4 words that will will throw me off in a convo. How do I respond to this? Say we're talking and I ask her out, and she throws this line at me? I wouldn't go after her after hearing this, but how to do I back out of this gracefully?
"I'm Not Looking for Anything Serious Right Now"
When a woman says it, guys hear a confession. A heads-up. A scheduling conflict.
Here's the translation: I don't feel anything. Right now. With you.
Watch what happens when a man triggers actual attraction. The busy career, the recent breakup, the "not in a place to date" — all of it evaporates instantly. The same woman who was guarding her freedom is suddenly free every night.
The "22 Rules" explain why. When the right switches flip, her timeline rearranges itself around you.
"I have a boyfriend"
- Thread starter nibun
- Start date
"I just moved here from Florida."
That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?
She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."
She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.
I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.
Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.
ArizonaDJ
Don Juan
I usually just say "oh well then it's been nice meeting you" and walk away. But when it's VERY obvious that she's lying and making it up as an excuse, I'll have some fun with it... "oh really, what does he do for a living? where is he from? how did you two meet?" and other questions that she'll have to scramble to answer. It's hilarious to watch her get all flustered trying to make up answers as she goes along.
[A]rtful[DJ]
Senior Don Juan
Hehehe i like that
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Realize that the world is just a stage, and u ll see how easy everything is.
BasicInstinct
Senior Don Juan
Straight from the DJ newsletter:
WHEN IS THE WEDDING DAY?
by Master of the Universe
I was at a store earlier today, when I met a cute clerk...
(Talked for a little bit while looking in her eyes and smiling.)
Me: Well, I better let you get back to work. Give me your phone #,
I'll call you, and we'll continue our conversation over lunch. (I
asked like I was sincere, but couldn't really care either way.)
Her: Well, the only thing is that I am already seeing someone.
(With the conflicting emotions on her face, I couldn't help but
smile.)
Me: Oh, good! When is the wedding day?
Her: (laughing) Oh no, we're not engaged.
Me: (smiling) Well, in that case it can't be that serious. Give me
your number, I'll call you, and we'll have lunch together.
Her: Well, as long as you know I am with someone. I mean, if you want
to be friends we could be friends.
Me: (Smiling) Well, I appreciate you letting me know about that. So
give me your phone number, I'll call you, we'll go to lunch and have a
fun time. Then we'll see what happens.
She gives me her number while smiling and looking in my eyes!
Before coming to this board, there is no way I would have been able to
pull this off! You guys are fantastic!
------------------
Always outnumbered, never outgunned.
WHEN IS THE WEDDING DAY?
by Master of the Universe
I was at a store earlier today, when I met a cute clerk...
(Talked for a little bit while looking in her eyes and smiling.)
Me: Well, I better let you get back to work. Give me your phone #,
I'll call you, and we'll continue our conversation over lunch. (I
asked like I was sincere, but couldn't really care either way.)
Her: Well, the only thing is that I am already seeing someone.
(With the conflicting emotions on her face, I couldn't help but
smile.)
Me: Oh, good! When is the wedding day?
Her: (laughing) Oh no, we're not engaged.
Me: (smiling) Well, in that case it can't be that serious. Give me
your number, I'll call you, and we'll have lunch together.
Her: Well, as long as you know I am with someone. I mean, if you want
to be friends we could be friends.
Me: (Smiling) Well, I appreciate you letting me know about that. So
give me your phone number, I'll call you, we'll go to lunch and have a
fun time. Then we'll see what happens.
She gives me her number while smiling and looking in my eyes!
Before coming to this board, there is no way I would have been able to
pull this off! You guys are fantastic!
------------------
Always outnumbered, never outgunned.
"So, What Do You Do for Fun?"
She asks it casually, mid-sip. And you feel the floor open up, because the honest answer is work, gym, and a couple shows you're half-watching.
Women rarely say this out loud, but a man with a life is attractive before he says a word. The guy who spent Saturday deep-sea fishing and came back with photos and a story — he walks in already interesting.
The "22 Rules" pushed me to build a life worth talking about. Turns out the fastest way to be interesting to women is to be interested in your own life first.
Those are good for a chick I won't likely see again, but won't work for this particular situation: I'm gonna see her in class. I was thinking along lines of:
"Sorry to hear that, it would have been fun. Oh well, I'll see you in class" (end with smile)
Or how about this, if she says "I'm seeing someone right now", I repond with "Does that mean you can't hang out with other people?"
"Sorry to hear that, it would have been fun. Oh well, I'll see you in class" (end with smile)
Or how about this, if she says "I'm seeing someone right now", I repond with "Does that mean you can't hang out with other people?"
When she says "I already have a boyfriend", I usually smile and say
"So? I'm not jealous..."
This usually elicits a smile and on a couple of occasions she has said "But he is..." which on one occasion I said "Too bad. When you're ready for a real man let me know."
I still never got a date after they say that line, though.
"So? I'm not jealous..."
This usually elicits a smile and on a couple of occasions she has said "But he is..." which on one occasion I said "Too bad. When you're ready for a real man let me know."
I still never got a date after they say that line, though.
Personally if the girl tells me that straight up and hasn't been showing interest in me numerous time on different occasions (ie:leading me on) Then I'm cool w/ her saying that.
She is not wasting my time, I respect that and just leave it be. I only worry w/ how to handle it when they have been acting like they are interested, then tell me that.
She is not wasting my time, I respect that and just leave it be. I only worry w/ how to handle it when they have been acting like they are interested, then tell me that.
the graphics guy
Don Juan
How' bout this: (true story)
"When is the wedding day?"
"April."
"Y'mean this April or next?"
"Next April. These things take up a lot of time with planning."
"Well, I see you're not here as a couple, so I assume you are free to talk to other people."
"Oh yes, definitely. I'm a big girl... I mean an independent woman."
<fluff talk ensues. I walk around for a while to chat up others, then I return.>
"How ya been!" <kiss on cheek>
<more convo to elicit values, build rapport, become "friends">
<I walk away a couple more times without explaining. However, when she needs to go pee, she humbly says sorry and promises to hurry back.>
"Well, independent woman, it looks like they are trying to get rid of us here, so let's pay our respective bar tabs. We could continue this convo, my hot tub is all warmed up and I have plenty of beer."
"When is the wedding day?"
"April."
"Y'mean this April or next?"
"Next April. These things take up a lot of time with planning."
"Well, I see you're not here as a couple, so I assume you are free to talk to other people."
"Oh yes, definitely. I'm a big girl... I mean an independent woman."
<fluff talk ensues. I walk around for a while to chat up others, then I return.>
"How ya been!" <kiss on cheek>
<more convo to elicit values, build rapport, become "friends">
<I walk away a couple more times without explaining. However, when she needs to go pee, she humbly says sorry and promises to hurry back.>
"Well, independent woman, it looks like they are trying to get rid of us here, so let's pay our respective bar tabs. We could continue this convo, my hot tub is all warmed up and I have plenty of beer."
"Why Women Dump the Guys Who Try the Hardest"
You paid for dinner. You drove. You said "whatever you want is fine" every single time. All the effort, no expectations.
And she left anyway — probably for a guy who makes her pick up the pizza.
Painful. Also predictable. Her mind quietly concludes that anything requiring zero effort from her is worth exactly zero. You became a free sample, and free samples get taken for granted.
The 22 Rules flip the dynamic. Small shifts that get her investing effort, money, and time in you — until SHE'S the one afraid of losing YOU.
Che Guevara
Don Juan
- Joined
- Feb 27, 2002
- Messages
- 32
- Reaction score
- 0
she: i have a b/f
che: i don`t think that your b/f would mind if you meet new people
che: i don`t think that your b/f would mind if you meet new people
BGMan
Master Don Juan
Her: "My boyfriend ..."
Me: "Really? Well, I've gotta go do ... . Cya later!"
Her: "Well, okay then, bye!"
Me: (aside) Riiiight...
If she mentions her BF, she's not interested, PERIOD.
Her: "Well, I'm kinda seeing someone..."
Me: "Yeah, well so am I. What's your number?"
"Seeing someone" isn't as strong. It implies there is/are someone she's casually dating but isn't really INTO. In this case I continue the push.
BGMan
[This message has been edited by BGMan (edited 03-04-2002).]
Me: "Really? Well, I've gotta go do ... . Cya later!"
Her: "Well, okay then, bye!"
Me: (aside) Riiiight...
If she mentions her BF, she's not interested, PERIOD.
Her: "Well, I'm kinda seeing someone..."
Me: "Yeah, well so am I. What's your number?"
"Seeing someone" isn't as strong. It implies there is/are someone she's casually dating but isn't really INTO. In this case I continue the push.
BGMan
[This message has been edited by BGMan (edited 03-04-2002).]
the graphics guy
Don Juan
"This guy I've been seeing..." = I'm not exactly staying home alone every night but I'm not spoken for either.
"My boyfriend..." = I'm hooked up.
"My boyfriend..." = I'm hooked up.
IntermediateDonJuaner
Master Don Juan
- Joined
- Jan 1, 2001
- Messages
- 933
- Reaction score
- 1
Nibun,why do you want to back off? Try this out the next time when a girl says she has a bf.
Girl : I can't go out with you because I have a bf,sorry.
YOU : So what does he has to do with this.? What I mean is I didn't ask him out, I asked you. So how about let's get together on this Thursday for coffee.
This will usually throw a chick off. Try it. It works! The key phrase here is : "I didn't ask *HIM* out, I asked *YOU*. so..(continue with your sentence here).
Okay? Good luck!
Girl : I can't go out with you because I have a bf,sorry.
YOU : So what does he has to do with this.? What I mean is I didn't ask him out, I asked you. So how about let's get together on this Thursday for coffee.
This will usually throw a chick off. Try it. It works! The key phrase here is : "I didn't ask *HIM* out, I asked *YOU*. so..(continue with your sentence here).
Okay? Good luck!
"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"
You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.
Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.
Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.
Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.
These are awesome counters! My favorite has got to be:
She: "I'm seeing someone right now"
You: "I'm seeing two women right now - you need to catch up. (BIG GRIN)"
*LOL* This is a must use for my next encounters.
IntermediateDonJuaner: I would back off to "I have a bf" cuz even it'll be too much effort to go after this girl. The probability of success is too low to justify the effort. I'd rather back off and... as someone much greater than I said "NEXT!"
Isn't this what a DJ would do?
She: "I'm seeing someone right now"
You: "I'm seeing two women right now - you need to catch up. (BIG GRIN)"
*LOL* This is a must use for my next encounters.
IntermediateDonJuaner: I would back off to "I have a bf" cuz even it'll be too much effort to go after this girl. The probability of success is too low to justify the effort. I'd rather back off and... as someone much greater than I said "NEXT!"
Isn't this what a DJ would do?
PortugueseMeatball
Senior Don Juan
ROFLMAO!!!! LOL THAT'S HILARIOUS!!!! Great comeback!!!!
Giovanni Casanova
Master Don Juan
- Joined
- Jan 5, 2002
- Messages
- 5,550
- Reaction score
- 18
- Age
- 47
- Location
- Hiding in Penkitten's Linen Closet
A couple more for ya.
YOU: How about we get together next Thursday night?
HER: I have a boyfriend.
YOU: Oh, well I'd prefer if he doesn't come with us.
*****
YOU: How about we get together next Thursday night?
HER: I don't think my boyfriend would like that.
YOU: Oh, well I wasn't asking him out, I was asking you.
YOU: How about we get together next Thursday night?
HER: I have a boyfriend.
YOU: Oh, well I'd prefer if he doesn't come with us.
*****
YOU: How about we get together next Thursday night?
HER: I don't think my boyfriend would like that.
YOU: Oh, well I wasn't asking him out, I was asking you.
VeryBadGirl
Master Don Juan
- Joined
- Jan 15, 2002
- Messages
- 1,167
- Reaction score
- 3
Oh my God, some guy tried to use this one on me last night!
"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"
You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.
Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.
Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.
Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.