I broke with my ex-gf, now, after 6 months of dating several girls, I want to go back

Aiken_Drum

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Hi guys, this is related to this post I made 8 months ago: http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=166465

Basically, I'm 27, broke with my GF (38 now, I know... looks younger but it's 38).
The thing is that I've been living the single life, going semi regularly with an 18 years old and ****ing now and then several other chicks.
The thing is that the last 3 weeks I've been thinking about my ex gf a lot.
I really loved her, but I broke with her because of incompatibility in objectives.
Basically, she wants a kid, not now, but in the not so far future.
I don't...

So I broke with her because I met this 18 years old girl who I felt infatuated with.
But the thing is that the magic died and I found myself thinking all day long about my ex, feeling really sad, thinking about the good times together (and also about the bad ones).
I want to go to her and tell her that I want to go back (I think she'll take me, for now at least, based on the last time we saw each other and the chat we had then, 2 weeks ago).

The thing is that this 18 years old has a nicer body in general (though my ex has MUCH better tits :p), but I'm not feeling too horny about her.
And I'm horny for my ex ALL the time. And really miss her presence in my life, she really gave me peace.

The thing I fear is that I won't be able to find someone I feel like this with.
I've been with her 2 & half years before breaking up with her... I spent with my former ex 2 years, but never loved her as much as I did this girl.

The thing is that I have several girls I can date, but I find myself always thinking about my ex when I'm with them (for a day or 2, not on a short date).
Sometimes, I even fantasize about having sex with my ex when having sex with these chicks, because other ways I don't get turned on.

Anyway, what do you guys think about this?

I always read "the way to cure oneitis is to date 10 girls, then, you'll forget about "the one".
I haven't reached 10, but I'm halfway through and I miss her like never in my life :(
Is this oneitis or love? Are they the same thing? How can I tell the difference?
 
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samspade

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The thing is, you have oneitis. Perhaps you need a break from women in general.
 

Bluntmaster

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I will bet the only good thing about this EX of the OP is she was crazy in bed, and she did crazy things like swallow his load so he pines for that. Because the other girls are probably lame in the sack. Am I right OP?

You can't let great sex make you delusional.
 

wait_out

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You are missing the highs of your old relationship. It is VERY easy to forget about the lows.

It's ok to miss the good times. Don't romanticize why you broke up with her though. I'm sure you had your reasons.
 

Scaramouche

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Dear Aikin,
Naaaa......never go back,you do so only to discover why you left in the first place.....But Aikin you live in Buenos Aires?Home of Argentina Tango,land of Gauchos,Armidillos and memories of Eva Peron.....Learn to dance,the place is full of cheap dance studios.....Having done that go out and hunt Western Women who go there to dance and indulge in dalliance with the locals...in my Dance group there are perhaps a Dozen likely Lasses who have done their pilgrimage but only a couple of guys....they all complain,no men,they are easy enough to Shag here,over there it would be like rolling off a log....so go out and take your mind off things,I would.
 
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Scaramouche

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Dear Bluntmaster,
"You can't let great sex make you delusional."Why not?apart from dancing that's all they are useful for.
 

Julius_Seizeher

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Too much concentration on women here. With women I "let the force flow through me".

Your energies are probably needed elsewhere.
 

Romjuan

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Have you been talking to her and remaining in contact with her prior to you thinking about her these past 3 weeks? I'm in a similar situation, I've been thinking about my ex a lot but I've remained in contact with her.
 

Aiken_Drum

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Hey guys, how are you?

Thanks for all the responses.
I think I mainly miss a couple of things of sex and the connection we built after 2 & half years, I've never felt so close to a woman in my life and that's what I miss the most.

But yes, I need to take my mind onto other things, like getting my college degree once & for all.

And Romjuan, I haven't been in contact with her for a couple of weeks (3 actually). We saw each other every month or so before that. She sent me an email last Thursday though.

Anyway, I definitely need to start focusing on other things, thanks for the input guys.
 

DJNiceGuy

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wow, this sounds identical to what my situation is. Me 27, girl 36. And same thing where I'm dating other girls, but can't seem to get her out of my head. And we broke off contact 3 weeks ago too haha. You are me.

I can't seem to find those traits that I found in her in other girls right now. It is very frustrating. Especially feeling that I won't be able to go back as more times passes so it will really be done for good. Thats why I'm on a mission to meet "the one" ASAP, so I don't go back. I'm seeign a 25 yr old right now that I'm not as enthused about. Trying to see if my feelings will grow. Also trying to see if I'm having a hard time b/c I'm missing the -ex, or whether its b/c this new girl is not right for me.
 
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Aiken_Drum

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DJNiceGuy said:
wow, this sounds identical to what my situation is. Me 27, girl 36. And same thing where I'm dating other girls, but can't seem to get her out of my head. And we broke off contact 3 weeks ago too haha. You are me.

I can't seem to find those traits that I found in her in other girls right now. It is very frustrating. Especially feeling that I won't be able to go back as more times passes so it will really be done for good. Thats why I'm on a mission to meet "the one" ASAP, so I don't go back. I'm seeign a 25 yr old right now that I'm not as enthused about. Trying to see if my feelings will grow. Also trying to see if I'm having a hard time b/c I'm missing the -ex, or whether its b/c this new girl is not right for me.
Hahahaha, its really freaky indeed :D
Exact same situation, I can't find her qualities, basically being stable emotionally, confident and mature in any girl. Maybe it's because I've been dating girls my age or younger.
Same thing about thinking it might be too late to go back :nervous:

Anyway, I'm having a more relaxed attitude about the whole deal right now, focusing on personal things, like getting some more order in my life.

I think I'm definitely attracted to older girls, maybe I dig a more maternal aspect :crazy:
 

Romjuan

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DJNiceGuy said:
wow, this sounds identical to what my situation is. Me 27, girl 36. And same thing where I'm dating other girls, but can't seem to get her out of my head. And we broke off contact 3 weeks ago too haha. You are me.

I can't seem to find those traits that I found in her in other girls right now. It is very frustrating. Especially feeling that I won't be able to go back as more times passes so it will really be done for good. Thats why I'm on a mission to meet "the one" ASAP, so I don't go back. I'm seeign a 25 yr old right now that I'm not as enthused about. Trying to see if my feelings will grow. Also trying to see if I'm having a hard time b/c I'm missing the -ex, or whether its b/c this new girl is not right for me.
hate to beat a dead horse, but im in the same similar situation too. i havent talked to my ex in 3 weeks and i keep thinking about her. we were going out once a week for the past 3 months but i noticed she never called me to go out, it was always me calling her and her agreeing. the past 3 weeks i decided to not call to see if she would call... she hasnt. im pretty sure that if i call she would go out, but i figured this is a sign of low interest and maybe shes trying to branch swing. ive been dating other girls too, but nothing feels right.
 

DJNiceGuy

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Aiken, any updates on this? I am in such a quandry. I really am about to go back to my -ex. I just want to see if I can meet anyone else this memorial day weekend. I know it just doesn't happen magically haha.

I've been doing a lot of soul searching too on whether I'm ready to get married and have kids. The thought scares me. But I think it would stress me out with any girl.

I also worry that I will be superficial and lose interest if she starts "looking her age".

But I have never felt anything for any other girl that comes close to how I feel about this girl. There's always that thought of "can I do better? Maybe I can find a chick my age who is hot who I click with just as well." But it hasn't happened yet, and I feel incredible with this chick. I don't know what to do...
 

italostud

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As per the older women issue. It's probably not a problem right now. IE: 28 yr old man and 38 yr old woman. But in another 10 years it could be an issue. Just something to think about. Also older women have less childbearing years left and their offspring will be more prone to defects.

I say have fun with the MILFs while you can, but start looking for a younger woman if you want children.
 

mrRuckus

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That stat about older women and birth defects is thrown about, and it's true, but older men are more likely to have kids with birth defects too.

Of course, on an individual level, there's no point to making it super risky by combining two old people. If you're gonna be 45 and having kids with a 23 year old one day, your son with the 3rd arm is probably on you.
 
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Aiken_Drum

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DJNiceGuy said:
Aiken, any updates on this? I am in such a quandry. I really am about to go back to my -ex. I just want to see if I can meet anyone else this memorial day weekend. I know it just doesn't happen magically haha.

I've been doing a lot of soul searching too on whether I'm ready to get married and have kids. The thought scares me. But I think it would stress me out with any girl.

I also worry that I will be superficial and lose interest if she starts "looking her age".

But I have never felt anything for any other girl that comes close to how I feel about this girl. There's always that thought of "can I do better? Maybe I can find a chick my age who is hot who I click with just as well." But it hasn't happened yet, and I feel incredible with this chick. I don't know what to do...
Well guys, last week I turned around 180 degrees, I don't miss my ex anymore and I started being infautuated with the girl I'm dating, the young one.
Soooo, that's VERY good news :D

I don't now how this will continue, I sincerly hope it's over, or at least I won't miss her with such an intensity and for such a long period.
The other day, at Lost finale I felt bad, because when we started seeing it together, 2 & half years ago I told her "Lost ends in 2010, I hope we can see it together".
And I saw it on my own...

But anyway, I feel happy I'm dating this girl, I'm seeing her tomorrow and CAN'T WAIT :yes:

So yes, there seems to be light at the end of the tunnel, finally!
 

samspade

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Keep up the good work. The real test comes when you think everything is hunky dory and she comes sniffing around, asking you how you've been, and seeing if she can't rope you in for another round of emotional chess. THAT'S when you have to know how to resist. Keep it in mind.
 

Julius_Seizeher

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I think you've traded one crutch for another, because it seemed so much easier than enduring the pain by yourself.

So there are still soft spots in you that will never be addressed until you are alone. Don't put it off, take the pain now and live the rest of your life as a champion.
 

Buddha_Mind

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Do you honestly think that Love can be understood so simply, that's like sitting down with your journal and capturing Truth. It's there man but its a slippery thing and you just know it in your gut when you feel it.

Dude sounds like the woman you let go was really a special person--and people exist well beyond their physical body--man start up and talk to her again, maybe you'll be able to have her back in your life.

Guess What--Life is often about the People who are In It. It's not always just about US.

Get this Good Woman back in your life and see what happens.

peace.
 

Julius_Seizeher

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Buddha_Mind said:
Do you honestly think that Love can be understood so simply, that's like sitting down with your journal and capturing Truth. It's there man but its a slippery thing and you just know it in your gut when you feel it.

Dude sounds like the woman you let go was really a special person--and people exist well beyond their physical body--man start up and talk to her again, maybe you'll be able to have her back in your life.

Guess What--Life is often about the People who are In It. It's not always just about US.

Get this Good Woman back in your life and see what happens.

peace.
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