I’m strong but not tough

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

I was talking with my brother a little bit ago and we were discussing about various things when it comes to strength and toughness. He himself is naturally tough-minded. Life is hard, it’s not easy. You can’t just go out and have fun all the time. Go ahead and enjoy it, but there’s still work to do. I get that and fully understand it. But I’m saying that I still don’t want to feel trapped in a system like the one that we currently have. I don’t want to have to follow it to reach my goals. He doesn’t have goals aimed as high as mine and I guess because of that he’s just saying tough luck, don’t be a wimp and just deal with it really. I mean I’m all for tough love and everything and I’m a hell of a lot tougher than some other people nowadays, but it didn’t come naturally to me and I had to completely change myself for it to happen. Plus, part of me is still not willing to do things until I absolutely HAVE to do them. I will always get stuff done, but it’s almost always last minute. I will never ever complain about having to do something that MUST be done, ever. But if I do not feel that I have to, then it’s like I procrastinate and become lazy, even if it is good for me. I guess what I’m saying is that I am mentally strong, but not mentally tough, if that makes any sense.

I don’t need tough love from anyone anymore because at this point in my life, I’ve given myself enough to where that part of my brain is just fried lol. I tried hard to fully change into becoming tougher, too. I’ve been looking for years on how to do that really, I’ve even made several threads on it over here. Well I tried and tried to do that for a long time while still trying to retain a part of me that was a good person.

Well certain things happened to me, and for the first timein my life, I gave up. Not on being tougher, but on being a good person. I felt that the world didn’t need that anymore and that it was just holding me back from being tougher. That’s why I made that thread a while ago of ‘Should I just become a bad person?’. Well I eventually said screw it and refused to care anymore about right and wrong, and the first day I kept saying it ‘**** it I don’t care, I just don’t care anymore’. The second day I felt like I changed a little more on the inside, and I didn’t have to try as hard. Looking back in hindsight, I was definitely changing into something a little more black and angry and hateful, something really, really evil and cruel. And I don’t know if God is out there, but if there is some holy deity, then there definitely had to be some sort of divine intervention because on the third day, I woke up and for absolutely no reason whatsoever just felt happier and more optimistic, and just felt good. Something was placed into my heart that day, and I don’t know what it was or how it happened, but it was enough to wash away whatever evil and blackness was in there. It’s like God placed into my heart something because He didn’t want me to change and lose that part of myself.

I reached my limit then. Honestly when I write this, I hate to admit it but it kinda makes me cry a little. That was the absolute destruction of the genuinely sweet and caring little boy that I used to be. All remnants of who I was, of happiness and joy and love, like a toddler who trips over and picks himself up while waddling to his dad when he comes home from work just to hug the side of his leg because he is so excited to see him, or when a baby laughs and claps his/her hands together the first time they discover ripping paper; everything that a little child like that was, was completely destroyed.

That boy is back now, but I realize that in order for me to TRULY be tough, I need to lose that deepest part of myself. Why do I have to do that in order to be tough? Why do I have to become evil and bitter? Why do I have to go to such an extreme? Why can’t I just be tough-minded like my brother without becoming that way? What am I doing wrong?

 

[backseatjuan]

One day crow see some migrating birds and ask itself, why don't I migrate to the south with them? And she did. Half way through, it's swinging its wings and thinks to itself, strong I am, but retarded!

 

[Desdinova]

The best thing we can do is retain a bit of that natural humanity we are all given. We shouldn't fight our ability to care, to love, and to be nice. All we need to do is make sure that those who accept these don't take advantage of them for their own benefit. We don't even have to retaliate in a negative way, we just need to use the word "no" which is one of the most difficult words to use. Failure of using the word "no" will make us vulnerable.

 

[Mike32ct]

Being tough and handling life doesn’t necessarily require you to be cruel or a bad person. I can identify with the procrastination thing and not doing things until you absolutely have to, but that’s a separate issue.

I know plenty of GOOD people that get shyte done and complete it ASAP. That’s what I’m focusing on doing/becoming in this new year. I would recommend the same to you.

Please stop worrying about having to “become bad” in order to succeed. You don’t.

Honestly, I’m not a big fan of “tough love.” It works on some people, but not everybody. Some people only do well with encouragement and positive reinforcement.

 

[Von]

You are a sensible person.

The only way to move forward... is to learn to disconnect... disconnect from the negativeness or anybody that doesnt fit in your idea of life.... and focus only on you... and what you want....

From there you'll be able to move forward... challenges will always remain but they wont be heavy anymore

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

You are a sensible person.

The only way to move forward... is to learn to disconnect... disconnect from the negativeness or anybody that doesnt fit in your idea of life.... and focus only on you... and what you want....

From there you'll be able to move forward... challenges will always remain but they wont be heavy anymore

But there is a problem that I realized with this (because I am able to do it). There are several actually. The first one is that you are just numb, you aren’t actually tough. The second one is that it can creep up into other parts of your life and your feelings in general can become that way. Third, that can affect your DRIVE, your motivation, and your discipline because you are just numb and no longer feel any of it anymore. You lose all that stuff stuff. That’s why I want to be tough, not numb. And it is all essentially represssed feelings that can blow up in your face if you try to let out some of it because you don’t realize just how much you have been holding in.

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

The best thing we can do is retain a bit of that natural humanity we are all given. We shouldn't fight our ability to care, to love, and to be nice. All we need to do is make sure that those who accept these don't take advantage of them for their own benefit. We don't even have to retaliate in a negative way, we just need to use the word "no" which is one of the most difficult words to use. Failure of using the word "no" will make us vulnerable.

The question is, how many people deserve that from us? It’s kind of weird to be honest. When you care about someone/something, sometimes the best thing you can do for it is hurt it in order for it to grow stronger. Let’s say that you like a woman right? And you feel that she deserves to be treated very sweetly because of how well she treats you. But inside, you know that if you don’t continue to remain somewhat a sarcastic assho1e or kinda sh!tty to her in some ways, that she will no longer love you. And it kinda bothers you to have to do things to hurt someone that you care about a little bit even though you know that it’s the only way to really keep her around. But it’s like, what’s the point in even keeping that humanity with us anymore?

 

[ubercat]

Regarding women it's pretty simple. If you did a great job on screening and caught one who is a decent chick. Then treat her well and be a bit of a **** occasionally in a funny way. That plus her usual work and social interactions should provide a good girl with enough drama. You don't need to run jerk game on a good girl ... simples.

 

[Desdinova]

Let’s say that you like a woman right? And you feel that she deserves to be treated very sweetly because of how well she treats you. But inside, you know that if you don’t continue to remain somewhat a sarcastic assho1e or kinda sh!tty to her in some ways, that she will no longer love you. And it kinda bothers you to have to do things to hurt someone that you care about a little bit even though you know that it’s the only way to really keep her around

I'm at a point where I don't even think of that anymore. I've become a naturally sarcastic assh0le. It's come to the point where I'm a bit mean to her because I care about her. It's all part of caring. It sounds completely fvcked up, but that's the reality of it. If I quit being an occasionally sarcastic assh0le, then I've given up on maintaining the relationship.

Being a slight assh0le to your woman is a necessary evil. It's not like women chose to be attracted to that. As long as you don't beat the 5hit out of her or talk down to her, you ARE being a genuinely good person.

 

[marmel75]

Dude you sound like one of these people who we are going to see on the news for walking into a crowd and starting to open fire on people...a little scary with the way things are these days...

 

[ubercat]

Yeah Des does have a point. Just pointing out the flaws in her circular female logic occasionally should do the job. Admittedly Asian girls are my thing and they are normally pretty good so you can use a lighter hand on the reins.

 

[Red Legg]

The best thing we can do is retain a bit of that natural humanity we are all given. We shouldn't fight our ability to care, to love, and to be nice. All we need to do is make sure that those who accept these don't take advantage of them for their own benefit. We don't even have to retaliate in a negative way, we just need to use the word "no" which is one of the most difficult words to use. Failure of using the word "no" will make us vulnerable.

You can be "manly" and dominant without being an azzhole...and you can always say "NO" with a smile on your face,it throws people for a loop.

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

I'm at a point where I don't even think of that anymore. I've become a naturally sarcastic assh0le. It's come to the point where I'm a bit mean to her because I care about her. It's all part of caring. It sounds completely fvcked up, but that's the reality of it. If I quit being an occasionally sarcastic assh0le, then I've given up on maintaining the relationship.

Being a slight assh0le to your woman is a necessary evil. It's not like women chose to be attracted to that. As long as you don't beat the 5hit out of her or talk down to her, you ARE being a genuinely good person.

I’m like that too now, I have no problems with it because I know that it’s pretty much a must. But it’s almost like ‘damn, what the hell happened?’ you know what I mean? That’s actually just another example of me being strong but not tough lol.

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

Dude you sound like one of these people who we are going to see on the news for walking into a crowd and starting to open fire on people...a little scary with the way things are these days...

Then you’re an idiot. Those people do NOT talk like me at all.

 

[PeasantPlayer]

I'm strong, but not disciplined. That is changing.....NOW

 

[Macaframalama]

Sounds like a lack of discipline. I'm inherently alot like what you described, with procrastinating. Always have been. Discipline is what keeps you going, when the motivation just isn't there. It can be tempered. I just set goals. Some big, some small and do them frequently, until they become habit. I just try not to set a bunch all at once and I try not to set goals that I feel might be unattainable, without a built in progression. For example, if you were trying to drop a few pounds, instead of overhauling your diet or following the trendiest, new diet, that you know doesn't seem sustainable, you could make a few small changes, get good results and have somewhere to go, when progress stops. Eat smaller portions, if you drink a soda a day, drink a soda every other day, etc. It's small, little victories that add up to big achievements, while building mental fortitude and momentum along the way. The bigger goals I set are usually something that challenges my ego amongst others. Men specifically, because imo, men learn how to be men from other men. Something like jiu jitsu or powerlifting or anything new you've wanted to try, where you know, that once you walk through the door that there will be other guys bigger, stronger, tougher, more technically proficient than yourself. I know this has been thrown around alot lately, but it's easy to feel like the alpha in your social circle, home, etc, but I feel, to be a better man, you have to put yourself around men that are better than you, but little habit forming goals will go a long way in building mental toughness, as well benefit you spiritually and physically.

 

[Von]

I am in love with this woman

Discipline always been a weak side of me... especially with stuff I don't like... I always procrastined on important stuff until I get anxiety... my dad even gave me a ''Procrastinor meeting postponed'' necklace for my bday lol.

Start building a routine, do something you like every day in your schedule

Start saying NO to stuff that aren't in your ''life plan''.

Be a man