I feel sexually deprived/repressed,and it is affecting me in many ways....

[CapedCrusader08]

I am increasingly bitter over this problem. Have been for some time. My only release is porn, and I am trying to stop that. I don't know if this is caused more by a depression/low self esteem,or a lazyness. This has been a problem for a long time,to the point where I don't know how to fix it. I need some help/suggestions please. I mean, I watch stuff like this: http://www.mtv.com/overdrive/?vid=280651 and think wtf?!?! what is wrong with me?!?! I mean seriously, I wake up every day feeling like ****.

 

[DonGorgon]

I am increasingly bitter over this problem. Have been for some time. My only release is porn, and I am trying to stop that. I don't know if this is caused more by a depression/low self esteem,or a lazyness. This has been a problem for a long time,to the point where I don't know how to fix it. I need some help/suggestions please. I mean, I watch stuff like this: http://www.mtv.com/overdrive/?vid=280651 and think wtf?!?! what is wrong with me?!?! I mean seriously, I wake up every day feeling like ****.

Welcome to the life of the average male... YEH YOU NEED TO DEVELOPE POSITIVE SELF MOTIVATION TECHNIQUES cause only you can help yourself , no one else really cares when ur a "looser" most people are only concerned about winners...

There are some starting points:

1. Looks - you must look good and dress well all the time.
2. Activity - you must be active and social
3. Positive - you have o learn to think and feel positive as those vibes will influence others to like you..
4. Faith - choose something to believe in even if its just yourself, a life without faith is truly empty..

That advice i just gave is not something i always follow myself...

I am in a slump right now and i know why.. i am not happy with many aspects of my life and lack the drive to keep playing the game.. I am looking for a companion but am in a cycle of meeting women who are club hos only good for an F... THey have many men and do not take anything seriously so it goes nowhere... So i do know how you feel.. I hope things improve for us...

 

[Mavrick]

Are you trying? What have you done so far? Do you approach women? How many have you approached?

Do you go out? Do you have friends to go out with? Going out with friends helps your confidence when you're out.

That guy on that show looks wild and fun, and that's what girls like. He doesn't seem to pedestal women either. He knows he can find a woman when he wants so he doesn't have to pedestal them. Are you fun or do you mope around?

 

[CapedCrusader08]

That's it. I have this negative reaction to anything positive almost. Like any sort of compliments or praise,It's like I want to tell the person to stfu. I know sex is not the key to happyness,but maybe,idk,due to looking at too much porn,or the way things are in the world, I feel I should be getting more and more. Know what I mean?

As for looks,maybe not before,but now,I think I have developed an insecurity over them. I mean,that's what kills me, I could have made this change along time ago,and become this person I want to be. As for social activity,it's on the low side for me.

Am I trying? Well,sort of. I mean, I really should not have any approach anxiety,cause I work at a retail job,I approach several people per day,hundreds per week,and yeah,like in a club,you get rejected some times. Does it affect me when it happens at work? No. So you see where I am going with this.

No,I really don't have many freinds to go out with. There are some people I probably could,and I have gone out before,but everyone's schedule is different. I can be fun,but tend to mope around. As for women,I see them in a negative light to tell you the truth. Not going to get into that now. I mean,maybe I see things unrealistically. I see everyone else as being more confident and happy with there lives. I also feel,due to low self esteem,and probably things I have done before,that I will be seen as "that guy" who'm girls won't go out with cause of something there stupid freinds say.

 

[Forty0ztoFreedom]

Well first, a disclaimer. I am not out of the woods yet but I feel a LOT better lately. I'm no DJ yet but I am confident that I am on my way, so maybe I can help.

I felt like you for a long time. Felt like I didn't remember what it felt like to be happy. I would have to think back to times where I felt good and be like "Oh yeah . . I remember that." Went a year going through horrible OCD sh*t, hypochondria, existentialism, depression, panic attacks, the works.

I'll list things I've been doing over the last several months that have led to me feeling generally better, and on my way to being happy/DJ.

-Started exercising regularly
-Eating better
-Stopped watching porn except for VERY occasionally (I think this could be your answer .. porn isnt as harmless as we'd all like to think. It can be bad for your mind, and could escalate your fantasies to weird sh*t and leave you feeling guilty and ashamed)
- Cut down on masturbation (feel more control over the sexual urges)
- Started a passion of mine that I gave up (drawing)
- DJ BIBLE (this has done wonders)
- Keep busy, goal-oriented, took control of my own life

Basically, like in Pook's posts, I started on a path away from the womb. Instead of waiting for stuff to happen, or people to come along and make me feel better or validate me, I took control. Its hard as fvck sometimes but its SO worth it, even in the short amount of time its been.

I don't know if that helps but its helped me. Everything is better now. For example:

On Sunday my jaw locked open. Seriously, happened before too. Normally I would freak out, panic, go down the "Why Me??" road (counter-productive thinking) before finally getting the courage to go to the ER ("Can't believe I have to go through this again! What kind of jaw is this? WTF is wrong with me?? It NEVER ends! Fvcking HATE life! Bla bla bla"). After the general changes I've made to myself and how I think, it wasn't even a big deal. This time, I immediately called a friend to take me to the ER to get it all over with. It had to be done. I was joking around with nurses, checking them out, smiling, laughing . . in the ER with my jaw jammed open! Its all about how you think of things.

I don't even feel like it was a bad experience.

Like I said, not out of the woods yet. Some days I still feel like crap and all AFC about things. But I am getting better. I know I am.

 

[CapedCrusader08]

In all honesty,this is a concern of,mm,genetic matters,reproducing,finding a lifelong partner,etc.

 

[Maxtro]

I feel the exact same way. But for me it seems extra difficult. First off I haven't gotten laid since January of 06 and she was a hooker. I haven't even kissed a girl since the summer of 04. That was the only girl I've ever dated/made out with.

I go to a college where I'm completely surrounded by women. But I'm completely crushed because I "know" I can't get any of them. I jerk off making scenarios about the girls in my classes and work, that I talk to almost everyday. I should be fucking these girls but deep down I know I never will. I don't know if I'll ever have sex with a real girl, by real I mean not payed for.

I'm not a bad looking dude, but I'm not that good looking and I'm short, only 5'6. I don't have what it takes to attract girls physically. My personality is the kind that can make casual friendships with girls, but it doesn't get them in bed with me.

The fact that I'm almost 30 and have never had a girlfriend and the only reason I'm not a virgin is because I've been with hookers, scares me shitless.

I honestly don't know what's wrong with me or how to change it.

 

[CapedCrusader08]

Hmm,only been with 2 girls,non hookers,no no,not a 3some haha,and have4nt had sex since 06. I know that feeling of not being able to get any of them. I just feel shut off. I feel this may be a self imposed behavior,and although wanting to get out of it, I keep doing things to reinforce it. Like not getting to where I want to go. I def do not want just casual freindships, and yes, I to am looking for that "special personality factor" as you describe. The physical thing,that's what I could have changed long ago.

 

[DJVladdy]

Thx for making ME feel better about myself in comparison to you and a couple of other guys in this thread. Always puts a smile on my face.

 

[CapedCrusader08]

Glad I/We could help. It's always nice to be someone's emotional idk,sponge?

Or is it messed up that you need to compare yourself to other's to make you feel better about yourself?

 

[Maxtro]

Yeah there really isn't any point to casual friendships. If she won't have sex with you, then she might as well be a guy.

But yes, the "special personality factor" is the most important thing when it comes to women. Guys who haven't had a lot of success with women, don't have that factor. As we time passed and we get older we go further into the hole.

 

[CapedCrusader08]

Well,how does one get it? Change of attitude/outlook? Which is hard for me, see,I am making excuses already,due to this depression or this isolation or this holding onto something,i.e baggage I guess. I mean,what is the factor? The ability to light up a room? The genuineness? I mean,say what you want,but look at the guy's on the pua,that's a good example. Idk,perhaps I am a bit more reserved,or average. I mean,where are the girls like me who just don't give a fuk? Or someone who wants the same as me?

So it all comes with success with women? What if you can't stand women,but still just want to bang them? I think that may be my problem....

 

[Maxtro]

You can't stand women? That's definately a problem.

Me, I love women. There is nothing I enjoy more than spending time and having fun with them. I've made nothing but chick friends since I moved to SoCal. But I haven't had sex with any of them.

There is definitely a difference between being able to make friends with them then to have sex with them.

My theory is that depression can affect the energy/aura you are giving off. If you have been depressed a long time, it affects you deeply and you don't give off the attractive vibe. Also you take far less risks because you don't think you would succeed. I'm at the point where I think failure is guaranteed.

Yes the answer is success with women. I strongly believe that once I start having regular sex with a girl(s) my personality and outlook on life will completely change.

The only problem is the catch 22. "I will be happy after I get a girl. I need to be happy to get a girl."

 

[tsmith2334]

Caped Crusader, how old are you?

And how experienced are you with women up until this point? Ever made out with a girl? Kissed? Held hands? Had sex?

These two things will help me "diagnose" the problem... because I'm pretty sure I can help based on my own experience and theories... and you won't see them anywhere else

 

[Maxtro]

Caped PMed me and he has hit the 10 post limit. A few posts up he said he's been with 2 girls. So he's better off than I am. But battling for last isn't a worthwhile accomplishment. I think we pretty much have the same problem.

I would like to hear your theories tsmith. I volunteer myself as a test subject.

I've held hands, and made out with one girl. Never had sex with her. The only sexual thing we've done is she gave me unfinished handjobs. The sad part was that she was about twice as heavy as I was. The only reason we got anywhere was because she came on to me and I was too desperate to resist. We were only "together" for two weeks. I have yet to get as close to another girl as I have with her.

 

[Nygard]

very negative? Why dont you try lookign back at how your family was/is?
In my case, I found out my grandfather was so cranky that there was only one time where they could take a pic of him smiling, in his whole life. My great-grandparent supposendly only smiled like 3 times in his whole life, I have an uncle who's 100% antisocial(knows nobody at all and never goes out of the house) and an aunt of mine doesnt wanna live past her 50s. Depressive tendences are sometimes hereditary and I'm doing my best to escape it, by meds and my own work.

It's your take, ask a psychologist or chill out.

 

[Solomon]

Welcome to the life of the average male... YEH YOU NEED TO DEVELOPE POSITIVE SELF MOTIVATION TECHNIQUES cause only you can help yourself , no one else really cares when ur a "looser" most people are only concerned about winners...

There are some starting points:

1. Looks - you must look good and dress well all the time.
2. Activity - you must be active and social
3. Positive - you have o learn to think and feel positive as those vibes will influence others to like you..
4. Faith - choose something to believe in even if its just yourself, a life without faith is truly empty..

That advice i just gave is not something i always follow myself...

I am in a slump right now and i know why.. i am not happy with many aspects of my life and lack the drive to keep playing the game.. I am looking for a companion but am in a cycle of meeting women who are club hos only good for an F... THey have many men and do not take anything seriously so it goes nowhere... So i do know how you feel.. I hope things improve for us...

This guy DOn G is speaking truth (as usual) I'm in the same slump as he but part of my slump is $$$, hence I got another job and now i'm doing 16 hours a day 3 days a week (it blows) yeah its killed my social life, but getting these bills paid and money>>>>>>some broad who looks half decent and spends my money

and oh smile

 

[tsmith2334]

Caped PMed me and he has hit the 10 post limit. A few posts up he said he's been with 2 girls. So he's better off than I am. But battling for last isn't a worthwhile accomplishment. I think we pretty much have the same problem.

I would like to hear your theories tsmith. I volunteer myself as a test subject.

I've held hands, and made out with one girl. Never had sex with her. The only sexual thing we've done is she gave me unfinished handjobs. The sad part was that she was about twice as heavy as I was. The only reason we got anywhere was because she came on to me and I was too desperate to resist. We were only "together" for two weeks. I have yet to get as close to another girl as I have with her.

I'm going to bed in a few minutes but for tonight I will leave you with a link
to a thread I made the other day:

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=151592

^ that's the kind of stuff that goes through my head on a daily basis. I actually have a terrible history of depression and mental illness, but the keyword is history.

I choose not to live in the past and am exponentially better because of it. My first kiss came relatively late in life, at least where I'm from (age 18). Within a few months I was hooking up left and right. Since then I've hit several dry spells, but my confidence and feelings of self worth don't change accordingly.

I'm best at giving specific and direct pointers when a relationship is already in motion. I excel from the outside looking in. If you don't have any "plates" on the horizon, alot of the stuff I tell you might just be blanket advice to keep your head on straight. I've literally had a nervous breakdown and seen the depths of depression, so I know it is important to keep a smile on your face at all times and regardless of the environment around you.

If there's one "Don Juan" I recommend you take after, it would be the late Jim Henson. Yes, the man who created the Muppets. He said "I know I drive some people crazy with what seems to be ridiculous optimism, but it has always worked out for me."

He realized that he controls his own emotions and did everything in his power to not let them boggle him down at any point in his life. He was a Don Juan in every sense of the word; exceedingly rich, successful, likable, positive towards himself and others, and yes he did date models on regular basis (after he separated his wife).

What did good ol' Jim have that you don't? He wasn't strikingly handsome, born to a rich family, or breathtakingly intelligent... he just had a simple and uncanny knack to make bad situations okay and good situations better. Whenever I need inspiration I become exceedingly inspired by reading up on his life, achievements and quotes he has said.

Feel free to PM me or we can just talk here, specifically tell me any problem you're facing and I'll do my best to help you. Keep in mind, I make mistakes with women all the time too. I have trouble closing sometimes as well. We're here to help each other, so let's do just that.

 

[DonJuan11]

No,I really don't have many freinds to go out with. There are some people I probably could,and I have gone out before,but everyone's schedule is different. I can be fun,but tend to mope around. As for women,I see them in a negative light to tell you the truth. Not going to get into that now. I mean,maybe I see things unrealistically. I see everyone else as being more confident and happy with there lives. I also feel,due to low self esteem,and probably things I have done before,that I will be seen as "that guy" who'm girls won't go out with cause of something there stupid freinds say.

Why don't you have friends to go out with? That's a big thing.

You see women in a negative light because you expect them to feel sorry for you and depend on them for your happiness. You have to enjoy your life and women will be a byproduct of everything else you do.

Suppose you had the hottest girl right now in your living room and she wanted to have a relationship with you and have sex. You have amazing sex 5 days in a row. What are you going to do on the 6th day? Watch tv? Play computer games? Sit around and mope? Keep having sex? You have to have something in common other than the sex, otherwise she will get bored out of her mind and will leave you in 2 seconds. You have to keep her mind stimulated, keep learning, keep entertaining, keep travelling, keep making money, keep having fun. Otherwise, your life will pass you by and will regret not doing the things you could have done.

If you find yourself boring, what girl is going to get weak knees and find you exciting?

 

[CapedCrusader08]

That's just it. I feel I may have nothing else. Or,I think about sex too much. I mean,these problems go deeper. As in not even having a gf for years,and I know people who have been with someone for x amount of years and are already considering marriage/family. Maybe I do see myself as boring.

And why don't i have freinds? That has been somewhat a problem for me growing up,I mean,I could be a mean kid at times,and turned alot of people away. Some bad sheet happened. Then highschool happened. Yeah. But,as of now, I would say shyness/anxiety,and some severe trust issues. Plus, I have always tended to see people as followers,so perhaps I try to distance myself from that.