"I'm Not Looking for Anything Serious Right Now"

When a woman says it, guys hear a confession. A heads-up. A scheduling conflict.

Here's the translation: I don't feel anything. Right now. With you.

Watch what happens when a man triggers actual attraction. The busy career, the recent breakup, the "not in a place to date" — all of it evaporates instantly. The same woman who was guarding her freedom is suddenly free every night.

The "22 Rules" explain why. When the right switches flip, her timeline rearranges itself around you.

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I cant keep a Steady Heart Beat or my breathing

theapprentice

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Im 20 years old and I've noticed this and as I socialize more and more and go to places with more people walking around with people my age, I have noticed for the past few yeas.

My heart starts to beat faster and my breathing gets faster. I could walk down the street and see a cutie walk by and she would look at me, and I'll get this sudden rush of fear and my head would quickly turn away, or there could be a group of big guys and my heart would beat faster and I try not to make EC cuz Im scared Ill get beat up.

Today as I was walking near a mall, my heart was going crazy and I couldnt even relax, and I even told myself, and I KNOW I believe it. I told myself I dont give a damn if everybody thinks I am stupid, ugly, bad what ever.

But I still was scared and I couldnt calm down.

This is starting to PIss mee off big time, I feel like ripping my heart out and putting a new one in.

I mean I cant even stand in a place of college kids and relax, Ill always get nervous esp if there bigger guys around or women.

My thoughts are calm but my heart and breathing are racing at a million miles.

I wouldnt know what the cause of all this is, I mean I was raped when I was 5, and I was abused in school bullied and beaten and in Highschool. But its been so long that I should have forgotten it.

Idk what to do.

I want to approach women but my body gets in the way
 

"She Made Her Decision Before You Finished Your Sentence"

Three seconds. That's how long it took. Your shoes. Your posture. The way you held your drink. Whether you looked at the floor or looked at her.

She already filed you away. Interesting. Boring. Safe. Bold. Before you even opened your mouth.

Everything you say after that is just her confirming what she already decided.

So stop rehearsing lines. Fix the first three seconds. Stand tall. Look up. Smile like you mean it. Walk like you belong wherever you're standing.

The words come later. The impression comes first.

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BOWIE

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Normally, it's just a matter of conditioning and practice but your case is so severe and deeply rooted that you need psychological help. I'm not saying that in stride either. I work in a behavioral health facility.
All that nervousness is going to cause health problems too. Hopefully you can afford to get help, if not there are free counceling groups, especially through churches, that can help you.
Good luck man and please get yourself some help as you don't want to throw away any more of your life due to this illness.
 

BOWIE

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theapprentice said:
I feel like ripping my heart out and putting a new one in.

I want to approach women but my body gets in the way
By the way, it's your mind, not your body that is causing the problem. You may be trying to generate normal thoughts but something deep inside your mind is triggering a physical reaction. It's detecting something that you're scared of and preparing you for danger by accelerating your blood flow.
 

Yuriy777

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BOWIE said:
Normally, it's just a matter of conditioning and practice but your case is so severe and deeply rooted that you need psychological help. I'm not saying that in stride either. I work in a behavioral health facility.
All that nervousness is going to cause health problems too. Hopefully you can afford to get help, if not there are free counceling groups, especially through churches, that can help you.
Good luck man and please get yourself some help as you don't want to throw away any more of your life due to this illness.
...Another suggestion would be to involve yourself in one or two activities where breath and/or heart rate control is important.
Public speaking courses/seminars come to mind since you get nervous in social situations. For breath control I would recommend something like swimming. For both breath and heart rate control I would recommend riflery / target shooting (skeet is fun too).
 

Titanium

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I agree with what Bowie said...

That rapid heart beat is a rush of adrenaline. While you experience this, it doesn’t seem logical to you, but you’re mainly having a physical reaction….your body is basically responding to underlying mental fear, and your muscles are reacting as though they are about to face a very threatening situation.

People who have stage fright, or fear of public speaking experience something similar. When someone is about to be attacked by a bear or a lion, it might feel similar as well. I am no psychologist, but it sounds like you have some social anxiety. Or a very, very mild panic attack. Its not all that uncommon. I think the key is to address the problem soon, rather than spending years reinforcing it, like some people do.

Off the top of my head…something like Toast Masters might be really good for you. This organization is found in different locations internationally, and often there are meetings held at universities.

The focus of such meetings is to practice speaking in front of other people….and as unappealing as that sounds.... people find that it builds confidence, improves speaking skills and helps alleviate their social anxiety in many ways.
 

"I just moved here from Florida."

That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?

She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."

She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.

I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.

Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.

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Titanium

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Yuriy777 said:
...Another suggestion would be to involve yourself in one or two activities where breath and/or heart rate control is important.
Public speaking courses/seminars come to mind since you get nervous in social situations. For breath control I would recommend something like swimming. For both breath and heart rate control I would recommend riflery / target shooting (skeet is fun too).
I didn't see your post. These are all really good suggestions.
 
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