So I thought I would post here. Is it possible to become asexual, not born it,but become, obviously, I am attracted to girls, fantasize, and just want to get laid. Well, I want more than that, but is it possible, possibly out of a feeling of, not shame, but not wanting to be seen as a pervert, to keep that side more in check? Also, lifestyle factors, such as looking at too much porn, or not exactly having an energetic life? Or is it that whole thing of, you either make her panties wet or not? This is what concerns me, is that possibility of not attracting anyone. As we know, "Girls like jerks" or "they like hot guys w/a great personality" or "guys with money and power" What about if you're not those, you're not the "nice guy" either, you're more of a regular guy ? I mean, maybe my personality is the problem.
"She Laughed All Night. Then She Ghosted You. Here's Why."
Dinner ran three hours. She laughed at everything. You walked her to her car thinking this one's locked in.
Then: nothing. Two texts. No reply. What happened?
You did what most men do on a great date. You filled every silence, answered every question, and left her with nothing to wonder about. No mystery. Nothing to sit with when she got home.
Rule 3 of the "22 Rules" changes the ending: tell her a little, hold back the rest, and let her imagination do the chasing. The ghosting stops too.
I don't know what the right forum would be to post this...
- Thread starter ItsOnNow
- Start date
"She Made Her Decision Before You Finished Your Sentence"
Three seconds. That's how long it took. Your shoes. Your posture. The way you held your drink. Whether you looked at the floor or looked at her.
She already filed you away. Interesting. Boring. Safe. Bold. Before you even opened your mouth.
Everything you say after that is just her confirming what she already decided.
So stop rehearsing lines. Fix the first three seconds. Stand tall. Look up. Smile like you mean it. Walk like you belong wherever you're standing.
The words come later. The impression comes first.
Be the kind of guy that stands out. A guy with an edge that speaks his mind and is fun to be around. Also the more actions or activities you do in life the more you will be interesting and get out of life.
You don't want to be the shy, quiet guy who is afraid of his own shadow and has difficulty with conversations and relating to others. Those type of guys (whom I am sure most of sosuave members were or still are to some extent) don't stand out, don't have the balls to go after a girl they desire and often have to settle with the exact amount of effort they put fourth. Sure with little effort of improving your flaws you might be able to get a girl but its often the case where you settled for someone instead of striving for someone.
You don't want to be the shy, quiet guy who is afraid of his own shadow and has difficulty with conversations and relating to others. Those type of guys (whom I am sure most of sosuave members were or still are to some extent) don't stand out, don't have the balls to go after a girl they desire and often have to settle with the exact amount of effort they put fourth. Sure with little effort of improving your flaws you might be able to get a girl but its often the case where you settled for someone instead of striving for someone.
That's been the hard part for me, speaking my mind, which I always equated with, at least growing up, saying whatever, whenever, no matter who you pissed off. I realize the mistake that is. I haven't been doing more activities other than work, this what's always bothered me. I have become a shell. I really feel like I haven't been getting all I can out of life, I know the answer, but it's like, why not sooner? Why have I let all this time go bye? I mean, I don't have many hobbies, I am a loner, which is good and bad for me, and it's this feeling of inadaquecies, being behind, on the bottom, everyone else has things going for them and I don't.
Señor Fingers
Master Don Juan
Your BIGGEST problem is a lack of acceptance for your sexuality.. the feeling that you must mask it somehow is the clearest indication of just how deep and detrimental your shame is.
It is time for you to investigate exactly WHAT is making you feel this way..where exactly do your hangups about sex come from.. I have found that once you understand the real motives for your perspectives and behavior, it really helps you correct destructive patterns and basically deprogram yourself.
Of course I am not encouraging you to run off and hump random girl's legs, but really you need to make peace with your horniness. Porn definitely does not help because it isolates your sexuality and associates it with voyeurism, making it that much more difficult to SHARE your intimacy down the line. It also desensitizes you psychologically to a certain extent (depending on how much you abuse it)
This is not to say you should abandon all porn and never wack off again, but perhaps a sabbatical would work well. Fall back on the knuckle-shuffling and focus all the energy into something else - start meditating on the source of your shame so that you can eliminate it.
ALSO
Spend more time around hot women in general with ZERO intentions. Just get a feel for being around them and eliminating any nervousness you associate with their perceived superiority. When you chill with them enough you see that they are just people, like you, with hopes, dream, disappointments and flaws.
Once you accept your own instincts and the fact that the playing field is more level than you've led yourself to believe, this whole seduction thang gets a LOT easier.
Follow the mantra of your own username, cause its ALWAYS on my man.
It is time for you to investigate exactly WHAT is making you feel this way..where exactly do your hangups about sex come from.. I have found that once you understand the real motives for your perspectives and behavior, it really helps you correct destructive patterns and basically deprogram yourself.
Of course I am not encouraging you to run off and hump random girl's legs, but really you need to make peace with your horniness. Porn definitely does not help because it isolates your sexuality and associates it with voyeurism, making it that much more difficult to SHARE your intimacy down the line. It also desensitizes you psychologically to a certain extent (depending on how much you abuse it)
This is not to say you should abandon all porn and never wack off again, but perhaps a sabbatical would work well. Fall back on the knuckle-shuffling and focus all the energy into something else - start meditating on the source of your shame so that you can eliminate it.
ALSO
Spend more time around hot women in general with ZERO intentions. Just get a feel for being around them and eliminating any nervousness you associate with their perceived superiority. When you chill with them enough you see that they are just people, like you, with hopes, dream, disappointments and flaws.
Once you accept your own instincts and the fact that the playing field is more level than you've led yourself to believe, this whole seduction thang gets a LOT easier.
Follow the mantra of your own username, cause its ALWAYS on my man.
What you're talking about, the shame, although, I don't know if I feel ashamed, the isolation,hang ups, the sharing of intimacy, god, lacking that sucks. I am wondering if the porn became the outlet for it, you know?
As for spending time around women, hot or otherwise, well, thats one department I am behind in. I am starting to think I may put people on pedestals too much. I have been "out of the game" it seems impossible getting back in. I mean, when talking about hot women, it seems they only like "hot guys", I know thats a generalization, but it seems true. The hangups may just come from not being around people enough. And how does one de and then reprogram themselves? And when you say pyschologically desensitizes you, how so? I mean, the whole instinct thing, maybe It's not following them, or letting them develop enough. One thing that worries me the most, is not starting a family. I mean, ideally, its the whole get an education, get a career, get married, there you go. But I see people, my own age or fairly younger, starting a family without any of that, and its like, they have been together, such and such and such. It may also come from moral confusion.
As for spending time around women, hot or otherwise, well, thats one department I am behind in. I am starting to think I may put people on pedestals too much. I have been "out of the game" it seems impossible getting back in. I mean, when talking about hot women, it seems they only like "hot guys", I know thats a generalization, but it seems true. The hangups may just come from not being around people enough. And how does one de and then reprogram themselves? And when you say pyschologically desensitizes you, how so? I mean, the whole instinct thing, maybe It's not following them, or letting them develop enough. One thing that worries me the most, is not starting a family. I mean, ideally, its the whole get an education, get a career, get married, there you go. But I see people, my own age or fairly younger, starting a family without any of that, and its like, they have been together, such and such and such. It may also come from moral confusion.
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"Why Women Dump the Guys Who Try the Hardest"
You paid for dinner. You drove. You said "whatever you want is fine" every single time. All the effort, no expectations.
And she left anyway — probably for a guy who makes her pick up the pizza.
Painful. Also predictable. Her mind quietly concludes that anything requiring zero effort from her is worth exactly zero. You became a free sample, and free samples get taken for granted.
The 22 Rules flip the dynamic. Small shifts that get her investing effort, money, and time in you — until SHE'S the one afraid of losing YOU.