trv26 said:
Say a guy tries to kiss your girl and she kisses him back. Should this immediately lead to a break-up?
My question is, does a kiss show there is something seriously wrong with the relationship? Or is it sometimes possible to simply get carried away in the moment.
Finally if she were to really regret what happened, would you be willing to forgive it once, or would that be taken as a sign of weakness?
Yes, once.
But, here is what you do. Tell her you want to think about things for a while and not talk or bring up the subject at all. Seriously, not at all.
I'll tell you why, it's sort of a long story but you'll see how I deal with things in general and make sure "getting carried away" doesn't happen ever again. It works.
On night, years ago, my LTR came home and I could tell she was really upset about something personal. It was obvious that she had done something wrong. I didn't ask, that's letting her easily get off the hook for whatever it was. For something serious, she needs to sweat it for a while and a woman will punish herself much more effectively when she's scared she's going to lose something she cannot replace.
So, anyway, for a few days she was really quiet and jumpy. A door knock, phone ringing, etc... would startle her. Then, that's when she started to probe around a bit. Questions about if anything was bothering me and if I had something to talk about to talk about it with her for a few days. "Nope, I'm good".
After about a week of this she sat down one night and told me she's really worried about her married friend. I'm not paying extra attention, I avoid Girlworld talk whenever possible, so that's not unusual, I'm watching tv.
It seems her married friend was out with her and she kinda got excited about a guy and when they were dancing or whatever the guy pulled her close and she kept kissing him for a short bit. Then her friend freaked out and realized what was going on. Now her friend is worried that she'll lose her really great husband and kids and all that if he ever finds out. What should her friend do?
I just casually said to tell her friend to not worry about it, just forget it and never do it again. Don't do any confession because that'll really take the chance he's going to leave and not trust her. Just tell her to deny it if it ever comes up. I told her if the husband is that great he'd likely give her the benefit of doubt unless something like that happened a second time. Then, it's about 100% likely that woman would come home one day to an empty house.
She got better after that and we had to part ways a few years later because she had to go take care of her (long term) terminal mother so it was all good and we stayed friends. After her mom passed away, she moved back in the area and one day her best friend and her were visiting with me and the subject of how so many people cheat came up. My ex-girlfriend said something to the effect she didn't understand how someone could do that, and she certainly never did that to me.
I said, well, you did kiss a guy a month before my birthday one time.
Both of them got really pissed (???) and were getting loud yelling at me about how did I know and why I didn't say anything. HAHAHAHAHA
Still trust that girl, and we're tight friends.
Why didn't she ever do it again? Because she had to suffer for a while. No confession, no forgiveness, just the stark fear from the message I got across. I'll just pack my stuff and not say a word. I'll be gone. SURPRISE! That type of fear of loss without any warning will keep a girl on her toes to never repeat something like that ever again.
If you tell her that you want to think about it and do it in a calm, not mean way and DO NOT TALK AT ALL ABOUT IT FOR A WHILE that fear is going to be embedded deep in her (omg, i wish i could go back in time, is he going to leave me, oh no, i feel like dirt, a kiss might ruin it all, i pray he forgives me, omg, i wish... OVER AND OVER AND OVER). Then, after a week or so, sit down, hold her hands while looking in her eyes and say something like "Are you ever going to do something like that again?". She'll say "no". Say "do you believe that I will disappear forever out of your life if you betray me ever again?" She'll say "yes". Tell her the subject is dropped and neither of you will speak of it again and no matter what kind of argument you get in in the future don't even get close to bringing that up in any way WHATSOEVER EVER EVER.
Girls do get caught up "in the moment". Once, it was a kiss and she's scared. She could have wove a web of lies forever and she didn't. Good for her. Give her a break get over it.
It happens more than men think. LOTS. It's not the end of the world. Women do get caught up in the moment, that's what much of Seduction material is about. Directed at everyone, not this specific situation at all:
We can't have it both ways, get her into a state (caught up in the moment) where she'll be likely to respond to a kiss, and then turn around and say we would absolutely not go out with a girl like that who fell for it one time.
That bears repeating:
We can't have it both ways, get her into a state (caught up in the moment) where she'll be likely to respond to a kiss, and then turn around and say we would absolutely not go out with a girl like that who fell for it one time.
