"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"

You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.

Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.

Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.

Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.

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How would you handle this girl who's at strike one?

TheCWord

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SS has some great advice that has helped me to improve and be less AFC, but there is always the danger of going too far the other direction and cutting a girl too early. Like a kid having a tantrum. That's why I want a check on this line...

BACKSTORY
-Known girl through friends for months - was busy with a oneitis and work pursuits so never asked her out.
-She confronts me at a Christmas party and asks why we haven't ****ed yet. She says she's pissed I've never asked her out on a date and wanted me to at least ask her out for dinner. I kind of just say okay and don't do anything about it (was still in oneitis zone).
-We stay in touch via texts. She always initiates and I keep it pretty short. This is about once a week or every two weeks for months.
-She eventually calls me out over text again: telling me to man up and ask her out. I say something like we'll see.
-A few weeks after that she texts me - her and her friends are going to this concert and wants to know if I'd like to go. I go to this concert with them and we all have a great time.

STRIKE ONE
-This is where it gets confusing. Despite everything you just read, she had a rather odd reaction when I did ask her out.
-I call her up a few days after the concert and ask what she's doing the next night. She perks up and says nothing, asks me what's up. I tell her let's go out to dinner then. All of a sudden, she sounds TOTALLY UNENTHUSED. "Uhhhh, yeah..... okay, where were you thinking?" So I told her this restaurant I wanted to try out and she said sure. I told her I'd call and get us a reservation and let her know.
-Ten minutes after I hang up with her she sends me a text and says that she just realized she has to go to a conference-thing for work tomorrow night. I text back "Ok" and that's it. Haven't spoken/texted in two weeks.

How would you guys deal with this weirdness? As soon as she insta-flaked, despite begging me to ask her out, I basically decided she was cut. And ya know what? I feel pretty good about that. I usually don't cut early enough.

She sent me a text again today, just a chit-chatty type thing. I could honestly go either way... If I ignore her and reject her when she ultimately asks to make plans again, I'd be fine with that. But I wanted to get you guys to weigh in... Is there a way to give this girl a second chance without coming off AFC? She is pretty cool, really smart and hot too - the flake-out was just so strange.
 

"You'll Never Feel READY to Walk Over"

Next Monday you'll feel more confident. After the gym you'll feel more confident. After one more drink you'll feel more confident. After you get a better haircut, a better jacket, a better job.

You've been "getting ready" for two years.

She's standing ten feet away right now. She'll be gone in four minutes. No amount of preparation will manufacture the courage that only comes from moving your feet.

Walk over. Stumble through the first sentence. Let it be clumsy. Let it be imperfect. You will feel more alive in those ten seconds than you have all month.

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Rainman4707

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I would ring her & say "i'll see you at bar at 7pm tuesday night"
Also try to come across like your busy (Things going on in your life)
 

pinkfl

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She doesn't sound like she's interested in you, it sounds like she wants attention from you.

The whole "why haven't you asked me out" thing sounds really weird and childish
 

TheCWord

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Rainman4707 said:
I would ring her & say "i'll see you at bar at 7pm tuesday night"
Also try to come across like your busy (Things going on in your life)
But does that let her off the hook for being a flake to me before? Or is that me just sounding too much like a douchey jock.
 

"I just moved here from Florida."

That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?

She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."

She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.

I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.

Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.

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SirFratserlot

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AW nuff said, think about it. Is this typical girl behavior? Youre probably not the only guy she has done this too.
 

TheCWord

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I think you and the other boys are right, sir... but if she is an AW and she keeps coming around, I'm not opposed to having AW sex and knowing it's nothing more. The question is how hard should I make this AW work for it so that it never comes across that I'm giving her what she wants. Always needs to be chasing.
 

Zerro

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pinkfl said:
The whole "why haven't you asked me out" thing sounds really weird and childish
Yeah that's some Katy Perry sort of bullsh!t right there.
 

TheCWord

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I guess what I'm really asking is if it's possible for us guys to play too hard to get too early, for not a good enough reason.

Maybe this girl has earned being backed way the hell off because of her AW behavior, but I just got some texts from a different girl and I'm wondering if I'm being too stubborn for the sake of being stubborn. Here it is:

Different Girl: Come drink with us
Me: Maybe. Where are you?
DG: We're at (a bar right across the street from you)
Me: Just come up and drink my wine
DG: No. Come here. Music's amazzzzzing.
Me: Maybe
DG: Boring.

And left it there... still deciding if I'll go across the street or not.
 

buzzin_frog

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With all the women out there you resort to entertaining a flake. She knows that you are interested in her because you asked her out.....she flaked on you....if she was interested in you she wouldn't flake.....or she would set up another day for your date.

wait for her to show interest in you....to ask you out....otherwise you are going to be flaked on again by her.

she probably had a better offer for that night....now she is getting back to you.

I would give her three strikes already.....her game playing is a waste of your time while you can be out banging other chicks.
 

"She Liked You in March. It's October Now."

Attraction runs on a clock.

She flirted for weeks. Touched your arm. Found reasons to be alone with you. And you were careful. Respectful. Waiting for the right moment.

The moment had a shelf life. It expired around month two, and by the time you asked her out, she'd quietly filed you under "little brother."

One of the hardest lessons inside the 22 Rules: women rarely wait. Interest either grows or it decays, and nothing decays it faster than a man who never moves.

Make the move while she's still inventing reasons to be near you.

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VladPatton

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She's another kook who doesn't know what she wants. If she asks you to take her out ever again (doubtful) just tell her "I did ask her out and you flaked on me , sorry, but I am currently seeing other girls" and look her right in the eye as you say it. Big time AW, don't even bother anymore with her.

As for playing hard-to-get, that is a risky little game. Forget all about these ridiculous Nexting tactics. There is no way for you to know if you wanna date a girl if you don't spend the time with her. Not 6 hrs., either. Go in, see what the hell is going on, and jet, let her wanting more. That's it. Playing hard-to-get is for chicks in high school. All it'll get you in the real world is being deleted off of interested women's phones.

If there is true interest, no great games need be played.
 

Rainman4707

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Dont ring her then. Play it cool.
 

Purefilth

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You Mean girls get more than 1 strike now?

F- that sh!t! NEXT!
 

Rainman4707

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Purefilth said:
You Mean girls get more than 1 strike now?

F- that sh!t! NEXT!
Lol. Thats cleared that up then. Good post.
I have a feeling this is the way forward & when he
does NEXT her, sooner rather than later she will chase
him again!
 

Mike32ct

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I think she's all talk and no action (i.e. AW).

As a general rule, the more a girl TALKS about something, the LESS likely she is to do it. Whether it's go on a date with you or have sex with you or the classic "I'm gonna break up with my bf because he's such a jerk" lol etc., more talk equals less action.

Don't suggest another date. See if SHE does. If I read correctly, she didnt counter-offer after canceling the date.

If in the slim chance she does suggest a date, playfully challenge her a bit. "Are you definitely gonna show up? No sudden work conferences or 'I have to floss my cat' or 'My dog ate my homework?' LOL"
 

"Nervous Around Beautiful Women? There's a Rule for That"

I could talk to any woman I wasn't attracted to. Charming, funny, relaxed. Then a gorgeous woman looked my way and I'd become a sweating, babbling mess.

The fix took me years to find and ten minutes to learn. Nervousness and excitement are the same physical state — pounding heart, adrenaline, flushed face. Your brain just picks the label. And you can pick a better one.

Rule 16 shows you how. You feel the nerves, relabel them as excitement, and let that energy pour out as enthusiasm. Women notice the guy radiating it. They always do.

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TheCWord

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VladPatton said:
She's another kook who doesn't know what she wants. If she asks you to take her out ever again (doubtful) just tell her "I did ask her out and you flaked on me , sorry, but I am currently seeing other girls" and look her right in the eye as you say it. Big time AW, don't even bother anymore with her.

As for playing hard-to-get, that is a risky little game. Forget all about these ridiculous Nexting tactics. There is no way for you to know if you wanna date a girl if you don't spend the time with her. Not 6 hrs., either. Go in, see what the hell is going on, and jet, let her wanting more. That's it. Playing hard-to-get is for chicks in high school. All it'll get you in the real world is being deleted off of interested women's phones.

If there is true interest, no great games need be played.
Vlad, your replies are always solid. Thanks, man.
 

TheCWord

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Purefilth said:
You Mean girls get more than 1 strike now?

F- that sh!t! NEXT!
hahaha

Rainman4707 said:
Lol. Thats cleared that up then. Good post.
I have a feeling this is the way forward & when he
does NEXT her, sooner rather than later she will chase
him again!
:rockon:
 

TheCWord

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Mike32ct said:
If I read correctly, she didnt counter-offer after canceling the date.

If in the slim chance she does suggest a date, playfully challenge her a bit. "Are you definitely gonna show up? No sudden work conferences or 'I have to floss my cat' or 'My dog ate my homework?' LOL"
Yup, no counter-offer.

I love that dig about the work conference, Mike. As someone who likes to amuse himself, I'd want to use it - but would that just be letting her know that she got to me? Might be funny enough to be worth it either way.
 

Purefilth

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TheCWord said:
Yup, no counter-offer.

I love that dig about the work conference, Mike. As someone who likes to amuse himself, I'd want to use it - but would that just be letting her know that she got to me? Might be funny enough to be worth it either way.
Do as you see fit man - if throwing a lil dig in is what you want to do, then fine. :up:
It doesnt really matter though - If you're NEXTing her.

NEXTing is for life - not just for interest levels.
 
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