I failed to protect my heart yet again. Any tips?

[darksprezzatura]

I encountered a situation where I was spinning 4 plates.

Two of them crashed.

One of them asked to marry me, I ran to the hills.

Last of them was behaving really well - HB7 for months.

+++
1. Sex on the first date
2. Accepted most date schedules
3. Sub in bed, Great assets
4. Tall
5. Read good books
6. Followed my lead


----
1. She hinted she was possibly molested during her childhood.
2. Said she's depressed
3. Possibly promiscuous past
4. Slowly started to reschedule dates
5. Started giving weird excuses


Now I assumed she doesn't want to do anything with me anymore, but she didn't mind coming at a moment's call late night to give me head.

Yet she's still finicky about confirming plans during the day this week and has been saying stuff like depression or her work and stuff since.

Dread - Another guy, Low Interest keeps haunting me

I think with all these potential red flags, I shouldn't pursue this more or invest.

I told her I'll contact her after 2 weeks with plans to never do so. Deleted her off social media and messages.

NC - Day 1

Any advice? I can feel the beginning of oneitis creeping on me - working out regularly and eating well.

Thanks folks.

 

[DEEZEDBRAH]

Meditation. Check groups. Approach more. Be selective.

 

[Soldier King]

This post has too much of a misleading title.

You don't know what heartbroken is. Heartbroken is loving one girl with all your heart and she leaves. You had 4 and you didn't seem to care about any of them. Someone proposed to you? and you're sad??? The travesty of someone wanting to be with you for all your life, so sad! I sir, am quite offended she said something so hurtful!

You are sad because you are worried about having no one, not because you truly care for any of them. If you do like this one, then why don't you actually show a little vulnerability and take a chance.

I'm sorry if I sound cold, but I'm just not sure if you know what the true goal is, is it to be emotionless and have as many people as you can be robots and do everything you tell them, or is it to find someone you truly love that pushes you to be better and you want to spend the rest of your life with.

If you aren't attracted to any of these people's hearts, why don't you just start over and try again.

 

[Ohso-Phresh]

I encountered a situation where I was spinning 4 plates.

Two of them crashed.

One of them asked to marry me, I ran to the hills.

Last of them was behaving really well - HB7 for months.

+++
1. Sex on the first date
2. Accepted most date schedules
3. Sub in bed, Great assets
4. Tall
5. Read good books
6. Followed my lead


----
1. She hinted she was possibly molested during her childhood.
2. Said she's depressed
3. Possibly promiscuous past
4. Slowly started to reschedule dates
5. Started giving weird excuses


Now I assumed she doesn't want to do anything with me anymore, but she didn't mind coming at a moment's call late night to give me head.

Yet she's still finicky about confirming plans during the day this week and has been saying stuff like depression or her work and stuff since.

Dread - Another guy, Low Interest keeps haunting me

I think with all these potential red flags, I shouldn't pursue this more or invest.

I told her I'll contact her after 2 weeks with plans to never do so. Deleted her off social media and messages.

NC - Day 1

Any advice? I can feel the beginning of oneitis creeping on me - working out regularly and eating well.

Thanks folks.

You didn’t get her off good enough. When you don’t keep raising the sexual experience bar they are always looking for someone that will.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Maybe she is starting to sense she doesn't mean anything to you and is slowly cutting you out of her life. When you show someone they don't mean anything by your actions, your words end up not meaning much...and still you think you can get her back by playing some type of game.

How about just be a human being and interact with her like she is one also for once. You might be surprised at what happens.

 

[ubercat]

Yeah it does sound like overgaming. Red flags mean be careful not freeze up.

 

[darksprezzatura]

Thanks for your suggestions folks.

If a woman doesn't respond YES to meet me when I ask her to and says "I'll confirm, I have plans" doesn't counter offer, it means she doesn't have an interest level high enough.

It would be failure on my part to keep her around and bend my plans to fit her will.

Highly interested women go out of their way to meet me.

Things I could've done better:

- Not sounding needy to meet
- Kept spinning other women
- Given her more space when she pushed back


Things I did great:

- Spent minimal
- Didn't bend my plans often
- Tried to know her as a person
- Helped her grow by making her more self aware
- Kept calm during most situations
- Kept working out and pursued my hobbies

I'm a regular guy and not Leonardo DiCaprio with a long line of women to not be affected.


What I need to do now:

- Keep talking to women
- Not go back to her
- Keep working out, improving
- Pursue my hobbies
- Focus on my career

 

[The Diver]

If a woman doesn't respond YES to meet me when I ask her to and says "I'll confirm, I have plans" doesn't counter offer, it means she doesn't have an interest level high enough.

Two years ago I dated a woman for a few months, all was the same as you described it.
Then one day, when I text her to set a date, out of the blue she told me: "I'm sorry, I don't want to meet you anymore, I lost my attraction for you".
Now, anyone else's confidence probably would have been shattered. Lucky me, I have been on this site already and knew better, and this quote jumped straight into my head :

"She was not yours, it was just your turn"

I text her "No worries" and went about my business with my confidence intact and without a dent.

So yeah, to answer your post , see it as " She wasn't yours, it was just your turn" and move on to a new fresh pasture.

 

[darksprezzatura]

Two years ago I dated a woman for a few months, all was the same as you described it.
Then one day, when I text her to set a date, out of the blue she told me: "I'm sorry, I don't want to meet you anymore, I lost my attraction for you".
Now, anyone else's confidence probably would have been shattered. Lucky me, I have been on this site already and knew better, and this quote jumped straight into my head :

"She was not yours, it was just your turn"

I text her "No worries" and went about my business with my confidence intact and without a dent.

So yeah, to answer your post , see it as " She wasn't yours, it was just your turn" and move on to a new fresh pasture.

.
"Actions speak, louder than words"

In my scenario she's verbally telling me that she's interested in me, but her actions aren't aligned to her words, namely

- scheduling plans to her convenience
- delaying plans lately

along with the red flags, this seems like the right time to exit

I know my mistakes too:

- getting expectations high
- appearing to put her on a pedestal
- clinginess instead of withdrawal when she withdrew

It's generally a better idea to keep our own interest level lower than them

 

[darksprezzatura]

This post has too much of a misleading title.

You don't know what heartbroken is. Heartbroken is loving one girl with all your heart and she leaves. You had 4 and you didn't seem to care about any of them. Someone proposed to you? and you're sad??? The travesty of someone wanting to be with you for all your life, so sad! I sir, am quite offended she said something so hurtful!

You are sad because you are worried about having no one, not because you truly care for any of them. If you do like this one, then why don't you actually show a little vulnerability and take a chance.

I'm sorry if I sound cold, but I'm just not sure if you know what the true goal is, is it to be emotionless and have as many people as you can be robots and do everything you tell them, or is it to find someone you truly love that pushes you to be better and you want to spend the rest of your life with.

If you aren't attracted to any of these people's hearts, why don't you just start over and try again.

Thanks for putting your heart into it.

I would like to believe that having no one is better than having someone who doesn't like your life and doesn't feel enthusiastic to be a part of it.

 

[Glassguy]

There are millions of other women out there. Go find 4 more.

 

[darksprezzatura]

There are millions of other women out there. Go find 4 more.

You sir, understand by perspective. Thanks for the push.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Thanks for your suggestions folks.

If a woman doesn't respond YES to meet me when I ask her to and says "I'll confirm, I have plans" doesn't counter offer, it means she doesn't have an interest level high enough.

It would be failure on my part to keep her around and bend my plans to fit her will.

Highly interested women go out of their way to meet me.

Things I could've done better:

- Not sounding needy to meet
- Kept spinning other women
- Given her more space when she pushed back


Things I did great:

- Spent minimal
- Didn't bend my plans often
- Tried to know her as a person
- Helped her grow by making her more self aware
- Kept calm during most situations
- Kept working out and pursued my hobbies

I'm a regular guy and not Leonardo DiCaprio with a long line of women to not be affected.


What I need to do now:

- Keep talking to women
- Not go back to her
- Keep working out, improving
- Pursue my hobbies
- Focus on my career

Bro...you don't get it. Her interest level at this point is a direct result of the way you make her feel. And that is Insignificant.

This is what women call being emotionally unavailable and they will only deal with it for so long. Women need emotions with a guy they are with for longer than a certain period of time...of they don't get it they seek it out elsewhere.

 

[BJP1991]

Bro...you don't get it. Her interest level at this point is a direct result of the way you make her feel. And that is Insignificant.

This is what women call being emotionally unavailable and they will only deal with it for so long. Women need emotions with a guy they are with for longer than a certain period of time...of they don't get it they seek it out elsewhere.

Truth in this - I think it is a scaling effect. You should start unavailable, and if you're interested in them (which you seem to be) very very VERY slowly and gradually raise that, but never surpass how much she is pursuing or available to you, if that makes sense.

 

[darksprezzatura]

Truth in this - I think it is a scaling effect. You should start unavailable, and if you're interested in them (which you seem to be) very very VERY slowly and gradually raise that, but never surpass how much she is pursuing or available to you, if that makes sense.

I understand the dynamic aspect of what you said.
I believe it's fruitful to not focus too much on external game and more the internal game.

There was a guy who used to advise us to trust the gut.

if a woman's actions aren't upto my liking:

Instead of trying to externally manipulate the situation, I prefer to withdraw without arguments, keep the line of communication open, work on my life and talk to other women.

 

[BJP1991]

I understand the dynamic aspect of what you said.
I believe it's fruitful to not focus too much on external game and more the internal game.

There was a guy who used to advise us to trust the gut.

if a woman's actions aren't upto my liking:

Instead of trying to externally manipulate the situation, I prefer to withdraw without arguments, keep the line of communication open, work on my life and talk to other women.

This is a good approach. I think we are decently similar in that aspect. I'm trying to learn to "not" be so disconnected or unavailable (but monitoring it and only being "slightly" less unavailable over time with women.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

I understand the dynamic aspect of what you said.
I believe it's fruitful to not focus too much on external game and more the internal game.

There was a guy who used to advise us to trust the gut.

if a woman's actions aren't upto my liking:

Instead of trying to externally manipulate the situation, I prefer to withdraw without arguments, keep the line of communication open, work on my life and talk to other women.

It's easier to deal with those all into you. It's obvious.

 

[RangerMIke]

Two years ago I dated a woman for a few months, all was the same as you described it.
Then one day, when I text her to set a date, out of the blue she told me: "I'm sorry, I don't want to meet you anymore, I lost my attraction for you".
Now, anyone else's confidence probably would have been shattered. Lucky me, I have been on this site already and knew better, and this quote jumped straight into my head :

"She was not yours, it was just your turn"

I text her "No worries" and went about my business with my confidence intact and without a dent.

So yeah, to answer your post , see it as " She wasn't yours, it was just your turn" and move on to a new fresh pasture.

You handled this perfectly. My advice to anyone reading this is get to the point where you really appreciate women that just come out and tell you you're done. I mean really be grateful.

Because most chicks won't do this... they will just stop being fun, make things difficult, and torture you if you don't get the hidden message. When they do this, just pretend you got a text saying "You dry me up like the Sahara desert."

 

[darksprezzatura]

It's easier to deal with those all into you. It's obvious.

Exactly, I don't want to take up the task of making a woman interested in me, after an approach, I should be relaxed and focused on my life and not bending back over applying "game".

If she gets along, great, if not, I'll keep putting myself out there and talk to other women instead of her.

 

[darksprezzatura]

Havi

This is a good approach. I think we are decently similar in that aspect. I'm trying to learn to "not" be so disconnected or unavailable (but monitoring it and only being "slightly" less unavailable over time with women.

Having a life of our own makes it easier to "monitor" ourselves. We wouldn't have to consciously think of it, it'll happen naturally.

I noticed in this experience, I did lose some confidence and maybe an inch of self respect for being a little assertive/available, but I stuck to my schedule and daily growth hardcore.

Now is the time for me to stay focused on my life, talk to other women and not stagnate with oneitis or those lingering feelings.

Maybe you guys relate.
Peace.