humiliating yourself at social events

[GoodMan32]

If a guy has a track record of humiliating himself at social events, does it reach a point where he should throw in the towel (and stop putting himself in positions to get humiliated)?

I went to one school dance in high school. Humiliated myself (and all I got was one pity dance from a hot girl in my grade who didn't say a word to me)

I went to some football games in college. Humiliated myself.

One year, I got roped into attending a holiday party in the building where I currently live. Humiliated myself.

As you can see, I've humiliated myself at a wide variety of social events (so it isn't as simple as "just avoid _____ category of social events")

I haven't gotten better with age either. At the holiday party I mentioned, I was 30 (a far cry, age-wise, from my high school and college humiliation stories)

 

[Clockwerk50]

 

[Mike32ct]

Maybe you’re doing too much by going to large social events.

Even for NTs, introverts tend to do best one on one or possibly with two friends. Not so much with big parties/events.

 

[GoodMan32]

Maybe you’re doing too much by going to large social events.

Even for NTs, introverts tend to do best one on one or possibly with two friends. Not so much with big parties/events.

You know what, that could be the case. Come to think of it, the common denominator is that they're large events.

 

[MatureDJ]

If a guy has a track record of humiliating himself at social events, does it reach a point where he should throw in the towel (and stop putting himself in positions to get humiliated)?

I went to one school dance in high school. Humiliated myself (and all I got was one pity dance from a hot girl in my grade who didn't say a word to me)

I went to some football games in college. Humiliated myself.

One year, I got roped into attending a holiday party in the building where I currently live. Humiliated myself.

As you can see, I've humiliated myself at a wide variety of social events (so it isn't as simple as "just avoid _____ category of social events")

I haven't gotten better with age either. At the holiday party I mentioned, I was 30 (a far cry, age-wise, from my high school and college humiliation stories)

Where exactly is the humiliation?

 

[SW15]

Even for NTs, introverts tend to do best one on one or possibly with two friends. Not so much with big parties/events.

Introverts are generally better suited for non-bar approaching and tech-based dating based on their personality. However, tech-based dating is difficult for well documented reasons.

Bars and bigger/parties events are generally less good fits for introverts. I spent the 2000s doing exclusively this style of game and had some level of success with it as a more introverted. Introverts can succeed in nightlife venues but it is generally going to be more challenging for them.

Social circle game can really go either way for introverts. It would depend on a lot of factors. I can imagine a set of circumstances where an introvert would be able to find a quality girlfriend from a social circle.

 

[corrector]

In the past, I would use pheromone. If you spray the right pheromone then it should attract women your way. You need to see women as your subjects who you are doing experiments on to see how they react to various pheromones. When women are part of your experiment, they are in your frame, they are under you because you are the man with the scientific white lab coat and you are trying out various sprays on them to see how they react to that.

However, I stopped using them since 2014 for personal reasons.

 

[MatureDJ]

Even for NTs, introverts tend to do best one on one or possibly with two friends. Not so much with big parties/events.

It's OVER for MyersBriggsCels.

 

[Vanderdonck]

Where exactly is the humiliation?

I'm curious too. Like did he wet himself?

 

[sevbucmash]

track record of humiliating himself at social events

Crazy

is something that a crazy person never thinks of. For a crazy person himself is normal.

It's hard to nearly impossible to judge what you have. A personality disorder or something similar or what. So you will have to run with the idea for a while that you could be none normal -- for several months. Try to diagnose what you have.

 

[Travel memoir21]

'humiliated yourself'?......

I bet they hardly remember. And if you did 'humiliate yourself'....it was only a fleeting moment.

You have to remember that people mostly care about themselves...and are less likely to be preoccupied with someone else.

 

[BaronOfHair]

I went to one school dance in high school. Humiliated myself (and all I got was one pity dance from a hot girl in my grade who didn't say a word to me)

Rejoice in the fact that you received even that, GM. I'm slightly confused though:

-This broad had never spoken to you prior to this evening, then walked up to you, and said "Let's boogie!!!"

Or

-She pulled you onto the dance floor without saying a word, remained silent as you all glided around thr ball room, then walked away afterwards, still speechless?

If the latter, it's entirely possible her hyper-religious parents discovered she'd been talking to guys earlier that year, and then removed her vocal cords as punishment. In which case, her dancing with you was likely just as much an act of self-pity, as it was sympathy

 

[Ricky]

You are falling for the spotflight effect thinking that everyone is focused on you and some perceived embarassing event

seek first to have fun and amuse yourself and as my guru Amsterdam assassin says limit what you give an airborne copulation about it

 

[DarwinTaurus]

You are falling for the spotflight effect thinking that everyone is focused on you and some perceived embarassing event

I think I suffer from that. I've never heard it put like that before.

 

[GoodMan32]

Where exactly is the humiliation?

Only getting one pity dance at the high school dance was humiliating. I never should have gone.

I don't even want to elaborate on the humiliation at the college football games and the holiday party (the story is worse)

 

[GoodMan32]

Why is that humiliation? I went to dance school and at the beginning I was scared to ask a girl to dance, even in social dancing events, at least you had the balls to do it.

In the beginning you felt like that, but when you practice something enough time you become good at it. If dance is what you wanted, you shouldn't have quit, you should've practice more to get good at it.

I was a senior. It's understandable if a freshman guy is too shy/scared to ask girls to dance. But when you're a senior, it comes across as pathetic.

I didn't ask the hot girl to dance by the way. She came up to me, took my arms, and started dancing without saying a word to me.

I was a wallflower for most of the dance. At one point, I walked out into the hallway simply because I was ticked off at how miserable I was.

Then here's another humiliation from the dance: A picture I ended up in was posted on social media. The student posting the picture cropped me out. Only me. Everyone else got to stay in the picture.

 

[GoodMan32]

I'm curious too. Like did he wet himself?

I elaborated on the school dance thing.

As for the football games and holiday party, I don't want to elaborate a whole lot (luckily I didn't wet myself). Let's just say when you have social phobia and are unfamiliar with social norms, big events are a disaster.

Here's one example from a college football game: The classmates I was with ditched me when I had my back turned.

 

[GoodMan32]

'humiliated yourself'?......

I bet they hardly remember. And if you did 'humiliate yourself'....it was only a fleeting moment.

You have to remember that people mostly care about themselves...and are less likely to be preoccupied with someone else.

Whether they'll remember or not, I don't want to put myself in scenarios where I have a track record of humiliating myself.

 

[GoodMan32]

Rejoice in the fact that you received even that, GM. I'm slightly confused though:

-This broad had never spoken to you prior to this evening, then walked up to you, and said "Let's boogie!!!"

Or

-She pulled you onto the dance floor without saying a word, remained silent as you all glided around thr ball room, then walked away afterwards, still speechless?

If the latter, it's entirely possible her hyper-religious parents discovered she'd been talking to guys earlier that year, and then removed her vocal cords as punishment. In which case, her dancing with you was likely just as much an act of self-pity, as it was sympathy

We had spoken through the years (I had gone to school with her all the way back to elementary school). Not a whole lot though. We weren't friends by any means (other than meaningless Facebook friendship where pretty much the whole school added each other)

The scenario was closer to the 2nd scenario you described (although I have no idea whether her family was religious)

I just looked her up. Found a LinkedIn. She still has her good looks (and is a Certified Medical Assistant)

 

[GoodMan32]

You are falling for the spotflight effect thinking that everyone is focused on you and some perceived embarassing event

seek first to have fun and amuse yourself and as my guru Amsterdam assassin says limit what you give an airborne copulation about it

I'm aware not everyone's focused on me. Still, I don't like humiliating myself.