So, I just realised I've never actually done this before.
Little background: I am in my early 20s and have actually had a fair amount of success in my previous relationships, with three that lasted over 18 months and a few briefer ones here and there. My last major relationship was actually an engagement, and when that was broken off, I went through a long hard recovery. But I used it as a constructive experience and tried to better myself.
So now I'm back out on the "dating scene", though I've never really understood what that means. I've gone out to bars and clubs with friends, but I don't have the first idea what to do there.
The other night however, I was out to dinner with my family for one of my brother's birthdays. I got there first and hung around the front and started chatting with the hostess to fill the time. She was short and cute, which I prefer over "hot", and not-quite-thin. She giggled at some of my corny material I usually use to fill awkward silences for about ten minutes before my family showed and we sat down.
I mentioned I thought she was cute at the table and my Dad tried to be encouraging, but this scenario is usually my downfall. I plague myself with questions as reasons not to act: How do I know if she's even single? Is she even interested? Who knows if we're even comparable? She's a hostess, she probably gets hit on ALL the time.
My Dad saves me some trouble and flags our waitress over so I can ask if she knows if the hostess is single. The waitress confirms she is and supplies some more info like her name, age and what school she goes to. Ok, so that's one excuse out of the way. I try and get over any fear of embarassment while thinking of what to even say. The waitress comes back a few minutes later, and it seems she took it upon herself to speak to the hostess in passing, and says the hostess asked questions about me. I could have kissed her for that. Ok, excuses out of the way, let's do this.
I round the corner to where the welcome desk is and say hi, and she starts giggling as she gets caught by a surprise she knew was coming. We're both aware of the awkwardness and silliness of the situation, which I comment on. I say "I'm sorry, I don't usually do this," and she says "Neither do I." I make small talk for longer than I should before asking for her number, to which she says "I was wondering when you were going to ask." I give her mine as well and then ask about her schedual between work and classes for when a good time to call or do something would be. Then I get back to my table and share a few glances with her before we finish dinner and I say good bye for the evening.
All-in-all a round of accomplishment for me for the evening. But once again I'm left in a situation where I don't quite know what I'm supposed to do (and not do) and began questioning the situation. And it occurs to me: I've never actually done this before.
I have never actually "picked up" a girl and gotten her phone number before. Every other relationship or date I've ever had has been a different scenario.
So the first question is: When's the right time to call?
After that: what should the first conversation consist of? what should I get together and do with her? fancy(ish) dinner? coffee? movies? Should it even be a "date"?
and I'm still questioning how much I may actually have in common with this girl. So far, the only thing I have to go on is she managed to giggle at my goofy/awkward approach, which seems to be my default, which means she's nice. But after that, I've no idea what we may have in common, and if it's not alot it will make a first date odd. If she's not completely out of whack in her lifestyle, maybe she'll think I am (I am a huge dork after all, but I've been learning to keep those things in the closet instead of out in the open, literally and figuratively).
In any case, general advice would be appreciated. It helped just to get most of this out of my head.
Little background: I am in my early 20s and have actually had a fair amount of success in my previous relationships, with three that lasted over 18 months and a few briefer ones here and there. My last major relationship was actually an engagement, and when that was broken off, I went through a long hard recovery. But I used it as a constructive experience and tried to better myself.
So now I'm back out on the "dating scene", though I've never really understood what that means. I've gone out to bars and clubs with friends, but I don't have the first idea what to do there.
The other night however, I was out to dinner with my family for one of my brother's birthdays. I got there first and hung around the front and started chatting with the hostess to fill the time. She was short and cute, which I prefer over "hot", and not-quite-thin. She giggled at some of my corny material I usually use to fill awkward silences for about ten minutes before my family showed and we sat down.
I mentioned I thought she was cute at the table and my Dad tried to be encouraging, but this scenario is usually my downfall. I plague myself with questions as reasons not to act: How do I know if she's even single? Is she even interested? Who knows if we're even comparable? She's a hostess, she probably gets hit on ALL the time.
My Dad saves me some trouble and flags our waitress over so I can ask if she knows if the hostess is single. The waitress confirms she is and supplies some more info like her name, age and what school she goes to. Ok, so that's one excuse out of the way. I try and get over any fear of embarassment while thinking of what to even say. The waitress comes back a few minutes later, and it seems she took it upon herself to speak to the hostess in passing, and says the hostess asked questions about me. I could have kissed her for that. Ok, excuses out of the way, let's do this.
I round the corner to where the welcome desk is and say hi, and she starts giggling as she gets caught by a surprise she knew was coming. We're both aware of the awkwardness and silliness of the situation, which I comment on. I say "I'm sorry, I don't usually do this," and she says "Neither do I." I make small talk for longer than I should before asking for her number, to which she says "I was wondering when you were going to ask." I give her mine as well and then ask about her schedual between work and classes for when a good time to call or do something would be. Then I get back to my table and share a few glances with her before we finish dinner and I say good bye for the evening.
All-in-all a round of accomplishment for me for the evening. But once again I'm left in a situation where I don't quite know what I'm supposed to do (and not do) and began questioning the situation. And it occurs to me: I've never actually done this before.
I have never actually "picked up" a girl and gotten her phone number before. Every other relationship or date I've ever had has been a different scenario.
So the first question is: When's the right time to call?
After that: what should the first conversation consist of? what should I get together and do with her? fancy(ish) dinner? coffee? movies? Should it even be a "date"?
and I'm still questioning how much I may actually have in common with this girl. So far, the only thing I have to go on is she managed to giggle at my goofy/awkward approach, which seems to be my default, which means she's nice. But after that, I've no idea what we may have in common, and if it's not alot it will make a first date odd. If she's not completely out of whack in her lifestyle, maybe she'll think I am (I am a huge dork after all, but I've been learning to keep those things in the closet instead of out in the open, literally and figuratively).
In any case, general advice would be appreciated. It helped just to get most of this out of my head.
, but entirely spot on.