So I thought I would post here. Is it possible to become asexual, not born it,but become, obviously, I am attracted to girls, fantasize, and just want to get laid. Well, I want more than that, but is it possible, possibly out of a feeling of, not shame, but not wanting to be seen as a pervert, to keep that side more in check? Also, lifestyle factors, such as looking at too much porn, or not exactly having an energetic life? Or is it that whole thing of, you either make her panties wet or not? This is what concerns me, is that possibility of not attracting anyone. As we know, "Girls like jerks" or "they like hot guys w/a great personality" or "guys with money and power" What about if you're not those, you're not the "nice guy" either, you're more of a regular guy ? I mean, maybe my personality is the problem.
“The 22 Rules That Flip the Script With Women… And How You Can Use Them Tonight”
Most guys accidentally kill attraction before they even speak. They assume they need a bigger bank account, a better physique, or smoother lines. They miss the point.
Female desire operates on a specific set of psychological triggers. Break them, and you're invisible. Follow them, and you become magnetic.
I learned this the hard way. Years of freezing up. Getting friend-zoned. Watching other guys walk away with the girl I wanted. Then I discovered a set of 22 simple rules that rewired my entire approach.
I don't know what the right forum would be to post this...
- Thread starter ItsOnNow
- Start date
Just because a woman listens to you and acts interested in what you say doesn't mean she really is. She might just be acting polite, while silently wishing that the date would hurry up and end, or that you would go away... and never come back.
Quote taken from The SoSuave Guide to Women and Dating, which you can read for FREE.
Be the kind of guy that stands out. A guy with an edge that speaks his mind and is fun to be around. Also the more actions or activities you do in life the more you will be interesting and get out of life.
You don't want to be the shy, quiet guy who is afraid of his own shadow and has difficulty with conversations and relating to others. Those type of guys (whom I am sure most of sosuave members were or still are to some extent) don't stand out, don't have the balls to go after a girl they desire and often have to settle with the exact amount of effort they put fourth. Sure with little effort of improving your flaws you might be able to get a girl but its often the case where you settled for someone instead of striving for someone.
You don't want to be the shy, quiet guy who is afraid of his own shadow and has difficulty with conversations and relating to others. Those type of guys (whom I am sure most of sosuave members were or still are to some extent) don't stand out, don't have the balls to go after a girl they desire and often have to settle with the exact amount of effort they put fourth. Sure with little effort of improving your flaws you might be able to get a girl but its often the case where you settled for someone instead of striving for someone.
That's been the hard part for me, speaking my mind, which I always equated with, at least growing up, saying whatever, whenever, no matter who you pissed off. I realize the mistake that is. I haven't been doing more activities other than work, this what's always bothered me. I have become a shell. I really feel like I haven't been getting all I can out of life, I know the answer, but it's like, why not sooner? Why have I let all this time go bye? I mean, I don't have many hobbies, I am a loner, which is good and bad for me, and it's this feeling of inadaquecies, being behind, on the bottom, everyone else has things going for them and I don't.
Señor Fingers
Master Don Juan
Your BIGGEST problem is a lack of acceptance for your sexuality.. the feeling that you must mask it somehow is the clearest indication of just how deep and detrimental your shame is.
It is time for you to investigate exactly WHAT is making you feel this way..where exactly do your hangups about sex come from.. I have found that once you understand the real motives for your perspectives and behavior, it really helps you correct destructive patterns and basically deprogram yourself.
Of course I am not encouraging you to run off and hump random girl's legs, but really you need to make peace with your horniness. Porn definitely does not help because it isolates your sexuality and associates it with voyeurism, making it that much more difficult to SHARE your intimacy down the line. It also desensitizes you psychologically to a certain extent (depending on how much you abuse it)
This is not to say you should abandon all porn and never wack off again, but perhaps a sabbatical would work well. Fall back on the knuckle-shuffling and focus all the energy into something else - start meditating on the source of your shame so that you can eliminate it.
ALSO
Spend more time around hot women in general with ZERO intentions. Just get a feel for being around them and eliminating any nervousness you associate with their perceived superiority. When you chill with them enough you see that they are just people, like you, with hopes, dream, disappointments and flaws.
Once you accept your own instincts and the fact that the playing field is more level than you've led yourself to believe, this whole seduction thang gets a LOT easier.
Follow the mantra of your own username, cause its ALWAYS on my man.
It is time for you to investigate exactly WHAT is making you feel this way..where exactly do your hangups about sex come from.. I have found that once you understand the real motives for your perspectives and behavior, it really helps you correct destructive patterns and basically deprogram yourself.
Of course I am not encouraging you to run off and hump random girl's legs, but really you need to make peace with your horniness. Porn definitely does not help because it isolates your sexuality and associates it with voyeurism, making it that much more difficult to SHARE your intimacy down the line. It also desensitizes you psychologically to a certain extent (depending on how much you abuse it)
This is not to say you should abandon all porn and never wack off again, but perhaps a sabbatical would work well. Fall back on the knuckle-shuffling and focus all the energy into something else - start meditating on the source of your shame so that you can eliminate it.
ALSO
Spend more time around hot women in general with ZERO intentions. Just get a feel for being around them and eliminating any nervousness you associate with their perceived superiority. When you chill with them enough you see that they are just people, like you, with hopes, dream, disappointments and flaws.
Once you accept your own instincts and the fact that the playing field is more level than you've led yourself to believe, this whole seduction thang gets a LOT easier.
Follow the mantra of your own username, cause its ALWAYS on my man.
What you're talking about, the shame, although, I don't know if I feel ashamed, the isolation,hang ups, the sharing of intimacy, god, lacking that sucks. I am wondering if the porn became the outlet for it, you know?
As for spending time around women, hot or otherwise, well, thats one department I am behind in. I am starting to think I may put people on pedestals too much. I have been "out of the game" it seems impossible getting back in. I mean, when talking about hot women, it seems they only like "hot guys", I know thats a generalization, but it seems true. The hangups may just come from not being around people enough. And how does one de and then reprogram themselves? And when you say pyschologically desensitizes you, how so? I mean, the whole instinct thing, maybe It's not following them, or letting them develop enough. One thing that worries me the most, is not starting a family. I mean, ideally, its the whole get an education, get a career, get married, there you go. But I see people, my own age or fairly younger, starting a family without any of that, and its like, they have been together, such and such and such. It may also come from moral confusion.
As for spending time around women, hot or otherwise, well, thats one department I am behind in. I am starting to think I may put people on pedestals too much. I have been "out of the game" it seems impossible getting back in. I mean, when talking about hot women, it seems they only like "hot guys", I know thats a generalization, but it seems true. The hangups may just come from not being around people enough. And how does one de and then reprogram themselves? And when you say pyschologically desensitizes you, how so? I mean, the whole instinct thing, maybe It's not following them, or letting them develop enough. One thing that worries me the most, is not starting a family. I mean, ideally, its the whole get an education, get a career, get married, there you go. But I see people, my own age or fairly younger, starting a family without any of that, and its like, they have been together, such and such and such. It may also come from moral confusion.
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Just because a woman listens to you and acts interested in what you say doesn't mean she really is. She might just be acting polite, while silently wishing that the date would hurry up and end, or that you would go away... and never come back.
Quote taken from The SoSuave Guide to Women and Dating, which you can read for FREE.