upon myself, to erase it, to repress it or forget that it even happened, anything. I just believe it can be done, but the posters told me otherwise. So, I've come here for help. Maybe I will have to practice and maintain astral projection to time travel back to 3-4 months ago to tell myself not to induce the self hypnosis because the future will be greatly ill, as it is right now.
So, please everybody, any word of advice is much appreciated. I do not wish to live this way, I want to be rid of hypnosis completely, to be my authentic self.
