I don't mean to flood the boards....

[CapedCrusader08]

But I really need someone to talk to right now. Someone who I can talk with to help get a plan together,someone to help get over this nervousness/anxiety/depression/insecurity.

 

[magickarl]

Do you have msn messenger or myspace?

 

[It's-Me]

You got MSN?

 

[CapedCrusader08]

I have aim, but I cannot talk right now cause I am in the middle of something. Perhaps at a later time.

 

[Dannyrt34]

lol ok you need someone to talk to RIGHT NOW... but at a later time. We won't be able to tell you any magic words to make your depression and anxiety go away.

The only way to get over it is to start going out of your comfort zone with EVERYONE. Everywhere you go, talk to anybody, guys and girls. If you go get a coffee somewhere, do something simple like asking the person working how their day is going and such, try to hold conversations with everyone. Don't tell me you can't do that, because you CAN. You can only help yourself and starting now is the time to do it. Go out tomorrow, go shopping or something, talk to everyone. For example, go to a clothing store, pick out some shirts you like, and ask girls their opinions on which ones they like. Then go get a coffee or drink somewhere and ask them how their day is going and where their from and such.

You have to start somewhere, so start now!

 

[CapedCrusader08]

That's the thing, I do talk to people every day, I get into conversations with them, all through work, which takes up a big part of my time. So I have a hard time I guess switching energies. Like when I am at school, I feel different. I mean, I guess I really need to push myself out of this.

Something else feels wrong. Like a lack of something. Connections, a network,etc. People have been building they're own up for such a long time, and I feel alone. I also have a thing about people, I have a tendency to see them as followers. And I therefore see myself as above them often times. They are just following something to fit in. And when you choose not to, you get singled out. I have always seen myself at odd's with the world/people in regards to that. I also wonder if my view(s) on sex are unrealistic.

 

[combustiont]

Quit pretending it is something that is difficult.

You know what a big difference between successful people and average joes is? Some wake up in the morning and aren't afraid to say hi, or ask for what they want from people.

Quit being afraid and talk with some people. Plenty of people around here who will talk and help. Be a man, this is a place offering help.

 

[Dannyrt34]

well if it's thru work, it's probably work related conversation. I mean move OUT of your comfort zone, get personal with other people. If you already talk to other people, keep going with it. I'll use the coffee example earlier, rather than just having short conversation. Ask somebody sitting down if they mind if you sit with them, then talk away. If that sounds like you would be uncomfortable in that situation, then that's exactly what you need.

 

[CapedCrusader08]

Perhaps. But, alas, I'm on a rant here. It feels like something deeper is wrong. Something so ingrained, I can't see a way out. I feel no sense of accomplishment in life, and I am and have been forced into this corner I don't want to be in. Like they're is no control, and I am in the midst of some sort of emotional self destruction. I mean, a lack of progress in work/school, social/dating life, etc. All the stuff talked about on here. I don't know. Maybe I haven't fully "unplugged" myself so to speak. Cause the message is focus on goals,work toward's them,women come and go,etc. To me, I would like something more stable than that.

 

[combustiont]

Perhaps. But, alas, I'm on a rant here. It feels like something deeper is wrong. Something so ingrained, I can't see a way out. I feel no sense of accomplishment in life, and I am and have been forced into this corner I don't want to be in. Like they're is no control, and I am in the midst of some sort of emotional self destruction. I mean, a lack of progress in work/school, social/dating life, etc. All the stuff talked about on here. I don't know. Maybe I haven't fully "unplugged" myself so to speak. Cause the message is focus on goals,work toward's them,women come and go,etc. To me, I would like something more stable than that.

Okay so this is very vague. What exactly are these habits that you feel are tearing you apart? Name them, name what you think can remedy the situation, and let people help.

Again, this is what people are here for. Open up man, we got your back.

 

[CapedCrusader08]

Well, habits would be coming home from work, and moping around. A habit I have had for a long time, but for the past year, has gotten worse. I had felt depressed before, but after an incident that happened last year, I went from bad to worse. The situation would be if I was this different person altogether.

It seems to be these prolonged periods of isolation, hence the constant posting on here. I really feel no real conection to anything. Sometimes, it is cause I choose it, othertimes, it's probably from a lack of effort perhaps. Procrastination has been a problem for me as well over the years. I just feel like I do not have my **** together, and I am a ways off from getting it.

Another problem has been this obsessive feeling about not having solved these problems sooner, and how it has grown on and on. Sooner,as in around 16,17 years old. Or even before that.

 

[Dannyrt34]

Well you need some excitement for the future. Sometimes I get like that when I feel like I have absolutely nothing in my life to look forward to. Don't underestimate goals, are you looking for a girl to settle down with? Whether you realize it or not, most of us will eventually find a girl that we will settle down with.

The other day I thought of this and it's actually quite interesting. But if you want a girlfriend, your next girlfriend is out there right now! She's actually out there doing something and livin her own life, and you two will eventually meet, you just have no idea who she is. This is an example of looking forward to your own future. It makes me excited to see what tomorrow brings for me. This always motivates me. Just really think about your future, everything will fall into place someday, and yet you don't know what's going to happen, so you should be looking forward to it.

 

[CapedCrusader08]

I do think about my future, It's just I worry I have no plan. Or I can't figure out a game plan. Truth is, I never really had a gf. no long term's. I haven't had sex in 2 years. So that tell's you how I feel. I wake up, and I feel oh ****,another day. I feel like I am behind so many others either younger or same age range.

Yeah. I would like to get married and start a family, but I realize, after reading on this site,what can happen. So maybe I just feel so empty that that is all I can look forward too. I have had no real action,want yes,but action no, to go out and try and get laid or whatever. Is that normal? I feel I never learned how to act around women or how to properly attract them.

 

[Dannyrt34]

See your letting your past interfere with your perception of your future. You believe since you never had a girlfriend, you will never have one. You need to change your mindset completely. Be more positive, instead of thinking oh another lonely day, go out and have fun and think 'today i could meet somebody new' or in your case, 'today i'm starting my journey to a better me.

Change something, don't go thru the same routine everyday. Even something simple, buy some new gadget for ur room, rearrange ur room. It will help you to feel like your leaving the old you behind and ur starting a transformation into a new you. But you need some excitement to motivate you. You need to think about your future as in where you WANT to be in a year, what kind of girl you WANT to be with in a year.

As for not knowing how to act or attract women. Think about your dream girl, what she looks like and her personality, really think about it. Now picture her out with some guy that she is attracted to, think about how he acts towards her, and then you'll have a better idea of what to work towards.

I tell you to do these mental exercises cause it is all in your head and you need to think like this to start changing your thinking patterns.

 

[mfd1830]

Back when I still thought that getting a girlfriend would make my life worthwhile and take away all the hopelessness, I used to think about how If I met someone, I would totally blow it because of my attitude towards everything.

There's only one way to guarantee that you'll never have a girlfriend (and even that's not 100%) and it's to mope around thinking it'll never happen. My dream girl has incredibly high standards, is very independant and doesn't put up with any bull****. Since I believe that I'll meet that person someday, it gave me the motivation to become someone worthy of her. After a while, the reasons for that motivation slowly fade away and you actually start to become that person without noticing it.

 

[oakraiderz2]

Youre 3 post away from becoming elstud...i suggest you chill and actually figure youre sh*t out.

 

[CapedCrusader08]

Well, I will try some of those exercises. Thing is though, whenever I try to, something comes along to throw me off. Something like, why didn't I do this sooner? This is going to be a problem until it goes away.

I have constantly thought and though about where I would be in a year. I even thought that way when I was younger. But I feel I end up in the same position if you would over and over. And it seems like I keep doing something wrong while everyone else is doing something right.

As for attracting women,I don't know. Maybe it's a mental/behavorial thing. Maybe it's a physical thing. I am not bad looking face wise, but I am fat. Not obese, but fat. I am not even that picky when it comes to girls. Yet,I seemingly always without one. So much to the point where some people at work are picking up on that. I just want anyone right about now.

I see stuff like this: http://www.theonion.com/content/video/attractive_girls_union_refuses_to

and it serves as a reminder of not only how much I hate **** like that, but how superficial people, esp spoiled *****es, really are.

 

[SuavePlaya]

That video has to be a joke lol. what you have to do is stop believing in this type of ****. The union stopped having talks with mike because mike was wearing cargo pants to a party HaHaHa. Trust me your problems aren't much different than anyone elses everyone had to jump that slump you are in.

 

[CapedCrusader08]

Well, what about this guy:
http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewProfile&friendID=98022681

Look at him 24, already married, planning a family. And I barely have my **** together.

I mean, it's like I have forgotten how to be. Something like being the opposite of the care free, go for it, stop complaining unless you change the situation all around happy positive person fueled with ambition. Instead,I feel like a very lonely,empty,broken person. I feel I need to be extra careful that I am not taken advantage of.

 

[KontrollerX]

"Well, what about this guy:"

Exactly.

What about him?

He's a 24 year old guy wasting his youth marrying a fat chick and he also has a douchebag haircut.

My cousin is even stupider than this guy as he has no money, he's younger and I'd be willing to bet less of his life together than you and he's planning to marry his "one" next year who is a depressive bipolar basket case and before even signing the old marriage government contract he made another collosally stupid decision by setting up a joint checking account with her.

Most morons rationalize doing such a stupid thing because "well I ain't got no money now!"

And then a smart guy replies to them and says "yep and you never will!"

Have fun building up some funds and then having her clean it all out after a fight or breakup because she was legally entitled to all of it by your dumbass decision.

Also appearances can be deceiving CapedCrusader.

Just because they look so happy and in love in that picture doesn't mean thats the way it really is.

So cheer up.

This sort of thing can easily end in bitter divorce in a year to three years time or it could go for the guy's whole life and my point still remains that he wasted his youth on giving it all away to one woman.

How sad.

You on the other hand have your whole life ahead of you if you can pull it together and get out of the dumps and you don't need to waste it on waking up to the same woman every day either like this chump is planning on doing.