Humiliated field report! 1st date left early

[DonJuanjr]

I devoted one full year to rejecting and correcting them.

You were celibate throughout this time?

 

[eli77]

You're still behind the eight ball you saw all the warning signs

 

[Atom Smasher]

You were celibate throughout this time?

Nope. Quite the opposite. The women I was with were low maintenance.

 

[DonJuanjr]

Nope. Quite the opposite. The women I was with were low maintenance.

I was interpreting what you wrote wrong... I read it as "rejecting ALL women" to establish the new mindset/ way of being for yourself...

I assume because your game was lacking due to the need for an over haul consisting of a year worth of rejecting... That the low maintance women were lower value? Fat, ugly, old etc?

 

[Atom Smasher]

You managed to get a hold of AD? I thought he was long gone by the time you got here (it says 2008 in your profile).

Yes, I was here as another user name before Atom Smasher (can’t remember for the life of me what it was), but I would talk to Pook and Antidump outside of SoSuave, and would talk to others within private messaging here.

 

[Atom Smasher]

I was interpreting what you wrote wrong... I read it as "rejecting ALL women" to establish the new mindset/ way of being for yourself...

I assume because your game was lacking due to the need for an over haul consisting of a year worth of rejecting... That the low maintance women were lower value? Fat, ugly, old etc?

No, rewarding decent, well-behaved women but coldly rejecting the brats and anyone who was disrespectful. Sometimes even decent women are capable of stumbling into saying something REALLY stupid, and even those I would earn my expressed disappointment with them. It is a very powerful thing to express disappointment in a woman when she says something stupid and/or socially miscalibrated. I am their measuring stick. It never ceases to amaze me how women, even higher-tier women (though much less often) can say the most awful things.

I just read-read your post. The low maintenance women were mostly good looking and young-ish. Way younger than me at least. In those days though, many fat and otherwise less desirable women were actually humble and were very respectful. I always felt sorry for them. It seems that this is a thing of the past in today’s dystopia. Fat and ugly women today are brainwashed to think they’re all that.

 

[manfrombelow]

@Atom Smasher :

Being much younger than you at the age of 33, but I'm no rookies in this game. What reasons do you think I got so attracted to this one to the point I made the most classic rookie mistake of losing my frame before even the 1st date (other than I liked she looked and talked way too much, and that she's appearing to be "differen" than other women?)

 

[manfrombelow]

I think it's important to realize that, every once in a while, there would appear that one girl that, for whatever reasons and/or references, knocks our socks off, maakes us lose frame, and eventually forces us to crawl back here on SS crying like a little biatch and learn everything again.

 

[Atom Smasher]

@Atom Smasher :

Being much younger than you at the age of 33, but I'm no rookies in this game. What reasons do you think I got so attracted to this one to the point I made the most classic rookie mistake of losing my frame before even the 1st date (other than I liked she looked and talked way too much, and that she's appearing to be "differen" than other women?)

See my previous posts. You went in as a beggar, a puppy dog wanting to be accepted and loved. You had target fixation. You broadcasted that you were “all-in” if she were to accept you.

Perhaps you were coming off a dry spell, so had no sense of abundance. Don’t be hard on yourself. We have all fallen a step or two back during our journey forward.

Chemistry: For some reason that can’t be defined, once in a while a woman simply checks all the boxes we have internally and has an alluring appeal to us. Deep emotions get involved, hence the target fixation. We deeply desire for her to accept us. We allow this person to either validate us or send us reeling from rejection.

She was unproven to you as to her value, so therefore she defaulted to little more than a means of validation or rejection. Moving forward, you must do this with any woman: Before the date, picture yourself leaning back while talking to her. This will implant in your mind that you are detached and in judging mode. Your mission is to vet her; to determine if she has value beyond her looks or beyond raw sexuality. Again I say for emphasis - Imagine yourself leaning wayback in your chair, listening to her and evaluating her. Is she worthy of entering your kingdom? Does she offer you value?

She will pick up on this and will assume that you must have immense value, since you are holding back, unlike 99.9% of desperate puppy dogs she deals with.

Be friendly, polite, but a bit naughty and dangerous. Be bold and not overly accommodating. Be fun and light while giving her a chance to reveal value to you.

So you see, you need to flip the script very early in the interaction. You should be undecided about her. I have a feeling that you yourself sensed that the date was going nowhere, that there was no chemistry, and it should have been YOU ending the date early. You were beating a dead horse. I am well aware that you know that now.

Remember, next time when you arrange a date with a woman, hold that imaginary picture of you leaning back while with her. This has great power to remind you to throttle your emotions carefully, just as you would control a motorcycle with the throttle.

Energy flow: it’s important in men’s interactions that the general energy flow be reversed and as a result the energy should flow from you to her. You should control the pacing of every single aspect of the date. Do you control time itself? No? By moving slowly and deliberately with gravity, you will appear to control time itself. Most women fall prey to a man who sets the pacing of everything. She is air, blowing about chaotically, and you are earth - stable, grounded and rooted.

You’re not a beggar. You’re a benevolent King who requires people you allow into your kingdom to demonstrate value and worth.

I am being very wordy and preachy here (big surprise, huh?) and I’m a bit too tired to proofread, but hopefully through my overabundance of words, there is something of value here.

 

[manfrombelow]

You should be undecided about her. I have a feeling that you yourself sensed that the date was going nowhere, that there was no chemistry, and it should have been YOU ending the date early. You were beating a dead horse. I am well aware that you know that now.

Exact-fvcking-ly man. Towards the end, both of us were crossing our arms before she called it quit. Thank you man. Thank you.

So, if you were me? Would you give this one a second shot? If you would, how?

 

[Atom Smasher]

If I were you, I would NOT give it a second shot. You’re already too invested, and that smell lingers. The date revealed a chemistry problem. It is only natural for you to want to “save face”, but that can easily backfire into your kicking yourself for trying again. Dead horse, remember?

Tell me… what value does she offer you? What are her good points and her bad points? I’d really like to know.

The bottom line is that you mustn’t be too hard on yourself. This is just one big game and it shouldn’t be taken too seriously. You got bruised this time as part of your learning path. No big deal. Keep it in perspective. You are a man and therefore you have the power to grow and change throughout your life. That is the beauty of being a man. Women by and large are not able to do this. They are what they are and they have limited ability to change.

Take this bruise and charge it to the game. It’s only a learning experience, a great opportunity for course correction. We all tend to catastrophize events like this, but in the big picture nothing under the sun is all that important. Our thinking makes it so.

 

[manfrombelow]

Tell me… what value does she offer you? What are her good points and her bad points? I’d really like to know.

Thank you, brother.

So far, none. She has offered me no values whatsoever. I don't know any of her good and bad points, yet I am crazily attracted to her, as embarassing as it sounds.

To be honest, I was thinking of giving it another shot (even though I said I wouldn't), but your insight has helped me resist the temptation. Thank you.