How would you guys have handled this?

[guru1000]

I went on a second date with a girl (she is 29, HB8) tonight. I kissed her goodnight and drove off. She imed me tonight and asked me" Why didnt you wait till I entered the door before your drove off?".Meanwhile im a gentleman opening car doors for her to enter. I took this as a test question so i didnt apologize. I said "What do you want me to do rescue you? Ill make it up , next time ill carry you on my back and take you to your door.". She kept saying no while I was cracking jokes. Finally I said "You know I'm totally kidding around with you." She didnt respond and neither did I. An hour later she signed off with no response. I know this is childish BS , but it makes me wonder how I could have handled this differently. She obviously was waiting for an apology or more ims explaining myself, of which I wouldnt do (giving her the power). How would you guys have handled this? Do you agree this was a test?

 

[Phyzzle]

Do you agree this was a test?

Sort of. She could have said it more nicely. But really, you were supposed to wait for her to go inside. I didn't know that either, until someone told me.

Especially if she lives in any sort of city, just wait around and make sure she didn't moronically drop her keys and phone in your car.

I would say, "next time, I'll walk you to your door." But when you make one little gaffe on a 2nd date with a woman who has options, she might drop you for that one little thing.

 

[KarmaSutra]

You fvcked up and dropped the ball. You did it, live with it. Learn from it.

That said, she's supposed to act like a child and pout because that is a womans' nature. She absolutely tested you and you blew it. I'm sure you didn't make her feel as if she contributed to your time together by getting the lips and then squealing your tires.

And I don't know how many fvcking times I need to say this but I will until you brothers get it:

KARMIC LAW #14 - Do not Instant Message, Email or text a woman if you're courting her. You instantly become her girlfriend and will not escape that club.

If you have a phone use it as it was intended. Call her and make it brief. This way you give her the gift of intrigue and not bog down her thinking when you pop into her head throughout the day.

 

[jophil28]

A Test ? No.
She was miffed because you drove off leaving her alone outside her house.
SHe appears to have old-fashioned values and expectations, or she just felt a little anxious about her personal safety after you drove off..
Her concern is reasonable . Men should protect women whenever necessary or make ourselves available and present in ways which reassure her that all is safe and well.
I do acknowledge that you younger guys may not have known that it is chivalrous and considerate to wait wntil she closes her front door before driving off ..
You made it worse by trying to get her to laugh herself out of her feelings.
You did come across as one insensitive pr!ck. However all may be well in the end... THese gaffes are rarely dealbreakers .

 

[guru1000]

KARMIC LAW #14 - Do not Instant Message, Email or text a woman if you're courting her. You instantly become her girlfriend and will not escape that club

I didnt im her. I am blocked from being seen(buddlist on AOL) and she took it upon herself to see if I was on and imed me.



You did come across as one insensitive pr!ck. However all may be well in the end... THese gaffes are rarely dealbreakers

Obviously calling her puts her in control and takes my power away. Where do we go from here?

 

[guru1000]

She just texted me this morning "Wake up !" with a picture of herself. I just want to show you guys the power of "Being able to walk away (not responding to her)!" , even when you are wrong.

"The power of the relationship lies with the one who needs it the least."!

Any other response to her "test", would have been a deal breaker.

 

[squirrels]

That IS a common courtesy thing. The idea is that if for some reason the other person can't get into their house, they aren't left standing on the porch. I've done this with my parents, friends, siblings, etc...

I dunno why she'd make a point to bring it up, though.

Maybe she wanted to invite you in.

Either way, you're right not to sweat it. It's not like you slammed a door in her face or anything.

 

[KarmaSutra]

You did come across as one insensitive pr!ck.

Thank you for the compliment. One of the greatest detriments to man as a leader is his inability to think rationally rather than emotionally.

I am a complete pr1ck. Through and through. I'm not swayed by causality and emotional excess.

 

[KarmaSutra]

She just texted me this morning "Wake up !" with a picture of herself. I just want to show you guys the power of "Being able to walk away (not responding to her)!" , even when you are wrong.

"The power of the relationship lies with the one who needs it the least."!

Any other response to her "test", would have been a deal breaker.

STR8UP's STR8WALK in full effect!

 

[guru1000]

Karma , I didnt call you a pr!ck. I was cutting that from a previous post. But sure glad you think you are.

 

[jonwon]

I went on a second date with a girl (she is 29, HB8) tonight. I kissed her goodnight and drove off. She imed me tonight and asked me" Why didnt you wait till I entered the door before your drove off?".Meanwhile im a gentleman opening car doors for her to enter. I took this as a test question so i didnt apologize. I said "What do you want me to do rescue you? Ill make it up , next time ill carry you on my back and take you to your door.". She kept saying no while I was cracking jokes. Finally I said "You know I'm totally kidding around with you." She didnt respond and neither did I. An hour later she signed off with no response. I know this is childish BS , but it makes me wonder how I could have handled this differently. She obviously was waiting for an apology or more ims explaining myself, of which I wouldnt do (giving her the power). How would you guys have handled this? Do you agree this was a test?

I think you did everything perfect 'apart' from one thing:

Finally I said "You know I'm totally kidding around with you.

you did nothing wrong, in fact i think you handled it very well, she is probably being a little paranoid, i think in this situation she probably thinks you was not interested and could not get away fast enough!

This is 'her' problem, her 'insecurities' not yours, hence joking about it was the 'best' thing to do, since getting into some-one elses insecurities is never a wise thing to do.

Carry on, but next dont apologise for making fun out of some-ones, lack of self esteem, you did it in a nice banter way, not abusive jerk type ways, she sounds like she may have esteem issues, not your problem, if she wants to create drama let her, but dont be sucked in, this is your reality after all not hers and it sounds like hers has 'issues'.

I had a similer thing recently, a girl i was with!

i told her my aunt was coming over and i have things to discuss with her, which the girls said 'you want me to leave then' i said 'well i am going to chatting to my aunt a while so, yeh we'll catch up later', so she says 'you going to kick me out this second' so i said 'yeh get your stuff and hurry up' for a joke. She took it seriously (i thought brat) so i left her to get her stuff and watched her storm out of the house with a pis*ed off look on her face.

did i apologise, did i bolloc*s, i did nothing wrong why should i apologise due to her wanting to act like a brat?

She came back a day later! Text me 3x, hence i pushed the right buttons.

Most guys would have been chasing her up the garden path, beging for forgivness.

Even for ettiquete, for her to call you on it, means to me she is probably fishing for power, dont worry about it.

This would not even matter if you had more then one chick on the go.

I agree you did drop the ball, your worried too much about it, back tracking and re-evaluating your actions, wrong move! She is in your reality not morph yourself to her expectations, if you dont slot in, move on, there are plenty more.

edit:

just re-read it, waiting over an hour for a reply is a little odd dont you think?

I would have simply left it at the fun joke bit, if she wanted to persist with the drama, i would have made my excuses and logged off, better things to do then waste x amount of time debating drama with a chick i just had two dates with, hell i cant tolerate that stuff from a GF never mind fresh dates.

Hence lesson learned dont tolerate poor behaviour from women, you did great making light hearted out it, she clearly wants to make it an issue, red flag number one in my book.

I dont want a nagging wife!

has for the msn, phone, etc has stated they should be used to set up dates.

Women will get there fix from these things with no intention of setting up or meeting a guy at all, attention whor*es loves the outlet of the MSN junkie guy who will give them attention with nothing back, avoid them and make dates.

Also you should be 'too busy' to sit around on your as* doing msn for hours on end, even if your not, make the impression you are!

 

[joekerr31]

i keep telling guys this and guys keep ignoring it, but you cannot underestimate how much women are concerned about their physical safety. as much as they act all tough and might bust your balls, they deep down are very afraid of the world around them.

as for your situation. i think you screwed up not walking her to the door. now this is assuming that it was dark. if the sun was still setting or the sun was still out, then she's being unreasonable. but if it was dark, you should always walk a woman to the door unless she says not to worry about it.

as for your msn message. she got upset because its clear to her that you don't understand where she was coming from. for her physical safety is a big deal and there you are laughing it off like it doesn't mean anything.

this is a big problem with instant messaging - its hard to tell when someone is being serious about something.

was this is a sh*t test? i dont believe it was. i think this was merely her way of telling you that one of the big things she looks for in a man is one who will protect her. and you turned around and laughed in her face.

hehe, not smart

there are times to laugh in a womans face and belittle her childish tactics, this was not one of those times however (in my opinion).

 

[guru1000]

I appreciate all your comments. It's good to reflect on different scenarios to sharpen all our skills. Inevitably that is why we post. I like to post and analyze to get sharper. I am more concerned about scenarios and thinking , not the women.

I have to agree with JonWon's post. Many times during dating or in a relationship , we will act wrongly. Now there are two directions. We can say "I was wrong" or we can shrug it off. The severity of the act is ultimately what determines our next action.

"Not walking a girl to the door at night and driving off.". Is that severe?
Some may think so. I don't. It might not be respectful but it is certainly not severe. If it is severe enough for the woman to next me, what does that say about the woman's rules (a little overboard?).

Ultimately, after the im convo I chose, the girl has been texting me three times a day and I still don't call her. Who is the prize in this scenario? Unless an act is extremely disrepectful, 99% of the time , a girl will not walk away from The Prize.

 

[STR8UP]

i keep telling guys this and guys keep ignoring it, but you cannot underestimate how much women are concerned about their physical safety. as much as they act all tough and might bust your balls, they deep down are very afraid of the world around them.

Yup, I rent condos to women all the time, and their absolute FIRST priority is safety. "Does it have a security system? Is it on the first floor? Is this a gated community? Is their a security guard on the premesis?"

Women are absolutely terrified for their safety unless theres a guy around.

Ever wonder why your chick likes to practically sleep on top of you at night. I've heard more than one woman say "It makes me feel secure".

You don't necessarily have to walk them to the door, but always at least wait until they are inside the house.

 

[jonwon]

"Not walking a girl to the door at night and driving off.". Is that severe?
Some may think so. I don't. It might not be respectful but it is certainly not severe. If it is severe enough for the woman to next me, what does that say about the woman's rules (a little overboard?).

I think this is important, it is a statement of who you are.

I agree i dont think its severe, some will and i can see there point, has for my ideals i dont either, i would have done the same.

I think its important to understand where you are coming from and stick to your belief's, i understand women may get scared of the world around them, but considering girls and women go out on the town dressing in nothing but a low cut top and skirts that show her panties, tells me women can take care of themselves.

I agree there will be prissy Madonna's out there who will expect the extra mile of courtesy, but if I don’t know what I did wrong, why should I let it bother me?

Yeh this can be considered jerk behaviour but on the contrary, if a girl makes an effort to constantly remind me of my faults, then to me that is ***** type behaviour also.

And I still even if the world was calling me a jerk or a pric*, I still would have done the same thing again, not out of spite or wanting to try to do something else, it is simply a product of what I am.

Personally I would have probably stayed in the car, give her a kiss and let her walk to the door.

Chivalry is all well and nice, but sometimes it’s a supplicating gesture to try to impress, I don’t go that way, if its cold outside and she aint inviting me in, she can walk to the door on her own, if she is scared about some big bad boogie man I am sure she will be just has scared about him when I am not there to walk her up and down the path after seven in the evening, on the other hand, I have no problem walking her to the door to seal one last kiss or try to get her to invite me in.

 

[Mr.Positive]

Chivalry is all well and nice, but sometimes it’s a supplicating gesture to try to impress, I don’t go that way, if its cold outside and she aint inviting me in, she can walk to the door on her own,

Chivalry is not supplicating at all, not a gesture to impress, IMO. Chivalry is something that men should do, just because we're men. I remember one time I opened the door for a gal I was dating at a coffee shop, and after she walked in, there was an old couple following behind. I held the door for them too. I remember the gal looked at me with this smile that said everything.

Few people do this stuff anymore, and it's not about impress anyone. It's about paying attention to your surroundings, and who you are with, and making sure that when people are with you, they are taken care of. They are safe.

I, personally, always walk the women I date up to their doorstep. At the very least, wait until they are inside the door. And I do this for all my friends, family, etc. (except walk them to their door.)

I wouldn't worry about it too much though. This shouldn't be a deal breaker. Just don't mention it again, and next time don't wait in the car, WALK her to her door!

 

[jophil28]

Chivalry is not supplicating at all, not a gesture to impress, IMO. Chivalry is something that men should do, just because we're men. I remember one time I opened the door for a gal I was dating at a coffee shop, and after she walked in, there was an old couple following behind. I held the door for them too. I remember the gal looked at me with this smile that said everything.

Few people do this stuff anymore, and it's not about impress anyone. It's about paying attention to your surroundings, and who you are with, and making sure that when people are with you, they are taken care of. They are safe.

I, personally, always walk the women I date up to their doorstep. At the very least, wait until they are inside the door. And I do this for all my friends, family, etc. (except walk them to their door.)

I wouldn't worry about it too much though. This shouldn't be a deal breaker. Just don't mention it again, and next time don't wait in the car, WALK her to her door!

This is my postion exactly -

However NOt walking a woman to her door is still 'mild' on the BLUNDER SCALE . No dealbreaker.

 

[MikeYikes122]

KARMIC LAW #14 - Do not Instant Message, Email or text a woman if you're courting her. You instantly become her girlfriend and will not escape that club.

That is some of the best advice i have seen in weeks.

 

[Sun Tzu]

This is my postion exactly -

However NOt walking a woman to her door is still 'mild' on the BLUNDER SCALE . No dealbreaker.

I must beg to differ. His blunder is huge and shows a lack of common courtesy and respect. At age 32 he should realize that you just don't drop someone at their door and drive off without making sure they get in safely.

He demonstrated a complete disregard for her safety and well-being. Some of you guys need to learn that demonstrating concern for her safety is of the utmost importance and this vastly boosts her attraction for you. This should be self-evident.:nono:

But aside from that, ensuring that your passenger gets into their home safely is simply the right thing to do.

 

[jonwon]

I must beg to differ. His blunder is huge and shows a lack of common courtesy and respect. At age 32 he should realize that you just don't drop someone at their door and drive off without making sure they get in safely.

He demonstrated a complete disregard for her safety and well-being. Some of you guys need to learn that demonstrating concern for her safety is of the utmost importance and this vastly boosts her attraction for you. This should be self-evident.:nono:

But aside from that, ensuring that your passenger gets into their home safely is simply the right thing to do.

Sorry but i have totally different views, i don’t care if ppl think its being chivalry.

this seems far too much like Disney fantasy land here.

Home Safely? Exactly what is going to happen, is the area she lives in that bad?

Lets not state it builds attraction, because quite frankly i believe, well i know thats total BS.

Now i dont mind holding open a door for a girl, walking on the road side of the pavement, pulling a seat out for her, giving up my seat for little old ladies and showing respect for others including her on a night out.

but to 'think' not walking a girl up her garden path is something to be concerned about is 'pretty far out there'.


What’s next make sure you give her a bunch of flowers on the first date too.

The truth is most girls won’t even give a toss about this at all, the ones that do, maybe they should move to a better area.

What are they going to do, when it gets dark and mister 'walk her to her door' is not there.

There is no issue here, i would have laughed it off also, is this the dating book 101, the same one that ask’s you to buy them flowers and pamper them?

look around women DONT NEED PROTECTING, they can pretty much do ok on there own, try going out one weekend and see 90% of the women out, will be pritty absurd, expecting a man to walk them up there garden path.

Give her a kiss in the car, if she does not let you in, let her walk herself up the scary path. As a bonus go round and pay a visit to one of your FB also, so if she does call you up on some shi* you failed to do correctly on the night out, at least you have the 'conviction' to laugh it off!

You would probably build more attraction, by actually keeping her guessing about 'if you like her or not' i.e when she is in the car, go to kiss her then state 'naa changed my mind' i'll do it later, tell her you have to get going, tell her Goodbye then drive off.

Or kiss her and give her a look like 'hurry up and get the fuc* out of my car' but in a subtle way, will probably build more attraction.

This is just the way it is.

Don't state showing chivalry will build attraction, since quite frankly when it comes to women, this is not so black and white.