I don't know whether to laugh or cry.....

[Aenigma]

Joker, is there a reason you don't start your sentences with a capital letter? If there isn't a good reason I suggest you do, not doing so makes you look like an idiot.

 

[Metro3pilot]

Just my opinion, but maybe you're placing your happiness too much into someone elses hands.

On Sosuave we promote, dating multiple women, never putting all our eggs in one basket, playing head games, lets bang them all, success is how many women you're tapping or shutting down the game of some chick who we should not waste a second of time on.

my point being, if we ourselves are operating like the above, why are we upset the woman are doing the same thing ?

good people are like a diamond's and bad people are like glass .....
glass is everywhere all over the place, walk 2' and baam there it is ..... but the diamond is rare and it's not easy to find, takes much more effort to get one, does not mean you can't get ahold of one.

I consider my self a good person and I'm sure you consider yourself the same, is it really even possible that all women are biologicly wired to be bad people ? No, but much like the diamond, They're just harder to find.

as far as that chick goes STR8 she probably picked up on the burnt out, bummed out vibe and thought she would cheer you up, I would not read into it or make any assumptions as to her morality with something like that.

anytime you think your life sucks I can bet there are millions and millions of people who would switch places with you in a minute ... anybody's situation can get worse, even the guy living on the street with nothing to eat.

Just my .02 for what it's worth

:rockon:

 

[Luveno]

People are just animals. Don't let them get to you.

 

[Mr.Positive]

Accept women for what they are and what they can offer. Expect no more. Love them, be with them, enjoy them --- even be kind to them & help them, even BEFRIEND them.

This is golden Aliasguy..

Str8up, you do have a choice on how you view the world, and the people around you. You can let the world 'get to you' and become bitter, angry, and take out your frustrations and focus on the lack of good in our society, and the lack of loyalty from women, friends, etc.

Or you can accept things the way they are, and just know that it's a good thing that you know the truth.

Stress, anger, bitterness, all stem from focusing on things that we can not change. It's the lack of control over those things, that makes us feel that we do not have control over our lives.

Just like Aliasguy said, accept those things for what they are.

Take control of the things you can change, like your attitude. Everytime life thows a challenge at you, take it head-on, like a man, and learn..adapt, and overcome.

And women...accept them for what and who they are. Don't put blinders on, but appreciate the good things about them.

I'll tell you, the last few weeks I've been dating someone that I've really clicked with. It's been great, and I've been having the best sex I've ever had in my life. Sounds like oneitis? It's not. I know that this may not last forever...I know things may change, she may lose interest, or I may...

I know that women come and go through our lives, but hey, I'm enjoying the moment now, and appreciating the time I spend with her..now.

I think I'm rambling on at this point, but it's the start of the new year. You've got a great year ahead Str8up. Seize the day..

 

[STR8UP]

Joe, you are completely missing the point.

The fact that she was being "friendly" was incidental.

The thing that I was commenting on was the open, matter of fact manner which she conveyed the fact that she is married and cheating. Almost like "It's the thing to do nowadays, and I'm proud of it".

It shouldn't surprise me but for some reason I see stuff like this and from time to time I just have to stop and ask myself what kind of world it is I am living in.

 

[Interceptor]

I think what Str8up was lamenting was not so much an Ego based perspective, rather, that it is disappointing to see a potential female only to find out that not only is the female MARRIED, but she was openly FLAUNTING her BOYFRIEND outside of her marriage. No remorse, guilt whatsoever.
Str8up actually dug this chic, and she seems to be some two timing airhead with no guilt or conscience. This chick has no class or character, so ultimately, she was NOT worth Str*up's time at all.
She was married anyway.

I felt it too, it's like the bottom fell out,the last threads of hope of finding a good woman went out the window.Up is down, and wrong is actually right.

Granted, this is just an extreme view due to Str8up's overload and burnt out state, I know when I get really burnt ansd tired, man, really tired, I too tend to look at more of the negative side, I have to check myself and use Obseving Ego and get out of it quick! I HAVE to get out of that mind set.

And I too have been in Str8up's shoes as well, I know the feeling.
I've also learned to pre qualify the female and start asking about her availability as SOON as POSSIBLE, in order to avoid any later disappointment.

Look, guys, the truth is, unfortunately, when a woman does not find DEPTH, she looks for BREADTH.
She looks for that emotional, intimate connection from WHOMEVER she can GET IT FROM.
I don't want to judge this female at all, but dude, let's be real about it, and not sugar coat it.
I don't condone cheating. And I find it pretty repulsive to see it first hand, especially in a situatuion like this when the female lacks a conscience.
So I usually just call it my observation about a person, not a conclusion.
Is she bad or good?
I say , neither.
But is she someone I really want to associate myself with?
You know, I know a woman somewhat similar to her (I've known quite a few)
and to tell you the truth, I would HAVE to kow the female's motivation and background to make a proper assessment.
In that, I understand some people are STARVED for love, intimacy, and affection.
And NO ONE is a bad person for WANTING IT.
And while I do not condone that behavior, I can understand some of the extenuating circumstances. Hence, why I cannot judge a person for cheating.
If I have a problem with it, it is all on ME. It is now MY Problem. I can act mature about it, or immature and/or high and mighty moral police like.

Anyway, like I said, after going through meeting female after female, and NOT finding the true Ladies (well, honestly I DID find one recently, but that didn't seem to work out in my favor. And like many of you, many of the 'good ones" seem to be taken as well.) I can see how it can be looked as the 'last straw" so to speak to see this female flaunting her infideltiy.
It can be kind of damaging to a person who has little hope or faith in finding that special someone, and especially when one has a history of being mistreated and having known many disloyal people in one's life.

Anyway, I totally can understand how some people are not feeling like being convinced about a positive outlook, I can totally understand it.


But having said that.....
....the answer is, and always will be.Maintain the faith, keep looking, and keep faith in good intentions.
Have that discipine. Do not be 'broken' by peoople or circumstances.
Do not start 'holding back" TOO MUCH, and do not start coloring ALL your interactions with the sticky, dark substance of negativity and disappointment.
When we start buiilding WALLS as our Personal Boundary, we cannot LET IN that which we want. When we do NOT LET IN the good things, we will also slowly starvefor them. Until we look at the mirror years later and wonder what would have been.........

And when we start imbuing a negative emotional charge to these situations, they only get stronger and become more prevalent and deeper rooted.
It takes greate Emotional Strength and maturity, and a heart that is filled with Love,and especially strong in Self Love to truly give the understanding needed to get through as unscathed as posible.

So it is hard, and sometimes you have to scrape the bottom of the barrel and hit rock bottom before you go back up, but it is all a lesson.
Look at each of these situation as lessons that you can actually mine for information, and use it as knowledge to gain WISDOM, not BITTERNESS.

Interceptor mind dump off.

 

[jophil28]

Went out with some friends tonite.....

....I sensed that this chick was vibing me. Maybe not even vibing me, but sending out "availability signals". She WAS with her b/f, but you know when you just get that feeling......

This is my take on your post ,STR8uP...
Two points here -
Firstly, you appear to hang out with a "party crowd ". Party people act like party people - all immediate gratification and fun, fun and more fun. However,there is a large part of you that is seeking a woman for a serious LTR- you frequently refer to this possibility. You are not likely o find a great woman in this crowd.

You go fishing in the river, you are gonna catch catfish. The marlin are offshore, out in the deep water .

Secondly, IMO you frequently mistake women's flirty "friendliness" for INTEREST LEVEL.

Women and men are significantly different in their motivations.
As a man, when I approach a woman in a social setting. it is to explore the possibility of fukking her. Deep down THAT is my core objective. I do my C&F and game her to open her up on a path of potential SEDUCTION .
My approach and my motive is congruent and linear - I know it and women know it too.
However women do not usually operate in this same way. It is important to a woman to always be liked and to gain social approval rather than to pursue some attractive guy for a roll in the sack later. Social acceptance IS their objective NOT seduction. . It is possible that most of their flirty and "friendly" behavior is exactly that. Nothing more that a tactic to grab attention and to be liked by a new guy. Having sex with him is NOT usually on her agenda.
She just wants to be liked and have a man find her attractive and interesting - THIS is the point for a lot of women..

I think that you have projected your male agenda onto women and when you have encountered a woman doing flirty stuff you have ASSUMED that she WANTS you. Then , she usually walks away or shuts down and you get pissed because you were convinced tha her "buying signals " were aimed at your heart or your d!ck and she cahnged her mind for no good reason.. No - she was just out "shopping" for her favorite commodity - approval . When she got some from you she moved on to the next supplier (or back to her B/F) and you are left pissed and resentful about the "selfish manipulative baitches" - once again.

Just my take on this..

 

[joekerr31]

Joe, you are completely missing the point.

The fact that she was being "friendly" was incidental.

The thing that I was commenting on was the open, matter of fact manner which she conveyed the fact that she is married and cheating. Almost like "It's the thing to do nowadays, and I'm proud of it".

It shouldn't surprise me but for some reason I see stuff like this and from time to time I just have to stop and ask myself what kind of world it is I am living in.

ok i missed something then. at what point did she suggest that she is cheating on her husband.

 

[joekerr31]

Joker, is there a reason you don't start your sentences with a capital letter? If there isn't a good reason I suggest you do, not doing so makes you look like an idiot.

i'll start using caps if you tell your mother to stop making that sour face when i blow my load on her face.

 

[mrRuckus]

Joker, is there a reason you don't start your sentences with a capital letter? If there isn't a good reason I suggest you do, not doing so makes you look like an idiot.

That second sentence is not grammatically correct, idiot. I see at least two errors.

There is an error in the first sentence also. Did you not finish fourth grade?

 

[joekerr31]

Firstly, you appear to hang out with a "party crowd ". Party people act like party people - all immediate gratification and fun, fun and more fun. However,there is a large part of you that is seeking a woman for a serious LTR- you frequently refer to this possibility. You are not likely o find a great woman in this crowd.

You go fishing in the river, you are gonna catch catfish. The marlin are offshore, out in the deep water .

i agree with this 100%. str8up, almost every single issue you've had with women that we know about (via your posts) take place in 'party' situations or your relationship with such woman originated from an introduction at some party.

whether it was some stripper you fingered in the hot tub or the various chics who seem to come over to your place as 'friends' and sleep in your bed for the night... it just seems like you are around a lot of 'uncommon' situations with the female gender.

you need to find yourself a down to earth woman and go on a date to the museum or something.

 

[aliasguy]

i agree with this 100%. str8up, almost every single issue you've had with women that we know about (via your posts) take place in 'party' situations or your relationship with such woman originated from an introduction at some party.

whether it was some stripper you fingered in the hot tub or the various chics who seem to come over to your place as 'friends' and sleep in your bed for the night... it just seems like you are around a lot of 'uncommon' situations with the female gender.

you need to find yourself a down to earth woman and go on a date to the museum or something.

That advice will not help STR8UP. Women are women. "Down to earth woman"? Are you kidding? What does THAT even MEAN? You can't really "know" a woman for a long time after you meet her. And I think that WHERE you meet her, or where she hangs out doesn't matter for sh*t.

And, it was crystal clear in STR8UP's original post that the married chick was fooling around with her boyfriend/date. And you were surprised by that.

Joekerr, I like your posts most all the time, and I respect your views even when I disagree, but you seem to be misreading STR8UP's whole intent, here. And you've done it for essentially ALL of his posts in this thread. I think you, like most of us, are just seeing what you want to see. That's ok, and common, and essentially it's something that all of us WILL DO.

But give STR8UP a break. You can find as many loose woman at church on Sunday as you can down at the bar Sat. night.

 

[joekerr31]

And, it was crystal clear in STR8UP's original post that the married chick was fooling around with her boyfriend/date.

man i must be having a stroke or something. the chic was married but brought her boyfriend to the party?

why am i not reading that in the original post. seriously, am i missing something that is staring me right in the face?

i thought this was just some chic who came to the party with her boyfriend. she ended up chatting with str8up. told him he looked tired. he says he was burned out. she says he needs a girlfriend / wife (implying a woman would help him relax and destress).

anyway, i apologize if i'm missing something obvious here. i didn't realize this chic was married but at the party with her boyfriend.

 

[synergy1]

you seem to be bothered by things you can't control. A vacation is defiantly in order, but maybe a change in lifestyle. From my point of view, you seem to be struggling with life in general.

 

[jophil28]

So here we are walking back toward my place, and I quietly ask my lady friend if this chick (her friend) really has a b/f and a husband. Well I guess indeed she does! and the funny thing is, it's New Years and the guy she was with was the b/f! Walking down the street holding hands....her talking about how he was gonna fukk her silly later on.......

Oh BTW ,STR8uP, I do recall a recent post on MM in which there was fierce debate about the morals of banging married women. You aligned yourself with the group of guys who said " Go for it" -- . no moral dilemma for STR8UP in fukking married women. HOW you are pissed because you have encountered a married woman who is banging her B/f - !!!

 

[Luthor Rex]

You are absolutely right.

I have talked in the past about not having expectations.

Problem is, if you can't ever expect that your partner or your friend or whoever you deal with regularly is going to play fair, well, that really sucks cause you're always gonna be looking behind your back. I hate that I have to do that, but no matter how much I watch my back it doesn't do anything to prevent sh!t from happening. Things are as they are.

I hope to post more later, but I'll leave this comment now:

I think what STR8UP is trying to get at is that he doesn't want to live in a world where he can't trust who he's sleeping next to.

There have been many times in the past where I've been told I have standards that are too high. The problem I see is that my 'standards' for what I want in a woman are something like this:

Faithful

Kind

Intelligent

Warm

Trustworthy

If the above traits mean my standards are "too high" then wtf exactly am I supposed to accept? I remember one being told I should make a list of "everything I want in a woman, then rip the list up because it's unrealistic".

To which I go:

 

[Interceptor]

I hope to post more later, but I'll leave this comment now:

I think what STR8UP is trying to get at is that he doesn't want to live in a world where he can't trust who he's sleeping next to.

There have been many times in the past where I've been told I have standards that are too high. The problem I see is that my 'standards' for what I want in a woman are something like this:

Faithful

Kind

Intelligent

Warm

Trustworthy

If the above traits mean my standards are "too high" then wtf exactly am I supposed to accept? I remember one being told I should make a list of "everything I want in a woman, then rip the list up because it's unrealistic".

To which I go:

I think so too.
Basically it's like feeling like it's asking too much of a woman to have those traits. Which ultimately is pretty off putting in a way.

But again, we cannot use these broad brush strokes. Otherwise, we start being just like those embittered people whom we despise.
Not ALL women are that shallow, or lack a moral code. There are still a few good ones out there.
I still say that it's very important for Men to KEEP QUALIFYING the females they meet. They are either LTR Material or NOT.
Then understand and act accordingly.

 

[aliasguy]

I agree Interceptor, that we must qualify. BUT, we CAN use those "broad brush strokes." And we SHOULD, until a woman proves otherwise. The problem is, it takes a LONG time to "know" a woman.

So, my own personal simple solution is to not expect anything, or, rather, to expect EVERYTHING (good and/or bad.)

I'm never disappointed.

There ARE downsides to this. It's not so much "lack of TRUST," as it is the recognition of the likelihood of that trust being broken. And I will agree that this can be disheartening at first. Like someone above remarking that STR8UP wishes that those beside him could be counted upon, while knowing that it may very well not be true.



It's hard to really explain my mindset accurately, but it's sorta like this:

" I like the woman, we have fun and good sex. I CANNOT expect her to be loyal and faithful, and I CANNOT expect her current positive feelings for me to persist indefinitely, no matter WHAT I do or don't do. So, I'm going to enjoy her, and enjoy what we have together for now. I'm not going to be bitter or angry when/if she is unable to continue this, whether because of ME or HER. If we can continue a long time, great. If it's a short run, that's ok, too. And I must remind myself that I don't know the real "her," yet. She may "betray" me, but I accept that it really isn't a betrayal, as we have made no promises to each other. She is only acting as she is, as am I. We cannot expect more of each other."


As I've read here before, almost EVERY SINGLE "relationship" FAILS. Why not let the failures be OK. Without regret, bitterness, or hostility. It's just the way things ARE.

I spent a lot of years getting to this, and it works for me. It isn't perfect, and it doesn't by any means allow for the "dream" many of us had for the perfect relationship. That's too bad, but this mindset has worked for me for the last few years, and I LIKE women even more now than before.

 

[KontrollerX]

I agree with everything you have said in the thread aliasguy.

I think to sum up you are saying live for the moment and enjoy the times that you can while they last but don't dwell on it when a good thing ends.

Just push forward and see what other good things life has in store for ya.

A positive mindset like that I think any of us can accept.

Though getting to that point can be difficult for many of us.

 

[Interceptor]

It is true that 'expecting' loyalty and such is not a good idea.

That's how you can keep good balance.

I expect females to be females.

I look to see if they are LADIES though....



However, let's be a little cautious with the 'Prove yourself to me" attitude.
Not too much, and not too little. I still don't agree with using a brush stroke of "all women are b*thes." I hope we can use something a little more civilized.
But yeah, efintiely be on alert, and protect your heart at all times.
Always always ALWAYS QUALIFY.

And never EXPECT LTR behavior from NON LTR females.


aliasguy IS right on the Money for dating in today's world.

Enjoy her for who she is, right now in the moment, and do NOT 'expect' anything higher.

Hopefully the woman who really demonstrates deeper love, respect, honor, and true affecton for you should be appreciated, and not taken for granted.