How would you handle this?

[BadBoy89]

This isn't about girls, but I'm wondering about the situation.

Been friends with a guy for maybe 6 years, he has a wife, 4 kids. We go to coffee once every other week just to catch up. He knows I run a business and everything and I know about his life though I've never met any of his family members. His wife has a PhD and his parents are overseas and they send him alot of money every month for his expenses / 4 kids. He is in real estate, but doesn't really make any money.

2.5 years ago, twice he asked me if he could borrow alot of money, each time I've turned him down. He said OK he understands. He asked again one more time before COVID and again I turned him down. He said OK Now in between all this time we would still go for coffee. I liked the friendship and I think he did too.

This morning I get text "hey buddy I have a real emergency, can you give me $3,000. I'll pay it back right away." I said no sorry my money is tied up. He said "OK about how $1,000. Please its real emergency." Again I said no. He texts a punching emoji.

Friendship done or am I being way too sensitive?

Thoughts?

 

[Billtx49]

You’re not being overly sensitive. It’s common knowledge to not lend friends money. Too bad your friend hasn’t caught onto that after his four attempts.

Explain to him the real denial reason. If a good friend defaults on the loan then you lose a friend and you value his friendship too much to risk that outcome …

If that’s not good enough for him, he’s not really your friend.

 

[Jack22]

If he wants a loan he can go to a bank. One of my friend is a Mr Moneybags type and he's sort of a pushover. He's constantly got guys hitting him up for cash. F*ck these clowns, the moment you give them a cent don't ever expect to see it back. If he wants some extra money, than he should get a part time job. Did you decide to have four kids? Did you decide to pick a terrible career like real estate because you're lazy? Then why are you paying for this guys mistakes?

Unless his wife has a PHD in medicine or engineering, why did they spend all that money on schooling? This man isn't your friend, taking you out for coffee and then bending you over for a grand sounds like someone who's desperate and will only cause trouble in the long run.

 

[Jack22]

Whenever you think about spending cash, also try to think about what that money can do for you. I once thought about taking a girl out on a date for a movie + restaurant which would ring me up to 100$. It isn't much if you're already ahead in life, but if you're a college student like me it's worth a lot. I can buy 20 used books for $5 dollars each, some to help me with my schooling, some to help me understand financial planning or wilderness survival.

With a hundred dollars, I can purchase a years subscription to a language learning site, and become fluent which increases my marketability to prospective employers and improves my SMV, hell I'll be able to pick up more chicks even if they don't speak my native language.

I can buy an escort for $90 (never have, never will, but it's good to know that that option is there)

I can buy groceries for 2 weeks.

I can buy better clothing or new shoes.

I can buy tutoring sessions for 5 hours for any skill I want.

What can that money do for you? I guarantee this guy will burn through your cash like a hooker addicted to blow. He isn't thinking about stretching out every last dollar, if he did he wouldn't be in an "emergency situation" in the first place. I'm 20, but I have 10k sitting in savings. I'm saving every dollar so I can graduate with no debt. Honestly, I'd be terrified of EVER being in a situation where I'm not in financial control and having been so desperate to ask a friend for cash. I'd rather eat canned tuna and sleep under a bridge before I'd find myself ruining my SMV asking friends for a loan.

Time is money, if you worked for $20 an hour, thats an hour of your life you'll never get back. For some people, 1000 dollars is two work weeks. That's you working like a slave for 80 hours (40 hours a week) so this guy can get it for free.

 

[zinc4]

This isn't about girls, but I'm wondering about the situation.

Been friends with a guy for maybe 6 years, he has a wife, 4 kids. We go to coffee once every other week just to catch up. He knows I run a business and everything and I know about his life though I've never met any of his family members. His wife has a PhD and his parents are overseas and they send him alot of money every month for his expenses / 4 kids. He is in real estate, but doesn't really make any money.

2.5 years ago, twice he asked me if he could borrow alot of money, each time I've turned him down. He said OK he understands. He asked again one more time before COVID and again I turned him down. He said OK Now in between all this time we would still go for coffee. I liked the friendship and I think he did too.

This morning I get text "hey buddy I have a real emergency, can you give me $3,000. I'll pay it back right away." I said no sorry my money is tied up. He said "OK about how $1,000. Please its real emergency." Again I said no. He texts a punching emoji.

Friendship done or am I being way too sensitive?

Thoughts?

If he has a wife and kids then why are you meeting for coffee once a week?

He sounds like a manipulative loser but i doubt you are that innocent yourself.

To answer your real question...the guy is clearly not actually into you....he wants to trick and use you for his own financial gain and maybe keep you as a possible rebound/ backup option if his wife ever leaves him. Sounds like a lot of guys here could learn from this man seduction wise though haha.

 

[samspade]

If he has a wife and kids then why are you meeting for coffee once a week?

He sounds like a manipulative loser but i doubt you are that innocent yourself.

To answer your real question...the guy is clearly not actually into you....he wants to trick and use you for his own financial gain and maybe keep you as a possible rebound/ backup option if his wife ever leaves him. Sounds like a lot of guys here could learn from this man seduction wise though haha.

Lol the OP is a man. It's right there in his username. Guessing he's also straight.

 

[zinc4]

Lol the OP is a man. It's right there in his username. Guessing he's also straight.

Oh ****. Hahahaha. Sorry just woke up am starting my coffee. For some reason that first paragraph read like a woman wrote it. Men meeting eachother once a week for coffee is a foreign concept for me but makes sense now that i re read it.

Ah yes....he should not give him money. I have too many former dead beat friends like this. Same old story every time.

No reason to completely write him off though. Just say no.

 

[dude99]

This isn't about girls, but I'm wondering about the situation.

Been friends with a guy for maybe 6 years, he has a wife, 4 kids. We go to coffee once every other week just to catch up. He knows I run a business and everything and I know about his life though I've never met any of his family members. His wife has a PhD and his parents are overseas and they send him alot of money every month for his expenses / 4 kids. He is in real estate, but doesn't really make any money.

2.5 years ago, twice he asked me if he could borrow alot of money, each time I've turned him down. He said OK he understands. He asked again one more time before COVID and again I turned him down. He said OK Now in between all this time we would still go for coffee. I liked the friendship and I think he did too.

This morning I get text "hey buddy I have a real emergency, can you give me $3,000. I'll pay it back right away." I said no sorry my money is tied up. He said "OK about how $1,000. Please its real emergency." Again I said no. He texts a punching emoji.

Friendship done or am I being way too sensitive?

Thoughts?

I had a 'friend' who turned user similar to your situation and he would ask for money a couple of times a year, same thing i would turn him down because i didn't have it to lend at the time, he pulled the "hey can i borrow 5 grand i promise ill pay you back right away," line on me too the last time. I answered with "if you can pay me back right away then it sounds like you already have the money, therefore you don't need to borrow any."

Well after that i haven't heard from him since. He stopped returning phone calls stopped answering texts.

Some people don't value you. They only value what they can get from you.

 

[logicallefty]

OP, you handled it perfectly IMO. I have used that exact same answer "Sorry, all of my spare money is tied up in investments right now". Since my friends and family all know I invest, none of them are surprised or upset about that answer.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Lending money to friends is a big no no unless you are OK with simply giving it to him and don't care if he pays it back or not.

 

[Dash Riprock]

"Lending" money to a friend including a girlfriend is a donation, not a loan. This is amplified x100 for relatives. I've been asked too and my answer every time has been a polite NO.

NEVER do this unless you are ok never getting paid back.

For s*its and giggles, did you ask him specifically what he needs it for? It's your money so you have a right to know. Watch him tap dance when you offer up alternative solutions like maybe getting another f*cking job so he doesn't ask you anymore. Novel idea, huh?

He's doing this because he's gotten positive results in the past with it. I'd bet he still owes people money.

The guy sounds like a loser, honestly.

 

[RangerMIke]

You should have told him up front the first time he asked for money that you do not lend money to friends or family, and to please not bring it up again.

Never say you don't have it or it's 'tied up', unless you would really consider lending money if it was available.

 

[BadBoy89]

Some people don't value you. They only value what they can get from you.

Very true. Would almost say “most” people don’t.

 

[Robert28]

This isn't about girls, but I'm wondering about the situation.

Been friends with a guy for maybe 6 years, he has a wife, 4 kids. We go to coffee once every other week just to catch up. He knows I run a business and everything and I know about his life though I've never met any of his family members. His wife has a PhD and his parents are overseas and they send him alot of money every month for his expenses / 4 kids. He is in real estate, but doesn't really make any money.

2.5 years ago, twice he asked me if he could borrow alot of money, each time I've turned him down. He said OK he understands. He asked again one more time before COVID and again I turned him down. He said OK Now in between all this time we would still go for coffee. I liked the friendship and I think he did too.

This morning I get text "hey buddy I have a real emergency, can you give me $3,000. I'll pay it back right away." I said no sorry my money is tied up. He said "OK about how $1,000. Please its real emergency." Again I said no. He texts a punching emoji.

Friendship done or am I being way too sensitive?

Thoughts?

Jesus that sounds like every women friend I’ve ever heard about. Experienced it once for myself too. That’s mainly the reason I don’t do women friends anymore, they’ll always get around to bumming money eventually. Most of the time “friends” that hit you up for money like this are narcissists. Not kidding. It’s what narcissist do, read up on it.

 

[Robert28]

I had a 'friend' who turned user similar to your situation and he would ask for money a couple of times a year, same thing i would turn him down because i didn't have it to lend at the time, he pulled the "hey can i borrow 5 grand i promise ill pay you back right away," line on me too the last time. I answered with "if you can pay me back right away then it sounds like you already have the money, therefore you don't need to borrow any."

Well after that i haven't heard from him since. He stopped returning phone calls stopped answering texts.

Some people don't value you. They only value what they can get from you.

I’ve noticed women do this to me, never had a guy do it. And they seem to start bumming after a year or two of knowing you. Guess it takes that long to set the trap on their part. They always use them same words when asking, very vague about what it’s for but very anxious when asking (please! I really really need it!). They can’t tell you what they need it for but they need it NOW. Manipulators follow the same playbook, I’ve just experienced women are manipulative like this over guys I’ve known.

 

[dude99]

I’ve noticed women do this to me, never had a guy do it. And they seem to start bumming after a year or two of knowing you. Guess it takes that long to set the trap on their part. They always use them same words when asking, very vague about what it’s for but very anxious when asking (please! I really really need it!). They can’t tell you what they need it for but they need it NOW. Manipulators follow the same playbook, I’ve just experienced women are manipulative like this over guys I’ve known.

Yeah i have dated and known many user women in my time too, the ones that want you to pay their rent or pay their moving expenes etc etc...it is more common for women to try to use guys because they feel entitled. But this one i mentioned was a guy and a friend for a few years but that came to an end. Maybe he saw me as a "mark" but never got anything out of me and moved on to the next one.

 

[Robert28]

Yeah i have dated and known many user women in my time too, the ones that want you to pay their rent or pay their moving expenes etc etc...it is more common for women to try to use guys because they feel entitled. But this one i mentioned was a guy and a friend for a few years but that came to an end. Maybe he saw me as a "mark" but never got anything out of me and moved on to the next one.

I honestly don’t know how people live like that, basically depending on other peoples generosity. You eventually stop meeting genuine people willing to help and burn too many bridges and then you’re left with what…..bumming skills? The women that have tried to bum off me never asked for large amounts, highest was like $200 but it was CONSTANT. Once a year or once every couple years? Fvck yeah I’ll help you, how much you need? When you start coming at me every couple weeks or every month because I was nice and helped you a couple times in the beginning? Yeah, you can go die in a wreck for all I care. And the women that bum don’t have much time left to be successful at it because their looks are fading and they’re getting older, no one’s gonna help out an ugly woman in need. So they’ll be stuck with no friends and didn’t appreciate or respect the people in their past who would have actually been good genuine lifetime friends. They were too short sighted and wanted to trade a long time friend for a couple hundred bucks NOW. I’m not like that, that’s why I have friends who are dudes that spans over DECADES of friendship. I know how to be a friend, these women don’t.

 

[Billtx49]

I honestly don’t know how people live like that, basically depending on other peoples generosity.

Some people have no moral compass and are severely lacking in self respect …

 

[Robert28]

Some people have no moral compass and are severely lacking in self respect …

Which is ironic because they don’t respect the people they manipulate and use. I don’t want their respect though, I don’t even want them in my life, having their respect would be worthless to me.