oreo_renegade
Master Don Juan
[to mods: please feel encouraged to move this thread into a suiting forum, I really suck at deciding where to post my threads]
Hey everybody
Aren't parents wonderful?
Okay, chances are most of you have been upset with your parents in the past, maybe even in the present. Today, after my mommy made me feel like a worthless POS, I found myself doing something...something very familiar to me, It was something I have done most of the time.
I went into my room, turned on my computer, and released endorphins in my brain. endowhat?
In fact, my nervous system just released a whole set of calming/sedative and other "feel good" chemicals. Why is this?
I just noticed what I did today, now, but I had been doing this for most of my teenage life.
I grew up as a socially repressed, abused, and introverted child. In my mind, all of this was an effect of the choices my parents made when they were raising me. I used to blame them for my problems, but I don't do it anymore.
I realize they gave me birth, and attempted parenting as best they were willing to. We're all human, and all have made mistakes.
However, although I now take responsibility for my moods, actions, and descicions, I still find it fascinating how many semantic markers just the presence of my parents triggers in me.
At school(where there are no parents) I am a completely different person then I am at home.( i am extraverted without my parents)
At home, I try to avoid contact with my parents because even more then 5minutes always ends up in me feeling horrible. Even if little is said to actually insult me, just their mere presence, body language, tone of voice, everything screams at me, and triggers horrible emotions inside. (even the thought now as I write this)
When I am at home, I have two escapes from my parents. 1 is my room(with computer) and number 2 is the TV.
One might ask "why not simply avoid home?" which has crossed my mind, but I don't have any priveledges which would allow me freedom to leave.
I watch TV if my parents aren't in the room, because that way I can create "my own world." When they come into the proximity of me, I go to my room and do various things.
Create/Listen to music,
Create/play video games,
Homework/Learning
Reading
Computer.
Computer is probably the biggest alternative to parental reality I have.
I used to be an internet junkie, I mean, I would be on from the time I got home, to the time I went to sleep, just doing nothing, talking to strange people I met in chatrooms.
My life consisted of my internet buddies (as i was an isolated child).
Pretty soon, I started associating computer with feelings of relief and calmness, even sereneness.
It hit me today, when I heard the soothing "krr" of my computer, and felt the chemicals rush through my body, that my computer has become my parent.
lol, yes its weird to think about, but its true. The comforting mommy that kids run to when they have a boo-boo is my computer. My biological mom still exists too however.
I bet if you even took the time to read this far down, you are already about to kick my ass for blabbing on about pointless ****
Well, all of this really does have a point. It damn well better!
My escape is "hyper reality," and I know why. What is your escape, and why?
I feel as though realizing things you just "do" when your feeling blue can tremendously help you gain control over certain situations in life, and use them for your own good.
(Since I know why I go to a computer for comfort, if I think computers affect me negatively, I would try to replace the computer with some other healthier alternative)
Either way, share all the way's you escape from BS.
Hey everybody
Aren't parents wonderful?
Okay, chances are most of you have been upset with your parents in the past, maybe even in the present. Today, after my mommy made me feel like a worthless POS, I found myself doing something...something very familiar to me, It was something I have done most of the time.
I went into my room, turned on my computer, and released endorphins in my brain. endowhat?
In fact, my nervous system just released a whole set of calming/sedative and other "feel good" chemicals. Why is this?
I just noticed what I did today, now, but I had been doing this for most of my teenage life.
I grew up as a socially repressed, abused, and introverted child. In my mind, all of this was an effect of the choices my parents made when they were raising me. I used to blame them for my problems, but I don't do it anymore.
I realize they gave me birth, and attempted parenting as best they were willing to. We're all human, and all have made mistakes.
However, although I now take responsibility for my moods, actions, and descicions, I still find it fascinating how many semantic markers just the presence of my parents triggers in me.
At school(where there are no parents) I am a completely different person then I am at home.( i am extraverted without my parents)
At home, I try to avoid contact with my parents because even more then 5minutes always ends up in me feeling horrible. Even if little is said to actually insult me, just their mere presence, body language, tone of voice, everything screams at me, and triggers horrible emotions inside. (even the thought now as I write this)
When I am at home, I have two escapes from my parents. 1 is my room(with computer) and number 2 is the TV.
One might ask "why not simply avoid home?" which has crossed my mind, but I don't have any priveledges which would allow me freedom to leave.
I watch TV if my parents aren't in the room, because that way I can create "my own world." When they come into the proximity of me, I go to my room and do various things.
Create/Listen to music,
Create/play video games,
Homework/Learning
Reading
Computer.
Computer is probably the biggest alternative to parental reality I have.
I used to be an internet junkie, I mean, I would be on from the time I got home, to the time I went to sleep, just doing nothing, talking to strange people I met in chatrooms.
My life consisted of my internet buddies (as i was an isolated child).
Pretty soon, I started associating computer with feelings of relief and calmness, even sereneness.
It hit me today, when I heard the soothing "krr" of my computer, and felt the chemicals rush through my body, that my computer has become my parent.
lol, yes its weird to think about, but its true. The comforting mommy that kids run to when they have a boo-boo is my computer. My biological mom still exists too however.
I bet if you even took the time to read this far down, you are already about to kick my ass for blabbing on about pointless ****
Well, all of this really does have a point. It damn well better!
My escape is "hyper reality," and I know why. What is your escape, and why?
I feel as though realizing things you just "do" when your feeling blue can tremendously help you gain control over certain situations in life, and use them for your own good.
(Since I know why I go to a computer for comfort, if I think computers affect me negatively, I would try to replace the computer with some other healthier alternative)
Either way, share all the way's you escape from BS.