Hyper Reality: What is your escape?

[oreo_renegade]

[to mods: please feel encouraged to move this thread into a suiting forum, I really suck at deciding where to post my threads]



Hey everybody

Aren't parents wonderful?

Okay, chances are most of you have been upset with your parents in the past, maybe even in the present. Today, after my mommy made me feel like a worthless POS, I found myself doing something...something very familiar to me, It was something I have done most of the time.

I went into my room, turned on my computer, and released endorphins in my brain. endowhat?

In fact, my nervous system just released a whole set of calming/sedative and other "feel good" chemicals. Why is this?

I just noticed what I did today, now, but I had been doing this for most of my teenage life.

I grew up as a socially repressed, abused, and introverted child. In my mind, all of this was an effect of the choices my parents made when they were raising me. I used to blame them for my problems, but I don't do it anymore.

I realize they gave me birth, and attempted parenting as best they were willing to. We're all human, and all have made mistakes.


However, although I now take responsibility for my moods, actions, and descicions, I still find it fascinating how many semantic markers just the presence of my parents triggers in me.

At school(where there are no parents) I am a completely different person then I am at home.( i am extraverted without my parents)

At home, I try to avoid contact with my parents because even more then 5minutes always ends up in me feeling horrible. Even if little is said to actually insult me, just their mere presence, body language, tone of voice, everything screams at me, and triggers horrible emotions inside. (even the thought now as I write this)


When I am at home, I have two escapes from my parents. 1 is my room(with computer) and number 2 is the TV.

One might ask "why not simply avoid home?" which has crossed my mind, but I don't have any priveledges which would allow me freedom to leave.



I watch TV if my parents aren't in the room, because that way I can create "my own world." When they come into the proximity of me, I go to my room and do various things.

Create/Listen to music,
Create/play video games,
Homework/Learning
Reading
Computer.




Computer is probably the biggest alternative to parental reality I have.

I used to be an internet junkie, I mean, I would be on from the time I got home, to the time I went to sleep, just doing nothing, talking to strange people I met in chatrooms.

My life consisted of my internet buddies (as i was an isolated child).

Pretty soon, I started associating computer with feelings of relief and calmness, even sereneness.

It hit me today, when I heard the soothing "krr" of my computer, and felt the chemicals rush through my body, that my computer has become my parent.

lol, yes its weird to think about, but its true. The comforting mommy that kids run to when they have a boo-boo is my computer. My biological mom still exists too however.



I bet if you even took the time to read this far down, you are already about to kick my ass for blabbing on about pointless ****

Well, all of this really does have a point. It damn well better!


My escape is "hyper reality," and I know why. What is your escape, and why?

I feel as though realizing things you just "do" when your feeling blue can tremendously help you gain control over certain situations in life, and use them for your own good.


(Since I know why I go to a computer for comfort, if I think computers affect me negatively, I would try to replace the computer with some other healthier alternative)


Either way, share all the way's you escape from BS.

 

[516]

HAHA I actually like this post, Oreo. Reading about your past is eerily similar to how i was brought up. Growing up, until I was about 16, I had like 3 friends who were extremely close to me, basically like 3 extra members of my immediate family. I rarely associated with anyone else. And my feelings towards my parents are similar to yours also. I realized a few years ago that I needed to change some things. Quickly, I became pretty extroverted at school and especially at work, and I gained more friends and I am extrovert around them. Still at home, my parents barely know me anymore....I cant stand being around them, just like what you said. To escape, I do use the computer/internet as one way. Like you, I also create/listen to music. Also alot of times I just cruise around the quiet parts of town. I do this alot, it wastes gas, but I found it to be one of the best ways to sort & organize my thoughts and to clear and focus my brain.

 

[Dell SkyCat]

Interesting Post. Made me realize a couple of things... I LOVE WORKING WITH COMPUTERS! almost everything on the net. A virtual world of information just finger tips away and if it wasn't for the net... I wouldn't have learned as much as I know now. I associate good things with computer because I LOVE to learn... let me say that again I LOVE TO LEARN.( mostly from experiences than information learning but still... it's learning and I love it) Especially since my strongest intelligences are Intrapersonal, Visual Spatial and Linguistic. I can relate on how to look at it as an escape in way. At least temporarily until I want to get out Well Done Oreo. I haven't even thought about the signing in sounds being useful when I want to anchor certain emotions.

 

[oreo_renegade]

Hehe

This is good stuff. You know, driving is a VERY trancing experience, so it would make a lot of sense that driving can help you organise thoughts.

I cannot drive yet, I dont have a car, and I don't particularly like driving much. I have to ride in cars with my parents, and I have to drive their car, with them. I'm always being corrected and getting told about random things I learned back in drivers ed... lol.


I'm sure Ill be spending a lot less time at home once I'm old enough to drive away from the house.

Right now, I got a date set up for friday, I'll see what happens with my parents, and what the best way to convince them will be.

(Im not gonna tell them about me going with chicks, I'm still thinking about the story I might tell them, and if all else fails I'll just have to cancel.)


Either way, let's all see some more sharing I know we ALL have some desires to get away from parents, or school, or anyting else. And I want to hear about more peoples alternatives then just three.

 

[myfriendblu]

Originally posted by oreo_renegade
[One might ask "why not simply avoid home?" which has crossed my mind, but I don't have any priveledges which would allow me freedom to leave.
.

Not yet, but it would be wise to start planning your excape. Whats the means of excaping this slavery? MONEY. MONEY will solve this problem. Im guessing your 15? Get a job now. Heck ride your bike to work. get good grades in school, save some dough, and when you get outta highschool, go away to college and don't ever go back. simple as that.

In the mean time, I suggest you look into getting a car. Right now in your situation there is no better means of excaping than, well, ACTUALLY excaping. Get a car and go places. Like i said, your number one goal right now is getting your hands on some MONEY ASAP.

I would like to add one more thing. You definitely a good example in the arguement i like to disagree with about having kids/family to be the above all end all goal of a man. Having kids and a family isn't all its cracked up to be. I know SO MANY kids who grow up that rarely if ever even talk to there parents.

 

[oreo_renegade]

Re: Re: Hyper Reality: What is your escape?

Originally posted by myfriendblu
I know SO MANY kids who grow up that rarely if ever even talk to there parents.

So true, I think having a family, kids, etc. can be a wonderful thing. If you are ready for it. I think it would be pointless to have kids just because that's what you think a man should do.

My dad has kids... and he isn't the worst father in the world, but Ill say this: he's not the best, nor does he have a will to be.

Also, since my family is from the former USSR a lot of their ideals are Marxist. (as in kids are created for the purpose of working for you...)


I am trying to get good grades in school, because we are poor as hell, and there is no way we can afford college. So scholarship, student loan anything is my only real hope for school.


Getting a job is horrible, no one will hire me since I'm under 16 (some stupid fear of me dumping hot grease on my arms?) and all of the other jobs that aren't in fast food are filled with older/more experienced people because of the suffering economy.

Also transportation to work isnt a good availability since I live on the outskirts of a rather small city. Also school prohibtions on working hours, and my mom not letting me work cause shes afraid ill mess my grades up or something.

 

[One on One]

I sort of feel the same way. I was socially isolated growing up and just started to become more extroverted about 10 months ago (I'm 21). As a result, I got a horribly late start on making friends and socializing. After absorbing this site and other things, I have lost a lot of respect for my parents. I notice their lack of confidence and that they are too nice and bending. Today, I do resent the way they raised me and I seek to avoid them for the most part, but I know they tried hard so I hope one day I can resolve these demons.