I need HELP!! ASAP

[mrgoodstuff]

@PairPlusRoyalFlush There is some truth to this. I know what I am. I practice radical honesty with myself daily. Again, though, the desperation I showed here, is quite different than anything I would show her. No what else I know, this particular wouldn't respond to blue pill beta sweetness anyway. So even if I felt like that, I wouldn't let it out. I knew that with her the last time around. After she told me she loved me though I started to unwind. THAT will not happen again. No way. Last time, I was under only my navigational skills. Now, I have spent 18 months completely recalibrating my entire outlook and behaviors with woman, work, social life, etc etc. Last time, I didn't have SS. I WAS nearly completely blind. No, Im not fixed. Yes, I have a lot of work still to do, emotionally and psychologically as well. Insecurities and all. Yet, I am literally 1000 percent better than I was then, or any other time in my life for that matter, in large part to this community. I can go round 2 with her.

I am desperate for the chance to try, not the outcome of that. Validation? Yeah maybe it is. So what. Im not looking for my interaction with her to validate me as a person or even how far I have come. I am willing for that validation to show me maybe how much work I still have to go. Like I have said, Id rather the pain if there will be, as opposed to not trying it because of fear of getting hurt.

@mrgoodstuff Come on man. Just because I deframed and showed some desperation, insecurities, and oneitis doesnt mean I have forgotten everything. Im seeing Tinderella tonight for at her place. I have my FB. I seeing fitness chick this week. I have other plates spinning. Its not that with me. In fact, that's partly it, I land other chicks pretty well, and pretty regularly. And Im not gonna stop either. Its just in the last year and a half, I still haven't enjoyed anyone as much as I enjoyed this girl.

@fastlife You are right. All the more reason to get in front of her. Im pretty sure shell not add up to the idea of her. Cant WAIT to kill those thoughts. Gotta experience it though. In fact, the sex was never that good. Again, all the more reason I want to try it again. Id love to say again that she is a sh!tty lay. This way, I can stop thinking it was me that sucked. Come a long way since then.

Why do you think you enjoy her and she's not treating you as you are special or placing as much priority as you do on her?

 

[salinechow]

Why do you think you enjoy her and she's not treating you as you are special or placing as much priority as you do on her?

Look, I am the first person to admit that alot of all issues and dealing with women and our relationships with them is all based in psychology and brain chemistries. Yet, there is a saying.

"Its like love, you cant explain it."

I could tell you all day long about the grand canyon, what chocolate tastes like or what Navy Seal training is like. Yet, some things just need to be experienced to feel or fully understand.
I dont know fully exactly why this girl has me feeling the way she does. EXACTLY why i like it.

And how is it that we know she doesn't pedestal me and our interaction to her friends? I could never know. I might never find out, even if I do get with her again.

I just see no harm in trying it with her again. Id love some ideas to help me frame a way to get her out.

As it stands now, I am starting to think to just call her next weekend. If she doesn't answer or respond. Thats plenty answer for now. If she answers and does not agree to a date, there's another answer. Her shyness is my wild card. She might WANT to answer buts gets real nervous. She might even want me, but is to nervous about what that might feel like again. Yet, like someone said, I just cant control everything.

Her shyness:
On our first date it took her the better part of an hour to even speak. She was the most shy nervous person I ever met. This was after talking on the phone for almost 2 weeks some conversations lasting hrs and hrs. That night we hung out in the city for hrs. I ended up back at her place, 45 min drive away and spent the night. After that, we burned hot, but it always took her a little bit to warm up. She is just shy of her own feelings and somewhat her sexuality. She loves doing it, she HATED talking about it at all. She was a great at flirting emotionally and intellectually but hated compliments, romance and sexy flirting. She just wanted to do it. She always needed a little booze to to open up. Not a ton, just some.

I guess this also needs to be said. She lives a little over an hr away. Hence another challenge of just telling her to meet up.

Im already growing weary of overthinking this. Id love some ideas for sure, but here I go again, thinking and not acting. I hope you guys will continue to weigh in with ideas given the information, but at some point Im just gonna call her or message her and see what happens. Hopefully she is emotionally and physically horny for whatever reason. If not o well. Ill try again some other time.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Look, I am the first person to admit that alot of all issues and dealing with women and our relationships with them is all based in psychology and brain chemistries. Yet, there is a saying.

"Its like love, you cant explain it."

I could tell you all day long about the grand canyon, what chocolate tastes like or what Navy Seal training is like. Yet, some things just need to be experienced to feel or fully understand.
I dont know fully exactly why this girl has me feeling the way she does. EXACTLY why i like it.

And how is it that we know she doesn't pedestal me and our interaction to her friends? I could never know. I might never find out, even if I do get with her again.

I just see no harm in trying it with her again. Id love some ideas to help me frame a way to get her out.

As it stands now, I am starting to think to just call her next weekend. If she doesn't answer or respond. Thats plenty answer for now. If she answers and does not agree to a date, there's another answer. Her shyness is my wild card. She might WANT to answer buts gets real nervous. She might even want me, but is to nervous about what that might feel like again. Yet, like someone said, I just cant control everything.

Her shyness:
On our first date it took her the better part of an hour to even speak. She was the most shy nervous person I ever met. This was after talking on the phone for almost 2 weeks some conversations lasting hrs and hrs. That night we hung out in the city for hrs. I ended up back at her place, 45 min drive away and spent the night. After that, we burned hot, but it always took her a little bit to warm up. She is just shy of her own feelings and somewhat her sexuality. She loves doing it, she HATED talking about it at all. She was a great at flirting emotionally and intellectually but hated compliments, romance and sexy flirting. She just wanted to do it. She always needed a little booze to to open up. Not a ton, just some.

I guess this also needs to be said. She lives a little over an hr away. Hence another challenge of just telling her to meet up.

Im already growing weary of overthinking this. Id love some ideas for sure, but here I go again, thinking and not acting. I hope you guys will continue to weigh in with ideas given the information, but at some point Im just gonna call her or message her and see what happens. Hopefully she is emotionally and physically horny for whatever reason. If not o well. Ill try again some other time.

I was saying you might be drawn into her physical image. Someone could reciprocate very poorly to none at all and you wouldn't notice for a while if you aren't experienced with the situation.

You might be drawn into her physical image and your mind is making up a lot of fantasies for her and helping her out, and her treatment of you and priority of you might not be very good at all. And you are sucked so into her ideal physical image by your standard, that you are being very stupid.

I can't talk, it happened to me long after I thought I had outgrown it. The #1 priority should be how someone treats us and how they make us feel.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

I was saying you might be drawn into her physical image. Someone could reciprocate very poorly to none at all and you wouldn't notice for a while if you aren't experienced with the situation.

You might be drawn into her physical image and your mind is making up a lot of fantasies for her and helping her out, and her treatment of you and priority of you might not be very good at all. And you are sucked so into her ideal physical image by your standard, that you are being very stupid.

I can't talk, it happened to me long after I thought I had outgrown it. The #1 priority should be how someone treats us and how they make us feel.

There is no one that important that they can treat you less than or constantly flake, or constantly say they are going to do things that they don't, constantly blow plans. Sometimes we idealize someone based on a physical image and we literally make them out to be gods, and no one is worthy of this, not even a top model in the world. How I personally learn to get off it, is talking with ladies who view me in a better light and treat me better, then I identify poor or subpar treatment with my special snowflake.

 

[zinc4]

Calling all DJ's!!

My oneitis reached out. Said She" Loved Loved Loved the song I sent her. And asked me how I'm doing!" She waited a day to respond.

I have sent semi beacon messages over the 2 years. Invited her out. Connected modestly through text and facebook. Its been subtle and months in between each. She always responds, but usually its very light.
Part of me thinks I broke her heart as much as she broke mine. She is cautious, more than dismissive.

I want another shot at this.

I have done all the work we have all come here to find. I have had every variation of woman interaction. I am in the best shape of my life. I have come leaps and bounds ahead of my old thoughts of what I could be. Maturely, professionally, romantically. I can interact with her and NC again if I need to. Yet, I just want us to do us again.

Help!

I have only loved 2 girls in my life. I have had relationships and mini marriages. I have had one night stands and FB's. I have had girls come and go and stay. I have 3 solid plates. I have had flat leave walk aways. I feel like I can handle it. I NC for 4 months with her, to calibrate my life and emotions.

But I do love her. I know I do.

I want to get her in front of me. Meet her for a drink, and use what I know I have with her+ what I have learned.

I cant share every detail cause I need help quick.

Do I respond:

Lightheartedly and casual, waiting a day or 2 to get back. OR, do I lay it on the line and get authentic.

Both have worked for me before. Yet, even with indifference of outcome, I want my best shot.
Im obviously a little of balance.

I want: A meeting in person. A glass of wine close to her place. And Ill DJ that sh!t from there. I can keep the frame, I know I can. I even did mostly when I was with her.

How do I work my way into that.

I know this girls rhythms. Her IL just went up guys.
Its Tues night. She just got back from vaca. She is hard worked and lonely. I know she is looking for the ME in ME. What now.

Last bit to help you help me.

She once told me" I dont like compliments" " I want confidence and passion"

Cliff notes:

We dated for two months. It was amazing. She got sh!ty and I ghosted. She is the reason I found SS. That was 18 months ago.

She loved me like I have never felt. Everything. And, Im way better now. I know I can plug into this girl, and I want to.

She is one of the most shy people I have ever met. She is VERY susceptible to pressure of any kind. But I do know she likes to be lead. She loves a mans man, with some smarts and heart. She just takes a while and wine to warm up.


Even if I bomb and blow it again, or she tools me. I will be way better off. Ill know she helped me care less about every interaction I have had. I just left another girl flat with this mindset. Only, good can come from this, so long as I get the shot. I think I need your opinions on

HOW. ?

Stop referring to yourself as a DJ when you still let anyone woman control you like this. Another shot? She doesn't get one..
Period.

Just shows you can learn all the tricks in the world and it won't change your inner gane.

The only way to man up is drop her forever like a bad habit. Consider a rites to passage of toughness or manhood or whatever you will.

I know that onenitis feeling all too well with also only one woman....the dedire is strong...but I would shoot myself as opposed to stooping down to the level of ever consider getting back with her.

So many self professed DJs and alphas on this site.....geez.

 

[euclid]

Very strong argument from Zinc. Damn...

I'm new on this site (and grateful to have found it), but with many miles traveled and would say that for me its always about what I want with the lady. Success (meeting your goal) is for the bold and requires action.
Best of luck to you!

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Stop referring to yourself as a DJ when you still let anyone woman control you like this. Another shot? She doesn't get one..
Period.

Just shows you can learn all the tricks in the world and it won't change your inner gane.

The only way to man up is drop her forever like a bad habit. Consider a rites to passage of toughness or manhood or whatever you will.

I know that onenitis feeling all too well with also only one woman....the dedire is strong...but I would shoot myself as opposed to stooping down to the level of ever consider getting back with her.

So many self professed DJs and alphas on this site.....geez.

When you bend to a lady like this your basically letting her bully you. It's like repping yourself in a tough environment and acting faggy because you realize it's some capable people out there.

Leave this special snowflake alone and take your lesson. Never do this for a woman again.

A woman however can EARN your respect and trust by how she treats you. Do it like that, none of em should get a free pass or preferential treatments just based on a physical image. You need to be more mature and just not a another stupid guy messing up our society.

 

[salinechow]

Look, I think in some respects its takes a real man to show his vulnerabilities to his comrades. I believe your line about learning all the tricks will NEVER change your inner frame, it can help for sure, but real change comes from within. In this respect I admit, my inner frame needs work, matter of fact, I think that pursuit in life in never really accomplished. Is it?
I also think it would take balls to go out with her again. Instead of burying this as a lesson learned. Cuase that's just it, I learned the lessons, now with her, it would truly be game time. I also dont see why this person being special to me, physically, emotionally and intellectually is such a bad thing, when I dont let it interfere with my life, accept getting a little gitty at the shot of enjoying her again without outcome dependence.

I just want to see how it goes. I also have no fear of getting hurt, even if that happens. I also, have no concern she will interrupt my life or progress given what I have learned and become.

Yeah, I got my heart broken last time. But I did that. I unplugged. That was actually the beta move because then I had no idea how to handle it when she started to slow down and pace. I think that was dumb. In hindsight Im am glad because of where it brought me. Now I want another round.

Im shocked that because of showing the vulnerability to you all, you think it will carry over to my interactions with her. It might, I dont know for sure. I can only say I dont think it will. My guts tell me I can handle her, and enjoy her.

What if you know the way I think of her, but she can only guess? What if she expects that maybe, but I am not that way? Isnt there any hope for me to get her attracted to me and chasing me? MAybe she does suspect she has some power over me, maybe not. Maybe she wants me already? Im confused why no one wants me to find out.

With a wealth of good points and polarizing thoughts and balancing advice as well. Im hearing only rhetoric without the balance of some suggestions.

Look, this girl didnt f^ck me over or disrespect me. She just burned super hot, then cooled quickly. And I bailed after 1 week. She chased. I relented. She traveled and cooled off. I disappeared for 4 months. I have poked a message here and there and even invited her out once. She responded every time, but always for the most part kept me at arms length. OK fine, she wasn't interested. Now, I think she might be.

In some respects I just thought I might catch a few one liners from you all that would help me get the date. I believe you all for the most part believe it would be more helpful from you that I dont get that kinda help, but rather am cautioned to not proceed at all.

I appreciate it all. Im going to meet with Tinderella for some tension release and wine. Maybe I just take a night to think on it.

2 days without a response though and Im already kinda losing. The again though, am I really losing anything at all.

I probably shoulda just messaged her immediately. Maybe my biggest mistake of all was thinking I need help. Maybe that's exactly what you guys are talking about. Maybe I should just do and say whatever I want and believe in myself and not care what happened. Maybe caring this much about a little message from some braud from almost 2 years ago is the exact issue I need to address overall?

Is it my ego that wants another shot, or my heart? If I have to ask, maybe thats my answer?

What really do I have to lose no matter what I say or do, or what she does in return. Literally nothing. Nothing would change for me whatsoever.

O and you are right. I think she is physically the most attractive girl ever. To me. She has all those features that I love in a girl. Yet, if I practice what I preach, practice what I learned, and truly try to own it all, I think my inner frame should say;

If I got this girl, I can do even better.

That's how Im going into this if I decide. She the best I ever had, and I loved her. But, its just the start of the girls I can find and that will find me.

Does anyone want to help me put it to the test? Or does everyone believe I should just put it to rest?

 

[Asmodeus]

I understand it is called "SoSuave" and it is about the DonJuan lifestyle. However, it seems at least to me that this site is also about giving advice... To empower ones life, and others and grow better and stronger. One aspires to be a DonJuan, not all do some may never be. But at least there is the aspiration, the desire to be better, the desire to achieve success, and to have more control over one's life, fears, passion, ect.

Every person has a weakness in one way or another... This is about identifying that weakness, and reinforcing the armor around that weakness. Making one stronger.

However, Saline... I will be honest in that I somehow sense that you have not entirely moved on. There are still chains of the past holding you down. I am not sure you entirely realize it... The other posters on this forum seem to sense this too... I would advise you against what you seem so convinced to do. Though I have to ask why you decided to post it here if you have already convinced yourself you want to try to win her back? It sounds like you have your own doubts, maybe this shows you are not fully ready and you at least realize this on a subconscious level that you are not fully willing to admit to yourself or others.
Like I said, I advise you to just ditch her. However, it all comes down to choice. You are your own agent of will and can do what you wish. I think it would be a mistake, however sometimes mistakes are the best lessons we can learn.

 

[salinechow]

Again @Asmodeus thanks for the thoughtful wisdom.

"however sometimes mistakes are the best lessons we can learn".

And thats my point. To me it is a bigger mistake to continue the weakness of pokes and prods. I want to polarize this situation in my life. At the time I feel both strong, and strength even in my weakness.

I posted to ask the advice of a message responce! Not whether I should or shouldn't talk to her or see her again.

I knew that I might try to hard, type to much, or maybe to little. This is not a product of so much my interactions with her, as, I tend to do that sometimes in general.

I purposely showed my vulnerability because I feel Like I post alot of sound advice around here and I never want it to seem like I post that advice from a place of superiority or disingenuous parroting. I feel my advice is usually thoughtful and sound but I feel its important, especially in this forum, to not pontificate from a soapbox but show I am a peer. A peer leader and a peer learner. I will gain the most by being authentic, and I will be able to give them most back.

I am quite strong and well versed and own a lot of what I learned here. Enough to comment, I believe. However, other concepts, places, frames, inner and outer, I need work. If I dont show that... I am kidding and hurting myself. And, at that point, I should just go post in a video game forum where I can pretend to be anything I want and something I am not.

Here I show my strengths to help others and my weakness to be helped. All the while enjoying that long after I am gone, someone else will appreciate my authenticity and your comments at such.

F^ck all. Does anyone want to give me a few one liners to get out a shy, old flame of mine, that lives an hr away.

 

[LiveYourDream]

I understand Nexting and it's usefulness to stay centered and moving forward. I get the desire of all to say she is not that special, no matter what you think. I understand both sides. I also appreciate your authentic vulnerability in expressing your desire to step out of that frame in this situation. I admire your willingness to go for it, knowing you might get hurt. I understand your desire to go for it so you will have the satisfaction that you did and forever the peace of mind, that you know for certain, rather than spending your life wondering, what if you had tried again.

Yesterday, my reply was in line was that. It was in that energetic, suggesting you drop the fluff and filler and text her straight up, asking her when she's free to get together. She'd be in, vacillate, or be out. You wouldn't still be here talking about it. This morning there were new posts. I replied today to your updated text suggestion, because to me it was still filled with fluff and filler and to me that who ws insecurity rather than decisiveness and strength. You said she doesn't want a man who compliments. Fluffy texts are like compliments rather than being direct and going for what you want (which she calls confidence and passion.)

Now more and time has passed and you've done nothing but spin on this (and maybe get laid by another.) I personally think replying to her text at this point is weak. I think you are far better off not responding and leaving her wondering about that. Relax. I'm not saying drop her completely either.

I realize what has disturbed me in your writing is your sense of urgency. You felt urgent and you got people here to join in and reply in urgency (myself included.) A strong frame never reacts from urgency (true 911 emergency--understood). Generally a feeling of urgency is a great wake-up call to get re-centered. It's clear in your writing that you are not. While you may think you can show that to us but not her, is a self deception. It all comes through to women even when you think it isn't. It's far more than the words you speak. It's clear you've fallen off-center. People care. It is a vulnerable choice and can be painful and re-traumatizing, to reengage a oneitis. Others want to be sure you are not deciding to do so from the out of balance place we are all seeing you in. Deciding to reengage her is very different when you appear off center, reactive and urgent rather than say centered and strong, while excited.

My inclination (yes I am a girl and not a DJ-full disclaimer to consider), is to suggest that you wait. Get out of the feeling of urgency. It's not true. It does not serve you. She is not moving away and neither are you. This isn't the last opportunity of your life to connect with her. That's the urgency that has been coming across in your posts, almost. Relax again, knowing that you absolutely will cross paths again. You will have a plan for when that happens. Deciding not to text back more right now, will have her wondering about you and it ups your mystery to her. Be patient. Time is your friend here.

I think the best thing you could do is decide now, that next time you cross paths you will not hesitate and you will not stall or fill time with fluff, but that you will go for it and ask her out. No hesitation. Centered, confident, strong, man who knows what he wants. There will be nothing to think about when that time comes. You know it will come. Until then you will live your life, spin plates, take up new hobbies, improve yourself, whatever you need to do, to not focus on her at all. No Facebook or social media stalking, no setting up supposed coincidental meetings, etc. No texting her at all!! Your paths will cross whether she reaches out in 2 days or 6 months, it will happen. Be assured of that.

When that time comes and you do cross paths or she texts you, for anything, let her know it's great to hear from her/see her, but that you are really busy right now and want to know when she is free to get together. Then be quiet. When she tells you, when she is free, set up a time/date/place to get together, right then, no scheduling later. End the conversation just as quickly, letting her know you are looking forward to seeing her, but got to run right now.

No calls and texts in between!! Create mystery, anticipation and the sense that you have a busy life for her to become curious about. If she says she's busy or doesn't know her schedule, be indifferent. Say, "Great, when you figure it out, let me know. It was great seeing you/hearing from you. Gotta run. Leave with mystery. If she declines straight up. Be indifferent and glad that you asked and now you know. Do not chase again at that point. Only respond if she reaches out multiple times on her own, unprovoked and is willing to drive to your city, would you see her at that point.

I think postponing builds her anticipation and your mystery, while allowing you to recenter so when you do ask, you'll be centered in strength not just for the asking but for the ride that follows as well. The other possibility is you meet a woman even more amazing that when the time comes and you see this girl you are not even interested anymore. You never know. Either way you are covered.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Look, I think in some respects its takes a real man to show his vulnerabilities to his comrades. I believe your line about learning all the tricks will NEVER change your inner frame, it can help for sure, but real change comes from within. In this respect I admit, my inner frame needs work, matter of fact, I think that pursuit in life in never really accomplished. Is it?
I also think it would take balls to go out with her again. Instead of burying this as a lesson learned. Cuase that's just it, I learned the lessons, now with her, it would truly be game time. I also dont see why this person being special to me, physically, emotionally and intellectually is such a bad thing, when I dont let it interfere with my life, accept getting a little gitty at the shot of enjoying her again without outcome dependence.

I just want to see how it goes. I also have no fear of getting hurt, even if that happens. I also, have no concern she will interrupt my life or progress given what I have learned and become.

Yeah, I got my heart broken last time. But I did that. I unplugged. That was actually the beta move because then I had no idea how to handle it when she started to slow down and pace. I think that was dumb. In hindsight Im am glad because of where it brought me. Now I want another round.

Im shocked that because of showing the vulnerability to you all, you think it will carry over to my interactions with her. It might, I dont know for sure. I can only say I dont think it will. My guts tell me I can handle her, and enjoy her.

What if you know the way I think of her, but she can only guess? What if she expects that maybe, but I am not that way? Isnt there any hope for me to get her attracted to me and chasing me? MAybe she does suspect she has some power over me, maybe not. Maybe she wants me already? Im confused why no one wants me to find out.

With a wealth of good points and polarizing thoughts and balancing advice as well. Im hearing only rhetoric without the balance of some suggestions.

Look, this girl didnt f^ck me over or disrespect me. She just burned super hot, then cooled quickly. And I bailed after 1 week. She chased. I relented. She traveled and cooled off. I disappeared for 4 months. I have poked a message here and there and even invited her out once. She responded every time, but always for the most part kept me at arms length. OK fine, she wasn't interested. Now, I think she might be.

In some respects I just thought I might catch a few one liners from you all that would help me get the date. I believe you all for the most part believe it would be more helpful from you that I dont get that kinda help, but rather am cautioned to not proceed at all.

I appreciate it all. Im going to meet with Tinderella for some tension release and wine. Maybe I just take a night to think on it.

2 days without a response though and Im already kinda losing. The again though, am I really losing anything at all.

I probably shoulda just messaged her immediately. Maybe my biggest mistake of all was thinking I need help. Maybe that's exactly what you guys are talking about. Maybe I should just do and say whatever I want and believe in myself and not care what happened. Maybe caring this much about a little message from some braud from almost 2 years ago is the exact issue I need to address overall?

Is it my ego that wants another shot, or my heart? If I have to ask, maybe thats my answer?

What really do I have to lose no matter what I say or do, or what she does in return. Literally nothing. Nothing would change for me whatsoever.

O and you are right. I think she is physically the most attractive girl ever. To me. She has all those features that I love in a girl. Yet, if I practice what I preach, practice what I learned, and truly try to own it all, I think my inner frame should say;

If I got this girl, I can do even better.

That's how Im going into this if I decide. She the best I ever had, and I loved her. But, its just the start of the girls I can find and that will find me.

Does anyone want to help me put it to the test? Or does everyone believe I should just put it to rest?

Dude if you can phuck her go for it. And to be able to do that to someone doesn't take a lot of magic tricks. Get her out and get to your or her place after having some drinks and make a physical opening for sexual advancement ( kino ). She either will or won't respond, but don't waste a bunch of time and energy on someone who isn't even phucking you.

 

[Sprayarc]

Im thinking of sending a polarizing message back. Like its any another girl.

" Im well. Lets get together and we can tell eachother all about it. Ill be in your area( she lives about an hr away) next Fri night. Lets meet by you around 8"

Thoughts?

You're only like this because you're inexperienced. You'll change sooner or later.

 

[marmel75]

Look, I think in some respects its takes a real man to show his vulnerabilities to his comrades. I believe your line about learning all the tricks will NEVER change your inner frame, it can help for sure, but real change comes from within. In this respect I admit, my inner frame needs work, matter of fact, I think that pursuit in life in never really accomplished. Is it?
I also think it would take balls to go out with her again. Instead of burying this as a lesson learned. Cuase that's just it, I learned the lessons, now with her, it would truly be game time. I also dont see why this person being special to me, physically, emotionally and intellectually is such a bad thing, when I dont let it interfere with my life, accept getting a little gitty at the shot of enjoying her again without outcome dependence.

I just want to see how it goes. I also have no fear of getting hurt, even if that happens. I also, have no concern she will interrupt my life or progress given what I have learned and become.

Yeah, I got my heart broken last time. But I did that. I unplugged. That was actually the beta move because then I had no idea how to handle it when she started to slow down and pace. I think that was dumb. In hindsight Im am glad because of where it brought me. Now I want another round.

Im shocked that because of showing the vulnerability to you all, you think it will carry over to my interactions with her. It might, I dont know for sure. I can only say I dont think it will. My guts tell me I can handle her, and enjoy her.

What if you know the way I think of her, but she can only guess? What if she expects that maybe, but I am not that way? Isnt there any hope for me to get her attracted to me and chasing me? MAybe she does suspect she has some power over me, maybe not. Maybe she wants me already? Im confused why no one wants me to find out.

With a wealth of good points and polarizing thoughts and balancing advice as well. Im hearing only rhetoric without the balance of some suggestions.

Look, this girl didnt f^ck me over or disrespect me. She just burned super hot, then cooled quickly. And I bailed after 1 week. She chased. I relented. She traveled and cooled off. I disappeared for 4 months. I have poked a message here and there and even invited her out once. She responded every time, but always for the most part kept me at arms length. OK fine, she wasn't interested. Now, I think she might be.

In some respects I just thought I might catch a few one liners from you all that would help me get the date. I believe you all for the most part believe it would be more helpful from you that I dont get that kinda help, but rather am cautioned to not proceed at all.

I appreciate it all. Im going to meet with Tinderella for some tension release and wine. Maybe I just take a night to think on it.

2 days without a response though and Im already kinda losing. The again though, am I really losing anything at all.

I probably shoulda just messaged her immediately. Maybe my biggest mistake of all was thinking I need help. Maybe that's exactly what you guys are talking about. Maybe I should just do and say whatever I want and believe in myself and not care what happened. Maybe caring this much about a little message from some braud from almost 2 years ago is the exact issue I need to address overall?

Is it my ego that wants another shot, or my heart? If I have to ask, maybe thats my answer?

What really do I have to lose no matter what I say or do, or what she does in return. Literally nothing. Nothing would change for me whatsoever.

O and you are right. I think she is physically the most attractive girl ever. To me. She has all those features that I love in a girl. Yet, if I practice what I preach, practice what I learned, and truly try to own it all, I think my inner frame should say;

If I got this girl, I can do even better.

That's how Im going into this if I decide. She the best I ever had, and I loved her. But, its just the start of the girls I can find and that will find me.

Does anyone want to help me put it to the test? Or does everyone believe I should just put it to rest?

Dude, you are at Disney World right now in your mind...fantasyland.

This chick doesn't give a fvck about you. You aren't going to fvck her. Anything sexual related you attempt with this chick is going to be shut down hard.

In the amount of time you wasted writing this bullish!t you could have gone out and used your time productively meeting other women. Again, STOP CONTINUING UNPRODUCTIVE BEHAVIOR. Go meet new women and be productive.

No man with other options would spend this amount of time worrying about one women. And no woman wants a man with no options.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Dude, you are at Disney World right now in your mind...fantasyland.

This chick doesn't give a fvck about you. You aren't going to fvck her. Anything sexual related you attempt with this chick is going to be shut down hard.

In the amount of time you wasted writing this bullish!t you could have gone out and used your time productively meeting other women. Again, STOP CONTINUING UNPRODUCTIVE BEHAVIOR. Go meet new women and be productive.

No man with other options would spend this amount of time worrying about one women. And no woman wants a man with no options.

It's like your begging to suck her c0ck and because of this you look less attractive, like the homely fat girl that's the only type of sex she can get, and goes begging more attractive males to suck their c0cks. This is what your doing to this female.

 

[Yewki]

I need HELP!! ASAP

You already lost. Next.

 

[salinechow]

I understand Nexting and it's usefulness to stay centered and moving forward. I get the desire of all to say she is not that special, no matter what you think. I understand both sides. I also appreciate your authentic vulnerability in expressing your desire to step out of that frame in this situation. I admire your willingness to go for it, knowing you might get hurt. I understand your desire to go for it so you will have the satisfaction that you did and forever the peace of mind, that you know for certain, rather than spending your life wondering, what if you had tried again.

Yesterday, my reply was in line was that. It was in that energetic, suggesting you drop the fluff and filler and text her straight up, asking her when she's free to get together. She'd be in, vacillate, or be out. You wouldn't still be here talking about it. This morning there were new posts. I replied today to your updated text suggestion, because to me it was still filled with fluff and filler and to me that who ws insecurity rather than decisiveness and strength. You said she doesn't want a man who compliments. Fluffy texts are like compliments rather than being direct and going for what you want (which she calls confidence and passion.)

Now more and time has passed and you've done nothing but spin on this (and maybe get laid by another.) I personally think replying to her text at this point is weak. I think you are far better off not responding and leaving her wondering about that. Relax. I'm not saying drop her completely either.

I realize what has disturbed me in your writing is your sense of urgency. You felt urgent and you got people here to join in and reply in urgency (myself included.) A strong frame never reacts from urgency (true 911 emergency--understood). Generally a feeling of urgency is a great wake-up call to get re-centered. It's clear in your writing that you are not. While you may think you can show that to us but not her, is a self deception. It all comes through to women even when you think it isn't. It's far more than the words you speak. It's clear you've fallen off-center. People care. It is a vulnerable choice and can be painful and re-traumatizing, to reengage a oneitis. Others want to be sure you are not deciding to do so from the out of balance place we are all seeing you in. Deciding to reengage her is very different when you appear off center, reactive and urgent rather than say centered and strong, while excited.

My inclination (yes I am a girl and not a DJ-full disclaimer to consider), is to suggest that you wait. Get out of the feeling of urgency. It's not true. It does not serve you. She is not moving away and neither are you. This isn't the last opportunity of your life to connect with her. That's the urgency that has been coming across in your posts, almost. Relax again, knowing that you absolutely will cross paths again. You will have a plan for when that happens. Deciding not to text back more right now, will have her wondering about you and it ups your mystery to her. Be patient. Time is your friend here.

I think the best thing you could do is decide now, that next time you cross paths you will not hesitate and you will not stall or fill time with fluff, but that you will go for it and ask her out. No hesitation. Centered, confident, strong, man who knows what he wants. There will be nothing to think about when that time comes. You know it will come. Until then you will live your life, spin plates, take up new hobbies, improve yourself, whatever you need to do, to not focus on her at all. No Facebook or social media stalking, no setting up supposed coincidental meetings, etc. No texting her at all!! Your paths will cross whether she reaches out in 2 days or 6 months, it will happen. Be assured of that.

When that time comes and you do cross paths or she texts you, for anything, let her know it's great to hear from her/see her, but that you are really busy right now and want to know when she is free to get together. Then be quiet. When she tells you, when she is free, set up a time/date/place to get together, right then, no scheduling later. End the conversation just as quickly, letting her know you are looking forward to seeing her, but got to run right now.

No calls and texts in between!! Create mystery, anticipation and the sense that you have a busy life for her to become curious about. If she says she's busy or doesn't know her schedule, be indifferent. Say, "Great, when you figure it out, let me know. It was great seeing you/hearing from you. Gotta run. Leave with mystery. If she declines straight up. Be indifferent and glad that you asked and now you know. Do not chase again at that point. Only respond if she reaches out multiple times on her own, unprovoked and is willing to drive to your city, would you see her at that point.

I think postponing builds her anticipation and your mystery, while allowing you to recenter so when you do ask, you'll be centered in strength not just for the asking but for the ride that follows as well. The other possibility is you meet a woman even more amazing that when the time comes and you see this girl you are not even interested anymore. You never know. Either way you are covered.

@LiveYourDream You were right.

I ignored the last message.
We are friends on instagram and facebook. I never deleted that. For me, and my process, there was never a reason to. We didnt end badly, we just ghosted on eachother. Reasons why are not really important anymore and probably speculative.
Anyway, over the last two weeks, she started posting things that I thought might be to get my attention. I thought is was probably just in my head, trying to draw connections that weren't really there. Continued with life shaking off any supposed connection as quick moments of stupidity.
Yesterday, she posted a video of her doing a difficult yoga pose that she achieved for the first time while we were together. Actually, in my house. I took the picture and video for her. Layed over the video was a song track that we first kissed to and f^cked to. I still thought it might be coincidence so I did nothing and shook it off.
Last night, at 10:30 on a Sat night, she messaged me. " I have been listening to (our) song on repeat for days..."

I am thinking one of two things.

1) Call her. Today.
2) Message her back. "Cool. Now, lets listen to it together next weekend."

Input on which course of action is requested. Thanks.

Im leaning message, because a phone call might seem to pouncey.

 

[marmel75]

A simple "OK" will suffice...she needs to chase.

 

[Kelvin]

@salinechow please go ahead with what you want to do but take full responsibility of it. When you do that you would finally know whether to drop her or keep her.

 

[SuckItUp]

This isn't going to end well. You're putting way too emotional effort into a girl who doesn't respect you and no interest.


Here's a critical tip I've learned along the way ... if you have to defend/rationalize your actions with a woman to anyone it's to disengage with that woman because you've become a beta.