I am utterly lost

[revannt]

im in the same exact position, what have u done to fix urself ud say? any progress since posting this

 

[inquisitor]

I have met her and we have had sex.

Thanks for the encouragament dear fella. But I love her. Losing her will be the end of me.

Just because she let you hit, doesn't mean you two are fit.

Maybe you don't actually love her. You just enjoyed the sex, and you want to have sex again.
Maybe she didn't enjoy the sex. Maybe you didn't even f*ck her good enough.

You're not utterly lost. You had an assumption about women, and you just learned that you're wrong.
On Valentine's Day. I get it, that's double damage.

It's not about saying the right thing. It's about saying the exciting thing. Learn humor.

Also, have you even done anything for her? Buy her flowers? Feed her good food? Watch a movie? All that stuff you probably call bullsh*t, but is actually necessary to fuel excitement and chemistry in your relationship?

Are you listening to her? Or are you just arguing with her? Two very different things.

Otherwise, forget her. I want to say talk to other girls and watch her get envious, but you have to actually do it.
Not just say you will talk to girls. You will talk, and have talked to girls.

 

[Askaladd]

im in the same exact position, what have u done to fix urself ud say? any progress since posting this

I started thinking from her perspective, what would she want. Also learning the proper words to console her when she is sad. Saying you are sorry when she has problems is a good start. They can most of the time deal with the problem but they want emotional help.

 

[RoadKing_Rabbit]

For the love of peppered, thick cut bacon!!! Are you a therapist? A psychologist perhaps? Maybe a psychiatrist? I'm guessing no to all three. You're trying to play one here and these efforts are never truly appreciated within the bounds of a romantic relationship. She'll treat you just as she would a person in mental health professions; only difference is she has your PERSONAL contact information and you've likely said something to the effect or given her the impression that you're available 24/7.

This is something YOU did. Not her. To be fair, I'd agree that she probably knows what she is doing to some extent and I'd also agree with the sentiment that she is a POS. If she is NOT aware of what she is doing, she is pathologically doing this and is effed up in the head. This is even worse. It's not your job to fix her.

You move on to someone POSITIVE. Misery loves company man, do you want to love misery? I'd bet you don't! Find some bros, man. Try an inexpensive hobby where you've got to be social. Try billiards. Get an inexpensive motorcycle and learn to ride. Buy a dog and go to busy dog parks! Learn how to cook over a fire and split wood. Join a BJJ gym or CrossFit gym (not cheap and totally not my jam for reasons others might agree with).

They have a serious (too serious in my opinion) community and sense of brotherhood and comradery that I feel you are severely lacking. Being with a group of men that are not only going after what you want with a leader who wants to see everyone in the group achieve what he has achieved. You'll hold each other to task and poke good natured fun at each other for getting cold feet.

Whatever you do, DON'T attempt to dry fire something loaded pointing in the direction of the man in the mirror. That's going to solve only one thing and that's a chance at a happy fulfilled life. Either take our advice or don't on other matters involving DJing, but do NOT end it over something that every woman on God's green earth has.

 

[Askaladd]

For the love of peppered, thick cut bacon!!! Are you a therapist? A psychologist perhaps? Maybe a psychiatrist? I'm guessing no to all three. You're trying to play one here and these efforts are never truly appreciated within the bounds of a romantic relationship.

But don't women want to vent about their issues and seek comfort

 

[BackInTheGame78]

But don't women want to vent about their issues and seek comfort

They want you to listen, not fix their problems for them. That's where most men go wrong. We are natural fixers, so we try and apply what we do around the house, at our job, with our cars, etc to relationships but it doesn't work that way.

All it does is eventually build resentment and lead to them blaming you for leading her down the wrong path when things don't work out perfectly, even if she didn't even take the advice you gave many times.

Listen, be understanding and say "that sucks, but I'm sure you'll get things sorted out. Let me know if there is anything I can do to help." and then let things be. If she wants your help she will ask for it. You aren't her Daddy, it's not your job to fix her life. She is a big girl, she can figure it out on her own.

 

[Jor-El]

If you rely on someone else to make you happy,(whomever that maybe at any point) you will never be happy,ever,in your entire life,you gotta find a way to be happy on your own,anything else is a bonus

 

[RoadKing_Rabbit]

But don't women want to vent about their issues and seek comfort

I wouldn't say that they don't want this to some extent. The problem is when you are putting in serious hours of your time and sacrificing what you need or desire in a relationship and are over giving.

 

[Bible_Belt]

I started thinking from her perspective, what would she want. Also learning the proper words to console her when she is sad. Saying you are sorry when she has problems is a good start. They can most of the time deal with the problem but they want emotional help.

You'll learn over time to not invalidate emotions. Don't argue that she shouldn't feel the way she does. Just accept it.

When she says things that don't make any sense, preface her statement with "I feel as though ____" Then you can skip the argument and let her feel that way. You can't change a woman's feelings with logic.