I haven't had friends in 4 years...

[KillingTime]

Yeah, obviously i've got a big problem here. Now just from hearing that you would think I am this shy, lonely loser.... funny thing is im actually very confident and outgoing (I love speaking in public etc., far from shy.. although I used to be very shy when I was younger, but through self-help and places like this site that has changed big time)

But I still just can't make friends, and life without friends in insanely boring. I'm 19, last time I had a little group of friends I was around 14-15.... they were super laid back though so we just went to each others houses pretty much or a few concerts, aside from that ive never been to a club or bar etc. (I just know im missing out on some fun)

The obvious answer would be to join a frat but i know people who are in frats and their life is TOO hectic, i've got my reason for not wanting that right now.
Im a bodybuilder, that's my passion and I can't have too hectic of a schedule or get wasted every weekend etc, I can't even have that much alcohol.... I just want to have people to chill with on the weekends, go to a bar, strip club, watch the game or whatever and just have a life and a few people I can have that are there for me all the time (oneitis can be an issue, "bros before hos" is pretty hard to apply when you've got no bros.)

I don't actually have many hobbies aside from lifting, i'm into cars and investing. I joined a local muscle car club... good god that really backfired on me, it was worse than a Star Trek convention. The people were nice but they were REALLY on the nerdy side and just want to talk about or work on their cars 24/7... totally not what I was looking for.
Ive searched for investing clubs and seminars etc. The people seem cooler and I enjoyed everything but again they are all about work, which is great because im really into investing but that still doesn't solve my problem of having a fun social life.

I just don't seem to click with people, ive given up on College, the classrooms are not the place to meet people.... everyone in there already seems to have their little cliques... where they formed those cliques is beyond me.
I've had it, what else can i do??? I want someone to call me, I want to get email other than from ebay, and I want to go out somewhere other than Wal-Mart every friday night.

 

[skinnydart]

I want someone to call me, I want to get email other than from ebay, and I want to go out somewhere other than Wal-Mart every friday night.

rofl, I know what you mean dude, that like explains me.

It may seem like everybody is in their little cliques but the only way to meet people is to take a social risk, to tell yourself "I don't care if they think I'm a total idiot, I'm going to go up to them..." Of course this is the one time you trip over your feet and fall, but hey. (My first date I ran off the road while I was looking at her, and then she says "yeah, when I was first learning how to drive..." Talk about embarressing)

Don't give up on college, although it may seem like it right now, it's one of easiest place to meet people. It's weird, after being in college for so long, with 25% of the people there hot chicks, it's always kind of shocking when walking through wal-mart or something, it's like I can go through the whole place and see no, maybe 1, hot chick the whole time. The real world is much more polluted.

 

[SamePendo]

I have the same problem as you do. When I was 14/15, the last time I had a group of friends, I had plenty of friends, who'd you know, call me to go here and there. Now I'm just all about women.

Besides, I find that, same as women, I only find interest in people 5-10 years older than me. I do have 'friends' but not best friends and all. I mean, if I get in trouble, you bet I have connections which will get me out of any mess I get on.

I'm to, confident, etc etc.

 

[B9]

college sounds to me like one of the very best places to meet people.

Otherwise, try doing something like acting or musical theatre. They tend to be very social activities that often stretch beyond the courses.

 

[Trance]

Make friends at school, or activity groups, like a sport, a gym, etc

You know how i've made a lot of friends?
I use to start going to pool houses where i dont know anyone. I start asking for a couple of games, and after a couple times i know almost everyone in there! Then we start going out and stuff, really cool to make new friends and meet new ppl! Make something like this, cofee's or bar's are really cool places to start meeting ppl if you hang out there a couple ot times!!

 

[SamePendo]

The part I, personaly, find hard... is the transition phase. Like, Ive got lots of 'friends'.. but not the type I go out with. I'm really picky with friends (as well as with females). But making them the friends I go out with... that's the problem... another problem is actualy finding someone I actualy find interesting, as I did when I had my friends back in those old days.

 

[skinnydart]

I only find interest in people 5-10 years older than me

That's weird, I do the same thing. Even though I'm 17, I find the chicks my age really annoying, I haven't dated anyone younger than 19.

 

[saki]

what are you talking about man, Walmart is prime to meet chicks You dont need friends anyway, all they are good for is c*ck blocking you potential chicks. Your just getting out of that high school phase, soon you will realize the only person you need to rely on is yourself

 

[guittarjedi]

I had a similar problem. I've always been picky about who I hang around with and most of the friends I grew up with are either married or moved away. I've always kept most of the people I work with at an arms length even though I get along with them, I would mainly only socialize with one guy outside of work.

That one guy recently got married so he lost all interest in sarging. Luckily for me I'm well liked by the people I work with and I made a concious decision to open up and become more accessible to some of the guys that I have things in common with.

Now I've got a new friend that I go out partying with all of the time and others that I might eventually hang with outside of work. I hope this helps.

 

[Jvesti]

.

 

[tom121]

yeah life gets ****ty after high school

everyone is off to college and their life

I am lucky I still have contact with some of the people I talk to while I was at high school but look now I only have less than 5

I talk to like at least 20 people while at high school, we hang out couple times a week... look now, if I am lucky, 1 of them might come by my house in one month.

Yeah I get lonely most of the time, but I am used to it. When I am really depressed and very lonely, I go out for a walk or go to some place far...

I don't want to stick at home crying about being lonely, that's what being a real loner are. If you are not, at least get out of the house, say HI to your neighbour and start talking, who knows you might get invite over and they had a hot daughter

 

[KillingTime]

Thanks for the replies, at least im not the only one having this problem.

The transition is what im finding pretty hard... all I really need is ONE good friend, from there it should be much much easier.
I don't really feel right going to clubs or bars by myself, esp. since im on the younger side and ive never been so its an intimidating environment by myself.

I chat people up whenever I get the chance but they just become aquaintances. I ran into this one dude this past semester who I had gone to school with a long time ago and we got along alright, I figured here's my chance. Turns out he's turned into a major geek, all he does is go to computer shows and LAN parties... he asked if I wanted to go chill downtown one day and I'm like yea sure, maybe this guy is alright. I show up and he brings his parents with him! Im like, im 19 if I wanted to go clubbin with my mom I could do that too.... thats NOT what im looking for, Im desperate but not THAT desperate. (It was pretty much like that with the Car Club people, i don't want to lower my standards just to have something to do). The people ive seen that ARE into the club scene are just WAY too into it getting drunk every night etc. (a lot of the frat guys), like i said I don't want to be taking things that far either... can't find middle ground.

Like the others said, I don't really NEED anyone but it gets boring after a while. When im down or whatever it'd be cool to have people I can go kick back a few beers with or hit on some chicks with or whatever, just have fun. Like right now, some things just went wrong with this chick.... ive learned to take it but it would still be nice to have real-life people to b*tch about it too lol or to just go chill with so I could forget about it faster ya know what im sayin?

 

[dookie]

I have a similar problem Talking with most girls isn't a problem. Last time I had good/best friend(s) was in high school. At work or school, I talk with classmates for a little bit (its usually second half of the quarter where I am a bit more confortable). For some reason I feel that if I talk/ask guys to hang out, they might think that I'm gay (I dress very well, or so I am told) or I feel like I am projecting a needy image. I haven't found a way to fix this yet. I am not much into watching sports like most of the other guys and it makes it a little tougher to interact with them... One classmate and I exchanged numbers and talked about hangin out or going out clubin but I haven't called because I don't want to sound needy and I don't especially like talking on the phone with guys for more than a few minutes, which I think is normal for all guys.

 

[guittarjedi]

One classmate and I exchanged numbers and talked about hangin out or going out clubin but I haven't called because I don't want to sound needy and I don't especially like talking on the phone with guys for more than a few minutes, which I think is normal for all guys.

That's exactly how I used to be, Dookie. I had this attitude of "If they want to hang out, they'll call me."I used to think that being the one to call was somehow appearing needy and giving away my power. I don't know where this comes from, our egoes I guess, but it's foolish and will eventually ruin your social life.

Calling someone and saying "What's up? Let's go to a bar."is not needy, it's just how friendships work. All relationships are a 2 way street. You have to nurture them to keep them from dying. I learned this the hard way.