I got flaked on.........and its no big deal

[mrgoodstuff]

The issue I see is a time wasn't agreed on when the date was agreed on. I don't agree on same day dates, usually too busy, so don't expect that from the women I see and don't offer such stuff. I typically pitch a date at least a couple days out, then an hour so before the date text something like 'finishing up some work then I'll be omw'. Her response determines if I need to start sparking up plan b. And it's one strike, time is money.

Imo getting upset or frustrated makes no sense. People make inaccurate assumptions about me all the time, why should that upset me? Giving it attention only validates it. If I believe it's incorrect, why would I validate it?

The inaccurate assumptions can affect your dealings with others. Having doors closed, or made harder to open. They can seed doubt and concern with others.

 

[EyeOnThePrize]

The inaccurate assumptions can affect your dealings with others. Having doors closed, or made harder to open. They can seed doubt and concern with others.

Sure, but those inaccuracies are inevitable. To go on the defensive and chase or try to convince them is the wrong move and only confirms to them some idea that you are not enough, that you have something to prove. You're also disrespecting them by not accepting their decision. It's much better to continue self improving and let your actions speak for themselves, to move forward rather than try to rewrite their judgement. Those that make poor assumptions will naturally filter out of your life, and those that accept you will naturally fill those voids.

When rejected for a job it's best to effortlessly accept and say 'best of luck in your search.' The same goes for any friendship or relationship. In those cases you're the one leaving your door open, and they're closing theirs. And it would be in your best interest to be more wary of them should they come back.

It's interesting to speculate their reasoning, but there's no need to identify with conclusions rooted in ambiguity. Let them judge, then own that judgement and act accordingly. Be decisive and build on their judgement, that's the only productive thing you can do.

That's not to say chasing is always wrong. Imo chasing should only be done from an interdependent state, an abundant mindset, and even then only in very measured pragmatic amounts. I would call it 'chasing forward'. Anything else is needy and unhealthy. There may be no difference in action between coming from dependence(chasing) and interdependence(chasing forward), at least initially, the difference is all in the mind.

 

[samspade]

Dude I've gotten flaked on on buy and sell apps, by supposed men with balls. You've got to be pretty pathetic not to be able to say "no thanks, I don't want to take the time to accept your money for this used widget." Or, "it's sold." I wonder if flake culture is permeating everything? To be fair I'm not in America where people hustle more for money.

 

[Dash Riprock]

My take on flakes:

- Life happens. S*hit comes up for everyone. Aging parents (if you're over 40), pets, kids, jobs, friends, your health, transportation, and on and on. Surprised the attitude on SS is EVERY flake is BS. This is just not true. Some and many are for legit reasons. That said...

- With 95% confidence you'll know if a flake is legit by if she offers a counter date or not. If she offers a counter, it's likely legit. No counter, it's likely a pre-meditated flake or there's a 1-2% chance she really is that f*ucking clueless and just doesn't know as a woman she should offer up a counter to hold the man's interest.

- For me, for a woman I just started dating, a flake with no counter offer garners a NO REPLY from me. With age, wisdom, and experience, you just learn to exude an IDGAF (about women, not life, as some here have confused) attitude--for real, not faked. So frankly, I could honestly care less if she flakes or not. I have things to do anyway.

- I do confirm dates because I'm a very busy man and don't like wasting my time. But I do it playfully. For example, maybe we're on for 8 PM on a Friday, so around 3 PM if I don't hear from her first, I'll send a quick text something like, "Looking forward to our oyster eating and tequila shooting contest at 8 tonight. Ciao, Dash." No reply, I don't show up. Say this 1000 times: "Responsible adults confirm and keep dates."

- You can lower but never 100% ELIMINATE the chance for flaking. Screen well and know the chances are much higher for women you meet online. That's just life, Sporto.

Good luck.

~Dash~

 

[Visionist]

So frankly, I could honestly care less if she flakes or not.

How much less could you care?

If a girl flakes on me now without any excuse I ghost her.

 

[SW15]

- Life happens. S*hit comes up for everyone. Aging parents (if you're over 40), pets, kids, jobs, friends, your health, transportation, and on and on. Surprised the attitude on SS is EVERY flake is BS. This is just not true. Some and many are for legit reasons. That said...

- With 95% confidence you'll know if a flake is legit by if she offers a counter date or not. If she offers a counter, it's likely legit. No counter, it's likely a pre-meditated flake or there's a 1-2% chance she really is that f*ucking clueless and just doesn't know as a woman she should offer up a counter to hold the man's interest.

- For me, for a woman I just started dating, a flake with no counter offer garners a NO REPLY from me. With age, wisdom, and experience, you just learn to exude an IDGAF (about women, not life, as some here have confused) attitude--for real, not faked. So frankly, I could honestly care less if she flakes or not. I have things to do anyway.

- I do confirm dates because I'm a very busy man and don't like wasting my time. But I do it playfully. For example, maybe we're on for 8 PM on a Friday, so around 3 PM if I don't hear from her first, I'll send a quick text something like, "Looking forward to our oyster eating and tequila shooting contest at 8 tonight. Ciao, Dash." No reply, I don't show up. Say this 1000 times: "Responsible adults confirm and keep dates."

- You can lower but never 100% ELIMINATE the chance for flaking. Screen well and know the chances are much higher for women you meet online. That's just life, Sporto.

I have very little tolerance for flaking.

I realize stuff comes up. I've never postponed an early stage date. I've had to postpone dates with established women. This has happened after we've had sex multiple times. In the early stages of dating, I realize that I have to put my best foot forward. Over the years, there have been jobs that I have had that have been somewhat unpredictable. With short notice, some jobs I've had have require me to work late into the night. Fortunately, that never happened on an early stage date night. I hope that situation never arises. I am far from retirement age.

I've felt like the confirmation of dates is a bit of babysitting. I am not a babysitter. More frequently than not, a woman will text me to confirm. Given the nature of swipe apps, confirmation texts probably need to happen. When meeting people in real life, which is my normal way of sourcing dates, I don't usually confirm. If you agree to my date offer I've made in person, I assume you are enough of a responsible adult to show up.

The key to the flake is the counter offer. A cancellation without a counter offer is a text message that does not receive a response. I've never gotten a phone call cancellation, and I first started dating over 20 years ago, when phone calls were more common.

App sourced dates are the worst for cancellations. That's another downside to interacting initially behind an electronic screen.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Sure, but those inaccuracies are inevitable. To go on the defensive and chase or try to convince them is the wrong move and only confirms to them some idea that you are not enough, that you have something to prove. You're also disrespecting them by not accepting their decision. It's much better to continue self improving and let your actions speak for themselves, to move forward rather than try to rewrite their judgement. Those that make poor assumptions will naturally filter out of your life, and those that accept you will naturally fill those voids.

When rejected for a job it's best to effortlessly accept and say 'best of luck in your search.' The same goes for any friendship or relationship. In those cases you're the one leaving your door open, and they're closing theirs. And it would be in your best interest to be more wary of them should they come back.

It's interesting to speculate their reasoning, but there's no need to identify with conclusions rooted in ambiguity. Let them judge, then own that judgement and act accordingly. Be decisive and build on their judgement, that's the only productive thing you can do.

That's not to say chasing is always wrong. Imo chasing should only be done from an interdependent state, an abundant mindset, and even then only in very measured pragmatic amounts. I would call it 'chasing forward'. Anything else is needy and unhealthy. There may be no difference in action between coming from dependence(chasing) and interdependence(chasing forward), at least initially, the difference is all in the mind.

They can seed doubt and concern in a group and people that you already have a good stature with. Damaging relationships that are going very well.

 

[EyeOnThePrize]

They can seed doubt and concern in a group and people that you already have a good stature with. Damaging relationships that are going very well.

Again inevitable. Some people will come along and try to tarnish your reputation. All the more reason to foster solid relationships that will stand the test. Even if a friend or business partner wants to terminate a relationship as a result of someone else's word it's best to show respect by owning their decision completely and not fighting it. Unless asked there is nothing to say, nothing to prove. Your actions of respect speak for themselves.

 

[Korrupt]

Here is why it should be no big deal if and when a woman flakes, cancels, etc:

We as men should act like men. Initiate the conversation early on, show interest and set up the date. Feminine women will follow our lead if they have high interest.

Women will also act like women women. They are finicky, emotional and highly unpredictable. They love attention....never forget that. The key is to not give them free attention. Seduce. Dont get mad or hateful at the world because a woman acts like they do in this day and age.

At the end of the day, I dont care what people say, if you initiate enough dates you will run into a flake now and then. How you handle it is the only thing you can control.

This past week a chick reached out on snapchat. I posted a pic, she responded to it. She also reminded me that we "never got that drink" that we talked about 1.5 yrs ago. Back then we talked about grabbing a drink. Long story short, it ended up being more chit chat than planning to get together and I bounced. More work than it seemed to be worth. She is either 25 or 26 years old, 5'7 and very attractive. Grad degree in education (she is a teacher).

So anyways, I took the bait on the "we never got together for that drink". So I responded back with:
Me: Well thats a bummer. At least we tried a year ago
Her: We tried? Thats it?
Me: Maybe we will have to make up that drink offer soon
Her: Where would you take me?
Me: Either such and such place or my house......no driving that way
Her: Well I am not the stay over type if that is what you're referring to....maybe this is why we didnt get that drink before
Me: I wasnt referring to come over for a booty call.
Her: Well it would be cool if you took me out on a real date
Me: I am going to such and such place Saturday evening. They have live music at 9. Let me know if you can get free
Her: Ok sounds good. I should be able to go Saturday evening.
Me: See you then

Saturday:
Me: How does 8pm work?
She didnt respond back.

Last night:
Her: Hey I'm sorry. Got tied up with my sister's wedding shower all weekend

This morning:
Me: No worries. I am beginning to think I know the answer to why we never grabbed that drink in the first place
Her: Why is that
Me: Because you are flaky and I dont mess with flaky chicks. We can still be friends when I see you at the gym though.
Her- No response

Thats it. I didnt get a response back although she read it this morning. And that will be the end of it.

You guys need to understand that you cant control other people's decisions, emotions or outcomes based on other people's actions. It is what it is.

What you can control is how you react to other people's actions.

Always always always stay cool and never show a reaction. My experience has taught me that you will never bang a chick after a flake if you show a poor reaction. Ever. As in 0% conversion rate.

My experience has shown me that handling it in a care free way may draw their attention to you when you pull back.

My experience has definitely taught me that I really dont care either way, there are many more women around the next corner.

Its imperative that you handle yourself with total control and not let these chicks get under your skin. That alone will leave a bad taste in your mouth and make you a jaded individual and burn yourself out on chicks altogether.

Flaky women never change. She was flaky 1.5 years ago and guess what? Still a fukin flake. What a surprise.

I personally would have ignored her excuse text or just said "all good," then deleted her number. If she ever hit me up again I would only go for a date at my place, AND double-book it with another chick.

 

[Roober]

I think men get upset because of feminism. An equal playing field would assume they are virtually the same. In reality, generally a man's word holds weight. Most decent men are very insistent on keeping their word, sort of like a code of his honor, or an unwritten rule

Women, on the other hand, have no such need to keep their word because what they say only applies the moment they said it. This ties into the way men and women communicate. Women talk to organize their feelings, men talk for purpose or action.

 

[scarface701]

I have a tough time with flakes.... bc I’ve ended up banging most of them.

For example i had a chick I worked with that we always got a long well during the week at work. Most of the time if I asked her in person to come over after work... she would. Almost never flaked. Then if I tried to plan something on a weekend she’d flake almost every time. I found out later that she had a BF and weekends were her time with him. Basically I was her weekday guy and he was her weekend guy. After banging her and then finding all this out we parted ways. Mainly bc I wasn’t into the lying.

I had another woman that flaked pretty regularly... always an excuse... tired after work, kids, it was always something. I just didn’t let it get to me. I’d hit her up about once a week... just asking if she wanted to hang out. Eventually she came over and wanted to bang.
Both of them were not marriage material but both were 10s.
So IMO... just don’t let it bother you. Make fun of them for flaking and just keep at it. Check in playfully every 1-2 weeks and if they’re interested it will happen.

 

[user252009]

All about abundance mentality, a man should always have other girls in his rotation.

Never put all your eggs in one basket.

And here I am, can't even get a single ****ing date and been single for 3 years