I guess you could say i am socially bitter.

[Shootin4Dreams]

I finally am getting everything internally working out but i guess its because of some crowds i was around things dont seem to work out 100% i dont like to be judged on who your around or how things are but it seems like you arent "cool" or attractive enough or a woman wont worship you if you around people who arent high on the food chain. And i am having trouble accepting this when a woman is interested in me but seeing it go downhill a bit when bring around certain group of friends. Any advice here guys i know i got to make big changes in 2017 if i want women to like me and i know its kinda ****ed up i have to cut out friends for women so i can date attractive women or have higher value people **** is just ****ed up... just venting.

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

Why do you show women your friends?

 

[dustmuffin]

They don't need to meet your friends.

 

[sazc]

I say hold off on the friends integrating for at least 6 months, if not longer. Wait until you know she's going to be around for a while. If you start off simply dating you will still have time to see your friends (you need to make that alone time) It's perfectly okay to tell any female that you prefer to wait to introduce her to your friends. If they have an issue with that, you're going to have bigger issues with the woman.
When I was 23 I decided that I dont do "family" until I have a ring and the promise of marriage which, consequently, means my family has only met one man - and I am totally fine with that.

 

[fastlife]

The problem is the girls are picking up on your insecurity/apprehension about your group of friends. I have some friends that aren't exactly the most socially savvy (a lot of them are super introverted) or mainstream, but when I bring a girl around them I make sure to frame things so she knows that they're people I value and that if she wants to be a part of my life she better value them to. WOMEN WILL VALUE THE THINGS IN YOUR LIFE TO THE EXTENT THAT YOU VALUE THEM!!!!!

That includes your:
-Friends
-Your job
-Your hobbies
-Your car
-You clothes
-Your time
-Your attention

It's why I can take a girl to my car--which have been objectively as low value of cars as you can have the road--and say things like, "Oh my God. So beautiful. Touch it. Get in my car little girl." These same girls always fall in love with my cars & they're real pieces of sh1t (the cars, not the girls) & say things like, "Even when you get money, you need to keep this car--it's so you."

By the same principle you can get girls to completely change their style, their taste in music, their diet, their hobbies, even their friends (though I try to keep girls as independent from me as possible) just by simple approval/disapproval. It's why you can wingman a girl for your friend just by talking him up like he's the greatest guy on earth. It's all about frame--and your frame is weak re: your friends, who may or may not be valuable people to you, but who you don't value more than (what you perceive) her judgement of them is/should be.

 

[Shootin4Dreams]

Obviously i got to cut them out and start over. What about sayin the wrong things accidently?

date was fun but i keep feeling like attraction is disintegrating. I feel like when i talk at times it does not help me. I remember she started asking questions and she asked me what is 1 trait no one would take from you i told her i am goofy at times she asked what kind of humor like slapstick i said no i have a sarcastic kind of humor as you can tell. Also when i try to kiss and she says you jump the gun or saying im too close before when trying to do kino.

 

[Reykhel]

@fastlife with the quality............

I would agree that your projecting your own insecurities about your own status and about the people into your life; and thus it
becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. This is seeping from your sub communications and the bytches are picking up and that
giving their intuition and propensity for covert communication.

Going by your post, you say something about wanting them to like you. Again, this is an energy that emancipates from your sub communications and it transmits itself as needy, desperate energy. There's a paradox here; when you stop needing people to like or respect you (when you can remove approval seeking) it's interesting how these things seem to magically creep up on you....

To put it another way, one needs to stop seeking approval in any way shape or form if one is to eventually gain approval.....

Sure, you can probably gain the approval of people if you systematically conform to certain expectations but at what cost. Eventually they sense your wishy washy nature as you try to please everybody......

.....the crux of the matter is you cannot please everybody all of the time. No matter how seemingly "popular" you are, someone will take a
disliking to you. So be it. Better to start the approval seeking at home. With the man in the mirror.

You approve of you. You like you and everything in your life. And those that follow, follow. Those that don't, don't.

Be true to you.

Can you see the difference in energy? Everything is energy. Attraction is pure polarity in action.

 

[marmel75]

Why are you bringing her around your friends? Unless she is a long term girlfriend there is absolutely no reason to do that. She hasn't earned the right to meet them yet, and it lokos aproval seeking on your part to do so.

Do you feel some innate internal need for her approval? If so, that's the first thing you should be working on. You don't need her approval for anything. Be a grown man and stand on your own two feet.

 

[fastlife]

Obviously i got to cut them out and start over. What about sayin the wrong things accidently?

date was fun but i keep feeling like attraction is disintegrating. I feel like when i talk at times it does not help me. I remember she started asking questions and she asked me what is 1 trait no one would take from you i told her i am goofy at times she asked what kind of humor like slapstick i said no i have a sarcastic kind of humor as you can tell. Also when i try to kiss and she says you jump the gun or saying im too close before when trying to do kino.

There is no 'right' or 'wrong' thing to say or do, as long as it's an authentic expression of who you are. If you said it on accident, it was probably good. Own it--fvck what she thinks about your sense of humor. You don't have to qualify to her. If you like it, she'll like it. Or maybe not--you won't have chemistry with every girl and that's OK too. But the fact that she's asking questions and you're answering directly means she owns the frame and she's leading the interaction.

Do you like answering questions like that? I don't. So for me, if a girl asked, "What's one trait no on would take from you?" I'd say something like, "Oh my God. Did you read that in Cosmo--Five Ways to Snag a Guy?" or just square up and stare into her eyes until she gets in her head and then when she says something likfe WTF say, "Brown eyes. You're crazy." See how those responses redirect the interaction to something that might be fun for me?

And if I cross the line and she gets offended I just follow it up with sh1t eating grin.

Let go a little bit. Attraction wanes and waxes--you have to be comfortable with that too. If she's with you, she likes you and if you just stick with it and don't get stuck in your head, eventually things will pick back up. It's natural. You can't be on 100% of the time and you don't have to be. Perfect time to move her somewhere else & let a change in environment add a spark. If a girl rejects you for being too forward, just back off & try again later.

 

[macallik]

Obviously i got to cut them out and start over. What about sayin the wrong things accidently?

date was fun but i keep feeling like attraction is disintegrating. I feel like when i talk at times it does not help me. I remember she started asking questions and she asked me what is 1 trait no one would take from you i told her i am goofy at times she asked what kind of humor like slapstick i said no i have a sarcastic kind of humor as you can tell. Also when i try to kiss and she says you jump the gun or saying im too close before when trying to do kino.

This happens to everyone initially. Mentally you can remind yourself what your end goal is for the night and constantly reevaluate how you are progressing during the date.

If your end goal is to build a deep connection/one-night-stand/FwB/etc, you can ask yourself during a lull in the conversation whether discussing the last topic helped/hurt your chance.

Additionally, there are plenty of people who are good at dating who went through exactly what you are going through. The more dates you go on, the more experience you get. From there, you will be able to read the signs easier and know when you need to change tactics and adjust your communications. These skills last a lifetime, but they aren't built overnight. Right now it sucks because every time you crash and burn, it feels like it was a waste and that the girl could've been 'the one' but in reality, you will likely go on 10s if not 100s of dates over the next few years and so look at the current shortfalls as learning experiences and you'll be doing better in no time at all as long as you reflect on what went right/wrong consistently.