"Nervous Around Beautiful Women? There's a Rule for That"

I could talk to any woman I wasn't attracted to. Charming, funny, relaxed. Then a gorgeous woman looked my way and I'd become a sweating, babbling mess.

The fix took me years to find and ten minutes to learn. Nervousness and excitement are the same physical state — pounding heart, adrenaline, flushed face. Your brain just picks the label. And you can pick a better one.

Rule 16 shows you how. You feel the nerves, relabel them as excitement, and let that energy pour out as enthusiasm. Women notice the guy radiating it. They always do.

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I dumped her, but I want her back. continued.

todays_news

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Okay well exactly a week ago, I ended things with my gf. Heres the thread on that: http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=172546

And to say a lot has developed since then would be like calling WW2 a small caffuffle. Well, I finished it but it sure as hell stung for this week at points. I went to visit a friend on friday night having had only two hours sleep. I ended up talking about her and if I'd made the right decision for 90% of the time I was there. I can also admit, (and it was probably the weed, and copious amounts of alcohol) that made me drop some tears for this silly, silly girl. I know theres no shame, but I feel ashamed. And I've really let out a lot of steam the past few days, losing it completely at some points.

I hung out with my ex gf everyday, and I think whats mainly the problem is the massive change in lifestyle I'm about to undertake. But so far, I've been out with my more boisterous friends getting well and truly wankered for the past few nights. On tuesday, it was inevitable I was going to see her. I was upstairs as friends were queing to get back into the bar downstairs. And she walked up. A mutual friend (a girl) had said to talk to her as she had said she missed me. I'm a headstrong guy, and frankly I didnt want to talk to her. So I had just focused on my friends and the other girl I kissed (dont worry, I didnt do it in front of her). However soon enough our paths crossed as I waited upstairs, the short conversation was short. About five seconds in fact. Because with every word she moved closer to me, until our mouths were almost touching. We kissed for a while, until she pulled my arm to dance with my arms around her. I simply replied 'I'm not you're boyfriend anymore, go and kiss somebody else. She stared at me blankly for a couple of seconds, and walked off, saying nothing.

The next day I was on facebook (of which i have removed her from coming up, and I swear I have not looked at her profile once, in compliance with the no contact rules). She said she was sorry, for how she had acted. I asked her why she was sorry etc. And she didnt give me a clear answer, instead bringing up that my stuff was at hers and I could get it today if I wanted.

Well, i've been too busy today and have told her I'll be collecting it tomorrow. She's going to be home at 2, but I think I'll go before then and get it from her housemate. Shall I go when she's there, or go when she's out?

To conclude, the past week has been difficult for me. Initially the thought of life without her seemed scary. The reason I split up with my girlfriend was because she didnt treat me well enough, and because she acted like a **** towards me. Not realising her actions, I tried to explain to her, but she would say she was joking or that I was being pissy. Well I was out of line, last thursday and she began to question if it was worth being with me. Im a man, and I have my self respect to consider. Which should be a lesson to people, nobody is more important than you. For the past week, whenever I'm down, or I'm in front of the mirror, I've looked at myself and I've thought **** that *****. You're worth more than what she gave, and she's the messed up one in this. I AM NUMBER ONE. And if you tell yourself enough, you begin to believe it. I still feel weird about not being with her. But I have my friends to pull me through (which is what any guy should do post breakup). I've done my share of burning steam, heavy drinking smoking weed, just to help me get through. And I think I'm doing well.

In comparison to me, she's not faring so well. When I spoke to her the day after we kissed she told me she was constantly mixed up. She wanted to be alone, away from everyone. Even her friends, and she didnt want to do the things she did when single. She didnt want to go out on the pull, she said she just feels upset and she wants her own space. She said that being at university was making her sad. I told her its none of my business and that she sounded depressed. However if she wanted sex then she should call me.

However, I've kissed three women since. But more importantly I've met people she doesnt know, and who will become my friends. I go home this saturday for three weeks, and I cannot wait. The thing is I could still be talked into giving it another go with her, and I told her I didnt want to. Instead saying I would want something casual for a while, without pressures and expectations. She said she was the same. Bad idea or Good idea?

I wrote this as an update from my last thread, and will continue to do so every week until theres nothing to report, or theres no interest in the thread.

Once again, thanks to all the comments and advice on the last thread you're all golden in my book.

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=172546 first thread.
 

"You'll Never Feel READY to Walk Over"

Next Monday you'll feel more confident. After the gym you'll feel more confident. After one more drink you'll feel more confident. After you get a better haircut, a better jacket, a better job.

You've been "getting ready" for two years.

She's standing ten feet away right now. She'll be gone in four minutes. No amount of preparation will manufacture the courage that only comes from moving your feet.

Walk over. Stumble through the first sentence. Let it be clumsy. Let it be imperfect. You will feel more alive in those ten seconds than you have all month.

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eaglez1177

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Look man, I didnt even bother to read the story, because the only thing thats important here is the title of the thread. You broke up with a chick and you want her back. It doesnt matter if you have the strangest, most unique, heartwrenching, sad, or epic story of all time, the bottom line is that you want her back, and that is a complete and total no-no. Once it's over, its over. Move on. Nobody said it was gonna be easy. The more and more you dwell on this, as in seeing her, talking about her, talking to her, talking about her on here, the tougher it is going to be to get through it.
 

todays_news

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you should have read the content of the post.

I think me keeping a weekly entry of things could be good for the forum, no? Was it too boring? And to be honest, I've accepted we're not together, hence why im picking my stuff up from her house tomorrow. And as for moving on, well its what I'm down the road of doing. Thanks.
 

dj0014

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I think she tried to push the limits of your patience as much as possible то see.
It was good that you've made that decision to put her on her place.

If you ever decide to give her a second chance I would advise not to allow her stupid behaviour to re-appear.

You're a DJ and don't forget that :D
 

"She Liked You in March. It's October Now."

Attraction runs on a clock.

She flirted for weeks. Touched your arm. Found reasons to be alone with you. And you were careful. Respectful. Waiting for the right moment.

The moment had a shelf life. It expired around month two, and by the time you asked her out, she'd quietly filed you under "little brother."

One of the hardest lessons inside the 22 Rules: women rarely wait. Interest either grows or it decays, and nothing decays it faster than a man who never moves.

Make the move while she's still inventing reasons to be near you.

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bukowski_merit

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f283000 said:
i dumped her but i want her back = i don't go out and talk to other women, i don't have other options, I'm a loser

I noticed nobody had translated the thread title so I decided to do it.
I don't see how you can say that when he said he went out with another woman (kissed her in fact), and blatantly is turning down his ex's advances....He's doing good! This is the name of his thread because he posted a thread with the same name a week or so back.... Let's not be splitting hairs here about thread titles....

With that said - there's some truth to what f283000 is saying...

I broke up with my longest LTR about 3 years ago. We'd dated for 5 years. She had begun "flirting" and texting and myspacing all kinds of guys from her work, and i saw the writing on the wall and dumped her. This b!tch is sleeping with a new guy THE NEXT DAY!

IT WAS HARD! It was hard mostly because i sat around and felt sorry for myself about how bad things had became and beating myself up over failing to maintain the attraction, etc.... I was convinced i had let a perfect thing go... And i was considering going back...

About a month later - i meant what would because my primary FB/MLTR. We were fvcking within a week, and spending a good bit of time together Then i meant my secondary.... We began fvcking as well...

I then meant a 3rd woman... And the story is the same...

Long story short: About 4 months after i broke up with my ex, i get this text at 3AM IN THE MORNING:

HER: Are you asleep?
ME: Yes, what's up?
HER: Just wanted to talk, can you come over?
ME: It's 3AM, no. Is something wrong?
HER: No, i just wanted to snuggle with someone tonight. Feeling lonely.
ME: It's not like that anymore. I've found my rock, you go find yours (Robert Jeffers quote).
HER: I know. I know i did you wrong, but realistically, you're the only man i think i've ever seen myself marrying.... blah blah blah...

It went on like that for 40-50 minutes.... She finally understood there was no way i was coming over there and gave up...

That was pretty much the last time we talked...

Let me tell you something: Because i had other women in my life who i was fcking - there was NO CHANCE i was going to visit her. She was no longer attractive to me, and i was treating everything she was saying as a joke. I was literally laughing out loud as she tried harder and harder to say things to get me over there...

If i had no other women in my life - i probably would have caved in and went and "snuggled" which would have led to "fvcking" which could have led to feelings again...

I was saved by this manipulation attempt by the fact that i had options...

Best you get as many as you can now too...

You seem to be doing good though... Keep at it and keep your distance...

Kissing her was the only problem i saw.... That's really incongruent and sending her mixed signals....
 

In2theGame

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todays_news said:
We kissed for a while, until she pulled my arm to dance with my arms around her.
NNNNNOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


:box: :box: :box:

Come on playa, you shouldnt have let her get within 5 feet of you. i know its hard for you inside because of the feeling but you have to FIGHT it. she won that round because she got what she wanted, a kiss. if you had rejected that, she would be all upset because she could no longer get close to you.
 

todays_news

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UPDATE

Well today, I picked my stuff up, when she was out. I thought it was just my bag I needed. But on my way home there was something else in there. The soppy valentines card she got me for valentines day. Which made me wonder if perhaps I had been mean to just snap and break things with her. But I guess I know better than to think about it too much. I also used to let her wear my vest when we slept together in bed, well I like that vest and she hadnt given it to me so I had to go back. She was in but her housemate just handed it to me and shut the door with a mocking smile.

The valentines card, keeping my clothes that she wore when we were together? Mind games, or is she trying to get me to come back?

I'm not seeing her for three weeks and the no contact is still in place, despite me needing my stuff.
 

"I just moved here from Florida."

That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?

She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."

She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.

I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.

Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.

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Joe Stud

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By going during the day she was not there, it spoke volumes that you are fine. Not trying to see her. then you go back for the stupid "vest"? geez... you had the frame back, and then you gave it right back to her.

I have always suspected that these guys (or women) who insist on going back and demanding tidbits are really subliminally just trying to reconnect.
I break up... hey she can have the tv, stereo, my favorite chair, etc. what am I gonna worry about $500 or $1,000 worth of stuff that WE enjoyed together? Nope. I'm gone. and they get the idea.
 
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