i must have sex in the next 3 months

[The Forms]

Here's step by step (since it looks like you really need stuff spelled out) how to get laid if your standards are low and you just need to lose your virginity:

If all you're looking to do is just get laid, just set up a personal ad on craigslist. Make it sound like you're a really cool, funny guy who is just seeing if there are any decent chicks on craigslist. Don't write just one or two lines. Write enough to where the girl feels she has an idea of what you're like. Write back to all the women who respond, and take them out individually for coffee. Be fun on the date. Don't let them know that you hate women (in all honesty life is a lot easier if you learn to like women).

Call her the next day and tell her how much fun you had with her. Find out when her next free afternoon is, and ask if she wants to come over to your place then. Since you don't listen to music, I'd suggest you play John Mayer's Contimuum while she's over. Sit close to her on the couch, but not on top of her. Once she's had a few drinks, lean in and kiss her. From there you will start making out. As you make out with her, slowly go through the process of getting her naked. If you're going to fast she'll stop you. If she stops you that doesn't mean she doesn't ever want you to go wherever you were trying to go, it just means not now. Keep kissing her and try again wherever she stopped you (getting her shirt off, getting her pants undone) in 10 minutes. She might not have sex with you the first night, but you'll probably get at least a handjob.

That's, start to finish, the easiest way to get this done. If you use this formula you won't have to wait 3 months. You can literally have sex within the week. When I was hard up I did this and got 3 f-buddies. And I'm definately nothing to look at.

 

[jazzmaster2]

Oh, please dooon't hang yourself.
I've got an abstinent girlfriend of 1 year, and I'm fine with it. How about you?

 

[trojanman88]

you should castrate yourself and see if she cares...lol she'd be pissed lol

 

[The Deacon]

in 3 months i am 20 years old and i cannot bear the shame and failure of failing to lose my virginity, so i have decided to hang myself before i turn 20 unles i have sex. i will report back heere every day maybe. then again maybe not.

Are you kidding? Go see a Psychiatrist or something. This seriously sounds like you have some issues. I'm not trying to be a smart@$$ or anything.

 

[LostAndConfused]

in 3 months i am 20 years old and i cannot bear the shame and failure of failing to lose my virginity, so i have decided to hang myself before i turn 20 unles i have sex. i will report back heere every day maybe. then again maybe not.

Watch The 40 Year Old Virgin and The Brothers Solomon. Have yourself a laugh.

This is not a joke post. You are making the same mistake that the main characters of these movies have made, and once you see that, you'll be a step ahead of all the other people in your boat.

 

[rocco]

just call up a escort?

 

[ILikeGirls<3]

Funny how no woman would suffer from such anxiety for this damned reason. Find one girl his age with anxiety problems for virginity, yeah right...

Yes virginity sux if your a guy, but being desperate, and you obviously are, is the last thing that will help. Google escort services, look at the girls and ask yourself if thats what you really want. I did this a while back and decided I would try to better myself before I give up like a little bi***.

That craiglist idea is kind of tempting though, lol.

 

[Sandow]

Are you still alive?

 

[trojanman88]

Can I be the cliche guy by saying sex is over-rated...lol

 

[trojanman88]

Are you still alive?

No he died hours ago. But we guys still have to get off our jokes before we lay him to rest so partake and be merry.!

 

[LostAndConfused]

Hey I call shenanigans, I think p3n15 = The Dämned.

 

[p3n15]

ok now i know i am not alone in my hate for women, this makes me feel better because i know i am normal now. and i am still alive i stil have a month wtf are u talking about.

Watch The 40 Year Old Virgin and The Brothers Solomon. Have yourself a laugh.

This is not a joke post. You are making the same mistake that the main characters of these movies have made, and once you see that, you'll be a step ahead of all the other people in your boat.

i watched the 40 year old virgin, and it made me physicially sick, i cant belive u would recomend me watch a corny and stupid film like that. it was basicaly a chick-flick. i got to the last part, whern he was geting into a relationship wiht her, and i knew i would vomit and maybe torture and kill myself if i went on so i deleted the piece of **** and then ran a few utilities to clean my computer of that ****ty film and then i took a shower becasue i felt dirty watching that feminist propaganda. i am sure women loved watchign that **** espcially singel mother *****es and *****s who want fags 2 forgive them and forget about their past decisions and privilege. i wont take my chances with brothers solomon. and i dont understand y u expeected a film to chagne me, just because some stupid hollywood romantic comedy(not a real comedy the description is worng) tries to make me thin ksomething does not mean i will think it.

True, but many people lead miserable lives. To me it's better to die than live miserable but each to their own. And yes as I said don't use women to measure your self worth. They are generally just dumb irrational things that the law stops us from raping after all.


I didn't, but most guys are usually gunning for the pretty young white girls first.

y did u say 'but' i boviously am the one who agreed with that, it is better to die etc. and 'being a man' is just stupid. yes i agree white women are superior and set the standard.

Here's step by step (since it looks like you really need stuff spelled out) how to get laid if your standards are low and you just need to lose your virginity:

If all you're looking to do is just get laid, just set up a personal ad on craigslist. Make it sound like you're a really cool, funny guy who is just seeing if there are any decent chicks on craigslist. Don't write just one or two lines. Write enough to where the girl feels she has an idea of what you're like. Write back to all the women who respond, and take them out individually for coffee. Be fun on the date. Don't let them know that you hate women (in all honesty life is a lot easier if you learn to like women).

Call her the next day and tell her how much fun you had with her. Find out when her next free afternoon is, and ask if she wants to come over to your place then. Since you don't listen to music, I'd suggest you play John Mayer's Contimuum while she's over. Sit close to her on the couch, but not on top of her. Once she's had a few drinks, lean in and kiss her. From there you will start making out. As you make out with her, slowly go through the process of getting her naked. If you're going to fast she'll stop you. If she stops you that doesn't mean she doesn't ever want you to go wherever you were trying to go, it just means not now. Keep kissing her and try again wherever she stopped you (getting her shirt off, getting her pants undone) in 10 minutes. She might not have sex with you the first night, but you'll probably get at least a handjob.

That's, start to finish, the easiest way to get this done. If you use this formula you won't have to wait 3 months. You can literally have sex within the week. When I was hard up I did this and got 3 f-buddies. And I'm definately nothing to look at.

ok but i got to the third sentence and cant get past because how do you make it so that u are a cool and funny guy, and what happens hen i tkae them out and then they see im not? also i am nt a good talker so wen i ask woman out, can i not say cinema so that i dont haev to talk?

no matter what anybody here types, no one here really cares. you're a douche bag

hmmmm yet u posted here, and now you're back reading this post too, eagerly awaiting what i will say with your eyes wide open and your **** out wanking aggressively. you obviously love me, fag, so stop trying to fool ppl.

First post to read:

Pook - "Kill that desperation"

that post was a failure. i read it and im still desperate.

 

[HandyAndy]

Have you read the DJ bible, its the link at the bottom of the page

 

[SayWord?]

The lie will surface soon, so be careful.

i dont think he ever mentioned anything about wifing them. just a little boom boom.

anyway, it will surface

 

[VashStampede]

Get a hooker or hang out at parties where girls get totally trashed and sleep with random guys. You will pick a girl up easily and then you will see that sex is not what you expect. You are putting too much importance on it, like most virgins do =P Its like drugs. You think its this big thing until you do a bunch of them, and then you laugh at how people talk them up like they are the fkn devil hahaha

 

[Z Man]

As entertaining as this thread is... Come on guys! Don't feed the Troll!

He refuses to take any of the advice offered and wants something for nothing. :trouble:

Go be an hero, loser.

 

[phooey73]

Troll

 

[muscleman]

reps for best thread title ever

 

[Dilberto]

Hey, I waited until I was 20. Celibacy has NEVER in history......killed anyone. Don't be so desperate- it happens when it happens......

 

[LostAndConfused]

i watched the 40 year old virgin, and it made me physicially sick, i cant belive u would recomend me watch a corny and stupid film like that. it was basicaly a chick-flick. i got to the last part, whern he was geting into a relationship wiht her, and i knew i would vomit and maybe torture and kill myself if i went on so i deleted the piece of **** and then ran a few utilities to clean my computer of that ****ty film and then i took a shower becasue i felt dirty watching that feminist propaganda. i am sure women loved watchign that **** espcially singel mother *****es and *****s who want fags 2 forgive them and forget about their past decisions and privilege. i wont take my chances with brothers solomon. and i dont understand y u expeected a film to chagne me, just because some stupid hollywood romantic comedy(not a real comedy the description is worng) tries to make me thin ksomething does not mean i will think it.

Then you pulled the wrong message from the movie I'm trying to have you get across, troll.