I have seen the promised land.

[Dante1a]

Gentlemen,

It's been a long time since I've been on this forum. Thought that I would check in and see how everyone has been.

Back when I was here in the past, I was dealing with many of the same issues that everyone is. I had financial issues, relational issues, and beyond. I worked diligently on working through them and have seen some pretty big results.

If it helps, I would like to share some of them with you. This is in order to help give hope to some who feel a bit hopeless especially about relationships.

NOTE: Everything I'm about to write about is 100% truth, even though it includes my perspective of events. There is no bull**** here.

Since I was last here, this is what has happened:

Some selected moments since March of 2014

-- Having a two month period with at least one threesome each weekend (always with two girls, thank you very much).

-- Multiple occasions with four women and myself.

-- Having girls bring other girls in for a threesome (or group), only to have the new girl start recruiting others to join in with us at another time.

-- Dating a highly desirable dancer/performer and having her introduce me to her other incredible dancer friends, telling them that they should date me, too. They all did...and then introduced me to their friends.

-- Seducing and ****ing a hot massage therapist on the massage table during the first appointment.

-- Having two 21 year old girls bring wine and food to my house to convince me to let them suck my **** together. (I had to feign a bit of a fight with this one.)

-- A sweet one: I got three New Year's kisses from three of my girls who were with me when the clock chimed. Guess what we did next?


The Setup

2013, I developed a pretty big crush on a girl that I work with. It turned out that she was quite socially awkward, so I got very much into my head about her feelings towards me, spending hours on forums "studying", asking advice..basically all the **** we normally do on sites like this.

Finally, one evening (I work nights, and she worked into the evening) - I just said "Well, **** it. I'll just let it go. This is going nowhere." (Saying "**** it" is a common theme in this story, so pay attention to it.)

About a half hour after that decision, she caught up to me and asked to hang out after her shift. Long story short, we ended up being romantically involved and dating for awhile.

It ended awkwardly and with a 3 minute conversation. Nothing was wrong, it just ended. Abruptly. This happened in November of 2013 and then we didn't speak until a few months ago.

After that "breakup", if you could call it that, I was very depressed. For months, my heart ached and my mind was always racing around the situation. Working alone at night, I had nothing but quiet and solitude to let things process. It hurt terribly.

Then, I had another "**** it" moment. Anger triggered this one. I thought "You know, women seem to be wanting me to be something in particular, without any real regard for who I am or what I need. Why can't I just go after them for what I want? **** it. I'm going for it."

With this new attitude of being completely unattached to the outcome and going after what I want, I started finding women really responding. One girl turned into two girls, which eventually turned into eight girls that I was seeing on a regular basis (every other week or so).

At this point, I started giving the speech "I am living in a lifestyle called 'polyamory'. I have open communication and am directly honest with everyone, but I date multiple women. I sleep with multiple women. I just want you to know, so everything is clear from the start," early on in the dating process, many times during our first conversation.

Did it deter women? Not once. Not A SINGLE TIME. In fact, they seemed much more receptive to me.

On top of that, at the behest of one of the girls, I began studying some of the skillset in of a Dominant in the **** lifestyle. (Light (fake) choking, hair pulling, spanking, light flogging, rope bondage, and the like.) It wasn't so much for me, but for the reactions it elicits in my partners. You would not BELIEVE the difference this makes. (I'll write another post on this if there ends up being any interest.)

If you want to be the guy that girls are fantasizing about and wanting to experiment with, look into incorporating both **** elements and an "open" style relationship into your romantic relationships. It's incredible.

If you want to experience what I'm talking about, just be having a conversation with a girl and then drop in something like (with easy confidence, like you are talking about the weather) "I usually catch some flak because of how I view relationships. I live this thing called "polyamory", where I date multiple women at the same time. Everything is open and honest. Communication is HUGE. And then I'm also what is called a "Dominant", so that complicates things even further.."

Watch their response. If you didn't make it awkward with your delivery (or by being nervous), you will many times start seeing them qualify themselves to you as being cool enough to be polyamorous. You will many times have them bring up how they have always wanted to try **** (or that they have already).

At that point, lean back, look them in the eye and say "Well, that makes sense. You have a lot of traits of a submissive. I noticed that since we've started talking.." At this point, be prepared to actually talk about it..but, in case you haven't noticed, you are now discussing her being a submissive and you are a Dominant. You have transitioned from normal conversation into an in depth, interesting, and non-forced conversation about kink and sex.

It's a beautiful transition. The woman, I think, must see me as some sort of exciting and taboo personality at this point.. But she is always interested in talking more. I've actually had girls apologize to me for having a boyfriend (seriously apologize) and then, without me asking them, ask their boyfriend for permission to play with me. (Which I don't do. I don't get involved in the cheating game.)

(Cont'd below)

 

[Dante1a]

Here are a few big things about saying this stuff:

1) Actually mean it. These aren't canned lines. These are things that I really mean as I say them. I DO date and sleep with multiple women. I am a Dominant. I am, in a way, radically honest with them, not needing any type of reaction.

The reason this works, I believe, because it's essentially like saying "Have this expanding and taboo experience while not having to commit completely to one person." In sales terms, it's "high reward, low risk".

2) If these things aren't for you, totally cool. DON'T USE THIS. But maybe find something else that hooks them and makes them think of you sexually.

3) This is ENTIRELY about the woman's experience. Polyamory? The ability to date and see multiple people while dating a guy who gets it, won't be jealous, will communicate, and has social proof from the other girls he dates.

(Another line that's great is "I may choose to be "monogamish" someday. Like, I can be monogamous with a girl, but I would want her to want to bring in other girls, too." I say this like it's completely a cool expectation that no one should have problems with.)

And --

**** play - is ENTIRELY about her experience. Get her to turn her mind off, allow her to indulge in the female desire to be a "*****" or "slut". You are allowing them to not feel ashamed of this side of themselves. Trust me, it's lovely.

You can incorporate elements without getting too serious. Making out? Slowly reach back and grab her hair at the base of her skull. Wrap your fingers in and slowly pull back, exposing her throat. While it's exposed, run your tongue (or kiss) up to her chin.

The other is (and be very careful and slowly seductive with this), place your fingers on her throat like you are choking her, except, lightly add pressure with just your finger tips on either side of her throat. It'll feel sensually dramatic, but she will be in no danger. However, be careful, be respectful, watch her reaction.

If she freaks out at either one of these, just say "I'm sorry...it sort of comes out naturally. I'll do better." Then, just don't do it.

4) Don't you dare do any serious **** play without proper training, guys. People can get hurt and I know that none of us want that.

Also, if you do engage in that play, make sure that you have a robe or soft blanket, tissues, and lotion with you. As soon as the "play" is over and she is ready, wrap her in the blanket and pull her close to you. Soothe her. Stroke her hair. Let her know that everything is ok and reconnect. This is massive. Just do it.

Now, and I know this post is a bit scattered - on kiss closing.

Go out for a drink with the girl. Talk with her. Bring up this stuff (even if you've already talked about it before..) Have a few drinks. Then, let the silence grow heavy. Look her in the eyes and then say something like "I'm going to finish this drink and I'm going to pay the tab. Then we're going to leave and I'm going to make out with you in the back of my car."

The girl will most likely smile and say "Ok." Then just pay and get on with it. Don't bring it up again until you get outside. Then, just pull her in. If it's awkward, simply say "Come here" (gently) and draw her in for your kiss.

On threesomes or group play

Realize that you are simply an excuse for the girls to play together. They will take great care of you, but make sure that they are really enjoying their time with each other. That's why and how they keep coming back for more.

You aren't a pornstar, but you are a guy surrounded by gorgeous girls who want your ****. Enjoy it and don't **** it up.

--

My own schedule has become the biggest bane of my existence. It is very hard to find quality time with each girl...and to keep up the level of sexual desire over a longer period of time. (I've actually had to research supplements and dietary changes to increase testosterone production because I was having sex too much.)

The other serious downside has been, no matter how much I have told myself the opposite, that I have a hard time really developing deep feelings for a girl.

I heard it put:

Abundance of emotion = lack of girls
Abundance of girls = lack of emotion

I believe it to be true, at least for me at the moment.


I wanted to let people know what is possible, coming from a depressive "loser" state to where I am now, which my friends can't believe. (And they see if in person. Well...most of it. )

I'm not sure if anyone will care to even read this. But, if there are questions, I'll happily answer them.

Cheers!

 

[dk1990S111]

So what did you change to get there? Just saying fvck it had this effect?

 

[Alexandar]

sick, more info, above question is good start

 

[Skyline]

More info on dominant foreplay please.

 

[DaddyLongShanks]

So let me guess. This increase in your life in your female and sex realm has also translated to exploding other parts of your life in a positive direction?

 

[Dante1a]

So let me guess. This increase in your life in your female and sex realm has also translated to exploding other parts of your life in a positive direction?

Ha! Not really, actually.

It became much harder to focus on things. Because every free moment I had I was spending with a girl. There were times where I would have loved some time to myself, but didn't want to "lose momentum" by NOT seeing the girl. I would force myself to hang out with them, anyway. (Which I always really enjoy when I do, it's just the "ugh" feeling when you know you have to keep going.)

There have been a few hilarious "I'm done with these life force sucking succubi!" moments, like when I decided to "break up" with six girls in one day in order to make room for some new ones. Being called "an *******" four times in one in day by four different girls is an interesting experience.

I also have to talk about feelings...a lot. All the time. Seriously. This is one of the most exhausting parts.

I'm running out the door right now and I'll get more in depth with the other answers later today when I can.

 

[No.Danny]

You have not reached it my friend. Sure you got a good amount of girls but many aspects in your life are lacking and are you really truly happy?

 

[DaddyLongShanks]

So you need a balance. Even being at a fraction of your current sex life it is bounds above most of the rest of the world.

Your going to have to knock some of your $hit off behind the females. Your system has fractional benefits in that females bring you other females so you don't have to do all the work.

I now you can balance it so the rest of your life is staggering along with the sex side.

 

[Dante1a]

You have not reached it my friend. Sure you got a good amount of girls but many aspects in your life are lacking and are you really truly happy?

Damn right. That has been my focus for the past three weeks or so. It's working quite well. Gym 5 days a week, my money is doing very well, projects are moving nicely, AND I have a great time with higher quality, fewer women.

However, it was a quality problem. When an experience is fairly new, you will be out of balance for a little while. Course correction is what it's all about.

 

[Dante1a]

So what did you change to get there? Just saying fvck it had this effect?

I think that saying "**** it" was the big change. But, it's easy to simplify. So let me look deeper, if it's helpful.

"**** it" to me meant:
1) Completely refusing to explain or justify my desire to be with many women.
2) Going for it without any expectation, attachment, or shame
3) Taking opportunities wherever and however they presented themselves
4) Getting out of the way of a potential relationship by being fun, laid back, non judgemental, sexual, and leading the interactions.
5) Completely owning my own nature as "a kinky bastard" (a term I use to describe myself to women).

And biggest of all...I took the gloves off. I was tired of ****ing around, wondering about a girl's motives, wondering if she liked me, etc. I started playing to win..and then one win gave me information on what might work on win two.

This, coupled with the idea of pushing to see how far things could go, led me to some absolutely incredible situations.

 

[Dante1a]

More info on dominant foreplay please.

If I break it down, it's a vibe that you are building.

It starts early on, during conversation.

It's so easy to get her talking about something. "What are you passionate about?" or "Oh! Tell me more about that.." are great ways to do this.

Then, as she is talking, lock your eyes onto hers. At this point, I glue myself to their eyes (look up Tom Cruise interviews to see a great example). Then, I (involuntarily) raise on my eyebrows, almost like I'm asking an internal question. I also am responding to her with a deep, slow "Mmmhmm" as she talks.

I've had girls literally start giggling mid-sentance because they know what's up. They know what you are thinking about. You don't have to say anything.

--

Then, after you've started kissing her (as I detailed above), I usually progress this way:

1) Hand on the back of head as you kiss deeply
2) After a bit, lightly bite her bottom lip for a split second before letting go.
3) Kiss more for a bit, then reach back and grip her hair at the base of her skull. Slowly and seductively pull back, so she is exposed.

At this point, something that I've seen drive women crazy with desire is slowly smelling their throat and neck, followed by a deep, nearly inaudible growl. (Women LOSE it with this. They often mention it afterwards as one of their favorite things about the encounter.)


The idea is to take your time. Build up. The fake choking thing is POWERFUL. Also, if you are laying down with her either on the bottom or on top, pull both of her arms forward and hold her wrists together so she feels bound. Women LOVE this.

I have heard, multiple times, women say things like "Oh, my god. What are you doing to me? I'm never like this!" Usually, I respond with "Like what?" A regular type of answer is along the lines of "Ravenous."

Put your fingers in her mouth and let her suck them. Very hot.

Now, as you move into sex, one super powerful tool at your disposal is a good leather belt. If the girl starts giving you head, one great thing is to pull off your belt and (lightly, gentlemen) use it as a "strap" around the back of her head, like you are forcing her there. You aren't obviously, so keep it loose..just enough tension to have her feel it.

Don't be afraid to be a bit aggressive...just be sensitive to her. You are being aggressive because you want "her", not just sex. Therefore, if she wants to stop...that's okay. Go back to talking, making out, and, depending on the situation, try again in a bit.

Am I missing pieces you guys have questions about?

 

[Dante1a]

So you need a balance. Even being at a fraction of your current sex life it is bounds above most of the rest of the world.

Your going to have to knock some of your $hit off behind the females. Your system has fractional benefits in that females bring you other females so you don't have to do all the work.

I now you can balance it so the rest of your life is staggering along with the sex side.

Absolutely right. I realize that, on my death bed, contribution and making something of value to the world will be what matters. However, I still want it "all".

It's just a lesson in balance and the cultivation of a great life in all areas. A lovely, quality lesson in balance.

 

[Doctor Darrell]

Positive reformation makes a wonder of difference in your life.

 

[Dante1a]

Positive reformation makes a wonder of difference in your life.

Absolutely. I see every piece of feedback I get (whether internal or outwardly) as an opportunity to grow and work things out. I'm enjoying every second of it.

 

[Dante1a]

congrats dante1a. lots of passive hate and envy in this thread.

i can tell youre not full of shlt. ive shared similar experiences but probably never juggled as many women at the same time as you have nor nearly as many 3somes

it really is a lifestyle that must be kept up. i dont understand why it just doesnt come naturally to many of the introverted guys here that you HAVE to make a conscious/active effort to have a social circle, make friends, find/feed passions, to meet women etc.

Thank you, man. I appreciate your support.

I have to admit..there were times when I'd sit back and think "How the **** is this even possible?" And then I'd just keep pushing.

I had friends who thought I was full of crap and then saw things happen and suddenly turned into my biggest supporters, even going so far as to telling attractive women how badass I was before I even walked up to them.

This is possible for everyone. It's not just me, I promise. Something just has to flip in your head. I stopped worrying about what girls thought of me and just focused on having a great time. No matter what, I just focus on having fun. My quote is "More awesomeness, not less. " And I live by it.

You literally can meet a gorgeous girl for breakfast, **** her in your car, leave, have a coffee date with a gorgeous blonde where you make out for two hours (because, not being crude, you want to shower before you sleep with her). Then, that night, you get to hang out with another beautiful dancer and spent the night her. THIS IS ENTIRELY POSSIBLE AND IT'S NOT EVEN DIFFICULT.

 

[djgirl]

if you told me you were dating and sleeping with multiple women id run and run very far.

1. you probably have or close to getting an std
2. your a wh0re
3. not all women get turned on by the fact that you have multiple women after you. some of us are actually after relationships and not just secks. don't flatter yourself

 

[MAYALL]

if you told me you were dating and sleeping with multiple women id run and run very far.

1. you probably have or close to getting an std
2. your a wh0re
3. not all women get turned on by the fact that you have multiple women after you. some of us are actually after relationships and not just secks. don't flatter yourself

Cut the crap sister. Chicks will never turn down a guy she is attracted to even if he slept with many women. Note the term "player" "womanizer". Never stopped women before from opening her legs.

 

[Bingo-Player]

Bravo sir , you sound like you have reached a level of nonchalance most men can only dream of

I’ve been to the Eldorado of pu$$y before via the route of not giving a fvck but somehow lost my way when i became too heavily involved with a nasty piece of work who really messed my head up

Im working on getting back there but it aint easy , finding the determination to break social conforms is a pain in the ass

The good news is i can 100% back your claims up because I’ve been there

Most guys will scoff when you say your drilling 3 Hb 9’s a day.....but i know better ,

ive seen with my own eyes what women are capable of ive seen a girl fvck 3 different guys in one night and then go home to her BF the next morning and go out for breakfast with him as though nothings happend

Once you find the key to unleash her inner W1hore she will simply want more & more & more

Women are biologically designed to want & have frequent sex with multiple men hence why they are able to have multiple orgasms its social conditioning that teaches them it’s wrong if you can teach her to be comfortable with it then she will be forever indebted to you

Stuff like

- Telling women what you’re going to do them
- Telling women what they’re going to do you
- Biting
- Pu$$y teasing
- Your Fingers in her mouth after theyve been in her
- Choking
- Slapping
- Omitting that vibe that just screams to women “you belong to me now”


Hell i was doing all this stuff without even realizing it........it was only after i took a woman to bed 15 mins after meeting her and for her to actually beg me to enter her did i realize the true power of having the confidence of “doing what you want”

As i said mentioned above ive lost my way slightly ive become to wrapped up in my own conciousness and caring about what women want from me and not what i want from them

Times are changing though

 

[Dante1a]

if you told me you were dating and sleeping with multiple women id run and run very far.

1. you probably have or close to getting an std
2. your a wh0re
3. not all women get turned on by the fact that you have multiple women after you. some of us are actually after relationships and not just secks. don't flatter yourself

--

Oh, djgirl.

I can understand your response. It's seen as totally not normal for anyone to engage in this level of sexual activity. It's not really about love, is it? It's about sex. Deeply sensual carnal lust. At least on the surface level. And yes, there definitely is deep, sensual, amazing lust.

Most people are taught in our society to go get a partner, get married, and live happily ever after (or some version of this). People don't like what I do because it's scary. It threatens the sense of relationship security that we try to hinge things on.

What if, instead of following prescribed norms, I choose to talk to and honestly interact with the amazing and beautiful women who cross my path on a regular basis? And if those interactions turn sexual, then I experience the incredible thing that is sex with a beautiful and sensual girl?

That isn't being a player...it's being honest, without mental blocks.

A word about being "honest". Every girl knows about the others. Honesty is a huge requirement for me. Are there those who want me to drop the others and be monogamous with them? Probably. They've never asked me though because they know that it's simply not an option with me. They spend their time with me to connect and be in each other's company.

Any girl at any time can decide that this isn't for her and move along. And I will completely support them in that. This is entirely consensual. All the girls I'm seeing would back this up.

This isn't about numbers. It's not about quantity. It's about letting myself fall a little bit in love with a girl, seeing her for the quirky, funny, and wonderful being that she is. Hearing her thoughts, feeling her emotions as they move and change, and deepening my experience into the world through her. Once that happens, sex is simply a part of the expression.

As I have spent time "falling in love with the feminine", I have found all women to be more loving, open, and incredible than I ever had before. I have many friends (literally friends, guys...lol) that are women and they are some of my best company.

@djgirl - As a honest suggestion, you might want to read a book called "The Ethical Slut". It's a book about sex positivity as it pertains to women. We need to remove the negative judgements around sexual expression. It doesn't mean you have to be "a slut" or "wh0re", but it's about reclaiming that word and being able to feel awesome about who you are, while being ethical, consensual, and honest.)