Husbands/Partners Who Are "***holes" - What’s Going On?

[Clockwerk50]

I was talking to someone yesterday, and she told me a story about her friend’s cousin/sister who recently got breast implants. At a family party, the husband loudly asked her parents and sisters and sister's husbands if they liked his “investment.” The woman I was speaking with yesterday later in the story asked me rhetorically “Isn’t he an *******?” Then she went on to tell me a few more storieto prove to me that this guy was a total ass but I can't remmeber them.

This also reminded me of a time about five years ago when I was seeing a girl who took dance classes and started hanging out with some women from the group. These women were mostly married; some newlyweds, some with kids, and one older woman without kids. After class, they’d meet at a bar to drink and vent about their husbands. My girl told me she felt out of place because she didn’t have anything to complain about me.

So, it got me thinking: Who are these ******* husbands? Do they still get laid, or is it a dead bedroom situation? Are they “alpha males,” or are they drunk captains of their ship? And the women, are they feminists, or is this something else?

I’m genuinely curious to hear your take on this dynamic. What do you think is really going on here?

EDIT - I guess after thinking more deeply about this, I realize that women crave emotion, even if it’s negative, and by complaining, they get to play the victim, which makes them feel more alive. However, I would like to know if these men are getting laid or not really.

 

[SW15]

Who are these ******* husbands? Do they still get laid, or is it a dead bedroom situation? Are they “alpha males,” or are they drunk captains of their ship? And the women, are they feminists, or is this something else?

There are statistics out there that demonstrate that the typical marriage of the 2010s-2020s has less frequent sex than the typical marriage of the 1980s.

In these situations, most of the time these are longer term relationships (5 years +) that have entered some sort of decay phase. In the decay phase, sex is less frequent.

Beta males are more far common than alpha/sigma males. It's likely that these men would now be considered betas. It's unknown if these men were always beta. Long term relationships/marriages have a way of making many men more beta. As an example, I have a triple digit notch count friend who used to act closer to an alpha. Now, he is a complete beta husband is a suburban single family house whose wife is in control of that relationship. It's possible some men in these situations were once more alpha or even less beta, but they have gotten progressively more beta over time.

And the women, are they feminists, or is this something else?

There's not enough information here. I can provide a generic answer.

The typical woman born in the 1980s or later is more feminist than women born in the Silent Generation or even earlier Boomer women. While a 1980s born Millennial woman might not identify with the idea of feminism today, it's important to look at her beliefs. When examining her beliefs about intersexual dynamics, the typical non-feminist identifying woman born in the 1980s or later today would have been considered a radical/near radical feminist for having the same ideas in 1960. That's how much the culture has shifted in the USA (and most Western nations) in the last 65 years.

It would be interesting to know about the educational attainment levels and the occupations of the women complaining in that group 5 years ago.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Some people are just sh!tty human beings. There isn't always something to figure out.

 

[Barrister]

In my experience, a husband getting his wife breast implants is always the kiss of death for the marriage. Once she has her new hardware, she is ready to hit the streets and test out her marketability. And this is regardless of her age. It is like clockwork.

I have seen this play out with clients probably a good 4-5 times over the past 15 years. It never ceases to amaze me how big a sucker these guys are to think the wife is suddenly going to be wet for them just because he got her bigger knockers.

Edit: Oh - and I would take this woman's "story" with a grain of salt. I am guessing it was a complete overreaction to the husband trying to be funny and she wants to vilify him. Give me a break.

 

[ThisIsSparta]

I was talking to someone yesterday, and she told me a story about her friend’s cousin/sister who recently got breast implants. At a family party, the husband loudly asked her parents and sisters and sister's husbands if they liked his “investment.” The woman I was speaking with yesterday later in the story asked me rhetorically “Isn’t he an *******?” Then she went on to tell me a few more storieto prove to me that this guy was a total ass but I can't remmeber them.

This also reminded me of a time about five years ago when I was seeing a girl who took dance classes and started hanging out with some women from the group. These women were mostly married; some newlyweds, some with kids, and one older woman without kids. After class, they’d meet at a bar to drink and vent about their husbands. My girl told me she felt out of place because she didn’t have anything to complain about me.

So, it got me thinking: Who are these ******* husbands? Do they still get laid, or is it a dead bedroom situation? Are they “alpha males,” or are they drunk captains of their ship? And the women, are they feminists, or is this something else?

I’m genuinely curious to hear your take on this dynamic. What do you think is really going on here?

EDIT - I guess after thinking more deeply about this, I realize that women crave emotion, even if it’s negative, and by complaining, they get to play the victim, which makes them feel more alive. However, I would like to know if these men are getting laid or not really.

Do you believe what women say or do you believe what women do?

Do you believe what women say they want or dont want is to be taken for facts?

The definition of an ******* can be quite different between women and men.

Its like, "did he hit her" or did he just say the truth but she didnt like the way he says things?

If i could teach my son one thing and only thing about women, it would be:

"Son, they might ***** and moan about their ******* of a boyfriend but in the end they all rather fvck the "*******" they respect then the niceguy-doormat."

Thats how its been since forever and will continue to be.

 

[Clockwerk50]

It would be interesting to know about the educational attainment levels and the occupations of the women complaining in that group 5 years ago.

One of them got divorced and moved to Germany, where she met another husband and eventually moved here, where I live.

Another one said she has a rule: Her and her husband must have sex once a week, scheduled for a specific day,usually Friday nights.

Anyway, most of them work in corporate roles: two are teachers, one works in procurement, one is a saleswoman for a freight shipping company, and I forgot the other two.

 

[BaronOfHair]

What do you think is really going on here?

Reality isn't one of these MCU flicks or Star Wars rehashes we've spent the past decade gorging ourselves on: Conflicts are seldom(if ever)as simple as Good Vs Evil, violence leaves the landscape splashed in gore and sh-t(the bowels of the slain fall out in real life), and human beings frequently behave in monstrous ways

This is less surprising than learning that the average supermodel ain't exactly a contender for the MacArthur Genius Grant. What you describe in The OP is pretty average

 

[jhonny9546]

This is an interesting topic, it would need a lot more participation.

You hear this talk everywhere, and as OP says, you can't really understand if these people are held together by a series of factors such as risk cost fallacy or other biases, or it is just genuine thing, or if those women who do this bad talking are damaged.

It's really aneddotical, but some women, do it not only when they are with friends, others do it in front of their husband, and maybe in front of many other people.

We want to better understand, as men, since we know women "say" and women "want" is a different thing.

"Son, they might ***** and moan about their ******* of a boyfriend but in the end they all rather fvck the "*******" they respect then the niceguy-doormat."

Thats how its been since forever and will continue to be.

For example, I do agree with this, but why they keep doing it as a toxic cycle in a relationship?
That is a loss of respect each time You allow her to bad talk about you, and then have sex when now she's calm and want sex from you.

Another thing, it could just be that those women are really pissed off about their husband but don't have any secondary option. If they could have options, they will leave this guy.

 

[BaronOfHair]

You hear this talk everywhere, and as OP says, you can't really understand if these people are held together by a series of factors such as risk cost fallacy or other biases, or it is just genuine thing, or if those women who do this bad talking are damaged.

And unless you're a woman, you won't spend more than a microsecond mulling over such things

 

[jhonny9546]

you won't spend more than a microsecond mulling over such things

I don't know, you should, because you can't just ignore it.


This means there are many relationships where people stay together because they have certain needs met by the other person that they couldn't satisfy on their own.


Take, for example, a mother with two kids. She might complain about her husband, but she knows she couldn't manage to provide for the kids without his seven-figure salary.


So, they'll stay together for that phase of life, until she finds a better option.
Opportunism and pragmatism.

 

[BaronOfHair]

I don't know, you should, because you can't just ignore it

A WOMAN may be unable to resist the urge to spend more than a few minutes mulling over questions which ultimately have fairly mundane answers("She stays with him, because the thought of striking out on her own is terrifying")... You haven't undergone a sex change since we last spoke, have you?