I honestly don't know what the f*ck is wrong with me

[SayWhat]

I posted a lot of threads recently.

One thing that is made clear at this point is that I'm 90% over my 13 year older BPD ex.

But apparently I'm completely not over my ex from 6 years ago. I just went on a trip with her (and with other friends as we have the same group of friends). And I noticed I am completely not over her. I heard she broke up with her current boyfriend and the feelings I felt with hearing that are not normal. I am even jealous of a friend who gets along with her better than me (to be honest I barely say anything to her besides necessary stuff because of fear of she thinking I'm still into her or thinking anything else).

I know for certain that if this friend and her get together I would be devastated. I won't be mad towards this friend, it would be more because "why him and not me". And again to be honest, I just want to f*ck her once again, nothing more, she's not the type for me, it would just be for some revenge, that she would chase me and I could say NO.

Seriously, I am coming to a point of just giving up and giving in to a life without a girl ever. Reason for this is the above and the following.

I work with a girl from time to time. In the beginning when we worked together a customer said to me "she's checking you out". I also noticed her initiating conversations, trying to talk, etc... Recently I found out she has a new boyfriend. I haven't seen her in a while but today I had to work with her again and I basically ignored her (yes this is extremely pathetic). Again I noticed her initiating conversation, I even noticed some signs she was irritated because I barely said something (or I was probably imagining it). But yeah, this is how I work and I need to get out of it, but I don't know how, thinking different doesn't help.

I even started with paramotoring, went on holiday two times in one and a half month, got into a company of which I had 0,3% chance of getting into. Do I feel better? Not a single sh*t, in fact I feel worse than ever.

 

[SayWhat]

Can anyone give some advice?

 

[Yewki]

Stop ignoring people just because they can't give you something you want. As you yourself acknowlege, it is pretty pathetic. Talk to the friendly girl coworker who has a boyfriend... why? Lots of reasons. To pass the time, to enjoy yourself, to establish connections, etc.

 

[Lozboss]

OP.

Advice 1: Never see your Ex by choice- EVER.

Advice 2: This girl at work has a boyfriend. Don't be a Beta orbiter. Just be polite but don't engage in conversations. She will get the hint.

You don't owe anyone anything at this point. Focus on your job and you. B*tches with boyfriends are a waste of time.

 

[SayWhat]

If I choose to never see my ex again, I won't see my friends ever again, won't go on holidays...

This would bring me in a worse situation...

 

[marmel75]

Order some 25 gauge needles and some Testosterone Enanthate. Then inject the whole vial. You clearly are lacking in that department.

 

[KingBeef]

I posted a lot of threads recently.

One thing that is made clear at this point is that I'm 90% over my 13 year older BPD ex.

But apparently I'm completely not over my ex from 6 years ago. I just went on a trip with her (and with other friends as we have the same group of friends)

THAT IS ALL I HAD TO READ TO KNOW SOMETHING HERE WAS WRONG....

Remember back in high school, we had to take those critical reading tests where they wanted you to read the whole paragraph and then answer questions on what the main idea or objective was? And the cheat/trick was to pay attention to the first sentence(s) because it would give it away? Well, this is it.

YOU HAVEN'T HEALED/MOVED ON FROM BOTH OF THEM BECAUSE THEY ARE STILL IN YOUR LIFE....ITS SABOTAGE ON YOUR PART. BE A MAN AND DO NOT HANG OUT WITH THEM EVER AGAIN OR FOR AT LEAST A LONG TIME UNTIL YOU HAVE COMPLETELY "MOVED ON"...

 

[switch7]

I posted a lot of threads recently.

One thing that is made clear at this point is that I'm 90% over my 13 year older BPD ex.

But apparently I'm completely not over my ex from 6 years ago. I just went on a trip with her (and with other friends as we have the same group of friends). And I noticed I am completely not over her. I heard she broke up with her current boyfriend and the feelings I felt with hearing that are not normal. I am even jealous of a friend who gets along with her better than me (to be honest I barely say anything to her besides necessary stuff because of fear of she thinking I'm still into her or thinking anything else).

I know for certain that if this friend and her get together I would be devastated. I won't be mad towards this friend, it would be more because "why him and not me". And again to be honest, I just want to f*ck her once again, nothing more, she's not the type for me, it would just be for some revenge, that she would chase me and I could say NO.

Seriously, I am coming to a point of just giving up and giving in to a life without a girl ever. Reason for this is the above and the following.

I work with a girl from time to time. In the beginning when we worked together a customer said to me "she's checking you out". I also noticed her initiating conversations, trying to talk, etc... Recently I found out she has a new boyfriend. I haven't seen her in a while but today I had to work with her again and I basically ignored her (yes this is extremely pathetic). Again I noticed her initiating conversation, I even noticed some signs she was irritated because I barely said something (or I was probably imagining it). But yeah, this is how I work and I need to get out of it, but I don't know how, thinking different doesn't help.

I even started with paramotoring, went on holiday two times in one and a half month, got into a company of which I had 0,3% chance of getting into. Do I feel better? Not a single sh*t, in fact I feel worse than ever.

You need to change/create another social circle. At the moment you are trapped in a cycle. Worst thing is having an ex in your social circle, it won't allow you to move on. Join a gym, find a hobby where you can meet new people etc.

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

Lift weights, (the big three cause a huge boost in testosterone) and get a heavy punching bag with some gloves in beat the **** out of that thing. Don't just wail on i though, try and keep it more postured, but punch with force and emotion. Kick too if you want. Take out the emotions on that. Keep going at a consistent rate until you can't breathe. Sit down and rest afterwards and feel the adrenaline going through you. Feel good and brace that feeling. Feel the power you have and try to feel like you can do anything. Feel dominant, feel masculine.

 

[Lozboss]

If I choose to never see my ex again, I won't see my friends ever again, won't go on holidays...

This would bring me in a worse situation...

Make new friends??!! Grow a pair.

or don't. If you don't and continue to see her then I'm done giving you advice.

You are wasting people's time by refusing to take anyone's advice.

 

[SayWhat]

I completely understand that making new friends would help. But making friends is difficult for me. And besides, these are friends who I've known for over 10 years, dumping them because of this ex would be stupid.

How would you feel someone from your closest friends would just vanish because of a girl... Great friend...

Time heals, I've noticed this today with my BPD 13 year older ex. But for some reason this ex from 6 years ago made a huge scar, I don't know what but running away from situations because of an ex just looks beta for me. And don't get me wrong, I'm a huge beta .

 

[JohnChops]

Order some 25 gauge needles and some Testosterone Enanthate. Then inject the whole vial. You clearly are lacking in that department.

I do enjoy your advice.