donnythedon
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What are your best tips to stop being the nice guy? not just with ladies but life in general
"How I Made Sure No Woman Ever Friend-Zoned Me Again"
She calls you when her car breaks down. When she needs help moving. When some guy she's actually dating treats her badly.
You're the listener. The reliable one. The guy who would treat her so much better, if she'd just open her eyes.
She won't. You trained her to see you as the low-effort option — the friend who requires zero risk and zero investment. Every favor dug the hole deeper.
The "22 Rules" break the pattern. You'll stop auditioning for a role she already cast and become the man she chases instead. It starts with Rule 1.
how to stop being the nice guy in life?
- Thread starter donnythedon
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"The Coffee Shop Girl You Never Spoke To"
You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.
For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.
Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.
The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.
sch
Don Juan
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Read books that change your point of view on life, from Rational Male by Rollo Tomasi to Stoicism.
Do martial arts, pickup, weightlifting, anything competitive.
Make a decision to stop being a nice guy, and act accordingly. This is a final step, and nobody can make this step for you.
donnythedon
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RangerMIke
Master Don Juan
Make a commitment to being COMPLETELY honest in your life. This will force you to because the person you want to be. Then put yourself first if you are not happy that your needs are being met, you can not make anyone else truly happy.
Understand that being 'nice' is just another method of manipulation, and women see this as dishonest. Be direct and go after what you want and stop trying to nice your way to success. It doesn't work.
Understand that being 'nice' is just another method of manipulation, and women see this as dishonest. Be direct and go after what you want and stop trying to nice your way to success. It doesn't work.
"I just moved here from Florida."
That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?
She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."
She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.
I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.
Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.
You dont need to stop being nice, just know your limits, you probably had bad exoeriences with people and you learned from it hopefully, be yourself, you dont need to change your personality because of women, ofcourse dont be women in relationship, but if she doesnt see your value, **** her, it is her loss, wanting to be something else is a wasfe of person you are.
ImTheDoubleGreatest!
Master Don Juan
Know and understand how cruel people can be. Know that women are not an except at all. Try to ingest at least part of the nature of women. And read of horrible stories of how women have ****ed their man over. That last part will cauterize all possible wounds you have left in your heart. I didn't need to TRY to change my behavior at that point, I naturally just did without even really realizing it.
TheMonkeyKing
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-Generally, there's a difference between being a nice guy and being a 'nice guy'; it's all about intent.
>A nice guy is just friendly and polite to people regardless of outcome. It's just the way he is, he treats everyone equally. He intends nothing, but is authentic and genuinely charismatic.
>A 'nice guy' is nice to people because he wants something from them, whether he even realises it himself or not. He is usually overly-polite and overly-familiar with certain people who he thinks will be of benefit to him; particularly women and those men he considers to be more powerful. He's a suck-up and playing a role, acting in ways he thinks he should; actually not a very nice guy at all.
-Develop a set of personal standards that you mark people against. You don't (and probably shouldn't) openly communicate those standards. Rather you quietly judge people for yourself. If they don't meet the cut, don't go out of your way to make it work, in fact just walk away from them, may be until such time they meet your standards, otherwise may be forever. You're not going to be friends with everyone, so don't expect to be.
-Do things for others. But do more things for yourself.
-Learn to enjoy your own company.
-Your investments in other people should be roughly equal to their investment in you, particularly acquaintances and friends; family is slightly different. If you are feeling drained by someone in some way, you're being a nice guy. If you are constantly drained by someone for 6 months or more, you're being a 'nice guy'; you are allowing yourself to be taken for granted because you think one day they will return the favour.
-Don't take girls out on dates until they earn the privilege and show serious interest in you as a person. Mostly, make plans of your own and invite women of interest along with you. This way, you put your plans first and they are accompanying you for their benefit and your added bonus.
>A nice guy is just friendly and polite to people regardless of outcome. It's just the way he is, he treats everyone equally. He intends nothing, but is authentic and genuinely charismatic.
>A 'nice guy' is nice to people because he wants something from them, whether he even realises it himself or not. He is usually overly-polite and overly-familiar with certain people who he thinks will be of benefit to him; particularly women and those men he considers to be more powerful. He's a suck-up and playing a role, acting in ways he thinks he should; actually not a very nice guy at all.
-Develop a set of personal standards that you mark people against. You don't (and probably shouldn't) openly communicate those standards. Rather you quietly judge people for yourself. If they don't meet the cut, don't go out of your way to make it work, in fact just walk away from them, may be until such time they meet your standards, otherwise may be forever. You're not going to be friends with everyone, so don't expect to be.
-Do things for others. But do more things for yourself.
-Learn to enjoy your own company.
-Your investments in other people should be roughly equal to their investment in you, particularly acquaintances and friends; family is slightly different. If you are feeling drained by someone in some way, you're being a nice guy. If you are constantly drained by someone for 6 months or more, you're being a 'nice guy'; you are allowing yourself to be taken for granted because you think one day they will return the favour.
-Don't take girls out on dates until they earn the privilege and show serious interest in you as a person. Mostly, make plans of your own and invite women of interest along with you. This way, you put your plans first and they are accompanying you for their benefit and your added bonus.
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donnythedon
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Thanks for all the advice, i appreciate it. I think the main problem is i act like a nice guy out of fear of the persons reaction or thoughts towards me if im not the nice guy people expect.
mrgoodstuff
Master Don Juan
Your overdoing it. We can treat our friends and acquantances good that treat us good. But rewarding bad behavior and no reciprocation with continued niceness is BS.... You don't have to be an a-hole up front, but if someone violates you or robs you don't they deserve it?
"I just moved here from Florida."
That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?
She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."
She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.
I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.
Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.
donnythedon
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Exactly, id call it cowardly to be honest. at least this thread has give me some motivation thanks man
Bingo-Player
Master Don Juan
first you need to understand why you are being perceived as the "nice guy"
then you can work from there , you dont necessarily need to be a selfish ignorant a$$hole , but you do need to concentrate on what works for you first and others second
then you can work from there , you dont necessarily need to be a selfish ignorant a$$hole , but you do need to concentrate on what works for you first and others second
donnythedon
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Im percieved as the nice guy in general because i dont have it in me to tell people how it is and i fear the outcome of telling people how i feel
mrgoodstuff
Master Don Juan
You shouldn't mind losing those friends and associates. You can't go fighting everyone who gets over, but you don't have to keep allowing it.
"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"
You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.
Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.
Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.
Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.
EmotionalGeek
Senior Don Juan
That's interesting concept. Can you elaborate?
mrgoodstuff
Master Don Juan
Not. Some folks don't know how to say no, it doesn't arise, they want to be a "good friend". Not realizing the person asking of the resource is not doing that for them.
TheMonkeyKing
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It's not always manipulative, only in the context of a beta orbiter / smarmy wannabe player. As I've said in my post, being nice is only manipulation when you want something in return. Being authentically nice because that's who you are is nobody's business but one's own.
RangerMIke
Master Don Juan
You are being 'nice' with the expectation of reciprocity. This is why we have "Red Pill Rage"... when men realize that being nice will get you nothing in return. Otherwise, why would men rage? If you are being nice for the sake of being nice, then why get upset that the girl you love... who you have been so nice to... buying her things... dropping whatever you are doing to help her... let's herself get fvcked by a dude that treats her like garbage and wipes his c0ck on her curtains as he walks out her door.
Read the posts of the guys that come on her for the first time many have the same formula. "I don't know what happened... I was so nice to her... I did everything for her, and all she wants is to fvck bad boys!" They think being nice will get them laid... it won't.
mrgoodstuff
Master Don Juan
Personally I DO expect reciprocity on some level. I SHARE gifts with people who SHARE gifts with me. I loan money to people who will loan to me. I'll help people who will help me.
I cut off people that think it's a one way street. This is the way many of us operate, many of us don't like to continue giving into a black hole.
"Nervous Around Beautiful Women? There's a Rule for That"
I could talk to any woman I wasn't attracted to. Charming, funny, relaxed. Then a gorgeous woman looked my way and I'd become a sweating, babbling mess.
The fix took me years to find and ten minutes to learn. Nervousness and excitement are the same physical state — pounding heart, adrenaline, flushed face. Your brain just picks the label. And you can pick a better one.
Rule 16 shows you how. You feel the nerves, relabel them as excitement, and let that energy pour out as enthusiasm. Women notice the guy radiating it. They always do.