I am crushed and I don't know what happened

[AJ84]

I agree that some guys jump to conclusions and blame it all on the the woman. Oh and I forgot that there was a time gap between the breakup and her new guy. I read your line that it's "trading up," which is really the layman's definition of hypergamy. Whatever she perceives as higher value. But if she didn't monkey branch, then she just flat out left him, so I misunderstood.

But I think the greater point is that the men are saying "if she was that great, you wouldn't have let her drift." There is plenty of truth in that. While the females are saying "well she did everything she could and you took her for granted so she bailed." Maybe so. So I think you can see how both sides are coming at it. The truth is probably somewhere in the middle - that she was a dedicated girlfriend, but not what he wanted to commit to...the center couldn't hold. But that doesn't mean it was all his fault and that we should let her off the hook (especially the way she ghosted him). The guy has some Oneitis and the best way to treat that is to avoid the whole "she did everything for you, you pushed her away" routine. In the future, hopefully, the OP will learn to shyt or get off the pot if the woman is pushing for something more committed.

You’re right, perhaps there was a reason he wasn’t committing to her, maybe there were some red flags.

But we are all limited to what he has posted, and he posted that she treated him well and it was he who didn’t want to commit because Of past experiences and he feels that it would kill the chemistry and he feels like he would have to compromise to make her happy.

So maybe there’s something in the compromising part? What would he have to compromise? Did she want him to work less or do less of his hobbies etc?

We don’t know, but he keeps implying that he is the reason why she left. Either he followed some red pill manuals to the letter, to the detriment of being with a girl he actually liked because of some fear that the red pill instilled in him not to like her too much or show or give anything because she will lose attraction (which you know the red pill advises). Or, he didn’t like her as much as she liked him but he really liked how she treated him, but the connection on his part wasn’t there, which happens.

More info would be helpful.

 

[rz11]

I will update as soon as I get home. Thanks to everyone for taking the time to respond

 

[rz11]

I just got home. First of all, thank you all again for the comments, many of you have opened my eyes, but I do not agree with some of them. I think that in order to understand this case well it is necessary to explain a little more how our relationship was.

The year in which this girl started college we were dating and meeting with some normality, in fact, at that time (5 years ago) we had the label of boyfriend-girlfriend. Before that time things were great, but that year the fact of seeing each other very often made her start to raise the typical doubts that come to women when they have a guy always available. "I don't know if we want the same thing, etc." On many occasions telling me that I didn't give enough of my part, which was completely false.

At that moment we gave ourselves a break in which I was quite hurt. Few months after we got back together and this time I did what she said she wanted: more time together and more commitment from my part. It turns out that this time she treated me badly all year long and she didn't even feel like hanging out with me or having sex until I got tired of the situation and decided to have some self-respect and leave her.

That's when I seriously study relationships, dating, etc. And I was focused on myself. My life improved a lot in all aspects. The next time I saw her she tried to get back together by all means. I agreed because I had and have feelings for this girl, but this time I used my knowledge to make the relationship work for both of us.

During these three years she got tired of repeating that she had never been so in love with someone, that she had never been so happy that I was the man of her life, etc. This did not go unnoticed, even her mother told me "I don't know what you do to her, but thank you very much".

If I didn't have a more serious relationship with her at that time, it was precisely because the time in which I did it was horrible and she treated me like garbage. Maybe I'm not able to keep the attraction in a more engaged relationship, but I didn't play with anyone and I certainly didn't use this girl for sex. In fact, our dates were not to come to my house and fvck, but could be understood as those of a committed relationship: beach, dinner, and so on. The only thing is that maybe I wasn't available as often as she wanted because uncertainty was working very positively in our relationship.

In addition, I want to make it clear that my intention in this relationship was more to give than to receive. For me it would have been much easier to have looked for another more attractive girl and forget the problems if I bothered all this time to be a better man has been to improve the relationship I had with her because I liked to see her in love and happy. I do not think she made that same effort herself.

I also want to make it clear that since I am involved with her I've always received a lot more attention from the opposite sex than her. Practically every week I've had a situation where a girl tried to have something with me and yet I never did anything out of respect for her.

If she is with another guy then great! What bothers me is that she seem to move on like it was nothing. Obviously I've made mistakes, but I'm better because of them and I think this situation will make me better. I am only asking with humility if I could have done something better to do it in the future if I am given a similar circumstance.

Thanks for your support

 

[Spaz]

I just got home. First of all, thank you all again for the comments, many of you have opened my eyes, but I do not agree with some of them. I think that in order to understand this case well it is necessary to explain a little more how our relationship was.

The year in which this girl started college we were dating and meeting with some normality, in fact, at that time (5 years ago) we had the label of boyfriend-girlfriend. Before that time things were great, but that year the fact of seeing each other very often made her start to raise the typical doubts that come to women when they have a guy always available. "I don't know if we want the same thing, etc." On many occasions telling me that I didn't give enough of my part, which was completely false.

At that moment we gave ourselves a break in which I was quite hurt. Few months after we got back together and this time I did what she said she wanted: more time together and more commitment from my part. It turns out that this time she treated me badly all year long and she didn't even feel like hanging out with me or having sex until I got tired of the situation and decided to have some self-respect and leave her.

That's when I seriously study relationships, dating, etc. And I was focused on myself. My life improved a lot in all aspects. The next time I saw her she tried to get back together by all means. I agreed because I had and have feelings for this girl, but this time I used my knowledge to make the relationship work for both of us.

During these three years she got tired of repeating that she had never been so in love with someone, that she had never been so happy that I was the man of her life, etc. This did not go unnoticed, even her mother told me "I don't know what you do to her, but thank you very much".

If I didn't have a more serious relationship with her at that time, it was precisely because the time in which I did it was horrible and she treated me like garbage. Maybe I'm not able to keep the attraction in a more engaged relationship, but I didn't play with anyone and I certainly didn't use this girl for sex. In fact, our dates were not to come to my house and fvck, but could be understood as those of a committed relationship: beach, dinner, and so on. The only thing is that maybe I wasn't available as often as she wanted because uncertainty was working very positively in our relationship.

In addition, I want to make it clear that my intention in this relationship was more to give than to receive. For me it would have been much easier to have looked for another more attractive girl and forget the problems if I bothered all this time to be a better man has been to improve the relationship I had with her because I liked to see her in love and happy. I do not think she made that same effort herself.

I also want to make it clear that since I am involved with her I've always received a lot more attention from the opposite sex than her. Practically every week I've had a situation where a girl tried to have something with me and yet I never did anything out of respect for her.

If she is with another guy then great! What bothers me is that she seem to move on like it was nothing. Obviously I've made mistakes, but I'm better because of them and I think this situation will make me better. I am only asking with humility if I could have done something better to do it in the future if I am given a similar circumstance.

Thanks for your support

Relax.

I already guessed what she did when I 1st posted here, that's why I asked you what's so special about her, it's to self reflect.

Most men come here feeling broken because they were indeed broken from within after being with a girl for many years, part of the feminine imperative is to subconsciously 'train' a man.

And that 'training' involves breaking a man down slowly until he becomes slave - like, with him thinking its part of proving his love.

However once that's achieved, she loses her admiration towards him and ultimately her respect.

Once that's lost, you're lost her love.

Side note: The other posters here that's gunning at you not being great are women who like all women would want to enslave you further.

 

[ChristopherColumbus]

You had a woman. Then you learnt game, and then you lost the woman 'cos you wanted to keep your options open. Thank game for that.

 

[17 shots]

She stopped texting you for 4 months, and instead of reaching out ONCE to see what's up with this girl that you spent years with, you decided to play it cool and say nothing

She was most likely testing you to see if you cared at all, and you failed. There's playing it cool, and then there's just not using your brain dude

 

[rz11]

Relax.

I already guessed what she did when I 1st posted here, that's why I asked you what's so special about her, it's to self reflect.

Most men come here feeling broken because they were indeed broken from within after being with a girl for many years, part of the feminine imperative is to subconsciously 'train' a man.

And that 'training' involves breaking a man down slowly until he becomes slave - like, with him thinking its part of proving his love.

However once that's achieved, she loses her admiration towards him and ultimately her respect.

Once that's lost, you're lost her love.

Side note: The other posters here that's gunning at you not being great are women who like all women would want to enslave you further.

Agree. Also, I think the reason that I didn't want to commit was that I didn't trust her again after that period in which she treated me like sh*t for not having my act together. That made me wake up and realize that there was no "unconditional" love.

 

[rz11]

She stopped texting you for 4 months, and instead of reaching out ONCE to see what's up with this girl that you spent years with, you decided to play it cool and say nothing

She was most likely testing you to see if you cared at all, and you failed. There's playing it cool, and then there's just not using your brain dude

That wasn't the first time she did something like that, she is a poor communicator, instead of explaining what bothers her, she goes silent. Besides, she did it just when a relative of mine had just died and I found that disrespectful so I wasn't gonna get involved in that game.

 

[rz11]

You had a woman. Then you learnt game, and then you lost the woman 'cos you wanted to keep your options open. Thank game for that.

If it weren't for game, I'd have lost her much sooner.

 

[Trump]

Not dating until she was 16 (legal age here in Spain), but she made clear the interest in me when she was 13.

A girl in Grade 8 told you “I’m very interested in you” when you were in Grade 12?

Damn. If we even talked girls in Grade 8 when we were in Grade 12, we would be arrested.

I'm 27, great physical shape, I have a PhD in Artificial Intelligence and I am the typical guy that get attention from women.

That worked and I got her back, a couple of months later same story but this time I take the Red Pill. That was three years ago.

I have to be honest and say that even though I knew that I should have a rotation of women I had all my eggs in one basket with her. I know, bad way to go.

Typical guys don’t get attention from women

If you put all your attention on her, you didn’t take the Red pill.

But anyway, my acting was really on point, pure Alfa, over this past three years the sex was over the roof, no drama, she comes to my house when I say so, usually once or twice a week and she ****s my brains out. Constantly talking about marrying me, wanting kids with me and all that.

Acting, having constant sex, talking about marriage and kids and all that is not what makes a man alpha, let alone pure alpha.

So 4 months ago she stopped texting me. I thought that was, of course, a tactic to have me cave in and summit, which of course I didn't do. I went about my life thinking that she would be back as submissive as always.
This time I was wrong. I saw her the other day and I know she has a new boyfriend. The dude is a Beta Male Provider because in less than a month the guy is meeting her parents planning to go live with her and all that crap.

If she stopped texting you, how do you know that?

Meeting parents and living with a good looking girl is not “beta male provider”. They could be splitting bills 50/50, she could be paying for everything.

Boy there are a lot of assumptions and labels in your post, getting the sense you are making this up.

Regardless of the situation, I feel crushed because of the number of years I have with this girl, and also I believe I did everything by the book. Until the last day, she was all over me and couldn't wait to come to my place to have sex. I know about hypergamy

How could you know about hypergamy and be so crushed?

What I don't know is if a girl could be over a guy who she has so much attraction like that and never look back? or she just using that dude for security?.

She is 23 btw and I never sent her a text from the point she ceased contact. Thanks to all of you in advance and sorry for the long text.

If she ceased all contact, how do you know anything about what she is doing? She could have got a major movie role in Hollywood or gone to China for modelling.

Story is not adding up bro, hard to believe.

 

[rz11]

If you put all your attention on her, you didn’t take the Red pill.

True. I'd say I am familiar with the Red pill, not the same as have taken the Red pill. My fault.

If she stopped texting you, how do you know that?

We both are from the same small town and are here for vacation. Friends in common let me know that she was with another dude.

Meeting parents and living with a good looking girl is not “beta male provider”. They could be splitting bills 50/50, she could be paying for everything.

Could be. Maybe I say that to myself to feel better.

Boy there are a lot of assumptions and labels in your post, getting the sense you are making this up.

No I'm not. I didn't take the time to write all this for entertainment.

How could you know about hypergamy and be so crushed?

I knew about hypergamy after I was emotionally involved with her.

If she ceased all contact, how do you know anything about what she is doing? She could have got a major movie role in Hollywood or gone to China for modelling.

Story is not adding up bro, hard to believe.

Small town, friends in common. When I mean small town I mean 1,000 people, so it's almos impossible to don't know what everybody is doing.

 

[samspade]

That wasn't the first time she did something like that, she is a poor communicator, instead of explaining what bothers her, she goes silent. Besides, she did it just when a relative of mine had just died and I found that disrespectful so I wasn't gonna get involved in that game.

That's some key information. She doesn't sound so great after all.

 

[AJ84]

Thanks for adding more clarity. It sounds like she was at times not sure about being with you so understandable why you would not want to commit if there was a chance she would change her mind, as she questioned things before.

Yes there is history but remember that some of that wasn’t good history, don’t just dwell on the good memories and the good things about her. It’s easy to forget about the negative things in people if it feels like they left a void but really you are in a better place without her as now you don’t have to wonder if she’s the one for you. She isn’t.

With time it will get easier and best bet is to focus on yourself and moving forward.

You mentioned that you wanted to know what you could of done differently. Probably not much, if she was not sure about being with you despite any changes you made re game or frame etc.

Sometimes it’s just the luck of the draw no matter how tight your game is.

Just continue to meet and date girls.

 

[rz11]

That's some key information. She doesn't sound so great after all.

Yeah, I suppose I rationalize and idealize her because of all the time we spent together. She grew up without a father figure (the guy had alcoholism problems) and I think that could have also had created some emotional baggage against men. Deep down I think I knew I could not have a good committed relationship with her, but that doesn't change the fact that these things hurt anyway. I guess this is all for the better. Thanks again

It’s easy to forget about the negative things in people if it feels like they left a void but really you are in a better place without her as now you don’t have to wonder if she’s the one for you. She isn’t.

I think you are right. I am definitely in a better place, I have a mix of a sense of freedom and nostalgia.

 

[Epic Days]

It does make a difference.

Camp No. 1 is the masculine mind frame.

Camp No. 2 is the feminine mind frame.

Camp No. 1 asked, what's so special about her, there's nothing, so it's a waste of time thinking, to be dismissed from the mind henceforth and/or if the reply was indeed she is special with some outstanding qualities, then we'll have to probe deeper, since obviously OP has erred in some ways and it would be good to get to the root cause, simply to avoid a repeat.

Camp No. 2, despite knowing full well she's not special nor outstanding, keeps on focusing on him NOT being committed enough. That puts suggestions in his mind that he should commit regardless, of course in the coming future.

Why should a man commit to a women who is not special?

Again, two different men. The impetus is again to obtain and hold a woman. This is catastrophic by its very nature. This whole thread is about holding a woman via some deliberate action to entice or express some egocentric version of the man being superior to other men.

The OP clearly stated that when he was uncertain about her, she wouldn’t stay away from him. Then when he couldn’t control his emotional state, he step right in line with the manipulation. All this scenario did was elevate her in her own mind. He is just practice on her road to an “optimized” man via the sexual and intimacy manipulation venue.

The two camps of men are clearly divided.

 

[rz11]

Again, two different men. The impetus is again to obtain and hold a woman. This is catastrophic by its very nature. This whole thread is about holding a woman via some deliberate action to entice or express some egocentric version of the man being superior to other men.

The OP clearly stated that when he was uncertain about her, she wouldn’t stay away from him. Then when he couldn’t control his emotional state, he step right in line with the manipulation. All this scenario did was elevate her in her own mind. He is just practice on her road to an “optimized” man via the sexual and intimacy manipulation venue.

The two camps of men are clearly divided.

Hard pill to swallow but I see that I am in the feminine mind frame. I will learn from the experience. Thanks

 

[Epic Days]

Hard pill to swallow but I see that I am in the feminine mind frame. I will learn from the experience. Thanks

It is a hard pill to swallow at first. But if you continue to learn about the feminine imperative, one day all the clouds will evaporate for you and you will feel a freedom you have never felt. The freedom to be a man again.
You will wonder how you ever survived back in that $hit storm.

 

[rz11]

It is a hard pill to swallow at first. But if you continue to learn about the feminine imperative, one day all the clouds will evaporate for you and you will feel a freedom you have never felt. The freedom to be a man again.
You will wonder how you ever survived back in that $hit storm.

It's inspiring to have men like you guys pointing the bigger picture problems (mindset and feminine conditioning) of my approach and not focus on the quick fix and general solutions to "get back with her" as popular culture does. I think I definitely needed a situation like this to accelerate my unplugging from the feminine matrix.

 

[rz11]

How do you know how he's making her feel? Did she tell you? Again even still its just words. Actions bro. Who is she with??

You are right, I think she got a dude that is esy avalible and willing to commit but of course I'm not sure. Anyway, I definitely could do better and avoid the emotional attachment next time dating multiple women. If I enter a serious relationship at this point of my life of a fear of losing this girl I would regret it forever so its time to move on and get better.

 

[sosousage]

text her from fake facebook account that her bf is virgin cuck