What's so bad about a woman sharing her sexuality with you?
There's nothing bad with a woman sharing her sexuality with me, it's just that I sometimes don't expect it when it's brought up. I think I feel that sometimes it's not the appropriate time to bring it up.
What are the negative aspects that come up whe.n this happens to you?
I don't know if there ARE any negative aspects that I can pinpoint.
What makes you so uptight about sexuality?
I don't know, I don't like talking about it, I'd rather have her experience it for herself. I don't think my problem me be talking about it, it may be me not being prepared or used to having females make sexual advances towards me. It's as if we're swapping roles, where she makes the moves. It's as if I'm not being masculine. I prefer taking my time and initiating the sexual topics/actions myself at my own pace, instead of hers. I also tend to tense up if a female gets into my personal "bubble", and I've actually had them tell me that they knew I was tense, and to calm down.
What kind of perceptions do you have about women and their expression of sexuality?
My perceptions of women and their sexuality expressions is that they're not supposed to express them too early, and to take it as a possible warning sign if they do.
Are you perhaps a little judgemental?
Yes, I am indeed judgemental. I guess it's kind of a filter, because my perception about it is that women who talk about it too early are... sluts.
Are you perhaps a little embarassed or ashamed of your sexual desires?
Embarassed might be it. But not really. I suppose I'm still trying to grasp my own sexuality and desires. I'm only 18, and I lost my virginity about a year ago.
Look a the beliefs you've grown up with about women and sexuality, and then be honest about them.
I really wasn't taught any. My parents never really talked about females with me. My family really doesn't express emotions that much, and that's caused me to suppress myself. I remember always being shy about my music and turning it off if my dad walked into my room.
I also tense up when I'm in close proximity to a female, and by close proximity I mean intimacy. I tend to be hesitant when I get this weird feeling inside of me, the flight feeling that you get when you're in danger. I want to run away. Every time a female tells me that I'm sexy or shows any kind of romantic/sexual interest, I'll sabotage it by ignoring her or avoiding her.
I remember one case in particular. I was in middle school, and I was at youth group, and there was this really cute girl that I had never seen before, and I kept looking at her and smiling and blushing, and everyone knew I liked her. So after youth group, she tried talking to me, and I remember ACTUALLY running away from her, and hiding in my dads van while she stood outside trying to get me to come out!
Another time I was in High School and I was out riding my bike late at night, and these two girls from my school ran into me, and we talked. They liked how I smelled, and were obviously interested in me. I rode away.
Another time, again in high school, this girl ASKED me to kiss her, and I didn't want to just because she asked me to.
And another time, I had a hot Ukranian girl ask me to kiss her when I was visiting my family in Ukraine, and again, I turned her down for no reason. Even though I wanted to.
Another more recent example is when I was on campus and walked by a group of people, about four guys and three girls. One called out "I love your jeans, I have them too!" and I just kept walking.
What is going on?
