I cant attract girls...

[theapprentice]

Im having problems attracting girls, period. My first problem is just approaching girls, I get scared and the only way to solve that is to have more confidence and to change my self image into a positive one. Im working on that.

My second problem that I dont know the answer to is how, once I have made contact with a girl.."hi..blah blah blah" I dont know how to act and talk. Well I know the principles, but principles dont really help in coming up with things to say that reflect those qualities.

According to me, here are a list of qualities that I know that women find attractive.

-Confidence
-Humor
-Conversation Skill
-Mystery
-Compassion
-"X" Factor - this is that special thing that seperates you, you can call it the ******* factor if you want.

THe problem I have is applying those qualities, if for example we sit in a room with girls, then my friends will talk and talk and make girls laugh and all I will want to do is stay quiet and be serious. But if I show desire and force myself then I can manage to make people laugh. But I rather just chill and take it easy.

BUt when I take it easy I just "sit on the couch" and not talk to anyone or make a big mental effort to try and impress people.

My dilema, I just want to be chill and relaxed out, but its the loud brash guy, assholish guy who talks and gets women to like him.

How can I transform my persoanlity so that I can exhibit those qualites?

I really want girls to like me, is that a wrong feeling to have? or should I think "Im a DJ, I dont need to like girls, I am the prize?"

How can I develop those qualites so that I dont have to focus on being funny when I am talking to girls but it just comes out like when I talk with my family members?

 

[theapprentice]

?

I dont get it?

 

[Soapz]

"I really want girls to like me, is that a wrong feeling to have?"

I doubt it. By definition, everyone on this forum wants girls to like us. We are social animals- we WANT people to like us!

But we cannot let that desire swallow and control us.

You want to chill, take it easy, and enjoy yourself in social settings? Try this little trick for 3 days and see how it goes. It really does remove the constantly active "need to please" syndrome.

Throughout your entire day, especially when you're interacting with people, repeat to yourself over and over the affirmation:

"I love this girl, and she loves me."

That affirmation should be playing like a background music in your head. Remember, don't just say it, actually FEEL it. FEEL like you truly like and appreciate the girl in front of you, and truly feel that she loves you. You must have the self discipline and willpower to carry through with this if you want to see results, but I guarentee- the results are well worth it.

When you feel like the other person loves you, and actually BELIEVE this, then why would you have the need to please? Why would you need to change yourself? She already loves you!

Seriously, try this out, and be amazed by the results. Luck!

p.s. when I say the word "love" i don't actually mean romantic love (although it CAN mean that)- I mean...general "liking" love.

 

[theapprentice]

Thanks

Hey that was some good advice....Ive been having this dliema where when I interact with people I feel this need to please all the time, to gain approval and at other times I felt so completely cool that I just mentally told them to "F*ck off". Its the balance that I have a hard time finding.

But if I feel like people already like me I can be w/e I want to be in that moment, happy, funny, I wont need to think about what attudes or persoanlities I need to take on, it can become taxing almost like playing a chess game.

Ill try that.

 

[88888888]

"I really want girls to like me, is that a wrong feeling to have?"

I doubt it. By definition, everyone on this forum wants girls to like us. We are social animals- we WANT people to like us!

But we cannot let that desire swallow and control us.

You want to chill, take it easy, and enjoy yourself in social settings? Try this little trick for 3 days and see how it goes. It really does remove the constantly active "need to please" syndrome.

Throughout your entire day, especially when you're interacting with people, repeat to yourself over and over the affirmation:

"I love this girl, and she loves me."

That affirmation should be playing like a background music in your head. Remember, don't just say it, actually FEEL it. FEEL like you truly like and appreciate the girl in front of you, and truly feel that she loves you. You must have the self discipline and willpower to carry through with this if you want to see results, but I guarentee- the results are well worth it.

When you feel like the other person loves you, and actually BELIEVE this, then why would you have the need to please? Why would you need to change yourself? She already loves you!

Seriously, try this out, and be amazed by the results. Luck!

p.s. when I say the word "love" i don't actually mean romantic love (although it CAN mean that)- I mean...general "liking" love.

You lost me a little bit. So is he supposed to remain in a relaxed state or is the I love this girl and she loves me supposed to pull him out of the relaxed state and start being active?

 

[DJ_in_making]

Do this....

Begin by interacting with only girls, don't get into mixed groups just yet. Learn the kinds of things to make them laugh or make them interested. Tone your conversation skills, if one of the girls says something silly crack on her and make her feel like a dork...she'll laugh too trust me.

And just learn how to be a damn motor-mouth sometimes. Think of interesting things that happened to you to talk about, observations. Just yap-yap and you'll start to pick up subconciously (if not consciously) new ways of interacting.

If you're in the case where you try to talk but your "wingman" cuts you off or hogs all the f-ing spot-light find a new wing... the guy you chill with should be able to interact with the chicks as well as help YOU convey your personality as well. If you look like you're trying too hard to compete with this other guy for attention congrats your value just sunk! Hope this helps 1!

 

[DarkLight]

Check this thread, and read my posts.
I think you'll get something from it.

[thread=110818]Click Me![/thread]

 

[Soapz]

You lost me a little bit. So is he supposed to remain in a relaxed state or is the I love this girl and she loves me supposed to pull him out of the relaxed state and start being active?

When he repeats the statement "I love this girl, and she loves me" in his head, he loses the desire to please others. This means he'll get in a relaxed state if he's in the mood for it, or he'll start becoming active if he feels like it.

In effect, it puts HIM in control of his behaviour, instead of doing what he thinks other people want him to do.

Good luck apprentice with finding your balance. Remember to persist with this stuff! Keep on finding more answers, and never let setbacks pull you down. It takes time and effort to develop inner game- but in the end, its all worth it.