I fu*ked up......Need some advice

[Meisterman]

So I was talking to a plate on Thursday who I've been seeing for a while and she said she was free both Friday and Saturday. I told her we would chill Friday if I had nothing going on, and if not then Saturday. She had already planned having some girl friends over to drink on Friday and she said I could bring friends too, but I didn't really want it to be a group outing. She said she would be alone Saturday. I was also planning on seeing another chick Friday who may be a plate in the future.

So on Friday she texts me "Hey when are you coming over? We're getting booze now!" and I reply that I'm already downtown and been drinking/smoking with some friends so I'm just gonna chill here tonight, and I asked her as a follow up if she's still up to chill Saturday.

I guess she didn't like that response. She completely ignored it. It was a real curveball out of left field because just days before she was complaining to me about ignoring a text and saying it's rude etc. even though I never got it she said she sent it. So for her to play that game now was really something else.

Then my date for Friday flaked, so it turned 2 potential outings into 0 and overall just a disaster.

Then today I caved in around 9 p.m. texting the first girl "What's up?" Thinking she was just gaming me waiting for me to text first. Today was the only night her roommate was out of town, and I'm going down state for the holidays in a couple days. So I figure this was my last chance to bang her for a long time.

And on top of that she's leaving in mid December for London when the semester ends, because she was studying abroad here in the U.S. So I felt like now was the best opportunity there ever would be (even though we already banged multiple times). And I took a chance I usually wouldn't do.

She ignored the text again. So now I lost 2 plates (maybe permanently), 2 dates, and a decent chunk of self respect by sending that last text.

I know I shouldn't have done it. I knew it then too. It was just my mind was going nuts, thinking about how it's now or never and may as well take a shot while I still can. I figured if I failed at least I can move on without a second thought instead of worrying for days about when to next contact her or play this little ring around the Rosie type bullsh*t games she likes to play.

So there ya have it. As soon as I knew she wouldn't reply I deleted her number and text log. Six weeks just like that. No looking back. It sucks and we live right next to each other.

Given the circumstances, do you think I fu*ked up by sending that last text? Is there anything whatsoever salvageable from this situation? As I said, 2 days ago she was all over me, then when I sent her a text canceling plans she got pissed off and stopped replying. Then I went beta by hitting her up again tonight. I know at some point she had strong feelings and attachment, saw me more than just a fu*k buddy. But now that she's ice cold I'm not sure if she'll reach out again or is just playing games.

 

[pyros]

So I was talking to a plate on Thursday who I've been seeing for a while and she said she was free both Friday and Saturday. I told her we would chill Friday if I had nothing going on, and if not then Saturday. She had already planned having some girl friends over to drink on Friday and she said I could bring friends too, but I didn't really want it to be a group outing. She said she would be alone Saturday. I was also planning on seeing another chick Friday who may be a plate in the future.

So on Friday she texts me "Hey when are you coming over? We're getting booze now!" and I reply that I'm already downtown and been drinking/smoking with some friends so I'm just gonna chill here tonight, and I asked her as a follow up if she's still up to chill Saturday.

I guess she didn't like that response. She completely ignored it. It was a real curveball out of left field because just days before she was complaining to me about ignoring a text and saying it's rude etc. even though I never got it she said she sent it. So for her to play that game now was really something else.

Then my date for Friday flaked, so it turned 2 potential outings into 0 and overall just a disaster.

Then today I caved in around 9 p.m. texting the first girl "What's up?" Thinking she was just gaming me waiting for me to text first. Today was the only night her roommate was out of town, and I'm going down state for the holidays in a couple days. So I figure this was my last chance to bang her for a long time.

And on top of that she's leaving in mid December for London when the semester ends, because she was studying abroad here in the U.S. So I felt like now was the best opportunity there ever would be (even though we already banged multiple times). And I took a chance I usually wouldn't do.

She ignored the text again. So now I lost 2 plates (maybe permanently), 2 dates, and a decent chunk of self respect by sending that last text.

I know I shouldn't have done it. I knew it then too. It was just my mind was going nuts, thinking about how it's now or never and may as well take a shot while I still can. I figured if I failed at least I can move on without a second thought instead of worrying for days about when to next contact her or play this little ring around the Rosie type bullsh*t games she likes to play.

So there ya have it. As soon as I knew she wouldn't reply I deleted her number and text log. Six weeks just like that. No looking back. It sucks and we live right next to each other.

Given the circumstances, do you think I fu*ked up by sending that last text? Is there anything whatsoever salvageable from this situation? As I said, 2 days ago she was all over me, then when I sent her a text canceling plans she got pissed off and stopped replying. Then I went beta by hitting her up again tonight. I know at some point she had strong feelings and attachment, saw me more than just a fu*k buddy. But now that she's ice cold I'm not sure if she'll reach out again or is just playing games.

so she's drunk and wants to see you...but you say that you're with your buddies and prefer to stay with them, great...WTF??
You could've probably f-ucked her.

It seems you've been playiny the 'aloof, distant, alpha (??)' game. Well, guess what, sometimes girls get angry and loose interest because of that attitude. It happened to me a couple of times. You dont want to seem 'beta' you you end up looking too cold and uninterested, so they get turned off.

If you like a girl, and she likes you...ITS OK TO SHOW IT, to text, to call, to arrange dates etc. Then only thing you have to avoid is to become too annoying, or too over-eager, but showing interest in a normal way its the way to go. Forget about the 'alpha' aloof attitude, and just contact her in a normal way and do not become obssessed and over-eager, it's that simple.

Now, she's ignoring you, I see. What can you do? not much. You can text her TO ASK HER OUT, but it seems she's upset and has low interest so she's gonna probably turn you down, but no harm in asking her out and if nothing happens you forget about her.

 

[Meisterman]

pyros,

You could've probably f-ucked her.

Her apartment is really small. Her flatmate is her best friend, and she had a few other friends over as well. There were no other rooms to fu*k in because she has her mattress out in the main room for some reason, and with a number of other friends over in this tiny, condensed area. Not to mention she wanted me to bring my friends too. So 10+ ppl in 1 medium sized room? Not gonna happen.

My logic was I would hold off on Friday, and go see her Saturday when it's just us 2 and then fu*k her. Seemed to make the most sense to me given the circumstances.

If you like a girl, and she likes you...ITS OK TO SHOW IT, to text, to call, to arrange dates etc.

Yes, and that is exactly why I double texted her tonight asking what's up. I realized I was being a bit cold and I felt I had gained enough leverage to afford a second text. But clearly she's pissed off and/or gaming me because it didn't work and she ignored it, again. So basically it backfired. And I regret doing it. I should have said nothing.


Then the only thing you have to avoid is to become too annoying, or too over-eager, but showing interest in a normal way its the way to go. Forget about the 'alpha' aloof attitude, and just contact her in a normal way and do not become obssessed and over-eager, it's that simple.

Again, that's what I tried to do.

You can text her

Umm I just did? You mean again? Not gonna happen.


no harm in asking her out and if nothing happens you forget about her.

That's essentially what I did last night. She knows "what's up" means wanna chill/fu*k. I don't text her unless I want to see her. Plus we already planned 2 days prior to hanging out Saturday, so that's why I tried it.

Am I about to triple text her/ask her out again? Fu*k no! Gonna save any ounce of self respect I have left, whatever that may be. Balls in her court & I'm already moving on.

 

[pyros]

yeah well, if she ignored you twice, send her to the curb.

 

[Rainman4707]

so she's drunk and wants to see you...but you say that you're with your buddies and prefer to stay with them, great...WTF??
You could've probably f-ucked her.

I think you're over reacting. He had already fu*ked her so, so fuc*ing what if he wants time with his friends drinking" I don't think it's a big deal.

@meisterman Yeah you lost some power sending that second text, but hell if she ain't interested after that concentrate on other girls

I was reading an interesting point on these boards yesterday about don juans being to scared of losing plates < I think he might be right. I include myself in that. We think we have something good going & are to scared of losing it. Maybe it's time to change that mentality..i know I'm considering it.

Meistermann give it a few weeks..i think she'll be in touch. Do not contact her

 

[Heisenberg]

It was a real curveball out of left field

A curveball thrown from left field really would be a surprise.

One baseball analogy at a time!

Re: your actual problem: who cares? Were these the last two girls in the world or something? You mentioned you lost a chunk of self respect. How? Did she somehow physically take it? I'm no scientist, but I don't think that's possible. You only feel like you lost self respect because that's what you've told yourself. I just remembered, I am a scientist: and I assure you that the amount of self respect in you has neither increased or decreased since this incident. Shrug it off, take it as a lesson. We can only learn from mistakes by making them first. I've got my self respect meter in front of me here - and it appears that by recognizing a mistake you can actually feel happier and more confident knowing that your game with the next girl is going to be even better. Your self respect readings are through the roof!

 

[Meisterman]

A curveball thrown from left field really would be a surprise.

One baseball analogy at a time!

Re: your actual problem: who cares? Were these the last two girls in the world or something? You mentioned you lost a chunk of self respect. How? Did she somehow physically take it? I'm no scientist, but I don't think that's possible. You only feel like you lost self respect because that's what you've told yourself. I just remembered, I am a scientist: and I assure you that the amount of self respect in you has neither increased or decreased since this incident. Shrug it off, take it as a lesson. We can only learn from mistakes by making them first. I've got my self respect meter in front of me here - and it appears that by recognizing a mistake you can actually feel happier and more confident knowing that your game with the next girl is going to be even better. Your self respect readings are through the roof!

Well since this thread got bumped I may as well add that on Sunday she texted me saying "Hey sorry I was at a party last night that I promised my friends I'd go to." And I just said "it's all good", and haven't contacted her since. Then again I won't be in town near her for a couple more days anyway because of thanksgiving. But I don't plan on contacting her at all and I'll leave the ball in her court. But the fact she replied at all leads me to believe some interest is still there. I think if I keep my cool she'll reach out first.

 

[Dhoulmagus]

I lost a major plate too, sucks man

 

[astrn]

I think you handled it pretty good. For my POV the problem in here is the girl itself. Some girls are not responsive whatever you did or not. Maybe she didnt liked u that much or simply wanted a temp ego boost by playing.

Nowadays I am only aiming high interested girls in me. I am not trying to build a interest from scratch. It has to be there already. Yeah its rare to find one maybe 1-2 in every few months but it is much more effective way. By that way I am not overthinking the situations. Because I already know that girl has high IL. Maybe the reason is I am mostly focusing on LTR than one night stand or bangbuddy...

 

[stevo]

You didn't do anything wrong bro, of course double texting is like a sin but it's better to double text (once in a year) to clear your DJ mind (not to satisfy an uprising AFC) than drowning in what ifs. It's what you want to do really not what she wants you to do.

From this point, be cool with it. People get used to stuff. If she gets used to you running over at her beck and call or you leaving the friends you'd rather be with just to go see her then you'd almost regret that later.

Leave her be, if she wants good dikcing she knows where to go and if she's fine without, you're even better without.

Do what makes you happy bro.

Edit: one thing is you didn't make concrete plan if you'd see her for sure Friday or not and she didn't know you'd rather do Saturday than Friday. Maybe clarify next time? More definite plans and keep to it.