I’m lost and tired

Maxtro

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I haven’t posted here in a while and somehow I just got the inspiration.

A few months ago the girl I’ve been chasing for a couple of years kicked me out of her life. We had a little fight when we were hanging out, and then a few days later, over text, tells me that she thinks the friendship wasn’t working and that we should stop hanging out. I asked her to clarify and she refused. I said something out of anger back to her, called her immature, and ever since then she never replied to calls, texts or emails. I haven’t seen or talked to her since November. I don’t know if I was in love with her or not, but she was the closest thing I’ve ever had to a girlfriend.

From then until now I’ve felt like I’m in a daze. Almost as if nothing I do matters. Other than a girl at my work whom I asked out last month and was rejected by, I’ve had no interest in anybody. Nor have I really had any interest in anything other than playing some video games.

I’m depressed, angry, hurting, bitter and very afraid of getting feelings for a girl again.

Right now I’m trying to decide if I want to get back into the game or not. I absolutely need a woman in my life but after trying and failing for so long, I don’t know if I should bother. This is also the first time in a very long time, that I don’t have a female “friend” that I can talk to and hang out with; basically going without getting my dose of feminine energy that keeps me going. That’s probably why I’ve felt really down for these past months, she was my source and so much more.

I’m tired and don’t know what to do anymore.
 
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penkitten

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oh max... you know you will eventually jump back into scouting for chicks. you have to. you won't spend your life alone and sad and depressed over a girl that needed to move on with her life in another direction.
you are better than that sort of attitude.
however, since you do feel down in the dumps and lost, we will all be here to support you. (as we have all been there before)
(note:unless it turns into a full time job of whining for attention. then no, not so much.)
hahaha. i'm just messing with you.
hope to see you back to yourself once you have had a little time to put things in perspective.
 

Findog

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Maxtro said:
I haven’t posted here in a while and somehow I just got the inspiration.

A few months ago the girl I’ve been chasing for a couple of years kicked me out of her life. We had a little fight when we were hanging out, and then a few days later told me that she thinks the friendship wasn’t working and that we should stop hanging out. I asked her to clarify and she refused. I said something out of anger back to her, called her immature, and ever since then she never replied to calls, texts or emails. I haven’t seen or talked to her since November. I don’t know if I was in love with her or not, but she was the closest thing I’ve ever had to a girlfriend.
Don't orbit girls. You can never friend your way into a girl's pants. You meet a girl, you like her, you make your interest known, and if she's not game, you move on to the next one. Women are like buses, there's always another one coming up. Orbiting girls leads to one-itis. This girl actually did you a favor. You were never going to be a romantic figure in her life. Now you can go out and find somebody who will.



From then until now I’ve felt like I’m in a daze. Almost as if nothing I do matters. Other than a girl at my work whom I asked out last month and was rejected by, I’ve had no interest in anybody. Nor have I really had any interest in anything other than playing some video games.
Video games are fine as one hobby among many, but when that's all you want to do, you are self-medicating and using it as a numbing method of escape. What are you interested in besides video games? Do you play sports or a musical instrument? Do you have any causes you are passionate about? If you want a woman in your life, you need to be a well-rounded person with many interests. If all you can talk about is video games and sports, you're not going to get very far. Take dancing lessons at an Arthur Murray studio, volunteer at Habitat for Humanity or your local hospital, take cooking lessons, do SOMETHING. Make sure you exercise plenty and are in good physical shape. Get out of your apt/house and live life for yourself. When you do that, the women and everything else will fall into place.

I’m depressed, angry, hurting, bitter and very afraid of getting feelings for a girl again.
This will go away when you decide to live for yourself and don't care about the approval of others, women or men.


Right now I’m trying to decide if I want to get back into the game or not. I absolutely need a woman in my life but after trying and failing for so long, I don’t know if I should bother.
Dude, I used to be a total omega male. Forget beta. I couldn't get laid in a wh*rehouse with a thick stack of hundreds. I had no self-confidence. I didn't pay attention to grooming, how I dressed or take care of my body with exercise. I reached a point where you are now where I almost said f*ck it. I'm glad I didn't. I went to therapy and gradually started to figure things out.

This is also the first time in a very long time, that I don’t have a female “friend” that I can talk to and hang out with; basically going without getting my dose of feminine energy that keeps me going. That’s probably why I’ve felt really down for these past months, she was my source and so much more.
You don't want or need female "friends." Men and women can't be friends in the way that same-sex friendships operate. One person always wants to f*ck the other, and it's not always the guy. I mean, I am "friends" with my guy friend's girlfriends or wives, but I don't hang out one on one generally with other single women. You want plenty of male friends. They will hold you accountable and help you get you where you need to go.

Good luck.

I’m tired and don’t know what to do anymore.
Take this post as a starting point.
 

Maxtro

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Hey Kitten.

Good of you to point out that I have a reputation of wanting attention. And that's completely true. But I've since realized that forum attention doesn't really give me any fulfillment. Of course I still appreciate any advice.
over a girl that needed to move on with her life in another direction.
I think you're completely right about that. The one thing she told me was that she thought we didn't get along. I suspect that it was just girl speak for "I need to move on with my life and you aren't welcome in it anymore." Stupid me actually thought I was gaining ground on her. She may have been ready, but I certainly wasn't.
 

Night-hawk

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Usually when a guy lashes out to a girl it's a sign of suppression, in your case the desire to have this girl reciprocate back to you as you've been wanting and waiting on for some time...and this leaks out in the form of projection, like you did on her.

Unconsciously you are looking for her to lash back as a sign that she does care...but all that does is re-convince yourself that she has feelings for you and things might work out.

It's good she let you know this, rather then keep you dragging along like some girls do...I think it was mature of her...but at the same time shows maybe she doesn't care to be friends as much as you thought.

The reason for this is because she doesn't see you as a genuine 'friend,' where you aren't after her sexually or for anything romantic - but as someone with an agenda, and that's why she told you separate ways is better.

It sucks, but at least you've learnt something about girl-friends. If you get in a mentality like you were in. Stop and back away so you can clear your head rather than just create another head-ache.
 

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Juan Don

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i've been there before Maxtro. It will take time trust me i know. first and foremost you must rid all the memories of her. don't look at photos, emails, facebook, or anything that will re-ignite those feelings you had with her. as time passes the feelings you have now will slowly fade away. the less you see, talk, hear about her the better off you will be. it's taken me months and i won't lie it comes back but rarely(slowly fades away). get out there and socialize. don't expect anything. just talk to people, find a hobby, start working out. make a workout journal make goals. hang in there your confidence will come back. you'll see. takes time to heal.
 

Maxtro

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Findog said:
Don't orbit girls. You can never friend your way into a girl's pants. You meet a girl, you like her, you make your interest known
Why I "orbited" her is a very long story.

She knew I liked her just about from the beginning and eventually we became real friends.

and if she's not game, you move on to the next one. Women are like buses, there's always another one coming up.
Last time I checked, buses don't run once every six months or more.

Orbiting girls leads to one-itis. This girl actually did you a favor. You were never going to be a romantic figure in her life. Now you can go out and find somebody who will.
I know all about oneitis, I've been on this forum a very long time. I've also lived through it many times.



Video games are fine as one hobby among many, but when that's all you want to do, you are self-medicating and using it as a numbing method of escape
.
Video games are a great way to escape and the require minimal thought and effort. I just hate it when games get me mad. Nothing is more annoying than when the thing that I do to make me feel good actually makes me feel worse.




What are you interested in besides video games? Do you play sports or a musical instrument? Do you have any causes you are passionate about? If you want a woman in your life, you need to be a well-rounded person with many interests. If all you can talk about is video games and sports, you're not going to get very far. Take dancing lessons at an Arthur Murray studio, volunteer at Habitat for Humanity or your local hospital, take cooking lessons, do SOMETHING. Make sure you exercise plenty and are in good physical shape. Get out of your apt/house and live life for yourself. When you do that, the women and everything else will fall into place.
Right now I'm not doing much.

But before I worked out, danced salsa and other ballroom, and did some sports every now and then. I've never had a cause I was passionate about, but I can talk about many things. Though the women never fell into place, ever.

This will go away when you decide to live for yourself and don't care about the approval of others, women or men.
Something tells me I'll have a better chance ending the world energy crisis.

Figuring out how to not care about the approval of women is something I've struggled with for a very long time.

Dude, I used to be a total omega male. Forget beta. I couldn't get laid in a wh*rehouse with a thick stack of hundreds. I had no self-confidence. I didn't pay attention to grooming, how I dressed or take care of my body with exercise. I reached a point where you are now where I almost said f*ck it. I'm glad I didn't. I went to therapy and gradually started to figure things out.
Kinda a similar to me. I definitely can't get laid no matter how hard I try. Although I've always put in effort into my presentation, making sure I look and smell good, that includes working out. But none of it ever mattered which just made me feel more depressed. I did the therapy thing and it didn't work at all.

When were you able to tell that things were turning around?

You don't want or need female "friends." Men and women can't be friends in the way that same-sex friendships operate. One person always wants to f*ck the other, and it's not always the guy. I mean, I am "friends" with my guy friend's girlfriends or wives, but I don't hang out one on one generally with other single women. You want plenty of male friends. They will hold you accountable and help you get you where you need to go.
I much more prefer the company of women as I just seem to get along with them better. A lot of guys I see are annoying/stupid, loud and too competitive.

I've wanted to sleep with every single female friend I've ever had, but that doesn't mean I didn't consider some of them to be real friends.

What I want most of all is female attention, but I'm thinking I want that because it's some sort of GF replacement.

Good luck.
Thanks, I need it.
Night-hawk said:
Usually when a guy lashes out to a girl it's a sign of suppression, in your case the desire to have this girl reciprocate back to you as you've been wanting and waiting on for some time...and this leaks out in the form of projection, like you did on her.
I lashed out at her because I wanted her to explain herself. "I don't think we get along" and "my reasons are my own" was not a good enough explanation to end a two year friendship.

I'm not sure what you mean by projection. She's the the one who suddenly ended everything with a text message :rolleyes:

Unconsciously you are looking for her to lash back as a sign that she does care...but all that does is re-convince yourself that she has feelings for you and things might work out.
That is true. There are several times where I wanted her to show that she cares. One time I called her an emotionless robot and that upset her so much that she refused to talk to me for a week. Thankfully a mutual friend was able to working things out.

But this time, I don't know if she cares or not, though I'm thinking she did and some things I said to her might have really hurt. Or I could be totally off-base.

It's good she let you know this, rather then keep you dragging along like some girls do...I think it was mature of her...but at the same time shows maybe she doesn't care to be friends as much as you thought.
I've been told that it was mature of her, and might have taken a lot of guts from her, but she did it in a completely immature and cowardly way.

If she would have sat down with me and talked it over, I would have felt much better about the whole thing.

The reason for this is because she doesn't see you as a genuine 'friend,' where you aren't after her sexually or for anything romantic - but as someone with an agenda, and that's why she told you separate ways is better.
I really don't know how much of me she thought as a friend or not. It wasn't until she rejected me that we started doing and going to more places together.

Her thought process is beyond me and I never got a chance to ask her.
It sucks, but at least you've learnt something about girl-friends. If you get in a mentality like you were in. Stop and back away so you can clear your head rather than just create another head-ache.
Yeah, I'm definitely going to be more wary about having female friends in the past.

Heck the first time I asked her out, she offered friendship and I turned her down and went no contact.. But that was two years ago and fate likes to play games.
 

Desdinova

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Sounds like you're recovering from one-itis. The passage of time and making an effort to move on will help speed up your recovery.

I definitely can't get laid no matter how hard I try.
It really sounds like there's something lacking about your personality, but I don't think any one of us can pinpoint what it is. It's something that you have to figure out for yourself, and then fix yourself.

I much more prefer the company of women as I just seem to get along with them better. A lot of guys I see are annoying/stupid, loud and too competitive.
There's nothing wrong with having female friends, but the problem comes when you settle for friendship rather than a sexual relationship. You can't always take what's 'good enough', you need to make the effort to get what you want. If you want a sexual relationship with a woman, then again you need to figure out what's preventing you from getting one and then remedy the problem.

It wasn't until she rejected me that we started doing and going to more places together.
A woman's willingness to date will be based on how well you've developed rapport with the woman and the frame you've placed the two of you in. If you have little rapport and you haven't broken any sexual barriers, she's going to suffer from a slight emotional shock when you ask her out. To neutralize this, the woman will put you in a 'safe zone' by making you 'just friends'.

Breaking the sexual barrier is the key to having the woman hope that you will ask her out. You can do this with kino, flirting, or even making yourself appear as a highly attractive male while conversing with her. Make the situation sexual, and she will be less likely to place you in the safe friend zone.
 

Findog

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Maxtro said:
Why I "orbited" her is a very long story.

She knew I liked her just about from the beginning and eventually we became real friends.
I had a girl in my life like that once. We met at a job when I was in my early twenties. Had a crush on her, finally worked up the courage to talk to her, we went out on one date. She moved away to grad school like 60 miles away and made it clear she wasn't going to date me. We kept in touch as email buddies and eventually I got to fool around with her some, but we were never a couple. I wasted a lot of time on her that I'm never going to get back. But I at least learned the lesson that orbiting is a waste of time. Never orbit and never settle for less than what you want.

Last time I checked, buses don't run once every six months or more.
Sign up for online dating. I would start with OK Cupid. It's free and you'll get a chance to hone and practice your game. Eharmony is a good pay site, the girls on there have to pay to use and are a little more relationship-minded. With online dating, the buses will run every couple of weeks, and you'll get the opportunity to practice and hone your game.

I know all about oneitis, I've been on this forum a very long time. I've also lived through it many times.
We've all been there. The mistake is making too much of an emotional investment in somebody that is not your girlfriend.




When were you able to tell that things were turning around?
The girl that I mentioned above, for three years after we met we kept in sporadic touch as email buddies. At a certain point I accepted that we were never going to be together and stopped paying as much attention to her. Lo and behold that's when she started contacting me a lot and invited me to come visit her some weekend where she was living. So I did and we fooled around, and I thought I was finally getting somewhere with her. Then she flaked on me. I took it pretty hard and realized that I had carried myself as a huge AFC, not just with her but with all girls. So I started going to counseling to get at the root of my self esteem and confidence issues, started working out, started dance lessons, got outside my comfort zone. I started doing online dating - it was a good way to practice and learn dating skills. I don't have a problem getting laid anymore. Hottest girls I've been with - I've had an 8 three times. As far as dumpster diving goes, I've done a couple of 4's. I can reliably pull 7's.
 

Serg897

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I've been in situations and had days too with a purely negative perspective, where things dont seem to working out at all and the future looks grim.

Maxtro, you have two choices. You can continue to wallow in self pity, continue your whining and *****ing on this forum and I guarantee things will remain the same. Or you can actually make the decision to start improving yourself taking the many suggestions that have already been offered and start making a difference in your life.

Nobody can make the choice for you, only you can.

Meeting women, getting phone numbers, and going on dates ISNT THAT HARD. All you need to do is leave your comfort zone once in a while and go for what you want. Imagine the person you want to be and set out to realize that goal.
 

Maxtro

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Juan Don said:
i've been there before Maxtro. It will take time trust me i know. first and foremost you must rid all the memories of her. don't look at photos, emails, facebook, or anything that will re-ignite those feelings you had with her. as time passes the feelings you have now will slowly fade away. the less you see, talk, hear about her the better off you will be. it's taken me months and i won't lie it comes back but rarely(slowly fades away). get out there and socialize. don't expect anything. just talk to people, find a hobby, start working out. make a workout journal make goals. hang in there your confidence will come back. you'll see. takes time to heal.
I am slowly getting over her. But for some reason, I'm scared of doing so and don't really want to.

I've had feelings fade for a lot of girls, and couldn't be happier that they were gone, but this girl. Something tells me that I won't be able to find somebody like her again. Feels like some sort of soulmate BS.
Desdinova said:
It really sounds like there's something lacking about your personality, but I don't think any one of us can pinpoint what it is. It's something that you have to figure out for yourself, and then fix yourself.
Oh, there is definitely something lacking about my personality. I've never been able to get women to respond to me in a sexual way. That's why I first came here several years ago, but I've been unable to find the answer.

There's a whole lot of issues going on with me. Plus being 5'6 and only average looking isn't exactly helping either.
There's nothing wrong with having female friends, but the problem comes when you settle for friendship rather than a sexual relationship. You can't always take what's 'good enough', you need to make the effort to get what you want. If you want a sexual relationship with a woman, then again you need to figure out what's preventing you from getting one and then remedy the problem.
The reason I settled for friendship is because it's the only way I get to be around women since a sexual relationship with any is impossible. I just feel better when I'm with girls, and I don't want to go without that.

A woman's willingness to date will be based on how well you've developed rapport with the woman and the frame you've placed the two of you in. If you have little rapport and you haven't broken any sexual barriers, she's going to suffer from a slight emotional shock when you ask her out. To neutralize this, the woman will put you in a 'safe zone' by making you 'just friends'.
Wait, if you have little rapport and haven't broken any sexual barriers she's going to be shocked, or if if you have a lot of rapport and haven't broken the barriers?

There have been a couple of times where I was pretty goods friend with a girl for at least six months and when she leaned that I had interest in her, she flipped out.

For the one I'm speaking about now, we had an official date a little over a month of meeting; but we had hung out a few times on campus as friends before then. I though my interest was clear the first time I invited her to spend time with me, but I was mistaken.

Breaking the sexual barrier is the key to having the woman hope that you will ask her out. You can do this with kino, flirting, or even making yourself appear as a highly attractive male while conversing with her. Make the situation sexual, and she will be less likely to place you in the safe friend zone.
Hmm, I never thought that a woman would actually hope that a guy would ask her out.

As for making myself an attractive male, that is something I am having no luck with at all.
 

Desdinova

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Maxtro said:
There's a whole lot of issues going on with me. Plus being 5'6 and only average looking isn't exactly helping either.
Maxtro, don't give me that horse5hit. I'm the same height, wear glasses, have an ex-wife, a child, and I'm fairly average. Click on my profile and look at my gf.

The reason I settled for friendship is because it's the only way I get to be around women since a sexual relationship with any is impossible.
You can't get anywhere with them because you keep telling yourself that it's impossible. As you think, you shall become.

I just feel better when I'm with girls, and I don't want to go without that.
Then go visit your mom.

Wait, if you have little rapport and haven't broken any sexual barriers she's going to be shocked, or if if you have a lot of rapport and haven't broken the barriers?
Same 5hit. The sexual barriers are up in both cases. They're easier to knock down in the beginning. If you've been friends with the girl for a long time, all you've done is reinforced the sexual barriers.

Hmm, I never thought that a woman would actually hope that a guy would ask her out.
They do. They're too chicken-5hit to do it themselves, so the man has to do it.

As for making myself an attractive male, that is something I am having no luck with at all.
Then you've been putting in a piss-poor effort. You can't just rub the magic lamp of sosuave and wait for you wish of being a seduction superstar to come true. You have to work your ass off to fix yourself up into a more attractive human being.
 

wait_out

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Maxtro said:
Hmm, I never thought that a woman would actually hope that a guy would ask her out.
Argh!

Maxtro said:
As for making myself an attractive male, that is something I am having no luck with at all.
JOURNAL. If you are given to despair, you need to look at your past track history to remind yourself you're being moody.

Everything Des has said I support 100%. Either way you change your mind through doing things, not rationalizing and intellectuallizing.

Do the boot camp Max. Ever get eye-fvcked by a girl? It's a good feeling, it's pretty common, and you don't need to break any social barriers -- just look her in the eye and smile. Write down every time she smiles back or gets flustered, or exerts effort to look composed. Those girls like you.

Questions or reservations? JUST DO THE PROGRAM.

...due to that same nearly 2 decades experience, and having worked with athletes ranging from powerlifters and bodybuilders to endurance athletes, most days I happen to think that I sort of know what I’m talking about. And when my coach laid out his basic training program, there were places that I didn’t necessarily agree with him 100%. This was especially true in the weight room but there were other slight differences of opinion in terms of conditioning and such.

Despite this, for the first year of training with him, I did everything he said exactly as he told me to do it. He was the expert and regardless of what I thought I knew, I had hired him for a reason. In fact, I didn’t even know enough about ice speed skating at that point to have an opinion. As they put it in martial arts training, I shut the hell up and swept dojo.

Because no matter what I thought I did or didn’t know about training in general or skating in specific, he was the expert and it would be unbelievably arrogant of me to question his 30 years experience with my years of non-skate specific experience.
Get it? What you're doing isn't working for you. Put your trust in someone else. Shut up, and sweep dojo.

Now -- since you are given to despair, you need practical steps and structure, not only support. What you like about video games are clear, achievable goals that give positive feedback, that is why you are upset when you struggle. It is am analogue for control over real life. The most important aspect to the boot camp is setting goals and achieving them. To build confidence, control, and agency.

But, the boot camp will be difficult if you are living in a vacuum, so lets get practical. Before Monday:
A) Write out how you are using your time at present. Work, friends, the internet. Be detailed and honest.
B) Write out how you wish your time was spent. Be detailed and honest.

Let SS get you from A to B. I see you've done the boot camp before, but the execution matters! I am doing it myself and I can see why it's useful. But you only get out what you put in.

All you need to say, is yes or no. No excuses.
 

disgustipated

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Something's odd about a guy who can't/won't befriend other guys because he sees them as immature, competitive. That's kinda the point! Guy friends are a great way to relieve stress...and yes, even about girls...they can ****ing relate!!!

If I was prescribing you anything I would say start befriending as many guys as you can. Let your super serious guard down and allow yourself to cut up with some fellows, you will be amazed at how much more you have in common with the goofy arsed coworker guy you usually wouldn't associate with than any random girl.

Once your comfortable walking up to any guy and striking up a conversation(which you should be) then I'm telling ya your confidence will also improve. That can only translate to better overall success down the road. But imo, that's something you need to work on. Easiest way to expand your social circle is to befriend guys who have lives....you'll be getting invited to do cool **** all the time.
 
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Maxtro

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Findog said:
I had a girl in my life like that once. We met at a job when I was in my early twenties. Had a crush on her, finally worked up the courage to talk to her, we went out on one date. She moved away to grad school like 60 miles away and made it clear she wasn't going to date me.
Yeah, sounds very similar to me.

We kept in touch as email buddies and eventually I got to fool around with her some,
*facedesk*

but we were never a couple. I wasted a lot of time on her that I'm never going to get back. But I at least learned the lesson that orbiting is a waste of time. Never orbit and never settle for less than what you want.
You orbited and got to screw her. That's a horrible moral story. What lesson was I supposed to learn?


The girl that I mentioned above, for three years after we met we kept in sporadic touch as email buddies. At a certain point I accepted that we were never going to be together and stopped paying as much attention to her. Lo and behold that's when she started contacting me a lot and invited me to come visit her some weekend where she was living. So I did and we fooled around, and I thought I was finally getting somewhere with her. Then she flaked on me. I took it pretty hard and realized that I had carried myself as a huge AFC, not just with her but with all girls.
Your turn around point happened after you screwed her

Sure then she flaked on you and you realized you were an AFC then started working on yourself.

Man, if I got to fuck this girl before she kicked me out of her life, I would be in a completely different situation than I am in now. I'd have some proof that I wasn't a steaming pile of ****, and that would give me something to build off of.

We've all been there. The mistake is making too much of an emotional investment in somebody that is not your girlfriend.
I've done it about 15 times in my life so far, it's nothing new.

Sign up for online dating. I would start with OK Cupid. It's free and you'll get a chance to hone and practice your game. Eharmony is a good pay site, the girls on there have to pay to use and are a little more relationship-minded. With online dating, the buses will run every couple of weeks, and you'll get the opportunity to practice and hone your game.
I have an OKC profile up. Though my profile is crap. I don't even know if I should bother with online dating. I'm 30, 5'6 and mainly interested in women under 25. Do I really have any chance?




So I started going to counseling to get at the root of my self esteem and confidence issues, started working out, started dance lessons, got outside my comfort zone. I started doing online dating - it was a good way to practice and learn dating skills. I don't have a problem getting laid anymore. Hottest girls I've been with - I've had an 8 three times. As far as dumpster diving goes, I've done a couple of 4's. I can reliably pull 7's.
I did a few years of counseling but it never actually found out why I have issues, other than the fact that I have self-esteem issues and negative self-talk. A lot of the focus was on trying to get rid of the negative thoughts but most of it seemed like I was trying to deny reality. All the positive affirmations in the world can't do anything against actually being in the world.

I took dance lessons, worked out, joined clubs on campus to get out of my comfort zone and be more social, asked out a few girls and here I am now.
Serg897 said:
I've been in situations and had days too with a purely negative perspective, where things dont seem to working out at all and the future looks grim.

Maxtro, you have two choices. You can continue to wallow in self pity, continue your whining and *****ing on this forum and I guarantee things will remain the same. Or you can actually make the decision to start improving yourself taking the many suggestions that have already been offered and start making a difference in your life.
You do realize that I haven't whined on this forum in a long time?

My goal here isn't to wallow in self-pity even though it may seem like it. I desperately need a change in my life. I can't keep living this way.

Meeting women, getting phone numbers, and going on dates ISNT THAT HARD. All you need to do is leave your comfort zone once in a while and go for what you want. Imagine the person you want to be and set out to realize that goal.
The level of relative difficulty is dependent on ones social calibration. For me, getting numbers and dates is next to impossible. Granted I don't ask out that many girls.

I'm wondering if cold approaching has any merit in my situation. Though I can't imagine why any one would accept.
Desdinova said:
Maxtro, don't give me that horse5hit. I'm the same height, wear glasses, have an ex-wife, a child, and I'm fairly average. Click on my profile and look at my gf.
So you don't think your height or appearance has affected you at all?

I looked at the thread in your sig.

As an AFC you lost your virginity at 20. Got engaged to your HS sweetheart and were with her for 3 1/2 years. Do you have any idea how fucking awesome that is? Sure things didn't work out with her in the end, but can you say you gained nothing from that experience?

I still haven't even had a GF, only had sex because I paid for it and my confidence is rock bottom.

You can't get anywhere with them because you keep telling yourself that it's impossible. As you think, you shall become.
Maybe.

It's not to say I didn't try, but I never actually believed that I would succeed. It's like trying to play a sport when you already told yourself that you're going to lose. Because of that mindset, it really doesn't matter what you do, you're going to lose.

Same 5hit. The sexual barriers are up in both cases. They're easier to knock down in the beginning. If you've been friends with the girl for a long time, all you've done is reinforced the sexual barriers.
Yeah, I already figured out that the barriers are easier to knock down in the beginning.

They do. They're too chicken-5hit to do it themselves, so the man has to do it.
I know women are too scared to ask out men. But I never thought they were actually waiting for guys to ask. I basically thought that women felt neutral or worse to most men and a guy doesn't show up on her radar until he asks her out.
Then you've been putting in a piss-poor effort. You can't just rub the magic lamp of sosuave and wait for you wish of being a seduction superstar to come true. You have to work your ass off to fix yourself up into a more attractive human being.
I probably haven't been working hard enough. I thought knowing about the game would give me an edge and with the effort I did put in, it would be enough. I was wrong.

I don't even want to be some kind of slayer of ladies. Just getting one decent girl would be enough.
 

Desdinova

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So you don't think your height or appearance has affected you at all?
No.

As an AFC you lost your virginity at 20. Got engaged to your HS sweetheart and were with her for 3 1/2 years. Do you have any idea how ****ing awesome that is?
Lemme tell you how I bagged that chick.

I had noticed her around school and though she was fvcking hot. But of course, I never had the ba11s to approach her. I was in heaven when she accidently touched me on the bus.

A couple months later, she had bought cookies from the school bakery. We were on the bus heading home and she had initiated conversation with a female friend of mine and offered her a cookie. She offered me one and I rejected. When we got off the bus, she gave another cookie to someone else. I blurted something stupid out like "Oh, now she's giving cookies to EVERYBODY!" She didn't respond.

The next day, I was sitting in the library with a friend of mine. She just initiated conversation with us and asked to sit down. She started showing us some of her drawings and kept telling me that I was 'so mean'. I really wasn't being mean and was confused as to why she was saying it.

She ended up giving me her phone number and suggested we hang out. I called her, we chatted on the phone for too long, and figured out a day to hang out. She had mentioned us eventually becoming better friends. I didn't like that.

I met up with her at the mall and we just basically hung out downtown. I took her to a shop I liked and we were browsing some of the movies there. I had it fixed in my mind that I NEEDED her to know that I liked her as 'more than a friend' because I was sick of being thrown into the friend zone with girls I was orbiting. While she was looking at a movie, I rested my arm on her shoulder. Yup, I had initiated KINO. I did that all of twice. Her response? Nothing.

At the end of 'hanging out' I gave her a hug before she got on her bus. Later, we talked on the phone and she confessed to liking me as more than a friend. She had also mentioned that she noticed me around the school, but didn't have the courage to talk to me.

So what have we learned here?

- She was waiting for me to break the ice
- I broke down the sexual barriers by initiating kino early

I honestly believe that if I didn't use kino, we would have ended up being nothing but friends. I had never used kino on a woman before this point (I didn't even know it was called kino) but it seemed to work.

I still fvcked up the relationship by being too needy, unconfident, and boring, and you're likely going to experience the same thing once you get into your first relationship.

You can tell me how awesome it was that I jumped those hurdles, but I only did so by doing things that were different than what I was doing before. I can't count how many times I got nowhere with other girls I was interested in. I just got sick of having nothing and decided to venture outside my comfort zone, hoping that something different might happen. And it did.
 

nightcrawler

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this kinda pisses me off dude.

AND you're still on the short man's syndrome? c on man...you're 30 years old. Grow up already, you're not some 16 year old anymore

You and I had very similar lives and have gobe thru the similar ****...yet here you are, still sulking in a pool of your own tears.

what's even more disturbing is that deep down, you enjoy drowning in your own tears and blood. Sulking in your own self pity gives you joy, and gets you thru the day.

oh poor, poor maxtro. Woe is you.

I don't know what to tell you my friend, because you only come here so that you can get sympathy, which in the end harms you further, because all that sympathy and advice is just more fuel for the fires of self pity and self loathing you thrive on
 

ArcBound

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"I know all about oneitis, I've been on this forum a very long time. I've also lived through it many times."

Yet you keep making the same mistake knowingly. Which tells me it isn't a mistake.

"Video games are a great way to escape and the require minimal thought and effort. I just hate it when games get me mad. Nothing is more annoying than when the thing that I do to make me feel good actually makes me feel worse."

Get a better mode of escape. Yes video games require no thought but at the same time they don't help with anything.

"Right now I'm not doing much.

But before I worked out, danced salsa and other ballroom, and did some sports every now and then. I've never had a cause I was passionate about, but I can talk about many things. Though the women never fell into place, ever."

Why did you stop these? Second did you make any real progress with working out and actually get an athletic body? I think I remember you posting a picture a long time ago and no offense you didn't look that good. Working out is one of those self-improvements hobbies that you have to keep working at over long periods of time.

"I much more prefer the company of women as I just seem to get along with them better. A lot of guys I see are annoying/stupid, loud and too competitive."

You are pedestalizing an entire gender and it comes across hard.

"I've wanted to sleep with every single female friend I've ever had, but that doesn't mean I didn't consider some of them to be real friends."

Uh huh.

"Heck the first time I asked her out, she offered friendship and I turned her down and went no contact.. But that was two years ago and fate likes to play games."

YOU like to play games. You've been here since 2004 and I'm going to assume you are not mentally retarded. You know this sh!t isn't going to work but you do it anyways.

Look I know the sexual market can be hard but you have to find the motivation deep down and step up your game. Start working out hardcore and improving appearance without quitting cause you didn't see results boo hoo. Cut down your video game playing, don't eliminate it but cut it down a lot. Find some other things to do, maybe reading books, going outside, hanging out with a friend or 2 (or making friends) w/e. If you think video games are the only fun outlet that's a personality flaw.e

You want hot women under 25 and that's great, but what do you have to offer for that? I know it sounds harsh but you're 30 and not getting any younger. I want you to look at yourself and really criticize what you think is wrong and figure out ways to solve it. This doesn't mean attacking yourself and crying "Waaa I have no chance /emo", this means look at yourself and say "I want a hot blonde with big boobs and a nice ass. But I am out of shape. I am going to design a workout plan to lower body fat and gain muscle (or go to health and fitness section and ask for help)". "I spend more time playing videogames instead of socializing. Maybe I should cut down on the starcraft and go find ways to expand my social circle".

Only you can give yourself the right motivation and the right criticism that people over the internet can't give you, and unless you start being realistic you will continue to have the same level of success you are having. You are not whining as much. So good job. But that's not enough and you know it.
 

Maxtro

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Every few days I come back to this thread and think over how I want to reply. Whether I just want to vent or actually work on doing something.

For two years I've focused primarily on this one girl. It is so hard to get over her and I've felt like shit for a few months now. Just no real motivation to do anything except game or use the internet.

I haven't worked out in months because I have no energy. Honestly, I would work out hardcore if I knew that it was going to lead me to getting the hot blonde with big boobs. But there isn't anything even close to a guarantee, not even a guarantee that I could get an average girl. With my level of energy, it's really hard to focus on something like that when I have no idea if it will help at all. But yeah, I should just go to the gym and start getting back into it.

Where is motivation supposed to come from? I desperately want a GF, but why can't I bother going to bars or hitting on random women I see around? I have a guess that I'm having trouble getting motivated because I don't even really know what I'm after. What is a girlfriend? Why do I want one? Sure sex can be motivation, but I'm used to paying. Why is a real girl better than a hooker? I don't know what I'm missing.

""I much more prefer the company of women as I just seem to get along with them better. A lot of guys I see are annoying/stupid, loud and too competitive."

You are pedestalizing an entire gender and it comes across hard.
I don't see that I'm pedestallizing women. I was just listed ways that other guys annoy me. I think my biggest problem is that since I'm working on my undergrad (almost done) and work retail, all the guys I interact with are much younger than me. I just see them as juvenile. I'm sure this will change when I get a real job and there will be more people closer to my age.

BTW, I've mostly accepted that things with this girl are completely over. No more retarded instances of trying to make contact. She's going out of the country soon and I can't think of a better breaking point. It still really sucks.
 
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