"She's Out of Your League"

You've said it a hundred times. Maybe a thousand. And every time you say it, you train your brain to freeze the next time she walks into the room.

Leagues are a myth invented by guys who are scared of women.

She's a person. She has bad breath in the morning. She picks songs she can't sing in the shower. She overthinks her own texts.

Walk over. Say something. The league dissolves the second you open your mouth.

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I freak out when a girl gets overtly sexual with me; how do I change my nervousness?

Vice

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Whenever I'm with a girl and she makes some kind overt comment that's sexual (i.e. I ask her what there's to do in town, and she replies with "Well, there's me, and then the mall...") I tend to get kind of freaked out and nervous. I'm not used to females saying those kinds of things. And no, I'm not a virgin.

I was going to ask how to best react to the situation, but here's a question I believe will fix the issue much better:

How can I transfer my nervous energy into confidence so I can handle the situation next time it comes back up?
 
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"She Liked You in March. It's October Now."

Attraction runs on a clock.

She flirted for weeks. Touched your arm. Found reasons to be alone with you. And you were careful. Respectful. Waiting for the right moment.

The moment had a shelf life. It expired around month two, and by the time you asked her out, she'd quietly filed you under "little brother."

One of the hardest lessons inside the 22 Rules: women rarely wait. Interest either grows or it decays, and nothing decays it faster than a man who never moves.

Make the move while she's still inventing reasons to be near you.

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sosocool

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Let me get this straight. You get nervous whenever girls hint at sex. You said you're not used to it. I'm guessing these sorts of things don't happen all the time in your life. That's why you get nervous and don't know what to do whenever they do happen. Now, what you want to know is a technique or method you can use to channel this nervous energy into a positive energy such as confidence - energy that's productive not counter-productive like your nervousness.

Well, let's talk about what happened with this girl and why you think it happened. You said "Whenever I'm with a girl and she makes some kind overt comment that's sexual" so I'm guessing this happened more than once. Who are these girls? And how do you know them?
 

Interceptor

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You have to get over your issue with sexuality.

You also have to let go of being intimidated with sexually aggressive women.


You must eventually learn how to enjoy a woman's sexuality and let her share it with you.

Whats so bad about a woman sharing her sexuality with you?

What are the negative aspects that come up when this happens to you?

What makes you so uptight about sexuality?
Sex is normal and healthy. A woman sharing her sexy side with you is fun and exciting.
Learn how to be comfortable with your own sexuality and desire for women.
Be comfortable with your manhood, and with femeninity, and that women DO want to have lots of Sex. And its a GOOD thing if they want to have it with YOU.
Women have sexual desires. Thats not dirty or nasty, they just do.
Women sometimes feel repressed about it though.
Women do have a right to be sexual and have great sex.
Women can be pretty grateful when they can be so relaxed and free about their sexuality.

What kind of perceptions have you formed about women and their expression of sexuality? Are you perhaps a little judgemental? Are you perhaps a little embarassed or ashamed of your own sexual desires?
Do you feel intimidated and inadequate in pleasing a woman who may be sexually aggressive?


Look over the beliefs youve grown up with about women and sexuality, and then be honest about them.
Realize that ultimately, being uncomfortable with women sexually and sexuality in general, and feeling uptight about it is UNHEALTHY and not 'normal', and certainly not very masculine.
So give yourself a reality check and realize that this is not a good future, and you better do something about it now.

Good luck.
 

Vice

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Thank you, Interceptor. I wrote down parts of your post in my journal, and I'm going to answer those questions tonight during class breaks and then transfer them back to the thread. However, there's one question you asked I must answer right away:

Do you feel intimidated and inadequate in pleasing a woman who may be sexually aggressive?


Hell to the freakin' no. I am FULLY confident that I can fully please ANY woman, given enough time.
 

radiodude

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Vice said:
Thank you, Interceptor. I wrote down parts of your post in my journal, and I'm going to answer those questions tonight during class breaks and then transfer them back to the thread. However, there's one question you asked I must answer right away:

Do you feel intimidated and inadequate in pleasing a woman who may be sexually aggressive?


Hell to the freakin' no. I am FULLY confident that I can fully please ANY woman, given enough time.

I think you are intimidated but I don't think you realize it yet. I'm not trying to down you here, I'm trying to encourage so stick with me.

If you were completely comfortable about all this, you wouldn't have posted in the first place.

Her aggressiveness challenges you and you feel inadequate about something. It trips a trigger and something starts fluttering in your brain that sends you into a spin.

This is all mental. You can easily get over it. You need to see it as a much deserved invitation to YOU. She is openly explaining to you she would like you to be sexual with her.

She has chosen you to share that with my friend. She wants you to know you can feel 'safe' with her and receive pleasure without shame. She is willing and wants to receive you. (literally and figuratively)

You need to accept that and enjoy it. It makes her feel good about herself and she wants you to feel good about yourself.

:up:
 

"I just moved here from Florida."

That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?

She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."

She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.

I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.

Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.

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Sandow

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Mind over matter. You have to believe that you're the best thing a women can ever have. Ingrain that in your head. Once you do, all your anxiety will go away. Think and you shall become.
 

#41

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Interceptor said:
You have to get over your issue with sexuality.

You also have to let go of being intimidated with sexually aggressive women
Usually it isn't intimidation --more like surprise at the attitude and a nagging sensation at the back of my mind that sounds something like "There's no way she's serious..."
 

Poonani Maker

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What bothers me is when she "gets sexual" or says something sexual with me in public. In private she can say all she wants and I'll respond sexually, but I guess that women "feel safe" saying it in public, in front of others, in front of complete strangers.
 

Vice

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What's so bad about a woman sharing her sexuality with you?

There's nothing bad with a woman sharing her sexuality with me, it's just that I sometimes don't expect it when it's brought up. I think I feel that sometimes it's not the appropriate time to bring it up.

What are the negative aspects that come up whe.n this happens to you?

I don't know if there ARE any negative aspects that I can pinpoint.

What makes you so uptight about sexuality?

I don't know, I don't like talking about it, I'd rather have her experience it for herself. I don't think my problem me be talking about it, it may be me not being prepared or used to having females make sexual advances towards me. It's as if we're swapping roles, where she makes the moves. It's as if I'm not being masculine. I prefer taking my time and initiating the sexual topics/actions myself at my own pace, instead of hers. I also tend to tense up if a female gets into my personal "bubble", and I've actually had them tell me that they knew I was tense, and to calm down.

What kind of perceptions do you have about women and their expression of sexuality?

My perceptions of women and their sexuality expressions is that they're not supposed to express them too early, and to take it as a possible warning sign if they do.

Are you perhaps a little judgemental?

Yes, I am indeed judgemental. I guess it's kind of a filter, because my perception about it is that women who talk about it too early are... sluts.

Are you perhaps a little embarassed or ashamed of your sexual desires?

Embarassed might be it. But not really. I suppose I'm still trying to grasp my own sexuality and desires. I'm only 18, and I lost my virginity about a year ago.

Look a the beliefs you've grown up with about women and sexuality, and then be honest about them.

I really wasn't taught any. My parents never really talked about females with me. My family really doesn't express emotions that much, and that's caused me to suppress myself. I remember always being shy about my music and turning it off if my dad walked into my room.

I also tense up when I'm in close proximity to a female, and by close proximity I mean intimacy. I tend to be hesitant when I get this weird feeling inside of me, the flight feeling that you get when you're in danger. I want to run away. Every time a female tells me that I'm sexy or shows any kind of romantic/sexual interest, I'll sabotage it by ignoring her or avoiding her.

I remember one case in particular. I was in middle school, and I was at youth group, and there was this really cute girl that I had never seen before, and I kept looking at her and smiling and blushing, and everyone knew I liked her. So after youth group, she tried talking to me, and I remember ACTUALLY running away from her, and hiding in my dads van while she stood outside trying to get me to come out!

Another time I was in High School and I was out riding my bike late at night, and these two girls from my school ran into me, and we talked. They liked how I smelled, and were obviously interested in me. I rode away.

Another time, again in high school, this girl ASKED me to kiss her, and I didn't want to just because she asked me to.

And another time, I had a hot Ukranian girl ask me to kiss her when I was visiting my family in Ukraine, and again, I turned her down for no reason. Even though I wanted to.

Another more recent example is when I was on campus and walked by a group of people, about four guys and three girls. One called out "I love your jeans, I have them too!" and I just kept walking.

What is going on?
 

Poonani Maker

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Hey Vice, I'm 33 years old, and I have the same problem currently. Women are just different today. There are less and less ladies, and more and more tomboys, and, idk, openly horny girls.
 

"She Laughed All Night. Then She Ghosted You. Here's Why."

Dinner ran three hours. She laughed at everything. You walked her to her car thinking this one's locked in.

Then: nothing. Two texts. No reply. What happened?

You did what most men do on a great date. You filled every silence, answered every question, and left her with nothing to wonder about. No mystery. Nothing to sit with when she got home.

Rule 3 of the "22 Rules" changes the ending: tell her a little, hold back the rest, and let her imagination do the chasing. The ghosting stops too.

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Allurre

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if a girl ever teases you like that, or tries to send your testosterone shooting the roof, just calm yourself down mentally and PLAY along.

I would've asked her ...

"So, what about you is so interesting"?

"There's YOU huh? What else am I missing out on ?"

Pass the ball back to her, and keep her spilling the goods, but don't drag on as the novelty dies down.

You can always redirect the topic.

Don't stress out, it's all just talk. Neither should you "freak out" when it comes to really getting it on.
 
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