How to Win Friends & Influence People...Dale Carnegie

samspade

Master Don Juan
Joined
Jan 5, 2008
Messages
5,607
Reaction score
1,804
I just started reading this book. I'd read excerpts before online but never the whole book. Only two chapters in and am impressed how much it agrees with game. Just wondering - have you guys read this? What are your thoughts on it?
 
Read the 22 Rules for Massive Success with Women. Everything you need to know to become a huge success with women. And it's free!

Konada

Master Don Juan
Joined
Mar 28, 2011
Messages
1,101
Reaction score
410
This post will probably be removed soon but I can't help but give my opinion about it. As I read it I came to realize that in order to 'win friends and influence people' its basically selling yourself and also manipulating their emotions to your control, basically steering people in the direction you want them to go to.

It may sound downright disgusting to resort to such tricks but only if you view them to be so. Right now I'm incoporating such traits into my personality. What the book doesn't talk about is that you have to be whole heartedly genuine and sincere in order for it to work.
 

sexysuave

Senior Don Juan
Joined
Sep 29, 2005
Messages
316
Reaction score
26
Age
38
Location
Idaho
I’ve read the book a few times many years ago. It was a good book. The main things I remember from it are to be a good listener and actually pay attention when someone is talking; it also talks about how every person is the most important person, and loves people who make them feel important. In other words, you have to be impressed to impress, because if you are “impressed” by them, that will in turn impress them lol. Basically, people like others who make them feel important, so you can use this to your advantage.

It says that too many people worry about what they’re gonna say in a conversation, rather than paying attention to what the person is saying. It gives detailed examples and stories of certain conversations and how someone won the other person over by simply being attentive and asking the right questions and sincerely complimenting them when it was warranted.

I didn’t find the book to be manipulative, but I guess it’s how you look at it. The author sounded pretty genuine and the way I looked at it the book was written to help people improve themselves in this aspect. It’s a self-improvement book, not a manipulative one, but I guess if you’re using it to just manipulate people into liking you and being your friend, you can look at it like that. If you are using it to honestly meet more people and make friends, than it’s an honest book trying to help you figure out how to do that.

It clearly has its benefits for “game” as well, but it is a book more based on friendships. For dealing with females, you will absolutely have to involve more flirting and sexual tension, which the book doesn’t really talk about. So in that aspect, I wouldn’t hand someone this book and tell them “you need to learn how to pick up chicks, here is this book”. HOWEVER, all of this stuff does help in the initial meeting of a person. So yes, of course, it can help you as far as carrying a conversation with anyone, guy or a girl, so once again, the book is beneficial, and if you’re improving yourself as a person it should be on your “to read” list. If you’re looking to become better with girls, you will (obviously) also have to incorporate a lot of other reading as well.

But be wary, don’t become a “self-book junkie”. I see too many people that read all the self-help books in the world, and then don’t actually apply the material. Make it a point that as you’re reading EACH BOOK, no matter what it is, actually go out there and apply it. If you’re reading about meeting friends, go out there and meet people. If you’re reading about picking up chicks, go out there and actually pick up chicks. The information HAS to be combined with action! You’re also best off reading these books a few times, as each time you will realize there is a bunch of important info that you either missed or forgot already. Take notes also. I like to underline important stuff and write page numbers on the back cover of information that I really cannot afford to not read again.
 

Bible_Belt

Master Don Juan
Joined
Jul 27, 2005
Messages
15,593
Reaction score
3,736
Age
43
Location
midwestern cow field 40
I liked the Carnegie book a lot. I also think the classic sales trainers like Zig Ziglar, Tom Hopkins, and Joe Girard also can teach a lot about women. Selling yourself is like selling anything else. If you believe in your product, that emotion is contagious, and buyers buy on emotion, not logic.
 

sexysuave

Senior Don Juan
Joined
Sep 29, 2005
Messages
316
Reaction score
26
Age
38
Location
Idaho
Haha Bible belt,

I've been listening to zig ziglar "how to stay motivated" 12 tape series for the last 2 weeks in my car. My goal is to hear it 16 times, as he recommends lol.. hella old school, but the sh*t is awesome..

And you're right, it helps out even in every day life.. I'm mainly using it for work and businesses but it's great overall.. it gives you that "high" all the time and puts a different, POSITIVE, perspective on things..

emotion is a huge part of it
 
Read the 22 Rules for Massive Success with Women. Everything you need to know to become a huge success with women. And it's free!

samspade

Master Don Juan
Joined
Jan 5, 2008
Messages
5,607
Reaction score
1,804
Yeah, I realize it's not specific to game but in a general sense it's a good companion piece for the Don Juan library if that makes sense. More about success in business and in general - making friends, etc. So far it confirms what most of us suspect - that we like to feel good and dislike being criticized.

I've never been a self-help junkie, but I do think you can always get better, and I'd like to leave better impressions on people and get more of what I want from them as well.
 

Bible_Belt

Master Don Juan
Joined
Jul 27, 2005
Messages
15,593
Reaction score
3,736
Age
43
Location
midwestern cow field 40
In one of the Zig Ziglar metaphors that I remember best, he talks about eating in a cafeteria, how you pick out everything you want first, and then you go pay. He said that life is the exact opposite; you have to pay in full before you get anything you want.

It's understanding that concept that separates people who whine about what they think they want but don't have from the people who are busy working to get what they want.
 

zekko

Master Don Juan
Joined
Aug 6, 2009
Messages
12,579
Reaction score
4,418
samspade said:
I just started reading this book. I'd read excerpts before online but never the whole book. Only two chapters in and am impressed how much it agrees with game.
I'm a little surprised you compare it with game, even though I agree a lot of it applies. Game seems geared more toward indifference, negs, calling her on BS, not being needy, push/pull, that sort of thing. Carnegie's book seems to be more about making people feel good about themselves. Make them feel like they're the most important person in the room, stuff like that. Sounds like the opposite of pickup theory in some respects.
 

samspade

Master Don Juan
Joined
Jan 5, 2008
Messages
5,607
Reaction score
1,804
zekko said:
I'm a little surprised you compare it with game, even though I agree a lot of it applies. Game seems geared more toward indifference, negs, calling her on BS, not being needy, push/pull, that sort of thing. Carnegie's book seems to be more about making people feel good about themselves. Make them feel like they're the most important person in the room, stuff like that. Sounds like the opposite of pickup theory in some respects.
I suppose in the broader sense, figuring out what people want and offering it to them reminds me of game. So does the notion that everyone acts out of self-interest and wants to feel important. Those are really broad strokes however. Push-pull, negs, etc., these are small time tools you use to get a woman wondering about you. What do women want? They want a man they can't figure out and whom they can fantasize about. One of the parallels I see is that approaching seduction based on what YOU want (sex, etc.) and trying to ply it from her is fruitless. Give her what she wants - a mysterious, confident, indifferent man.

Actually this all made more sense inside my brain at about 10 a.m.
 

sexysuave

Senior Don Juan
Joined
Sep 29, 2005
Messages
316
Reaction score
26
Age
38
Location
Idaho
Originally Posted by Bible_Belt:

In one of the Zig Ziglar metaphors that I remember best, he talks about eating in a cafeteria, how you pick out everything you want first, and then you go pay. He said that life is the exact opposite; you have to pay in full before you get anything you want.

It's understanding that concept that separates people who whine about what they think they want but don't have from the people who are busy working to get what they want.
Yeah dude, I remember that very well. He goes into depth with examples, such a farmer asking God to give him good crops that year. He says, “God, I know I haven’t done anything or haven’t planted anything at all, but if you give me some great crops this year, I promise next year I’ll plant sooo many different things”.

Then he uses the example of an employee going to the supervisor and asking for a raise and saying “if you give me a raise, I promise I’ll start coming to work on time” lol. Then he had the other example, when they asked an employee when he started working for the xyz company, and he answered “when they threatened to fire me” lol..

He makes an excellent point that everyone wants results right away and instant gratification, and they feel they can do the work later, when the exact opposite is true. You’ve got to put in HARD WORK in anything you do in order to get results. Yeah, I can’t believe the stuff is like 30 years old but so ageless and so good.

In addition to ones you mention, I also have some old Brian Tracy stuff on success, and that was also pretty good. It’s been years since I’ve heard it, but I’m thinking about going back to that once I’m thoroughly done with this Zig Ziglar series.

Oh, and one of my favorite Zig Ziglar quotes is “If you do what you ought to do, when you ought to do it, there will come a time when you will be able to do what you want to do, when you want to do it.” Now that simple but pretty profound, and one can use it for motivation when he hesitates and procrastinates on a task which leads towards a goal.

This is similar to the Brian Tracy saying, that goes “The definition of success is doing what you have to do, when you have to do it, whether you feel like it or not”. Both of those quotes are implanted in my mind, and I use them often if I ever hesitate or want to procrastinate on something. It’s great to remind you that you need to keep going “whether you feel like it or not”.

Oh and samspade.. another way you can use any of this in “game” is by simply using some of the facts you learn in ANY of these books while gaming up a chick. You use it as part of your “bonding” stage, and I’ve done this numerous times when I’m out running game, and I isolate a girl and take her away from friends or whatever, or me and my buddy go with two of them, whatever random stuff they talk about, I usually have some kind of stories and examples and quotes (half the time I’m pulling random sh*t outta my memory lol).. so since I read a lot, I never have a shortage of information on just about anything and quite a few times chicks have been so impressed at how “wise and knowledgeable” I was and looked up to me almost right away.

Hell, even on the dating subjects, if you break things down to her and talk about wimpy guys and pushover and how dating and relationships work, they will be amazed that you “get it” and will immediately put you in an entirely higher category than most guys they meet. It has happen many a times where I would just blabber my way with a girl until I’m hammering away lol even that same night of initial meeting. So really, any of this material that you read, it’s multi-use. You obviously get great information from it and really useful stuff, and on top of that you can use it as chatter material to demonstrate higher value and pretty much proceed with it until you isolate completely in a location where you can make your final seduction :).
 
Read the 22 Rules for Massive Success with Women. Everything you need to know to become a huge success with women. And it's free!

Scaramouche

Master Don Juan
Joined
Jan 27, 2008
Messages
3,041
Reaction score
262
Age
75
Location
Australia
Dear Sam,
Yeah......Read this about 50 years ago....Still good....Another Goodie..."How to be the richest man in Babylon"...Take it from me,it works!....A more recent contribution is "The Thirty Laws of Power".Best read since Machiavelli...This site is also good value,the others are mostly process not product,the contributors spend more time phantasizing on the Net than cutting the mustard!
 

ilikecharlene

Senior Don Juan
Joined
Jan 4, 2012
Messages
339
Reaction score
7
Game is essentially social skills and psychology, so reading this book can assist in that.
 
Top